Pregnant woman smoking down Lordship lane!

[KateW]

I'm with peckhamboy on this one. Mind your own darn business! Why is it that when a woman is pregnant, the world and his wife feel it is ok to pass judgement on her? (I'm speaking as a pregnant woman who, whilst doesn't smoke, has had various opinions thrust on me about the size of my bump, the need to breastfeed, have a strict routine etc etc). I take it that you don't feel the need to verbally criticise mothers/fathers who you see giving their children fizzy drinks, sugary snacks etc?

[legalbeagle]

I don't think anyone is saying it is alright. I think they are saying that we draw the line somewhere when deciding what we compel people to do, and what we let them choose to do. In this country we allow people to smoke even though it is bad for them and their unborn bambinis. Them's the rules. Laws don't make all actions morally right, they just mean you don't get arrested for doing them. Nor should you, IMHO, be berated in the street for it.

[giggirl]

Nobody is perfect. Next time you want to rush in and judge someone for doing something you don't approve of, just imagine for a moment the spotlight being trained on you, your 24/7 parenting skills, your loved ones. Are you perfect? No? So show some compassion then.

"Sigh"

[Moos]

This is great. Now drinking's in the mix, too! Should keep the thread rolling for a while.

*passes the popcorn*

[Dorothy]

I was a fully committed fairly heavy smoker (10 a day) when I became pregnant, both times. I gave up for the duration of both pregnancies and about 10 months beyond. However, two days before my second baby was due to be born by c-section, I did smoke a couple of cigarettes at a social event. If you had given me a mouthful for smoking when I had already abstained for such a long time, I would have given you a mouthful right back. Its not a nice thing to see, granted, but I'm afraid you behaved very badly there.

[chantelle]

how about jogging? I ran until 30 weeks, potentially starving my baby of oxygen.

[Ligaturiosity]

'Dorothy', got to laugh. A wind up surely? And I behaved badly? Pot. Kettle. Black.

Chantelle, if you were relatively fit to begin with then jogging would be fine. I work as an exercise instructor in addition to my regular job, and there is nothing wrong with exercising whilst pregnant. I am not sure how you can equate that with smoking cigarettes whilst pregnant. I exercised whilst pregnant with my children as well.

[Lawrence]

I imagine all mothers to be do things others will frown upon, ever used a baby walker? Tut.

Personally I would far rather be the offspring of an occasional smoker than that of a high strung, judgemental psycho who thinks it acceptable to berate complete strangers.

Untie Hubby and chill out.

[Huggers]

did you see Nuts in May last night and take the beardie bloke as your role model then?

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

Ligaturiosity, good on you for speaking your mind! I would have probably given her a filthy look, like I do to mums and dads smoking around their babies, but I would have not had the gut to actually tell her off though I wish I had the galls to.

I personally think that for 9 months, is it really that difficult to put your unborn baby first and make sure you don't smoke or drink excessively? It really does make me angry to see people smoking whilst pregnant, or drinking excessively.

Granted that none of us should be butting into other people's business, but if you do things like that in public, then you are leaving yourself open to verbal abuse, I hope that she will at least think that her actions to smoke whilst pregnant is extremely selfish now that you have told her what you think.

I gave up quite a few things whilst pregnant because I knew that my baby was depending on me to ensure he has all the goodness of food/fluid he needs in order to develop and grow as best as he can, and since it was no longer about ME, it was quite easy for nine months to put his needs above mine. It has only taken until the last few months for me just to have ONE drink now and again.

I like all the posts saying things like 'my mum smoked, I am alive' 'I would rather have a mother who smoked then a psycho' etc so childish.

[Dorothy]

A wind up? Why?

[giggirl]

HeidiHi,

I think the biggest problem that posters are having with the OP, is just how judgemental she comes across. My issue isn't "should a pregnant women be smoking", more "should a pregnant woman be publicly attacked for smoking".

Bottom line - judgemental people - not very nice to be around - no compassion.

This is a public forum and people post their opinions. This is also a tad judgemental, isn't it:

HeidiHi Wrote:

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>

> I like all the posts saying things like 'my mum

> smoked, I am alive' 'I would rather have a mother

> who smoked then a psycho' etc so childish.

[peckhamboy]

If you were in Green & Blue one lunch time and saw a pregnant woman chowing down on a nice organic goats cheese salad, or a prawn sandwich, would you give her verbal abuse too? After all, they're on the banned list too, and listeria is much worse for the foetus than a couple of cigarettes or a half of shandy.

Where does it all stop, once you choose to interfere in the way in which a complete stranger chooses to live their life in a law-abiding manner? Some people on here are unbelievably smug and sanctimonious at times.

[Ligaturiosity]

Gigigrl, when did I say that I 'attacked' the woman in question. Heidi is right to say that some of the postings are childish, and in my opinion offensive.

