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beans on toast would presumably have relegated you to the status of mother of 7 by 8 men, diet of meths and chips and Living Off The State.

Vesta curry I'm finding hard to pin down as the Ladette hadn't been invented by then - perhaps Jackie's way of flushing out the latent lesbian in us all?

Steak Diana (what IS that?) I'm guessing therefore is for the Nice Girl, married mum of 2 in a mock-Tudor mansion, only occasionally beaten by your lovely hubby whom you snaffled by way of having good nails all those years ago.

Dear legalbeagle


I notice that your username has the word 'legal' in it - take it from me, a nice chap won't want a girl who's cleverer than him. Perhaps you should try 'flowerbeagle' instead, or what about 'blossompuppy'?


Don't fret about your 'flaws', focus on your assets. A little shading of bronzer down the nosebone, some blue eyeliner and zinging matching mascara and he'll only be gazing into your beautiful eyes. As for your hands, try lacey gloves or perhaps a corsage to draw attention to your ladylike figure. And above all, a sweet and demure smile will reassure him that you're just the girl to take home to Mother.


Ta ta!

Jackie

Dear JackieMoos


Thank you thank you thank you. I have taken on board your advice. I have put a pretty ribbon in my hair, and have spent the day smiling demurely (I have ignored some of my mates who think I am grinning inanely and/or am drunk. They won't get taken home to meet Mother with that attitue.) Couldn't find any lace handwear but I've popped on a pair of luminous yellow fingerless gloves I found from my 80's wardrobe. I'm sure that'll do the trick. Clever shading of extra blusher and a side parting are working wonders on my schnozz too. Phew!


Should I worry about my secret craving for spag bol? Or supress it along with most of my ambition and personality?


Please advise!

Dear PCG,


If your Donny Osmond tank top is purple then you might just be able to pull it off. Otherwise it could be a fully blown fashion disaster. Sorry but it's all looking very serious so I suggest we kick this one upstairs to the Cathy and Claire page.


Px

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