Settling in at nursery - advice needed!

[charlottep]

My just turned two year old is starting nursery in a couple of weeks. He has recently experienced a far degree of change with the very recent arrival of a little sister and is, I think, feeling a little vulnerable. I would like to ensure that he's settled in at his new nursery in the best way possible and would really appreciate views on what has worked well in terms of settling in children into nursery. The nursery we are attending is suggesting 2 one hour sessions for me and my son before he starts. Is this sufficient? I guess I was expecting something a little more involved and perhaps I am worrying too much? Any advice / reassurance would be great. Thanks!

[Fuschia]

How many hours will he be doing?

[Moos]

We're just about to start nursery with our little son (so no advice on what works yet!) but was interested to see that the staff looked at him seeming quite confident and outgoing and immediately suggested cutting the settling-in period in half. We pushed back, and agreed a compromise. Suggest you contact them with your concerns and ask for a longer period. Do they charge for the settling in period?

[charlottep]

He will be doing three full days a week (he was doing four full days as part of nannyshare until recently so he's used to being away from mummy and daddy). We're not paying for the settling in period - at least not the 2 one hour sessions they have suggested, although i have no probs in paying for something more involved if need be. I will talk to them about extending it if necessary, although I'm keen that he settles in as quickly as possible as he doesn't like to see me feed his little sister and it's putting pressure on all of us as a result. I'm just conscious that I musn't rush him though, hence my interest in other people's thoughts on what works in terms of settling in. We are delighted with the nursery itself, i have a very positive feeling about it and i know that he will love it once he has settled in, it's just that he's not quite his usual confident self at the moment...

[Fuschia]

I haven't had experience of settling a child in for a full day, but for 2-3h sessions.

From my experience of that, and settling in to school etc, you need to get the right balance between being there at first to reassure him that this is an OK place, while not hovering anxiously.. let him get on with it and form a relationship his keyworker.

I'd suggest doing the two sessions they suggest, then go for it (but either hang around for a while out of sight until you can see he is distracted .. or call to check he's not too distraught.

I think it's better (at least at first) to adopt the approach of saying firmly "Mumm is going shopping now, I will be back soon, have a lovely time" rather than just trying to sneak off.. I think that makes them nervous. It's a bit different once they are mostly settled, if they find the goodbye bit hard, at that point I think a quick dash out of the door is a bit different

[kristymac1]

My daughter is due to start at nursery in a couple of weeks time - she too is used to being with a childminder for 3-days a week for 2 years now (crikey!). The settling in process is much more involved at the new nursery, 2hrs the first day (while I stay with her), 3hrs the next, 4 the next etc until she eventually does the full day with them - there is also complete flexibility to change that/extend it if that's what is required. I'm really nervous about it and will probably fair much worse than my daughter (silly isn't it?). I also put a post on the forum to meet up with any mums and their little ones who already go to the nursery so my daughter would recognise a friendly face when she went - we met with a lovely mum and her daughter and I feel much more confident that the settling in will be easier because of that - perhaps you could do the same?

Good luck x

[charlottep]

Thanks for the advice ladies. Typically i think the nursery has a much more involved settling in process. It's just that they are doing me a favour as I don't currently have any childcare in place so they brought his start date forward. As I have a seven week old who is doing everything on demand, i'm keen to get him going ASAP and that's why they have suggested this streamlined settling in. I think what i'll do is play it by ear. See how he does at the first two sessions and then make a decision from there. He's generally a confident little boy who at playgroups etc rarely looks back for mummy, but at the moment he's a little put out by his baby sister and it's all a lot of change for him to deal with. As you say Kirstymac, I'm sure i'll fair worse than he - it's hard bloody work being a mum!

[Smiler]

My little girl is two and has been at nursery three days a week since she was one. Settling her in at the first one was really horrible for a month or so, but the second one when she was older was much easier. Like you, we needed her to start rightaway so she only had a couple of short induction sessions.

In addition to the settling in sessions, it might be a good idea to collect him a bit early for his first few full days, e.g. 3pm instead of 5pm.

I have sometimes had the impression that the nursery staff are not always honest when a child has been upset at nursery during the day, saying they've been fine etc. when they don't seem to be. For example, I have sometimes seen a child really upset or looking distraught and lost, then later heard the carer telling the parent that the child was fine that day. This kind of stuff upset me quite a lot during both settling in periods, and still does occasionally. But overall think they adjust quite quickly.