why do people think they can say anything when you're pregnant!

[reren]

I got a taxi home today - feeling knackered and pregnant and had the most horrible taxi driver. He was ridiculously cheery in a pair of very short shorts that a man his age - with his body - shouldn't have attempted - but it would never have occurred to me to critique them. He, however, was not so circumspect. He cheerily told me as I settled into the back of the cab - he loved picking up waddling women...I smiled politely not quite sure what to say as he then went on to tell me I was huge - was i having twins? was i planning to stop working soon? could i really be due in october because i was so enormous, etc etc. It was all a bit weird because I actually only have quite a small bump - as I'm only 22 weeks - and i'm certainly not yet waddling! I've only just really started showing - though I was wearing a rather pregnancy looking top. I was surprised by this unexpected attack - but initially unphased by it - thinking 'I really don't have much of a bump - what is he on about?' I pretended to be absorbed in my phone and basically ignored him for the rest of the journey - and when we arrived at Lordship Lane and he started to make disparaging remarks about Lordship Lane I decided he was just weird and trying to pick a fight. In the end i asked him to drop me off much earlier than I needed and walked the rest of the way home. You'll not be surprised that he didn't get a tip - but now I'm kicking myself for not telling him where to get off. I've never had an experience like it with a taxi driver - usually they are really lovely.

I'm really annoyed with myself that I didn't tell him he was being rude and to shut up. And of course its made me feel really rubbish- are people really thinking - my god she's ginormous - while I happily wandering around thinking i've got a little bit of a bump? Not wearing that top again, that's for sure!

what an arse

[littleEDfamily]

I'm with you! What's with the constant comments about the relative size of your bump - I get "You're huge!" as often as I get "you're not big at all".

A man at the post office told me that I should start giving up work soon - WTF!!!??? People tell me not to run (I am always late so frequently half jog). Yep, everyone has got an opinion on a pregnant woman.

But... your taxi driver sounds like an obnoxious cretin - thankfully that degree of inappropriateness is rare!

[Belle]

I think your last comment says it all - what an arse! Try to ignore it if you can - easier said than done though. I have to say taxi drivers were the absolute worst when I was pregnant - and the trouble is it's quite likely you get more taxis because you're pregnant so you're more exposed to it. I began to dread the chat, especially once I'd been chastised several times for finding out the sex. how could I, did i want to ruin the suprise of having a child, etc etc. One in particular got really wound up and then I made the mistake of confirming that i had kept my own name on getting married - I thought he was going to blow a gasket. The thing is you can't tell them where to get off (short of curtailing the trip like you had to) because you're kind of in their hands to get to wherever your'e going. SO annoying!

don't worry about the size thing - I had people tell me in the same day once that I was really tiny for how pregnant I was, and really massive. People just want to comment I think, and often don't particular mean what they're saying.

[plimsoul]

my favourite comment came every time i declined a glass of wine. i simply didn't want it as it made me feel sick, i have no problem with women who enjoy a glass when pregnant (not whole bottle!), but people could not help themselves 'oooh, go on, you know you can if you want'.

which brings me to my favourite annoying comment question which often occurs if you find out early that you're pregnant but don't want to tell people before 12 weeks. at each point of turning down drinks 'you pregnant?' so when my male friends in their 30\s decline a drink i ask 'ooh pregnant are we?'

don't know why it just used to piss me off. shut up whether i want a drink or not and get on with your own life...

then pregnant with twins the things people felt like they could get away with saying like 'twins, oh poor you' WTF, i don't know you, didn't start the conversation and now you insult me?

and don't even start on once they're born. every person feels it their duty to comment.

[Helen GV]

Don't let it bother you too much, the taxi driver is obviously a twat. he probably has a set of comments he uses over and over again for his own entertainment - waddling women? HAHAHAHAHA you're killing me... twins? OH STOP IT MY SIDES ARE SPLITTING... disbelief at the due date? (guffaw guffaw) wait until i tell the lads how funny i am....

(that'll teach her for making me drive south east...)

[plimsoul]

i think if a taxi driver starts up like that again you come back with:

'oh yes and i heard that england might win the world cup...'

what's that about talking with authority that you know nothing about, oh yes, it leads to bullsh*t.

sorry to any england fans out there who still feel that we could win the cup.

[reren]

I knew the east dulwich forum would make me feel better! Told my husband and he just got cross with the taxi driver :-)

I think maybe Helen GV is right - this is his shtick every time he picks up someone with a bump he hopes to get a rise out of them. In which case maybe the way i dealt with it disappointed him - smiling inanely and then ignoring. So am feeling passive but not quite so annoyed with myself.

[Belle]

I agree about the not drinking comments being annoying - I found I wanted to snap at people who said 'anything you want to tell us?'. Mainly because, surely they realise there's a good reason why you might want to keep it to yourself, so they are only making things awkward by bringing it up.

