Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I know this was mentioned at the bottom of another thread but I think it deserves its own thread. Or maybe someone's already posted this and I was too busy to notice. Anyway..


http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/01/babies-dont-suffer-working-mothers


a big YAY to us working mums!

fairylamb Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I know this was mentioned at the bottom of another

> thread but I think it deserves its own thread. Or

> maybe someone's already posted this and I was too

> busy to notice. Anyway..

>

> http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/01

> /babies-dont-suffer-working-mothers

>

> a big YAY to us working mums!



A big YAY to all mums, working or not. Why does there have to be such a divide?

No one was being divisive by saying that cuppa tea.


I would argue that today's society puts pressure on mums to give up their careers for their children and that wanting a career is 'selfish'. So I think the previous posters where saying

finally a study supporting BOTH working and non working mums not just non working mums


So all those Oliver James types can go stick it


Moreover, I find it quite interesting to see how 'trends' change over time


During the war the pressure was on woman to get out to work... so what did 'society' say?

They said that kids were better off in childcare... then AFTER the war suddenly the right thing to do was be at home and look after the children... hmmm how convenient


I'd be really interested to see how these pressures change with say, unemployment?

Now that unemployment is rife and growing they'll be more and more pressure on woman to stay at home no doubt...


My personal opinion is that these things can screw children up

Messy divorce

Depressed parents

Fighting parents

Sexual/physical abuse

Alcoholsm and drug addction


not loving, happy, fulfilled parents and equally loving nannies/nurseries


my 'i' button is a lttle stuck today

Agree with Cuppa Tea. As a working mum, I was happy to read the findings of this new survey but I am getting fed up with all the talk around working/not working, b/feeding/not b/feeding... I even got an email from the Literacy Trust yesterday about the evils of forward facing pushchairs. Enough is enough!

Just finished the Oliver James book and was suprised to see that actually he doesn't condemn the working mum. He basically says it's important to get the substitute care right if that is the way you go. Not saying I agree with all he said eg he is very dogmatic on the nursery issue. But it wasn't as black and white as I'd expected from the reviews.


It's interesting what you say Saila about the pressure not to work, as I know that's something lots of working mums feel (and i think something OJ picks up on too) - but on the other hand, I always feel a bit embarassed to admit being until recently (and now still 95%) a stay at home mum, because I feel there's pressure to go back to work. so I guess there's prob guilt/anxiety/perceived disapproval from others with whatever decision you make. I remember telling a specialist at King's who I saw when my baby was 6 months old that I wasn't going back to work, and she gasped in disbelief. She was pretty horrified. I think there are also preconceptions about the circumstances around that decision ie people sometimes assume the one income you have must be enormous. Or that you're a really old-fashioned family. Neither of which are necessarily the case.


To go back to the point of this thread: absolutely agree that it makes a refreshing change to read a report like this.

er.. a..big YAY to us working mums 'coz the article was about that much beleaguered group (working mums of very small children). GOD you stay at home parents are sooo sensitive (ONLY JOKING)!!


In the interests of fairness a big YAY to all parental guardians both working/non-working/lactating/non-lactating!

I thinnk you're right. Some people can be like that about non working mums Belle. I've seen it.it would be sad to think people quit their careers cos there was pressure on them to give up from 'society' like ruth. I have found that those woman who were unhappy at work generally don't go back. Equally those woman who aren't happy with their childcare arrangements don't go back. Let's hope that it's their decision and not pressure from others whatever they do.

re o

n them

ough

I wasn't feeling particularly sensitive about the thread being divisive to be honest. Just prompting a bit of discussion about mothers being divided in general. I get very fed up of the media bullying mothers one way or another. You basically can't win and no matter what you do they seem to think you are going to totally screw up your kids. And it's definitely going to be the mother's (and definitely not the father's) fault. I work one day a week, so mostly stay at home and look after the kids and people (other mothers) have implied that i've choosen the easy option and must have loads of money to be able to do it. And "how do you fill you time?" is the absolute classic. I go to work to have a break! Looking after kids is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! It's physically and mentally draining and utterly relentless at times. It's also financially very hard living on one salary. Despite all this I am very happy with my choices and wouldn't change it for a minute, but the days would be much easier without any additional pressure or judgment. I am not letting the sisterhood down by not going back to work full time. It's a personal choice. I certainly wouldn't judge someone else for working full-time, which must also be very tough. It's just a shame there is so much guilt floating around, which often results in mother's not supporting each other enough.


Oh it's good to have a bit of a moan!


And thanks for the "YAY" Fairylamb..I needed that!

Ps sorry about the weird end to my post. I'm actually not being a mum or a worker today. I'm ill in bed with a nasty virus and using my blackberry to post which is causing all sorts of problems... I totally agree about the divisions but when things are rammed down ur throat (whereever u sit) I guess ppl get defensive. So when 'specialists' give opinions as what is best for youe kids, it winds ppl up and then when 'specialists' say the opposite it results in this sort of post and a two-finger sign to the other specialists.

I haven't been to search out the study, (I must do it!) but my reading of the article is just that when you take into account the increased income, mother's happiness etc, it balances out the lack of direct maternal care.


My instinct tells me the same thing. Of course having a happy, engaged, not poverty stricken mother there all the time is best for a child. It's not rocket science. But in the real world we have mortages to pay, careers we've worked for, expectations beyond motherhood. We just do the best we can to balance it all out.

