Babies don't suffer when mothers return to work, study reveals

[fairylamb]

I know this was mentioned at the bottom of another thread but I think it deserves its own thread. Or maybe someone's already posted this and I was too busy to notice. Anyway..

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/01/babies-dont-suffer-working-mothers

a big YAY to us working mums!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Thanks for this, I'm going to pass it on to my husband and other family members who are giving me a bit of a hard time about going back to work in September!

[ryedalema]

Hoorah - been back at work 4 weeks now and the guilt of that is enough without 'experts' telling you you're damaging your child.

Ruth - don't let them give you a hard time. It's soooo not on.

[new mother]

I agree it's not on, Ruth. Why do they think you are going back? For fun??? Because you enjoy paying a fortune in tax, NI and nannies? No, to earn money to give your child a better life.

Grrrrr!

[womanofdulwich]

It has to be a bit fun though- doesn't it? otherwise we would all be childminders.................

[cuppa tea]

fairylamb Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I know this was mentioned at the bottom of another

> thread but I think it deserves its own thread. Or

> maybe someone's already posted this and I was too

> busy to notice. Anyway..

>

> http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/01

> /babies-dont-suffer-working-mothers

>

> a big YAY to us working mums!

A big YAY to all mums, working or not. Why does there have to be such a divide?

[Saila]

No one was being divisive by saying that cuppa tea.

I would argue that today's society puts pressure on mums to give up their careers for their children and that wanting a career is 'selfish'. So I think the previous posters where saying

finally a study supporting BOTH working and non working mums not just non working mums

So all those Oliver James types can go stick it

Moreover, I find it quite interesting to see how 'trends' change over time

During the war the pressure was on woman to get out to work... so what did 'society' say?

They said that kids were better off in childcare... then AFTER the war suddenly the right thing to do was be at home and look after the children... hmmm how convenient

I'd be really interested to see how these pressures change with say, unemployment?

Now that unemployment is rife and growing they'll be more and more pressure on woman to stay at home no doubt...

My personal opinion is that these things can screw children up

Messy divorce

Depressed parents

Fighting parents

Sexual/physical abuse

Alcoholsm and drug addction

not loving, happy, fulfilled parents and equally loving nannies/nurseries

my 'i' button is a lttle stuck today

[Monkey]

Agree with Cuppa Tea. As a working mum, I was happy to read the findings of this new survey but I am getting fed up with all the talk around working/not working, b/feeding/not b/feeding... I even got an email from the Literacy Trust yesterday about the evils of forward facing pushchairs. Enough is enough!

[Saila]

Again... This thread/study is not being devisive. It's just saying it doesn't matter what u choose to do.

[Belle]

Just finished the Oliver James book and was suprised to see that actually he doesn't condemn the working mum. He basically says it's important to get the substitute care right if that is the way you go. Not saying I agree with all he said eg he is very dogmatic on the nursery issue. But it wasn't as black and white as I'd expected from the reviews.

It's interesting what you say Saila about the pressure not to work, as I know that's something lots of working mums feel (and i think something OJ picks up on too) - but on the other hand, I always feel a bit embarassed to admit being until recently (and now still 95%) a stay at home mum, because I feel there's pressure to go back to work. so I guess there's prob guilt/anxiety/perceived disapproval from others with whatever decision you make. I remember telling a specialist at King's who I saw when my baby was 6 months old that I wasn't going back to work, and she gasped in disbelief. She was pretty horrified. I think there are also preconceptions about the circumstances around that decision ie people sometimes assume the one income you have must be enormous. Or that you're a really old-fashioned family. Neither of which are necessarily the case.

To go back to the point of this thread: absolutely agree that it makes a refreshing change to read a report like this.

[fairylamb]

er.. a..big YAY to us working mums 'coz the article was about that much beleaguered group (working mums of very small children). GOD you stay at home parents are sooo sensitive (ONLY JOKING)!!

In the interests of fairness a big YAY to all parental guardians both working/non-working/lactating/non-lactating!