Peckhamboy, why do you feel the need to use the anaology of 'organic' goats cheese and smoking cigarettes while pregnant? How do you know that the woman in question only smoked a couple of cigarettes? You are not definitely going to get listeria by eating goats cheese, but smoking meanwhile is definitely harmful to the foetus. I don't give a sh@t what the woman does when not pregnant, but when it is going directly to the unborn child it is wrong. As I said, there is no way it should be done so publically.

Heidi is right that the woman in question left herself open to criticism by brazenly smoking while so heavily pregnant - and no, she wasn't fat definitely pregnant.

[reren]

God I love the east dulwich forum! Lawrence's post has just made me chortle so loudly that everyone in the office is now staring at me! Brilliant stuff.

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I don't think having a salad or sandwich is going to cause development problems with a foetus, unless they eat it five times a day every day, you can get food poisoning with a lot of food, even those on the safe list if it is not prepared/stored properly but smoking is definitely going to cause problems with a foetus, a foetus is developing and smoking is potentially going to cause some serious damage, never mind the physical problems, or the premature births but it can cause SIDs also. I just think it is extremely selfish since a foetus is the most delicate it could ever be, it is in the process of growing all the organs etc it needs to survive outside of the womb and poisoning with harmful chemicals is not really giving it a chance is it?

Is it wrong to tell someone off for smoking around their babies? when do we draw the line of overlooking things because it is not our place or letting people know that what they are doing is wrong and harmful?

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I also think everyone is judgemental to a point, it is normal since we all have different views and opinions.

I DO think it is childish to call her pyscho and to say my mum smoked so that makes it ok.

[sophiechristophy]

i think we have a duty to protect children from harm, rather than turn a blind eye.

[womanofdulwich]

One cigarette? You cannot judge people like this. You do not know them or their circumstances. She might have been some one that cut back from 40 a day to 1 a day.

[peckhamboy]

You're right HeidiHi, all food is potentially dangerous. In fact it's worse thanm smoking, because you only need to eat a single piece of cheese that contains listeria to damage the foetus, but you can smoke literally hundreds of cigarettes and the baby will probably still be ok. People should be warned. From now on, I intend to verbally abuse any pregnant woman I see eating, to make sure she is aware of the possible consequences of her actions.

[giggirl]

HeidiHi Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I also think everyone is judgemental to a point,

> it is normal since we all have different views and

> opinions.

> I DO think it is childish to call her pyscho and

> to say my mum smoked so that makes it ok.

HeidiHi,

Are you referring to me? If so, here's what I wrote (unedited, of course)

I was born in the 60s and my mother smoked throughout her pregnancies. We were all born healthy. I'm not saying it's good for anyone to smoke (obviously), I'm just saying that one cigarette is not the end of the world as we know it.

Do me a favour, would you mind please showing me where someone on this thread has said "my mum smoked so that makes it ok".

[Skye]

Hear, hear peckhamboy! I really do not know what gives people the right to play judge, jury and execution. Some people need to mind their own business and get a life of their own. While I agree it?s not a nice sight, what on earth gives you the right to infringe your beliefs on another human. .

[SeanMacGabhann]

Having an opinion is one thing. Getting in some strangers face about your opinion is quite another

This forum is good for expressing an opinion. But you cross the line when you verbally assault a stranger in public. And I'll prove this the next time I encounter you on the street. The woman wasn't doing anything illegal so you have absolutely no right to speak to her the way you describe. You might not like it and you can say as much to your mates or on here, but by crossing the line as you did... That is nutter territory

[Ruth_Baldock]

Really? Are we really going down this road?

If it's 'okay' to chastise a woman for smoking in pregnancy- and for all the OP knows, it could have been her only cigarette in her entire pregnancy, rather than assuming she chokes down 40 a day, then it's 'okay' to chastise parents for giving their babies peanut butter on bits of bread when they're weaning them, or to chastise a breastfeeding mother for having a cheeky G+T (WHAT IF IT FILTERS THROUGH TO THE BABY?!)

I really don't think her behavior was anyone's business and find it mortifying that this exchange even occurred, really.

[giggirl]

Ligaturiosity Wrote:

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How do you know that the woman in question only smoked a couple of cigarettes?

How do you know that the woman in question didn't only smoke a couple of cigarettes? Or even just the one? What exactly do you know about this woman? The woman who you choose to publicly "let loose" on (I would say "letting loose" on someone is the same as "attacking" them, but hey, that's just me and my opinion).

The sight of a pregnant woman smoking is shocking. Smoking is bad for all of us (pregnant or not). I?m going to assume that the woman wasn?t stupid and would therefore know this.

If I saw a pregnant woman smoking my train of thought would be a little bit like this?.. is she OK? is she stressed out ? has something happened to make her spark up (bad news, or maybe she's just not coping) ? does she have someone to talk to ..... I hope she gets whatever she needs from someone somewhere (or at least from that cigarette).

Oh, and this from the OP: I could not help but give her a filthy look, which she reciprocated. Well that was always going to end badly wasn't it? Personally, I would have gone out of my way to catch the woman's eye and to smile at her. Why - because if she was having a shit day from hell she might need a little bit of compassion.