Bilingual families - how do you do it?

[Sanne Panne]

How consistent are you with the "minority" language and how well do your children speak/understand it?

We are bilingual Dutch/English and I've noticed that I've been speaking more and more English to our children lately (I'm the one who's supposed to speak Dutch). The reason I'm doing this may seem a bit contradictory: our eldest (who just turned two) is really good with language but she only speaks English and I want to help her improve her communication skills for her day to day life further, which means I speak more English to her now. Not exactly good long term thinking. She does understand quite a bit of Dutch but as I speak it less she forgets it.

How do you resist the temptation to speak the language your child prefers rather than your own language?

[Clare Sibson]

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[mockney piers]

I'm trying but it's hard, I'm the only Spanish speaker, plus i don't get to use it in any other walk of life, which means I'm forever forgetting or not knowing basic words that I've never had need for previously. Nappy was a case in point for starters.

I do lapse, but my dad kind of gave up with me (actually he will speak only English with me to this day even though i moved back to Spain in my twenties to relearn the language) so I'm determined to do a better job.

Self-discipline is the only way i guess, and i don't think it'll be easy, especially as talking in spanish to the mocklet specifically excludes mum from the conversation (I do encourage her to learn and she's picked up a few of the basics, but she's enough on her plate frankly).

In summary, breezes, and it's not easy but persevere, it's been found to be beneficial to development on many levels.

[littlebelka]

I supposed to talk Russian to my daughter, but my tongue turns English, when I address her. But for cats it is Russian.

[Ruth_Baldock]

We both speak to baby baldock in Portuguese but when were out and about with others we speak English. Our portugese is really awful though :(

[littlebelka]

I intended to speak English outdoors, but now it is used indoors more than needed.

[candj]

Tried desperately hard with Mandarin for my two, but I naturally don't speak it to anyone who isn't Chinese. Things we've done or do that help with the language included moving to China for 18 months (bit drastic but worked the best), taking weekly language lessons, bilingual children's cartoons and seeing my family as much as possible.

[Ole]

I'm spanish and my husband is english, when it is just the baby and me I speak with him [the baby] in Spanish, when my husband is with us or when I am with other english speaking people I switch to English. I want English to be his main language as he will grow up here and also my husband does not speak spanish so english has to be our family language, but I want him to know spanish too. I think he is probably exposed 40% to spanish and 60% to english, so hopefully he will grow up knowing both. My brother's wife is spanish and they live in england too and speak spanish at home but their three children speak better english than spanish although they understand spanish perfectly and can speak it too they just feel more comfortable with english because it is what their friends speak.

[Izodia]

I sometimes see a French guy on the train with his daughter. He speaks in French and she answers in English. Having recently married a Frenchman I'm always in awe. But it looks like it works well...

As for us, no bilingual babies on the way just yet. But when they do start appearing, my French is reasonable and ever improving, whilst my husband's English is fluent so I guess neither of us will ever be cut out by the other speaking their own language with the kids.

So no actual experience on my own to pass on. But I'd follow others in saying try to speak your own language to the kids and try not to be put off by them replying in English.

[Sanne Panne]

Thanks all. I wouldn't mind a situation in which I speak Dutch and our daughters answer back in English... I just want them to understand it and hopefully give them the advantage of having an easier time learning other (more useful) languages when they are older.

It's just hard to think long term when the short term benefits of improving her English are so great.

Think I'm going to try to say everything either just in Dutch or first in Dutch and then in English as much as I can for a while and then slowly move to Dutch only when I'm alone with them.

[MrsMc]

Ooh I'm green with envy! I spent years learning Spanish to degree level and would LOVE my little boy to speak it too. I've started with the alphabet (he's only 8 months BTW so early days) and speak to him in Spanish here and there but it feels artificial as Spanish is not my first language (I also worry I'm teaching him 'wrong' - I'm a perfectionist!)

For the Spanish 'natives' out there, are there any groups out there where you go to chat - perhaps if I brush up on my Spanish I won't feel so bad trying with the boy!

Also - any CDs you recommend with Spanish nursery rhymes? Muchas gracias!

[prdarling]

My step mother is German and my father English - they spoke to my 3 half siblings in their native languages but the children only ever replied in English (they were living in an English speaking environment). My step mother was convinced they couldn't actually speak German, until a trip to see the grandparents in Germany where they chatted away quite merrily.