[Saila]

I thinnk you're right. Some people can be like that about non working mums Belle. I've seen it.it would be sad to think people quit their careers cos there was pressure on them to give up from 'society' like ruth. I have found that those woman who were unhappy at work generally don't go back. Equally those woman who aren't happy with their childcare arrangements don't go back. Let's hope that it's their decision and not pressure from others whatever they do.

re o

n them

ough

[cuppa tea]

I wasn't feeling particularly sensitive about the thread being divisive to be honest. Just prompting a bit of discussion about mothers being divided in general. I get very fed up of the media bullying mothers one way or another. You basically can't win and no matter what you do they seem to think you are going to totally screw up your kids. And it's definitely going to be the mother's (and definitely not the father's) fault. I work one day a week, so mostly stay at home and look after the kids and people (other mothers) have implied that i've choosen the easy option and must have loads of money to be able to do it. And "how do you fill you time?" is the absolute classic. I go to work to have a break! Looking after kids is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! It's physically and mentally draining and utterly relentless at times. It's also financially very hard living on one salary. Despite all this I am very happy with my choices and wouldn't change it for a minute, but the days would be much easier without any additional pressure or judgment. I am not letting the sisterhood down by not going back to work full time. It's a personal choice. I certainly wouldn't judge someone else for working full-time, which must also be very tough. It's just a shame there is so much guilt floating around, which often results in mother's not supporting each other enough.

Oh it's good to have a bit of a moan!

And thanks for the "YAY" Fairylamb..I needed that!

[Belle]

Yeah - I hate the comments about 'ooh you must get to watch a lot of Loose women'. (as if that would be a good thing anyway!)

[Saila]

Ps sorry about the weird end to my post. I'm actually not being a mum or a worker today. I'm ill in bed with a nasty virus and using my blackberry to post which is causing all sorts of problems... I totally agree about the divisions but when things are rammed down ur throat (whereever u sit) I guess ppl get defensive. So when 'specialists' give opinions as what is best for youe kids, it winds ppl up and then when 'specialists' say the opposite it results in this sort of post and a two-finger sign to the other specialists.

[Saila]

New post to say (I can't edit) so it's not mum v mum but mum v specialist

[sb]

.

[Fuschia]

I haven't been to search out the study, (I must do it!) but my reading of the article is just that when you take into account the increased income, mother's happiness etc, it balances out the lack of direct maternal care.

My instinct tells me the same thing. Of course having a happy, engaged, not poverty stricken mother there all the time is best for a child. It's not rocket science. But in the real world we have mortages to pay, careers we've worked for, expectations beyond motherhood. We just do the best we can to balance it all out.

[EDZ]

It is nice to see a study like this. I work full time and decently long hours. I really love my job. I also love my daughter but I can honestly say I know for sure I would be an awful stay at home mum. I often dream about working part-time, but the dream usually involves me having time to myself and not necessarily more time with my daughter. The fact is I just get bored doing all the "activities" day after day, hour after hour. Also, I get a huge satisfaction about being financially independent. I think the study in the article was right to consider the benefits the mother gets out of working and how that can positively impact the child, the marriage etc. I know the balance of my marriage would suffer if my husband had to be the sole earner. I know my self-esteem would suffer. It would create financial pressure that we don't need. But people do look at me sometimes when I say I work full time and that I am happy with the choice. I often get looks of sympathy...which I find bizare as I am a highly trained and paid professional who enjoys the work (and the rewards!). But I can really see the struggle of the choice particularly if you are not able to financially jurstify the high cost of excellent childcare. I have an amazing nanny and without seeing my daughter's squeels of delight when nanny comes through the door and witnessing the long list of activities they get up to during the day (way more than I could have the patience for!) I know I would not be so comfortable with how I have chosen to do things.

[woofmarkthedog]

Belle Wrote:

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> Yeah - I hate the comments about 'ooh you must get

> to watch a lot of Loose women'. (as if that would

> be a good thing anyway!)

---------------------------------------------------

Yeah..

I hate that too.....

I mean it's really got to be "Countdown"

W**F

[redjam]

Good post, sb, agree with all the points you mentioned! When I'm working I feel guilty I'm not doing more with my kids, when I'm not working I feel guilty that I'm not doing my job properly. As it happens, I've just left my salaried job and gone freelance so I can work from home now, and I was hoping this might help - but so far the main effect is that I feel pulled towards my pile of work in the corner of the room when I'm meant to be giving the kids my attention. I consider myself a feminist but how did we end up in this mess? My pre-feminist mum never worked after my brother and I were born, and I don't think she felt a passing minute's worth of guilt over it her entire life. We are truly our own worst enemies sometimes.

[womanofdulwich]

Redjam I kind of agree with you- although maybe your mum felt she was missing out on something and wished she could work? My Mum worked once we were at school- but was always there when we got home- but was forced to retire at 55 - had to live somewhere where working was not allowed and she really missed her work and friends.

[cuppa tea]

Really interesting posts. So many different situations. How can any very generalised study really get to the bottom of anything at all? Whether it's in our favour or not, I just wonder why they are writing all this stuff? It just seems to undermine women, not empower them.