I now I am being silly but... support needed...

[supergolden88]

I 23 weeks pregnant with my second baby. My daughter recently turned 4 and this baby was very much planned and wanted.

I had a scan on Friday at Kings. For once instead of waiting around for ages before having the scan I was seen straight away (so much so that I had sent my husband off to get me a cup of tea and had to call him back).

The scan went well - the baby appears to be healthy, growing well, no apparent issues at all. Only thing is the baby is a boy. Naturally I was expecting this could be the case but since finding out I have on more than one occasion found myself tearful and quite depressed. Whenever I go out with my daughter I all I see is little girls everywhere. The boys I do see I find myself disliking (!) which I know is completely irrational. I frequently tell myself how stupid I am being about how I should be happy the baby is ok but it seems to be making no difference.

I guess subconciously I was expecting I would have a girl - that there would be two little sisters running around. My husband was also convinced we were having a girl. Doesn't help that most of my friends have two girls and two other friends recently had a baby girls.

I was wondering if anyone else has experienced similar feelings. I am getting concerned that if this continues I will end up resenting the baby and possibly getting post partum depression (in my case starting well in advance!)

[intexasatthe moment]

No of course you're not being silly ,I can quite understand your vision of 2 little girls .

It's probably not very correct but I feel as I have a boy I can say it - boys and girls are so different .

Especially at toddler stage . I used to long for a little girl who'd sit still for more than 2 minutes and who might like to colour in .

( of course I know that not all girls are like that ).

You'll love your little boy to bits when he gets here .

But you're not being silly to feel sad that you're not having a girl .

[charlottep]

Supergolden I was exactly the same in my first pregnancy. Absolutely had my heart set on a boy so I decided that we should find out the sex of the baby at the 20 wk scan, so that I could 'come to terms' with it in the event that the baby was a girl. I remember my husband being quite concerned by my attitude at the time, but I just couldn't help it. Fortunately, it was a boy and he is a very loving little boy with a wonderful personality. However, my second child is a little girl and I fell in love with her immediately. I think we have the best of both worlds, being able to experience having a son and a daughter, and I think it's a wonderful dynamic being a brother and a sister.

Don't feel bad, it will all come good!

[KM]

You are so not being silly. I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with number 2. I have an elder daughter and so wished for her to have a little sister - I am the little sister to the best big sister ever, and always imagined I would have 2 girls too. But we have a little boy now, and he is brilliant, from the moment he arrived, best thing ever.. and sooo different. But they absolutely adore each other and I can't imagine now having 2 girls - I wouldn't change it for the world. And when I watch them playing together I see how lucky they are to have each other, they really do compliment each other so well. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy - and please enjoy it!

[trevone]

i felt the same when i was pregnant with my first ..was expecting a girl but got a boy... now i have one of each and wouldnt change it for the world...you will get from a boy what you dont get from a girl...wait and see ..all good

[linzkg]

I had a boy for my first and really hope my second is a girl (as and when and if we are lucky enough to fall pregnant again ;-).. I also wonder if I'll feel as you are if it turns out if my second is a boy again!!

But my little boy, as much as he's a terror some times, is a gem - I do see moms with their little girls all pretty in their pink dresses .. and there's my thug .. but when he looks at me and charges up for his cuddle .. well you can't beat it!

But I wouldn't be so hard on yourself - I think we all have hopes and opinion on the types of kid we pop out - whether that be sex or nature

Would it help if you hung out with a little boy or 2? Spend some time watching them and get used to their ways? They can be completely endearing I promise.

[ratty]

Mums and Sons. A big strapping lad to look after you in your dotage! Congratulations! You will love it!!

[candj]

Awwwwww, that's a lovely way to put it Ratty!

[Belle]

someone said to me when I found out I was having a boy 'they adore their mothers' which was a nice thought too.

[mrs.lotte]

I consider myself very fortunate to have one of each. I read an interview with Louise (from Eternal married to footballer forget name) who has two sons she said that she was the only girl in the house and they all adored her - just fab. It is a cliche to say that boys love their mums and are simple creatures - less angsting about who their friends are, no tantrums about what to wear (don't care) but, in my case anyway, it's true. You are gonna just love him and so will his big sister - she'll get to boss him around and he won't complain (won't do what he's told either but she won't notice) everyone's happy

[Narnia]

Well my mum must really have resented me. She started with a girl and followed that with 7 boys, I being number 6. My sister got to be Snow White...............I was a bl**dy Dwarf!