[Monkey]

My mother in law would call me "fatty" when I was pregnant - My husband had to have a quiet word.

[ClareC]

My own mother called me 'fatty'

I know she didn't mean anything mean by it but nonetheless....

[prdarling]

Every time she saw me, my mother said "ooh you've put on weight" (you don't say) but worst of all was my mother in law who grabbed my bump at any/every opportunity. Even now I can't bear touching her as it reminds me of being mauled

[Polly D]

Slight hijack of the thread to confess something awful I said in a bad moment when my son was about 6 months old. I met a mum with twins when out and about. I'd had an awful night and morning with my son and was having a 'why on earth do people have babies' moment. Her boys were a bit older than my son, and were completely lovely but I exclaimed "Twins, that must be a nightmare!" To this day I feel ashamed of myself. It just came out and was a reflection on how I was feeling that day. If you read this and know who you are, I am truly sorry.

In relation to this and the thread, sometimes people are insensitive without meaning to be. But the cabbie sounded like a right plonker.

[Keef]

Mrs Keef got very fed up at work, as everyone assured her she wouldn't get to April (due date was the 13th), and that there was absolutely no doubt it would be a boy.

When our daughter was born with a bit of help, 15 days after the due date, I think Mrs Keef wanted to go in to work just to say "f**k you all!!!!".

[Smiler]

At least it is just a random taxi driver and not your own brother-in-law / brother / husband referring to "waddling women" and laughing about it as mine did recently, grrrrr!

[Ruth_Baldock]

When I was 30 weeks, a lady came up to me outside Sainsburys and asked when I was due. Then she told me aaaaallll about her daughter who had a baby recently and went on to tell me the horror story that was her daughter's labour. Then she said 'MAkes you rethink having kids, right?'. Well, thanks a lot lady...

I got the whole 'YOU ARE HUUUUGE' thng too, and during a BF workshop the midwife stopped and said:

MW: Are you overdue?

Me: What? Erm no, I'm 37 weeks though...

MW: Twins?

Me: No.

MW: Huh. You're HUGE! HUUUUGE!

Lovely!

[supergolden88]

I was so pissed off at my mother in law (for a variety of reasons) that when I overheard her saying "I think she is pregant you know" (I was only 9 weeks at the time not showing but bloated) I ordered a glass of wine during lunch just to shut her up. I think the bag from a maternity store I left in the living room may have given her a clue...

I frequently get "you're huge" and I am only 20 weeks. Another 20 weeks of comments to endure.

On the taxi driver front I once had a taxi driver take me all the way home at 33 weeks even though I did not have enough money to pay him (and told him so in advance). So there are some nice ones out there

[marscapone]

Isn't it funny that it's always taxi drivers / relatives / random people on the street etc who have no hesitation saying how huge you are, yet no-one on the train seems to notice!

[Claire29]

I think been pregnant is a license for people to say what they want, I work part time and every time I go into work each week I get a running commentry from the girls in the office saying how big my bump looks, have I eaten a watermelon or stuffed a football up my top........ I've learnt to just accept people always feel the need to mention how big/small etc you are and just ignore them. My mother in law is great in that she always speaks her mind " Claire you have really put on weight this time you can notice it in your face and also you'r much bigger this time aren't you" Then she always goes on to tell me how tiny she was when she was pregnant and that she would actually lose weight! Grrrrrrrrr Mother in law's !!!!1

[Moos]

That's just practice. When the baby is born and you start doing everything wrong then they really get into their stride.

[carrieon23]

What an arse. Its the most irritating thing when you've lost the moment and decide after you really wanted to say something thou. Wait till you have the baby- then the opinions really start to fly! I was told off by a really rather irate woman for 'suffocating' my baby under the rain cover and shopping which was in the buggy. Stupid woman didn't even apologise when i explained that as my son was in nursery and not in fact under a ton of shopping, he would probably survive!! - she just humphed off.

[Moos]

Ha ha, that's hilarious. What a silly moo.

[ryedalema]

I'm not sure what's worse - I was at least 7 months pregnant when many people would come up to me and say 'Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant'.

So...I look this fat all of the time do I?

Perhaps I was a little over-sensitive, but grrrrrr.

;-)

[Yak]

Also spare a thought for those of us trying to have kids and having no luck - seems after you've been together for a certain period of time it's perfectly acceptable for random strangers you meet at parties to enquire as to whether you want kids, and when you fix them with what you hope is a polite thin smile and a (brief) explanation that things might not be so simple, you are greeted with a barrage of stories about their/their best friends' miracle child / IVF experience / a great woman who does wonders with acupuncture / a fantastic nutritionist...

That's when I hit the gin.

[Polly D]

Good point Yak. Similarly when people say 'when's it your turn then'?

[Goodliz]

When I was about 30 wks or so (can't quite remember but definately showing alot) I was taking part in a circuit training class. One of the other participants - a bloke - looked at my bump and said:

"What are you trying to do? Kill it."