Following a (baby) routine? What has worked for you...

[supergolden88]

Now that I am almost three months away from baby no2 I have been taking out all my old baby books and marvelling at the conflicting advice. I tried to follow some sort of routine with my daughter who is now 4 but I have to say it did not click until 8-9 months for daytime naps and much later (13 months) for sleeping through - and that only after we tried controlled sleeping (or spaced soothing or whatever you want to call it!). Whether this was because I had a very strong willed baby who refused to nap longer than 30mins at first or because she was exclusively breastfed I have no idea.

Just wondered what has worked for you - whether it is a strict routine or not - especially for those of you with more than one baby. I have a feeling that what with my daughter starting school in January some sort of routine will be imposed on me whether I like it or not. Oh and I intend to continue working freelance from home if at all possible...

[Fuschia]

Never really planned any routine, I rather bristle at the whole books, do it this way, do not make eye contact approach. But for the twins we had DS1 going to school etc so our day is quite mapped out anyway. First few months they ate and slept by turns, after about a month they stopped snacking evenings and started going to bed 7ish. For ages they had two naps, one about 8.30/9am and one about 2pm. Then gradually they sitched to just one, 12-2. As they have done these things with no real intervention from me, i guess that's just what suits them...

[????]

What worked for us was throwing away all the books for the second one...

[supergolden88]

I am not advocating following the advice given in books blindly just wondering if there's a middle ground between Gina and the book I am reading now which is basically the softly, softly do whatever the baby wants/co sleep etc book.

I dont think I can handly another entire year of the baby waking up 3-4 times every night which is what happened last time. Although I do think a lot has to be down to the baby's personality

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I don't think humans are so predictable that their lives should be planned around what a book says. Each child is different, different things will work for each child and a book is not going to take into account your child's personality, your lifestyle, and so on.

I am baby led, I follow my son's cues. He has the same bed routine since he was a few months old, he was not interested in eating any food properly until nearly 10 months old. I think modern society is too focused on ensuring baby is sleeping through by 6 months, is doing baby led weaning etc. Don't compare yourself to what others are doing, and do what makes you and your baby happy and comfortable.

[alieh]

The one that I liked best is the Baby Whisperer. The books were annoying in tone, and she definitely makes it sound like, done properly, all babies will fit in with exact timings (obviously not!), but I found the principles worked well. Not rocket science, but just the idea that that you work towards a routine where baby eats, then is awake for a bit (when teeny, probably just enough time to change nappy), then has a sleep, then eats, etc. She has guidelines about what different timings might look like for different age babies - so feeds are approx every 2 hours, then eventually every 3, then 4, etc.

I only followed this very loosely, and ignored her ideas about naps having to be in the cot (used sling and buggy loads), but found it worked well for us. Especially the eating upon waking, as we had got into a cycle where he was BFing a bit, then dozing for for 10 or 20 mins, then BFing for a bit, then dozing, etc. This is great when they're brand new, but eventually he got really overtired because he wasn't getting either a proper sleep or a proper feed and by the end of the day he would be screamy and beside himself with exhaustion. So switching up the order helped stabilise things for us.

I also found the Baby Whisperer Forums much more helpful than the books. Lots of mums on there willing to help when things have gone haywire!

[supergolden88]

I just realised that I am not really expressing myself properly here. Forget the book angle entirely (did not work for me first time around except when it came to the sleep training at 13months).

Just wondering how your routine (or lack of) has developed what has worked for you especially in view of having more than one child to deal with

[alieh]

There are lots of people on the Baby Whisperer Forums site that have experience with trying to make a loose routine work around an older sibling, so might be a good resource when the time comes.

Also just noticed your point about freelance work - can you give yourself a reasonable amount of time before you have to do this? I would have found it very stressful trying to fit in work of any kind in the first few months and that was with only one child! And/or be very realistic about what you can achieve (i.e. a few hours on Sat/Sun mornings, for example, if you have a partner who can watch the kids).

[sanity girl]

There was a really helpful thread about this a little while ago - see here

[Fuschia]

I think despite being quite a laissez faire person, and cosleeping, breastfeeding etc, our days are quite defined really what with school, creche etc.

While the first 3/4m with a new baby I think it just tags along, feeding whenever it's awake, but then I think a certain amount of pattern to the day, if you have other children (I have a big one as well as twins) is useful for everyone's sanity... for eg my twins used to either sleep when they arrived at the minders, or if they were with me they would sleep in the car and the buggy on our way out somewhere, so i could book classes etc or go places knowing they would be awake and in a good mood by 10.30. When you have twins, getting them to nap at the same time is the hole grail, obviously.

They then used to nap after lunch, unfortunately they really would have liked to sleep 2-4 but that didn't suit either me or the minder doing the schoolrun! But we managed... they were still often doing 2, but sometimes one nap, at 16m when they started to go to creche 10-12 4 days p/w and that has fixed them in a very solid routine, napping 12-2... though they will still nap at 10am and 3pm if we go out for the day in the car.

I think, in short, trying to keep to a comfortable pattern each day with the older one, the little one will fall in, and even though sleep needs change as they grow, the times of naps will suit you and you can be flexible as eneded, whatever suits you.

[R&A]

We have used a routine right from the start and it has worked really well.