You might dislike the boys you've seen but you did marry one! I think you will soon see that you are lucky and so will Dad. He will be able to do boy things with his son that he wouldn't be able to do with a girl. You will be glad of the rest when this happens.

[edanna]

Hi supergolden, I know you might not find some boys likeable - unless you're one of those people who adores all children no matter what (I know I'm not) then you will find some kids, girls too, a pain in the neck sometimes. It's different when they're yours of course. If you would like to meet a not-perfect but v sweet little boy, then let's have a coffee and you can meet my son. IMO you a really lucky to have one of each, the best of both worlds, and he will be gorgeous I'm sure.

[supergolden88]

Thanks for the posts everyone it really does help to share those feeling however silly they are. I am sure too that if I had my baby boy in my arms I would probably feel different to what I do know. But I have four more months to go (though if you saw me you would say "any day now!" as I have been told a few times already and if looks could kill there would be a few casualties piling up.

My husband (who by the way has all nephews - 6 of them) says when we settle on a name I will fell better and he may have a point. And I think shopping for a few boy clothes nearer the delivery date will also help. Every time I think of four years of saved girly clothes I start to cry (which goes to show I should given them away ages ago).

Anyway lets hope my work picks up again - if I was really busy I would not have so much time to luxuriate in moping.

[Moos]

Hi supergolden88 - don't think you're being silly at all. We're all encouraged to say "...as long as he or she is healthy!" but I think lots of people have secret wishes for one sex or the other. Maybe you need to have a good long chat with a friend or a parent and get your feelings out in the open without any guilt. Give yourself time to come around to the idea of your son. 4 months is a long time, and you'll get used to the idea of him gradually. Maybe you'll never be able to look at the sweet little girls' clothes without a sigh, but that's OK too! I'm sure as they grow up you'll find wonder and joy in the differences between your daughter and son - and in the things they have in common too.

Best

Moos

[GinaG3]

Can I say my family is a female only zone by way of kids. Only 2 boys born in the last 24 years, and 9 girls. I think I wanted a little boy for this reason, but tradition got the best of me.

For 22 weeks of my first pregnancy, I called bump 'him' and genuinely just had a real gut feeling it was a boy. After ages at the scan trying to getting 'him' in position to see what sex 'he' was the scanner asked if we wanted to know. I did, but didn't, I was torn, but just went for it. "Its a baby girl", "Are you sure, can you check again" x 3

ITS A GIRL!!!!!!

All that time. I blame hormones for making it worse. Its not silly to feel some disappointment, you will still love your child all the same, and you know it!

[edanna]

Why is it that everyone has a view on how big or small a lady's bump is? I guess that's another thread....!

[supergolden88]

It is also what you are used to. When I has my daughter I had no experience of babies whatever. I dont think I ever even held one. So she was my training and in four years I feel very well equipped to deal with little girls. Had I had a boy first I would probably want a second one now

Another thing that colours my feelings is that I have a younger brother with pretty much the same age difference as my daughter will have with the baby (4 years) and we are not close. I dont remember being very close when we were growing up and when he was 13 I left Greece and came here. So we have kind of drifted apart. We barely speak (he has now been on a world tour of his own and is currently in Lisbon) and I have not seen him in at least a year. On the other hand childhood friends of ours are very close (sisters and they have both got girls). I guess I wished I had a sister.

We'll see how it goes. My girl is a very sociable and genuinely kind hearted. She will literally give her toys away if it makes another child happy. She has lots of friends at nursery (mostly girls but some boys also) and is excited by the idea of a baby. But even she was expecting a sister. When I told her it was a boy she was excited but later that day asked "the baby cant turn into a girl, can it?"

