Potty training- toddler seems to hate pot and toilet!

[byngo]

Hi. We are hoping to start potty training our daughter next week. We tried to start a few weeks ago but gave up after 2 days as she just got v upset at us telling her to sit on the loo or potty and just wet herself and then wasn't bothered about being wet or dirty (which is v strange as she is the most fastidious toddler). She had previously sat on the potty quite happily when I went to the loo but she was in her nappy when doing so. I've asked her why she doesn't like it and she just says she doesn't and cries. She is due to start nursery in a few months so needs to bs trained plus she is more than ready. She will be 3 in October. She hates me changing her nappy and kicks and screams. Anyone been in a similar position or have any advice? We've tried stickers. Reward charts, presents, outings and ice creams as incentives but nothing seems to work. Neither does seeing her friends go to the loo. Help?!!

[gwod]

I know this is so inconvenient when shes due to start Nursery, but I dont think the time is right for her - I think you need to stop potty training for a month or so and come back to it afresh - its hard enough when they want to do it, impossible when they don't. I suppose you could prepare her a bit in the meantime with talk about things that will happen, or things that you have for "when she's a big girl" and separtely associate pottys or loos with "being a big girl"

Often Nurserys will accomodate kids who are not fully potty trained even though their bumph says its essential - have a chat to them nearer the time if its still not sorted.

Good luck - I can remember feeling as though the jump to toilet traing was unsurmountable with some of mine - but when they are ready, the transition is easy.

[Pickle]

I agree with Gwod, it really sounds as if she's not ready. Try not to feel pressured into potty training, the worst thing you can do is turn it into something stressful for both you and your daughter. She's not yet 3, and a lot could change between now and October so try not to worry too much.

Give it a break for a few weeks then try again, she may surprise you.

Good luck x

[ratty]

I too agree - exactly same thing happened with my little boy in March. We left off until early May and it took about 3 days to get him trained. A month later and he wees, on his own, standing up at the loo!

[byngo]

Thanks all. Weve left it about a month since trying and just talked about the potty occasionally, "would u like to sit on the pot while mummy has a shower / changes baby sister etc". Really want to try again next week as my husband is on hols but dont want it to become a big issue. Guess we'll try and if she hates it, postpone again for a few weeks.

[Coach Beth]

Yes, agree with all of the above. October is a long time away relatively - just leave it for a month and come back to it afresh. Like people have said, when they are ready, it only takes a month or so. If it isn't a school nursery, they might be ok with her not being trained. At my son's nursery, the staff did a sterling job of working with the toddlers being trained and I think it helped as all the toilets at nursery are kid sized. Plus the kids see each other all the time using the toilets which is an incentive. If it is a school nursery, I know that they don't do this and they don't change nappies either. But a friend of mine just used to put a nappy on her son anyway as he wasn't ready for toilet training when he started at 3. She felt the hours he was in the school nursery was relatively short - 2.5 hours that he could cope with a wet nappy and I think she just crossed her fingers he wouldn't have a poo in his nappy!!

[gwod]

Thinking further about your situation, you could also do alot of games where toys (very grown up, big girl toys) sit on toy loos and are congratulated....leave mentioning the idea of her actually on the potty or the loo until you feel she is ready to try again. Also you could play games where babies and little girls get their nappy changed...or mention how her sibling needs a nappy because he/she is only little, but one day when he is a big boy/girl, he will do his wees and poos on the potty.

God know why I'm offering advice though...my youngest has recently regressed to night time wetting so perhaps all my tips are flawed!

[ryedalema]

I agree with the above, but also here's a few things we tried that definitely worked (but may be a little unusual).

- let her see you going to the toilet (however much you'd like a bit of privacy) and let her see 'what you do'

- use the potty yourself - I did, it's a bit of a logistical/flexibility issue but helps demystify it

- let her teddies use the toilet and really praise them when they are done

- get a potty training book featuring her favourite character if you can - our daughter is Dora obsessed so it helped when Dora showed her how

- as well as sticker charts (she has stickers for everything now) we had/have a moneybox above the toilet

- keep the potty around all the time so that it becomes a feature of the room and not scary anymore.

I think it's about it being a natural thing and not something to be scared of or intimidated by.

Just my thoughts - good luck with it x

[The Nappy Lady]

If it is a 'security' issue around having the nappy on try cutting a hole in a disposable and see if she will then sit on the loo or potty and go....after a while she should then be OK with loosing the 'posie and just going for it. Phobias about pooing without a nappy on are very common and we often find this approach solves it, so may work on a more general basis too.

Also, as you said she's quite fastidious, you could try putting a flannel inside her nappies (assuming she is in disposables here), so she is more aware of the feeling of being wet. That may well help her to see the benefits of using the potty instead.

But, do also agree with others, if she is getting very upset or distressed then much better to leave it. When they are truly 'ready' most children are very easy to train, and it usually takes only a day or two. Much better than going through days or weeks of upset.

Good luck :))

Molly