One child eats normally; the other is fussy and underweight - any thoughts?

[redjam]

This is a problem I've been pondering over for some time and I'd be interested to hear the views of other parents who've faced it. I've got a five-year-old who eats relatively normally and has been cautiously branching out into trying more 'exotic' food out of her own choice recently. Trouble is, my three-year-old is very fussy and in fact seems to be going through a phase of rejecting many of the very basic foods she used to eat (she's suddenly taken against chicken, for example). What to do? Most of the time I tread a path of least resistance and offer the old favourites that I know they'll both eat, if I'm lucky. But even that doesn't always work with the younger one, and I don't want to stop the older one having the confidence to try new foods. Occasionally I will try something different which I know my youngest won't like - I offer it her anyway, then when it's refused I give her something like fruit/cheese and a slice of malt loaf. But I worry it's not a 'proper' dinner, and it's invariably a stressful mealtime for her.

I really don't want to get into cooking different meals for them every night, both for practical reasons and also because I don't want to end up with a long-term picky eater, so I feel I have to keep trying to pushing the boundaries (also sets a terrible example for the older one if I let the youngest have the same meals week in week out as she'd probably prefer to do that herself given half a chance).

All this is compounded by the fact that my youngest is very underweight for her age, though she's been on the same centile since she was tiny and the docs don't seem to think there's a medical reason behind it. But it makes me less relaxed about missed mealtimes than I might otherwise be.

Any thoughts, ladies (and men) of East Dulwich?

[Fuschia]

I have one incredibly fussy (and veggy) 7 yo and 2 yo twins where twin II is very advernturous, twin I less so.

Although we do fall into the trap of often eating the same meals, esp days I have been working, there are 3 things we do to keep offering t2 new things, and push the others

1. Go out to eat or get a takeway and let them try something new we choose for ourselves or for them to nibble at.

2. Cook a meal for the adults, one for the children then share bits of ours as desired

3. Make a meze sort of meal or the other day i did chilli, wraps, soured cream, grated cheese, salad, chopped cucumber, tomato, salsa and guacamole, refried beans. T2 tried everything, child no ate just the wraps and salad. t1 was in the middle. I di the same meal but with huevos rancheros for us and plain scrambled egg with roasted veg on the side for no1 and stirred in for the twins, went down fairly well.

[redjam]

Thanks, Fuschia. That's all good advice, esp. the bit about us all eating together, adults and kids, which we don't do enough of at the moment. I think that would help on a lot of fronts. There is also clearly a toddler power struggle that I'm dealing with at the moment - for example, last week D2 announced she wouldn't eat chicken any more, and refused it for three meals, but tonight she was in a good mood so ate up the whole dinner and specifically asked for more 'yummy chicken'!

Sigh ... oh well, at least I can be thankful I don't have to deal with vegetarianism yet (I speak as someone who turned veggie myself in my teens - my poor long-suffering mother...).

[catgirl]

I don't have personal experience of this but just an idea - assuming your 5 year old is at school and 3 year old not, why don't you give your younger child a main meal at lunchtime consisting of things you know she'll eat and then you can be more experimental at tea time. This means she'll still get offered a range of food regularly but less stress for you when she refuses if you know she's already had a decent meal that day. And your more adventuous child will be at school so oblivious to the fact that her sister is getting the 'preferred' choices every day for lunch. Obviously this only works if you're at home too or if the 3 year old has a nanny or childminder who will prepare food you request.

[nunheadmum]

Just a thought as I have a vaguely similar situation where 4 year old is getting ever fussier (at home, not nursery! Only toddler I know who doesn't 'like' pasta) but 2 year old eats anything. I work on the basis that she can always have bread and butter - that way she can decide if she wants something more interesting but not her favourite (roast dinner) or if she really doesn't like it, she won't go hungry. You could maybe vary the standard - e.g. cook large batch of basic pasta or meat & rice etc and freeze. That way, you know there's something nutritious but if they are just being fickle, they'll get bored and start trying the more interesting option. And of course, sometimes their option will be the main attraction so they don't feel totally sidelined and it's easy then for you to cook larger amounts and freeze.

Also I always ask the older one (who can understand the concept) to try anything new. I'll give her a tiny bit and ask her to try it. Even if she only puts it to her lips, I give her praise. That way (I think anyway) she has the chance to discover that it's not that bad. It's up to her then whether she keeps the power and refuses it or gives herself the chance to try something nice. Asking her what it is that she doesn't like is also helpful for me sometimes - if I get anything more than just 'it's yukky'.

I think it's really difficult trying to work out whether it is just a power/control issue or is there a real basis to it.

[Mrs TP]

Not too much to add but just to sympathise. I have a 9yr old daughter with an almost too healthy appetite and a 6yr old who is far too busy to eat and doesn't like anything - after a 1,000 attempts at modern sympathetic parenting we have reverted to 1950's sheer persistence / 'bullying' and had great success tonight with homemade burgers that over a series of months has gone from total refusal to today eating a whole quarter pounder with melted cheese but of course only half the bun and it had to be separate.

[Fuschia]

redjam Wrote:

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> Thanks, Fuschia. That's all good advice, esp. the

> bit about us all eating together, adults and kids,

> which we don't do enough of at the moment. I

> think that would help on a lot of fronts.

If you do it at weekends at least, there's time to plan and cook ... just avoid it turning into a huge hoohah by having stuff on the table they DO like mixed in with some stuff to try. My DD always wants what I have got...discovered she likes beetroot... it def comes down to personality

PS I am a veggy myself but DS1 is so fussy, I have made the twins into carivores, to broaden their range