Pregnant woman smoking down Lordship lane!

[Skye]

Ligaturiosity Wrote:

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> Thanks to those who have given a reasoned response

> to my original posting. It would seem I had

> murdered someone the anger some are showing

> towards me. I didn't 'attack' this woman or act

> aggressively. I merely said that I was shocked and

> appalled by seeing her smoking and pregnant. It's

> true I felt both those things. I really don't care

> if people say it wasn't my place to say anything.

> Maybe it wasn't, but I did and I don't regret it.

> I love babies and think they owe it to us to give

> them the best start in life. It makes my blood

> boil that some people can be so selfish for just 9

> months.

>

> Call me judgemental? Ha! I am indeed. But aren't

> we all? Quite so.

I'd like to point out that those who did give you support are in the minority. I wonder why? Perhaps because must of us are not narrow minded bigots. Would you have verbally abused her should she have been with big burley husband. No of course not. Bullies pick their victims very carefully.

[Ligaturiosity]

She was actually with a 'big burly' tattooed female! If she had been with a man I would still have said the same thing. Is it verbal abuse telling someone it is shocking to see them smoking while pregnant? I don't think it is. But then I wouldn't, would I? I have not claimed to be 'perfect' and when I am criticised constructively as we all are on occasions, I take it on the chin.

[giggirl]

I just read this:

However, just find it amusing to be referred to in such vitriolic terms such as psycho etc. Hilarious!!

Why do people pretend to find things amusing which are evidently not amusing at all? Being called psycho is not funny so why pretend it's hilarious? Why not be honest and say something like "someone called me psycho and I was upset by that remark - it was uncalled for". I would. What's wrong with a bit of honesty?

[Keef]

I hope she took a deep drag, and blew it right in your face.

Maybe her baby will have problems, then you can follow her down the street chucking rotten vegetables at her whilst yelling "I told you so" at the top of your (healthy) lungs. That'll teach her.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

You don't know how long I've waited for this ...

... what Keef said!

[prdarling]

"If she is going to smoke whilst pregnant, at least do it in private"

This is a very, very strange thing to say in the light of your passionate support for the rights of the unborn child

[iaineasy]

Moos and giggirl, you're out of order. The woman is a total disgrace and I for one would have her in the stocks asap. There are the remains of the old Dulwich stocks next door to the village book shop. Just the place.

note to self - must find pitchfork. Haven't seen it since the child snatching clown incident.

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:))

very funny!haha

hugs

[Lawrence]

"I let loose and told her how selfish she was and how disgusting is was to be smoking whilst pregnant, and so publically. I told her she should be ashamed of herself as well."

"the woman in question left herself open to criticism by brazenly smoking while so heavily pregnant"

I find the above opinions revolting, far more so than the cigarette the woman under discussion was smoking. I am sure any medical professional, Allen Carr or tolerant individual with a jot of common sense would tell you that humiliation is an ineffective treatment. (Eh fatty?) I believe the actions of the OP are borne out of self gratification rather than a desire to help or any real knowledge of the unborn child's overall health.

Ligaturiosity- No vitriol on my part, I thought for your continued amusement you might enjoy the definition of psychopath, from WikiPedia.

"Psychopath is a personality disorder characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct, masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal"

Judging you solely on this thread, I am sure you define psycho. Seriously, put your guns down and leave the UK mums alone, they are all educated to the dangers of oysters, crack and cigs and can make their own choices. As people point out the fag could have been a one off, on the other hand, if that was one of her forty a day, washed down with white lightning or something healthy like brandy. Do you honestly think you were offering education or help or indeed anything constructive to the mother?

[iaineasy]

Now, I am not saying smoking one or two ciggies while pregnant is the same as letting your baby get 3rd degree burns (although heavy smoking during pregnancy is almost certainly going to compromise your baby's health), but I wonder where those of you who have argued vehemently that people should mind their own business would draw the line. Does it need to be a baby/ child and not a foetus, and does the child need to be in immediate danger of death?

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good point. but I think the offence has been taken to the rant in public not the concept.

hugs

[littleEDfamily]

I find it a bit odd that many of you who are arguing from a 'live and let live' point of view can be so venomous in your response to the OP. You might not agree with what she did, but surely being outright spiteful and flinging labels like 'psychopath' around is hardly the way to promote tolerance.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Because preening narcissists tend to attract venom is the simple answer

Let?s be clear ? the original post was NOT about an ?unborn baby? (and there is a phrase btw much beloved of scary fundamentalists who shoot doctors) ? it was entirely about the self-centred nature of the OP

There are 2 main possibilities about the woman who was smoking

a) She was a heavy heavy smoker who was putting her child at risk

b) She was a stressed individual having a rare fag, unlikeley to put anything at risk. Certainly not in comparison to most other things she does in her life

Either way, a rude interruption from a total stranger is going to have zero bearing on any outcome. None. It?s late in the pregnancy ? too late for interventionin any case. Even best friends, with gentle persuasion would stuggle to change what happened. The OP told this woman off because that?s how she gets her kicks. Much like Gillian McKeith (or to give her her full medical title, Gillian McKeith)

And THEN she comes on to a public forum to solicit agreement for her boorish behaviour

And people are surprised she attracts venom??

[peckhamboy]

She probably wasn't a regular smoker at all anyway. A lot of people I know wouldn't classify themselves as smokers, but occasionally just have a fag or two when they've had a few too many drinks. That's probably what happened here.

