Getting 2 yr old to sleep at night

[nunheadmum]

My 26mth old is driving me mad with bedtimes - she just can't seem to let herself drop off to sleep at night. At lunchtime she usually goes off fine. But at bedtime she starts to go off but then stirs and starts shouting for mummy / daddy and a variety of wee-wees, drink, tissue or just nothing. Sometimes I do think she's playing me a bit but other times like tonight she really was exhausted (5am start and only 1 hr lunchtime nap) and asked to go to bed but whenever she stirred a little, she'd start shouting for me and just couldn't seem to get back off without a cuddle.

At night she stirs several times a night and shouts - it's about 50 / 50 whether she gets herself back off or needs us to go in. She's in a bed but doesn't often get out - only if I really ignore her.

If I felt she was really just trying it on, I'd leave her to cry with no concerns. But it feels almost like she can't help herself - her little brain kicks in and she can't turn it off. SHe shares a room with 4yr old big sister who's getting a bit fed up of the constant disturbances - but because of her, I'm not too keen to leave the little one to shout it out. But I'm starting to think I won't have any choice. Last time I tried to be tough though, the little madam made herself sick from crying so hard.

I suspect the answer is that she's playing me like a professional and I should let her yell one night but thought I'd see if anyone has any other thinking first? If she was actually getting out of bed and being cheeky I'd have no reservations at all but it feels more like she can't help herself. To date she's usually been worse after her days at nursery and better after her days at home - I've always put it down to better lunchtime sleeps at home, avoiding her being overtired. But this weeks it's just stayed bad and seems to be getting worse. And the bad nights / early starts are wearing my patience thin!

Any thoughts?

[hanstands]

Poor you this sounds so tough, we have had similar experiences and still do from time to time so I have an idea of how it feels for you..My toddler is not the best sleeper and sometimes shows the same waking up and staying awake behaviour--like your toddler it seems that he tries to get himself back to sleep but can't do it and gets frustrated about this [as well as me!]. The only thing that has really helped us is to go back to square one in terms of setting a consistent and very peaceful bedtime routine at the same time every evening if possible. This involves giving him ALOT of gentle cuddles and kisses, stroking his head as well as lots of quiet book reading alongside some soothing classical music [like Chopin's Nocturnes]. You can also tap into her imagination by talking to her about relaxing things before bed, like "Think about you being on the back of a big gentle horse, rocking and rocking you to sleep" [or other things that are relaxing specifically to her]. This seems to give him a sense of love and peace and security and after a few days of consistent lots of loving before bed things seem to get back into the swing of things. Its a slow process but builds them up, makes them feel loved and secure and at peace just before bed. Perhaps you could also try putting on a calming CD in her room [if her sister doesn't mind!] when she is struggling and also try to keep yourself from feeling stressed about it as your daughter may be able to pick up on it and may contribute to her staying awake. A quote from a book I read said: "'The baby [toddler in our case] needs peace more than sleep. Believe it or not, so do you. So don;t struggle over sleep; just learn to be peaceful together.' If we, as parents, can come to terms with what we really get to control, bedtime struggles will diminish." Hmmm, to me this all sounds quite ideal but it did help me a bit to keep this at the back of my mind when thinking of how to best handle things and to help me not get so frustrated about sleep. Not sure if any of this will be helpful to you but its what has helped us. All the best with you all getting some long, peaceful nights again soon...

[randomv]

I'v found that sudden night waking or refusal to settle is usually linked to too much sleep during the day, but since this doesn't fit with your pattern...Do you think it's maybe an attention thing, especially if it happens less on the days you are together? I've had lots of friends who's 2 year olds have started asking for water or a toy or something during the night and it's quickly become a habit - it's rarely about the object they are asking for and in the case of a drink I think toddlers learn very quickly how quickly we respond to these things! 2 years is also one of the peaks for separation anxiety, which would also fit with the attention thing.

Just my thoughts..

[edanna]

Maybe she's playing you. Or maybe she is really having trouble getting off to sleep on her own. Maybe you need to reteach her how to do this. Or invent a new way - get a 'magic' sleep animal or blanket that you tell her will always help her sleep. Just an idea. And you could also say to her that she doesn't have to sleep - it's enough to rest quietly. That might take the pressure off. Or introduce a reward system for staying in bed and not calling out. If you're desperate the Millpond book is good.

[nunheadmum]

Thanks everyone. Felt much more sane today reading the replies after a reasonable night - we did separate bed-times last night and hand held her a bit to get her off to sleep and were rewarded with her sleeping through till 6am last night without a peep. Decided - following Hanstands comments - to keep to the separate bedtimes for her and big sis and it seems to have helped tonight - she took a while to go off but I didn't have to go into her. We'll see what the night holds.

HAnstands - I think you're so right about not getting wound up as she'll read it. Edanna - I think you're right about her playing me and when I get wound up, she just laughs so cheekily and does it more. Interesting point too randomv about the separation anxiety - it could be that too, I'll keep an eye on it. I'm 100% sure it's not too much sleep - after nursery days her behaviour is so much more frantic (as it is when she wakes extra early or doesn't sleep a full lunch sleep at home) but she calms totally when she's back on a full 2-hour lunch at home.

When we've both had a good night's sleep, the following day is always so much nicer together. I just wish we could get more of them. Fingers crossed for tonight!