[charlottep]

i have a two year old boy and a 3 month old girl. My eldest was/is in a great routine from about 4 months of age (a much less rigid version of the gina ford routine) and i wanted to achieve the same for my youngest. For the first two months everything was on demand. At week 8, literally overnight, she fell into a pattern of regular feeds (every four hours) and sleeps and I have tried to encourage these to suit my toddler's day. So for example, we're up by 7:30, I feed my daughter then we drop my son at nursery, I come home and my daughter has a morning nap for 45 mins. She then naps over lunchtime (as does my son) for a couple of hours and has a nap somewhere between 4-5. We then pick the toddler up from nursery and have half an hour before I do their bath and bedtime routine (jointly). On the days when my son is at home I chuck him in front of the telly when she's napping in the morning and late afternoon, so that she has some peace and quiet. If we're out and about she will happily nap in the buggy. I guess I've been lucky as although I wanted her to have a routine I wasn't planning on trying to establish it until she was 4 months old, she's just kind of fallen into it naturally around my son's day.

Although i myself find it mind-numbingly repetitive it suits the kids very well as we know what we're dealing with and both kids get fed and napped when they need to which keeps them generally happy and easier to manage!

[Bishberro]

It's good to read your posting Charlotte as I have a 2 year old and a 3 week old and am finding it a bit of a struggle at the mo as the baby has no routine at the minute whatsover. I suppose it's early days yet but my oldest son is in a very good routine which he put himself into at an early age so I think I'm finding coping with everything on demand with the youngest a bit tricky. I never know when he's going to need a feed (can be anything between 2 and 4 hours) and juggling this with taking the toddler out and about isn't easy.

Bedtimes are especially difficult as the baby seems to have developed bad wind (trying to be optimistic and not class it as colic yet) and is really unsettled from around 7pm. He cries continually and just wants to be held which is really tricky when you're trying to bath and put a toddler to bed. I've tried leaving him to cry in his moses basket but just can't bring myself to do it for long as he gets hysterical. He finally collapses through sheer exhaustion around 11pm. Anyone got any tips about how to deal with bath/bed time with a screaming baby who won't be put down and a tired toddler?

[Pickle]

Bishberro, you could try using a wrap sling (I had a Hugabub). My daughter spent a lot of time in it while I dealt with my toddler, who was just 16.5 months old when she was born. It will hold the baby close in to your chest and leave your hands free.

My experience is very similar to Charlottep. My son was a "Gina Ford lite" baby, in that we roughly followed her routines in terms of nap and bedtimes, and was in a great routine when I had my daughter. By default she gradually started to follow a similar routine, and from a very early age was at toddler playgroups etc. which tended to dictate the structure of our day.

I found I struggled more coping with two (especially with two so close together) if I stayed at home, but if I plonked them both in the Phil 'n' Teds and went out to a group it seemed a lot more manageable. Our active mornings meant that #2 dropped her morning nap a lot younger than others, however worked in my favour in that both kids were tired and slept at the same time after lunch (and still do now! They're 3.5 and 2... long may it last!).

Good luck.

P x

[Fuschia]

bb, how about a battery swing? a godsend for a crying baby when you don't have enough hands

[EmilyE]

Charlotte - I second Pickle with the sling, also, if the baby likes the bath that can be good - get one of those bath supports so that you can have your hands free to wash the toddler if you're right next to the baby, then you can bath both together, get baby dressed and leave (to scream) while you get toddler dressed, and then feed/cuddle while you read stories/settle the toddler.

Or do supper/bath and so on much earlier, before the baby really kicks off and when the toddler is that much less tired and then the toddler can have stories/dvd/go to bed very early when the baby really needs cuddling.

At the moment - with no 3 - I'm doing things in whatever order works with the baby - so if he's asleep at 5/5.30 then the big ones have supper then, or if he's very distressed they all have a bath, as luckily that calms him down, and if he needs a feed then they watch a bit of tv or have some stories.

Whatever you do though, having a screaming baby for hours at a time is not much fun. Good luck.

oh yes and my other tactic is to invite ourselves round to other people's houses for tea and then they can cook and help deal with the children while i'm trying to deal with the baby.

Sorry for slight diversion from OP - hope you don't mind.

[EmilyE]

Sorry - last post really meant to bishberro, not Charlotte.

And to supergolden, as you can probably tell, not a strict routine. I try to engineer a window post lunch where 2 will at least be quiet, but I find that the constraints (routine) of a school run are enough for me without worrying about specific nap times/feed times as well. It would stress me out more than benefit me, but I'm sure that's very personal.

[new mother]

We have been totally baby led both times.

Fortunately the babies themselves wanted to sleep through from around 7/8 weeks (ie from 12 to 8) and from 7 to 7 at around 5 months.

Ditto weaning - baby led but quite lucky again

[Bishberro]

Thanks for the ideas and sorry for hijacking the original thread. That's a great idea about the early bathtime as the baby doesn't seem to kick off until a bit later so that might work. Will also try the sling/swing option!

[charlottep]

Bishberro, my daughter had really bad wind for the first few weeks, i think it was because we were doing too much cluster feeding and her digestive system was being overloaded. I made a decision to feed her every two hours during the day to avoid her feeding in clusters in late afternoon and that sorted out the wind. Bathtime also helped to calm her down. Like Emily I use one of those bath supports and she goes in with her big bro who just about contains his nutty ways for 10 mins or so. I then bung him in front of some Fireman Sam DVDs and he sits there happily while I give baby a chilled out breastfeed and put to bed. We started settling her upstairs away from the hustle and bustle of the house at 4 weeks and that also seemed to help with her evening fussiness, i think when they're that little they just get over-stimulated by the end of the day. Like you, I really struggled with doing everything on demand, but it really did change overnight at around 8 weeks so hopefully it will for you too - it was definitely no magic on my part.