Slacking off without being seen to

[RosieH]

I find that I don't care today. Work are a bunch of *&%$s and I intend to do nothing for the rest of the day.

But I'm even lacking the wherewithal for ingenuity. What's the best way of doing nothing, without visibly doing nothing? (coming on here notwithstanding - have learned to minimise the window so the smilies aren't visible and I could be typing into any old document - almost)

[Narnia]

Don't they have a system where they record everyone's internet use?

[matthew123]

Well I've always tried to ensure my desk cannot be approached from behind and if it can then put wing mirrors on your monitor. Another trick is to tune your ears into whose footsteps are approaching rather than having to continually look up or over your shoulder between reading sentences on web.

[Jah Lush]

Tell 'em you're meeting some clients for lunch and take yourself off with a friend and go to a very expensive restaurant and get smashed, not forgetting of course to put it all on the company's expenses.

[giggirl]

What a brilliant thread. Unfortunately I'm too busy to post right now (oh, the irony), but I'll be right back Rosie.

Px

[DJKillaQueen]

Quit griping and do the job your paid to be there to do - no wonder the country is in the mess it's in >:D<

*runs to the hills before Rosie finds something worthwhile to do in harpooning me!*

[daizie]

Pretend to pass out and collapse on the floor, they will then send you home, it always worked for me .

[DJKillaQueen]

What if they call an ambulance though....?

[katie1997]

You need a transmogrifier, calvin & hobbes style, then your duplicate can do the work whilst you have a fabulous afternoon off!

*not at work*

[daizie]

You have to time it and 'come round' just before anyone starts to panic

[katie1997]

PS. It didn't work for Calvin tho - all the duplicates he'd created (unsurprisingly) didn't fancy doing his homework whilst he had fun so they got him into even more mischief....suspect yours would prefer a fabulous afternoon off too!

*back to the drawing board*

[MrBen]

Why do something you hate anyway? Life's too short to work with bad people. Why not us the time to think about what you'd really love to do then stop moaning and do it. You'll be dead in 40 odd years. Do you have fear of doing that? Then fight that fear Rosie. Kick it in the gonads. And live! Live like a bird. Be joyous and free sister!!

WRONG ANSWER.

Ok then - best way is to get up and walk across the office for no apparent reason but just REALLY FAST. Then sit down again and sigh at the stress of it all. Repeat when needed.

[katie1997]

DJKillaQueen Wrote:

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> What if they call an ambulance though....?

Even better - a lift home without having to endure the great unwashed masses. And maybe a cup of tea into the bargain... ;)

[LordshipLovely]

I randomly flick between the internet, a random excel spreadsheet and our internal database. I often press random keys on my calculator for effect too!

I know how you feel RosieH. I am waiting to hear about another job and the suspense is killing me. Plus I get paid tomorrow so can't stop looking at shoes/clothes/holidays etc.

LLx

[HonaloochieB]

The George Costanza method of always looking annoyed was working very well for him, so why not try that?

However flushed with success he had a sleeping pod built under his desk.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO THIS.

[stevebailey]

I think someone should have mentioned, check your boss is not on the same site as she has obviously been sacked for being lazy!

[MsDulwich]

yes I agree with Mr Ben - the best way is to walk fast in and out of the office, almost running, then sit at your desk and randomly type loudly at your keyboard. You can also hide holiday papers and articles under your keyboard and slip them out for some leisurely reading (I have learn't these skills from my colleague sitting opposite me).

[giggirl]

I have a filter that sits on my screen. Ostensibly this is to cut out glare but it means you can't see the screen from across the room; only if you're right on top of it. Everyone should have one.

Practice really hard at minimising all your screens at once (it's the windows key and M at the same time).

Turn the volume to mute on your PC - and keep it that way.

As someone has already said, learn off my heart everyone's footfall so you don't need to turn around.

Position opposite you a shiny object - a window, or somethind reflective, but not a mirror (which is too obvious). A quick glance in your shiny object will tell you what's happening behind you. There's nothing more furtive than someone keep turning round.

Occasionally tut and massage your temples, to look as if you're struggling with some huge corporate problem.

Good luck.

[LordshipLovely]

Walking back and forward to the printer every so often is always a good one.

[RosieH]

Heh, have discovered that going out for a "journalist briefing" and sitting drinking cocktails in the sun can take up a wee while.

Sadly, memorising people's footsteps won't work - 3,000 peeps in the building - a sisyphean task worthy of Joanie's friend in Happy Days when she had to memorise the phone book to get into a sorority.

And DJ / Mr Ben, am not normally such a slacker. However finish my job a week tomorrow (found out yesterday), having been a little f*cked over, and having worked endless unpaid overtime, so really, careth... Bring on the prosecco-based little cups of summer!

[louisiana]

I heard that the SEC in the US estimated the time spent by its staff looking at porn on the interweb was valued in squillions of dollars.

Ah, here's a link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/23/sec-porn-probe-staffers-w_n_548931.html

[womanofdulwich]

try feigning a headache- pop out for some nurofen and fresh air. Seems to take my colleague 20-30 mins.

[Mick Mac]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Tell 'em you're meeting some clients for lunch and

> take yourself off with a friend and go to a very

> expensive restaurant and get smashed, not

> forgetting of course to put it all on the

> company's expenses.

Is that a journalist speaking?

[giggirl]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Tell 'em you're meeting some clients for lunch and

> take yourself off with a friend and go to a very

> expensive restaurant and get smashed, not

> forgetting of course to put it all on the

> company's expenses.

Jah - you're having flashbacks to the 80s honey. I'd lay off the gear if I were you.

[Jah Lush]

70s actually. Bottle of Scotch on your desk by 11.30am and off to the pub for a three hour liquid lunch.