It is nice to see a study like this. I work full time and decently long hours. I really love my job. I also love my daughter but I can honestly say I know for sure I would be an awful stay at home mum. I often dream about working part-time, but the dream usually involves me having time to myself and not necessarily more time with my daughter. The fact is I just get bored doing all the "activities" day after day, hour after hour. Also, I get a huge satisfaction about being financially independent. I think the study in the article was right to consider the benefits the mother gets out of working and how that can positively impact the child, the marriage etc. I know the balance of my marriage would suffer if my husband had to be the sole earner. I know my self-esteem would suffer. It would create financial pressure that we don't need. But people do look at me sometimes when I say I work full time and that I am happy with the choice. I often get looks of sympathy...which I find bizare as I am a highly trained and paid professional who enjoys the work (and the rewards!). But I can really see the struggle of the choice particularly if you are not able to financially jurstify the high cost of excellent childcare. I have an amazing nanny and without seeing my daughter's squeels of delight when nanny comes through the door and witnessing the long list of activities they get up to during the day (way more than I could have the patience for!) I know I would not be so comfortable with how I have chosen to do things.

Belle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Yeah - I hate the comments about 'ooh you must get

> to watch a lot of Loose women'. (as if that would

> be a good thing anyway!)

---------------------------------------------------


Yeah..


I hate that too.....


I mean it's really got to be "Countdown"




W**F

Good post, sb, agree with all the points you mentioned! When I'm working I feel guilty I'm not doing more with my kids, when I'm not working I feel guilty that I'm not doing my job properly. As it happens, I've just left my salaried job and gone freelance so I can work from home now, and I was hoping this might help - but so far the main effect is that I feel pulled towards my pile of work in the corner of the room when I'm meant to be giving the kids my attention. I consider myself a feminist but how did we end up in this mess? My pre-feminist mum never worked after my brother and I were born, and I don't think she felt a passing minute's worth of guilt over it her entire life. We are truly our own worst enemies sometimes.
Redjam I kind of agree with you- although maybe your mum felt she was missing out on something and wished she could work? My Mum worked once we were at school- but was always there when we got home- but was forced to retire at 55 - had to live somewhere where working was not allowed and she really missed her work and friends.
Really interesting posts. So many different situations. How can any very generalised study really get to the bottom of anything at all? Whether it's in our favour or not, I just wonder why they are writing all this stuff? It just seems to undermine women, not empower them.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Does anyone know when the next SNT meeting is? I am fed up with my son being mugged on East Dulwich Grove! 
    • The issue must be everywhere at the moment. I was visiting a friend last week in Bermondsey, think we were walking  down Linton Rd & we dodged 7 dog poos. It was disgusting. 
    • Thanks for your message — I actually took the time to look into what CityHive does before posting my original comment, and I’d encourage anyone with questions to do the same. Yes, the Companies House filings are overdue — but from what I’ve gathered, this seems likely to be an accountant or admin issue, not some sign of ill intent. A lot of small, community-based organisations face challenges keeping up with formalities, especially when they’re focused on immediate needs like food distribution. Let’s not forget CityHive is a not-for-profit, volunteer-powered CIC — not a corporate machine. As for the directors, people stepping down or being replaced is often about capacity or commitment — which is completely normal in the voluntary and community sector. New directors are sometimes appointed when others can no longer give the time. It doesn’t automatically mean bad governance — it just means people’s circumstances change. CityHive’s actual work speaks volumes. They buy most of the food they distribute — fresh produce, essential groceries, and shelf-stable items — and then deliver it to food banks, soup kitchens, and community projects across London. The food doesn’t stay with CityHive — it goes out to local food hubs, and from there, directly to people who need it most. And while yes, there may be a few paid staff handling logistics or admin, there’s a huge volunteer effort behind the scenes that often goes unseen. Regular people giving their time to drive vans, sort donations, load pallets, pack food parcels — that’s what keeps things running. And when people don’t volunteer? Those same tasks still need to be done — which means they have to be paid for. Otherwise, the whole thing grinds to a halt. As the need grows, organisations like CityHive will inevitably need more support — both in people and funding. But the bigger issue here isn’t one small CIC trying to make ends meet. The real issue is the society we live in — and a government that isn’t playing its part in eradicating poverty. If it were, organisations like CityHive, The Felix Project, City Harvest, FareShare, and the Trussell Trust wouldn’t need to exist, let alone be thriving. They thrive because the need is growing. That’s not a reflection on them — it’s a reflection on a broken system that allows people to go hungry in one of the richest cities in the world. If you're in doubt about what they’re doing, go check their Instagram: @cityhivemedia. You’ll see the real organisations and people receiving food, sharing thanks, and showing how far the impact reaches. Even Southwark Foodbank has received food from CityHive — that alone should speak volumes. So again — how does any of this harm you personally? Why spend time trying to discredit a group trying to support those who are falling through the cracks? We need more people lifting others up — not adding weight to those already carrying the load.
    • Well, this is very disappointing. Malabar Feast  has changed its menu again. The delicious fish curry with sea bass no longer exists. There is now a fish dish with raw mango, which doesn't appeal. I had dal and spinach instead, which was bland (which I suppose I could/should have predicted). One of my visitors had a "vegetable Biriani" which contained hardly any vegetables. Along with it came two extremely tiny pieces of poppadom in a large paper bag.   This was embarrassing, as I had been singing Malabar's praises and recommending we ordered from there. The other mains and the parathas were OK, but I doubt we will be ordering from there again. My granddaughters wisely opted for Yard Sale pizzas, which were fine. Has anybody else had a similar recent poor (or indeed good!)  experience at Malabar Feast?
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...