Homesick child at summer camp

[Scruffy Mummy]

My 11 year old is at a week long camp out of London - he is generally confident and outgoing and makes friends easily. They set off on Saturday and he was in good spirits as he knows one boy who is a couple years older through our church. Last night he rang (they have to hand over their phones and get them back for 4 -6pm) and was saying how homesick he was and how he wanted to come home and how his friend was just hanging out with the older boys and not talking to him. I can't blame his friend as I think it's natural and TBH I can imagine my own son doing exactly the same thing if one of his younger mates from church came on a residential camp!

Anyway, I said I thought he should stick it out and that he should go talk to one of the adults. I then rang the camp and two of the staff spoke to him - they said he cheered up and they gave him a special project to befriend another boy who was feeling abit isolated which was a good plan. I then texted the camp and they said that he said he was fine and was playing football. So fingers crossed it has passed! But I am dreading receiving another tearful call asking me to come pick him up today at 4pm when he will have his phone back! I feel like it is important for him to stay till the end of camp on Saturday but not sure I can hold the line if he is really upset. Do other parents have experience of this?

[midivydale]

Can you go and visit him (if you have another teary call?). I remember when I was on camp once, I got really homesick. My amazing dad said that he would come and visit me on Thursday and if after his visit I still wanted to come home then I could. Knowing he would come in a couple of days got me through the next couple of days and surprise surprise once he had been I elected to stay, it was a "Do you want to come home now or stay for two more days kind of thing".

I was 12 at the time and I remember how I really appreciated the fact that he made the effort to come down, 4 hour round trip on a school night. Not once did he try to make me feel guilty or silly. It was just gentle reassurance really and I remember it made me feel much more confident about staying on.

Would that be an option?

[Scruffy Mummy]

Yes, that is an option! If I get another teary call this afternoon, I think I might say that.... it's just that most of the advice I looked up online suggested keeping a firm line so that they are able to work through the homesickness and come out the other side on their own.

[midivydale]

best of luck with it all! Hopefully he is feeling alot better today!

[moriyama]

I am probably a softie, but I think if he's toughed it out since Saturday and if by tonight he's not any happier, I'd just bring him home tomorrow. Fingers crossed you have a happier boy on your hands tonight and this isn't necessary.

I think there is a lot to be said for not giving in on day one or two, but if things aren't getting better, day three onwards, I can't see the point of prolonging it. It's not like it's a school trip, where you do have to stick it out.

[EDmummy]

Oh, Midivydale - your dad sounds wonderful.

My family were pretty much a "suck it up" type of family and I sometimes find myself doing this with my own children. Both my children attended their first residential trip around 10-11 and both were terribly homesick. In both instances, no calls home were allowed but one wrote a desperate letter that broke my heart and caused me to ring the teacher in charge. Advice from school was to let them get through it on their own but I found that very hard. Oldest was scarred by the incident but did go on one more trip at age 13 but vowed to go on no more (possibly to the detriment of his education). I don't think there is a one size fits all response as it is dependent on the child but my instinct would be to see how he gets on today and then suggest if he really does feel he wants to come home the following day, to allow him to do that.

midivydale Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Can you go and visit him (if you have another

> teary call?). I remember when I was on camp once,

> I got really homesick. My amazing dad said that he

> would come and visit me on Thursday and if after

> his visit I still wanted to come home then I

> could. Knowing he would come in a couple of days

> got me through the next couple of days and

> surprise surprise once he had been I elected to

> stay, it was a "Do you want to come home now or

> stay for two more days kind of thing".

>

> I was 12 at the time and I remember how I really

> appreciated the fact that he made the effort to

> come down, 4 hour round trip on a school night.

> Not once did he try to make me feel guilty or

> silly. It was just gentle reassurance really and I

> remember it made me feel much more confident about

> staying on.

>

> Would that be an option?

[Scruffy Mummy]

Thanks all! So today we had a conference call with the staff leader and my son to discuss the situation and what to do. My son said that he just missed us but he was having a much better time but he still sometimes felt very homesick and would rather be at home then at camp. The camp leader said we must be a very lovely family for him to miss us (bless him!) but that there were some great activities for the last two days he thinks he would really enjoy. Then I said that next week we'd all be hanging

out together with lots of family time before school starts. And then, I said if you stay till Saturday and the end of camp we'll give you ?15 and a pizza dinner to celebrate his achievement of perservering. He said 'Well I'm definitely staying then!'

Whew! Bribery ... Or the rewards based system works every time! The camp leader then left the room so he could talk privately and he confirmed he was doing better and has made some good friends some of whom he has already exchanged phone numbers with. Then he said he was ok and could we finish the call so he could go play!

[midivydale]

well done!! So pleased he seems happier and no doubt the fact that he was given the choice to come home will be appreiated. The second half of a camp/holiday always go much faster than the first half;)