[legalbeagle]

I think what I find confusing about the OP is not that she feels strongly, but her use of language:

"brazenly smoking" "how disgusting is was to be smoking whilst pregnant, and so publically" (emphasis added). It's sounds like it was not the smoking that was offensive, but that she wasn't trying to hide it. In other words, as long as you are seen out in public behaving "correctly", what goes on at home needn't matter. You either think smoking is bad when pregnant or you don't. Suggesting that poor behaviour is better hidden than honestly carried out in public makes the OP sound like it is only appearances that matter, and therefore that her concern for the unborn child is insincere.

I'm not saying that the OP is in fact insincere, but it did sound like that to me. Why comment like that otherwise?

[littleEDfamily]

We have no idea about the circumstances of the smoker BUT, there is a possibility that she may have been the Jeremy-Kyle-show- type who believes that 'if you have something to say, say it to my face!', and who knows, maybe she respected the OP for having the guts to say something rather than do what most others do, which is tut judgmentally behind her back, and patronisingly hypothesise about the circumstances which would compel someone to smoke while pregnant. We are all judgmental - some people just choose to pass judgment on others in private or on internet forums.

[giggirl]

LittleED - I understand what you're saying but the problem is, that's not how the OP described it. She reports that the woman was rendered speechless (or words to that effect). I've never seen a Jeremy Kyle programme but I'm guessing nobody on there is rendered speechless.

[Skye]

Oh come on Ligaturiosity!

'?and then I let loose and told her how selfish she was and how disgusting is was to be smoking whilst pregnant, and so publically.'

And now it's: ?Is it verbal abuse telling someone it is shocking to see them smoking while pregnant??

Talk about backtrack. If you can?t stand the heat, get out this kitchen! I just wish the burley woman you claim was with the pregnant woman; gave you what for back, because if that was my friend I certainly would have and I know who would have come off worse.

[prdarling]

Has anyone seen Billie Piper in the press this morning smoking in the presence of her toddler (and reading between the lines accusing her of being pissed as well). The Mail is positively frothing at the mouth *

Who needs strangers barking at you on Lordship Lane when you've got the Daily Mail!!

*can I just add quickly that I don't buy it, but peruse all press websites for work!

[Keef]

who knows, maybe she respected the OP for having the guts to say something rather than do what most others do, which is tut judgmentally behind her back, and patronisingly hypothesise about the circumstances which would compel someone to smoke while pregnant.

Or maybe she just wished that everyone would do one, and let her get on wiuth her life.

[????]

*pulls up stool, lights fag*

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

This kind of reminds me of the time when my son was about 3 months, it was cold, I had him in a sling, and I had just stepped out on my doorstep where I had my hat on, coat on, baby was wrapped up warm in his coat etc but I had not put his hat on yet as it was hot inside and I was going to put it on whilst we were on the doorstep, a woman happened to be walking past at the time I stepped out, she looked at me, and then she looked at my son and she said " Why have you got a hat on and your baby has not?" I pointed to the hat in my hand and said " I just stepped out of my door and I am just about to put his hat on" I was a bit miffed since it was public and none of her business but also it was nice to see that she cared enough about this baby who has nothing to do with her as she thought he was going to get cold and ill whilst his mother is nice and toasty. She did apologise when I pointed to his hat and put it on him.

I agree that giving up smoking is very hard, but I know pregnant women who are heavy smokers who found the willpower to give up smoking for nine months, if a baby does not motivate you, what else will?

The fact that the woman and her burly friend said nothing indicates that they knew the OP was right, because most people like myself re above would defend ourselves if we feel we are in the right.

[Keef]

The fact that the woman and her burly friend said nothing indicates that they knew the OP was right

Or that they were so shocked by some nutter having a go at them on the street, that they were rendered speechless.

[giggirl]

HeidiHi Wrote:

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> The fact that the woman and her burly friend said

> nothing indicates that they knew the OP was right,

> because most people like myself re above would

> defend ourselves if we feel we are in the right.

That's very interesting HeidiHi. Especially as I'm still waiting for you to answer the question that I asked after your post yesterday:

Do me a favour, would you mind please showing me where someone on this thread has said "my mum smoked so that makes it ok".

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

Sorry Giggirl, just seen your message, I was compressing your message which you stated that your mum smoked and you are still here, though you said it does not make it right, you are still saying that your mum smoked and you are here, so what does that mean? it is ok? There are people that take drugs and their babies thankfully are fine, but it does not mean that in future arguments it has a valid point to say " My mum was on drugs, though it is not right, I am still here" it sounds like it is being jusified and that because they/you have survived it is ok? Sorry if I offended you or if I have misunderstood you but that is just how it came across to me. When I read any kind of message that says things like my mum smoked/drank/took drugs/beat me/ and I am still here, it comes across to me as if the poster is trying to say they are alive so it is ok because they are still here and survived with no lasting damage.

[fairylamb]

Lordy, lordy what next shouting at people with obese kids when you see them hand over a liter of coke and a kingsize Mars bar to their offspring?

Of course public intervention is required when a child is in serious and immediate danger i.e. from the affects of sun exposure and their parents are alarmingly oblivious to this

Street confrontations are unpleasant to witness. Were you really helping that unborn child/providing a necessary public health service? Or just a bit pissed off cause she dared to give you a defiant look back and you were in the right and she needed to know it?

[TillieTrotter]

I do wish I'd have been there because I wouldn't have been rendered speechless. I would have told the OP to go fuck herself and mind her own bloody business on behalf of the women. I wonder if she'd have minded me saying what was on my mind!