When they relocated to Germany, German became dominant but they only ever spoke in English to my father. They are all adults now and all 100% bilingual

[Moos]

We are Anglo-German - my husband speaks to our son primarily in German and I speak English to him, but given that his daily life is English, I encourage German as much as I can with German songs, stories etc. My husband had a phase of not working during which time our son's German improved tremendously till it was almost 50:50 with his English, but since then it has dropped back and back. He is 3 and understands German but speaks it very little. However, we are hopeful that the seeds are being sown and if we persist he will grow up fluent in both languages. So sad for grandparents to have to converse with grandchildren in a foreign language if they themselves aren't fluent. Also, since German is both conjugated and declined, it should be a good base for learning other languages.

[lillyanginger]

My kids are slightly older - 8 and 12 - and speak German and English fluently(ish). I speak German at home, we all speak English outside the house but we have tried to incorporate German as much as possible. German telly (when they were younger, less so now), DVD's, books...I am sure it all helped.

Child 1 likes German, is proud to be bilingual and definitely good at other languages at school. His younger brother is slightly less keen on speaking it but can do it. We do not push too hard, I remind him occasionally and still try and speak it at home without fail. He will at times answer in English, sometimes in German.

With Child 1 the second phase of learning a language has just started...learning how to write it properly. I think that is going to be a much bigger hurdle than the speaking as he does not really see the need.

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From the little experience we have, I am amazed how easy it was for the children to pick up the different languages, put people in language 'boxes' and rarely get it wrong. If only we had a third language...

[sandy_rose]

I grew up in Sweden to an Italian father and Finnish mother. We have always spoken Swedish at home, Mum spoke Finnish to me some of the time if we were alone. I would speak Swedish at home and Finnish or italian whenever relatives were around. We spent most of our holidays visiting family in Finland and Italy, and none of them spoke Swedish so I had nok choice but to communicate to them in their language. By the age of 4 I was fluent in all three languages, never mixed them up and would even translate between Finnish and Italian grandparents. My Swedish certainly never suffered and I had top grades in Swedish, English and German at school. The more languages you speak, the easier it is to learn more!

Languages are so easy to pick up at that age, your children will learn both without you making a big effort to repeat yourself in both languages as long as they hear it spoken regularly. The languages learned as young 'sticks' in a different way to those learned in later life, and are much easier to brush up on once needed in the future. Visiting family is by far the best way to learn, especially if there are other kids for them to play with.

[DagmarJ]

It's easier for us as my husband and I are both German. We speak German with our son when we're alone or just with people who also speak it, otherwise we speak English. Where only one partner speaks the minority language it is much harder (depending very much how much other exposure - through friends visiting, trips back, other local minority language speakers - the kids have).

I've been following the exchanges on this mailing list for a few years and found it very helpful.

Bilingual families mailing list website

All the best, Dagmar

[Nasta]

Hi! It is ecause everything around is in English and you are the only source of the second language. I think it would be easier if we had friends who speak the same language, then it woiuld be more motivating for a baby to try and use the second language more. Personally, I only speak to my baby Russian.

[nozchik]

Nastya we also speak Russian yay we have to meet up and kids can make z friends :)

[Narnia]

Muzzy

My son enjoyed the Spanish version of this when he was little. I didn't realise until I did a search just now that this wasn't just a Spanish 'thing'. His mum always spoke to him in her native Spanish as she still does. I only ask what's going on if it ever gets heated! It was a great help that from a young age he could spend each August in Spain with his Spanish family, quite often for periods without us being there. He also spent some time pre-school going to a Spanish nursery in town. At 19 he's pretty fluent (as far as I know) in the language and got A*'s in his exams without having any teaching in school.

I would recommend(but not as an expert) that you speak to your children in your native tongue. I don't think it will hinder their progress in learning English as there will be plenty of exposure to that by just being here.Plus, being bilingual in later years has got to give them a great advantage in life later on.

[candj]

Agree Muzzy is very good for keeping up with the language as we have it in Mandarin. It's a very comprehensive way of learning with dvds dedicated entirely to just vocabulary and ones more cartoon like telling stories. I will say the graphics are a bit weird, not exactly Charlie & Lola cutesy which slightly spooked my eldest out when she was younger.

[Narnia]

Strange you say that about the graphics being weird. It reminded me that when my son was little he used to repeatedly watch the old black and white version of King Kong, the film. I guess if that didn't spook him, Muzzy wasn't likely to!

[candj]

I think it was the style of the graphics (slightly grainy 80's cartoon) because Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas didn't scare her. Must try old version of King Kong next!

Sorry for going off topic, FRM!