[Knomester]

On the subject of your concerns about your children being close I wanted to say that even if you and your brother aren't so close, it doesn't mean your children won't be... My mum and her brother aren't particularly close and rarely speak (although get on well when they are together). I am the eldest of 4, 3 girls and then 1 boy (who everyone expected and probably secretly hoped would be a girl). We're quite spread out in age (I'm 18 years older than my brother) but all get on really well. We don't get to see each other very often as we all live in different corners of England, but keep in touch and love it when we get together. I'm expecting my first baby in August and my brother (who has just finished his GCSEs!) is coming down to stay in a couple of weeks to help me with jobs and have some time away from the parents. I'm amazed that at that age he wants to spend a week with his 'old' sister, but he genuinely jumped at the chance and I can't wait for him to arrive so we have some quality time together!

[Keef]

We have a daughter, and when I see friend's little boys, I can't imagine having one. Ewually though, my friend said he couldn't imagine having a daughter.

I always thought one of each would be nice, but to be honest, I think as and when we have another, we'll be quietly hoping for a girl.

[Narnia]

Why is that Keef?I wouldn't swap my son for a girl anytime.We had such fun when he was growing up even if I wasn't particularly into re-enacting WWF wrestling on the sitting room floor. I got great pleasure from watching him play football and I'll never forget his winning goal in a London Cup quarter final.

On the subject of staying close in later years I mentioned earlier how big my family was. We met recently for the 14th annual competition of the Dwarf Cup. People came from Ireland, France and different parts of England to be there. The youngest was 50.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Just to echo everyone else, it's totally understandable how you're feeling. I was totally convinced that my son was a girl and we got the shock of our lives at our 20 week scan (which happened at 24 weeks, but that's another rant for another time). I remember going to the loo after the scan and thinking 'I'm going to have a SON' and I was realy confused and shocked, and really quite tearful. Then me and DH couldn't agree on a boy's name and everything was just really unexpected. However, I LOVE having a little boy- he's happy and cheeky and a total Mummy's boy. Now I can't imagine having a girl and hope the next one is a boy, too!

[littleEDfamily]

I'm known for being boy phobic - I come from a family of lots of girls, and my Dad (who was very happy to have 2 girls) always said that he was irritated by boys, so I grew up being a bit intolerant of young lads and continue to be so. I can therefore completely relate to anxiety about having boys.

We have our two girls, which we are delighted with, but just a small part of me is curious to know what being mum to a boy would have been like - I do not know one mother of boys who is not absolutely enthralled by them, and I have no doubt that your boy will bring you joy and happiness you could never have expected. And (I have to say it), at least you have your girl already so you won't miss out on that mother/daughter special relationship.

Don't fret, it will all be wonderful - you have plenty of time to prepare yourself, and you're doing the right thing by being honest about your feelings.

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I have always wanted a baby girl, I even felt I was going to have a baby girl when I was pregnant, I had all the names picked out already for a girl. When I went for my scan and the sonographer told me it was a boy, I did say " Are you sure? not a boy!!" and I was disappointed, happy that he was healthy but disappointed that all my dreams of pink and a little girl to go shopping with disappeared, but I chose a name for my boy, bought some boys clothes ( whilst looking at all the pink stuff with a slight envy) but I knew I would love my boy before he was born and I absolutely utterly adore him now he is here.

He IS a typical boy, rough, loud, not into kisses and cuddles, very active , always pulling my hair and being cheeky but I love him beyond words can say, and I like that I am his first love and we shall have a special mother and son bond. I am sure he will look after his old ma in his adult age. I still want a girl though!:)) At least you have one of each, and you will love them both equally on their own merits. You will realise in time that he is here now, so you will focus on the pros, and when he is here, you will realise how much you love him ( even when he is wrecking all your electrical things!).

[Narnia]

Lovely post HeidiHi. Brought tears to my eyes. God I'm soft.

[Moos]

HeidiHi Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> He IS a typical boy, rough, loud, not into kisses

> and cuddles, very active , always pulling my hair

> and being cheeky but I love him beyond words can

> say...

Agree with Narnia.

But it's funny you should say about the kisses and cuddles - my friend who has 2 boys is convinced that they are cuddlier than girls. Certainly my son (when he's not killing dragons or thumping me) is very affectionate, loves to give hugs and kisses, and often tells his father and me that he loves us. I've no idea what's usual for boys, that's just my experience.