Settling into nursery query.

[carrieon23]

HI,

Can anyone share their experiences with me regarding nursery and settling in times. My 1 1/2 year old son has been going to nursery since Jan (only two days-mon and fri), and still cries as we are turning into the street let alone when I leave him. He is usually desperate to get out of his pushchair but sits and holds onto the buckle to try and stop you undoing it, and wails every day. I thought it would take him a little while to settle as he is doing such split days but at what point do I worry? I feel absolutely awful every time I take him.

x

[EDmummy]

My oldest cried everyday at drop off for over 1 1/2yrs. Didn't grow out of it until second term of reception. Feedback I received from his carers was that he stopped very shortly after I was out of sight. Doesn't make it any less traumatic and even now at 9 he is still quite sensitive to new situations. Youngest one never had a problem and has only started to get ever so slightly clinging at drop off now he is in reception.

If you are very worried talk it through with his nursery. They usually have some suggested strategies.

My thoughts are with you as I know how stressful this can be for both of you.

[Fuschia]

Son no 1 (one morning pw at Puddleduck) cried from October to March....

[marscapone]

My son was the same when he started at 12 months. He took a good few weeks to settle in and start enjoying it during the day. But it was much longer before he was happy to be dropped off there (and even now aged 4 has some days with tears when I leave). But the nursery staff said he always stopped crying the minute I left - I know this is true as I sometimes had to pop back if I'd forgotten something and I saw him happy. And I know he loves it - it's just that he wants the best of everything ie. me and nursery. It helped when I was able to leave him doing something he enoyed - eating breakfast, cuddles with one of the nursery staff or similar

[Fuschia]

I think it is part of the nurery experience, they learn about separation and that you do return. Do the staff confirm that he is Ok once you have left? Do they cuddle him? I find it easiest to lesve mine if I can put them into someone's arms rather than trying to unwrap their little hands from my legs (sob!)

I think just keep saying... "You will have a lovely time. Mummy has to go shopping but I will be back very soon" then when you return "Mummy came back!"

[Mellors]

My boy howled so awfully and wouldn't calm down when I first left him at about the same age that I took him out as it was awful for us both. I had a nanny instead so he was at home.

He settled in in a few days when he went back age 3 though. I think its an age thing?

Having said that No 2 girl, who has a much more outgoing character is alreayd happy to run off without me at 18 months.

I would have a long chat with the nursery and see what is happening after you have gone and whether he is settling. If they are experienced they should be able to support him (and you) through it.

[carrieon23]

HI, thanks for all the replies. They insist he does settle in quite quickly after i'm gone, but he always seems a bit quiet when i pick him up for a good 20 mins or so in the evening too. Its just heartbreaking every morning, my poor mum dropped him off for the first time in ages this morning and came home in tears cos she felt so awful at leaving him. I will have a chat to the staff and see what they think, but might just have a look at other options too.

thanks all xx

[crystal7]

My sympathies as I know how horrible this is. My daughter (14 months) has been going to her chidminder since January and still cries some mornings- clings on and wails actually. I end up feeling like the worst mother in the world whilst at work. But she does stop very quickly, it's the 'hand over' she hates!Agree with Fuscia, so much better when someone else is there to cuddle.

[Saila]

Carrieon23 - thoughts are with you as that sounds really tough and i'm not looking forward to this happneing to me (still on maternity leave)

I know TINY sample size - but any comments/thoughts as to why this tends to be more a boy-thing?

Are we treating our sons differently? or do they mature more slowly?

[sanity girl]

I don't think it is just a boy thing - my daughter was like this settling in to nursery age 2. It's only now that she's going three days a week age 3 that she is no longer making a fuss - I think the fact that there is not too long between each day there helps, also the staff there are lovely and always give her a cuddle if she does get upset when I leave. Like the others, she always stopped crying a couple of minutes max after I left.

[mich]

Fingers crossed I don't have this problem with my daughter, she's 2 and starts nursery full time on Tuesday. I took her on Friday for a couple of hours and explained to her from the night before that when she wakes up in the morning, we will put her uniform on and she will go to nursery, mummy is going to say goodbye to her, she is going to play and have lunch at nursery and when she finishes her lunch mummy will be back to pick her up.

I was all prepared for her to cry when I left and cling onto me - huh - who was I kidding she waved me off with a big smile and said see you later mummy - weep weep, my little girl is all grown up!!

Wonder if it will be a completey different story come tuesday - she's there from 8am - 6pm :( , I really hope not as I am feeling ever so guilty about leaving her for so long, but after 2 years at home with her it's time to go back to work. She woke up this morning and pulled out her uniform asking if she can go to the nursery's house and play with her friends, so she is keen to go back.

Good luck to you all getting your lil un's settled - wish me luck too ::o

[Moi23]

Oh if only mine did that.... He's 3 and a bit and has never stopped crying when I leave him. Having said that, his first nursery shut down at short notice, then he was caught up in the Bojangles shut down. Now he still puts on a traumatic drama, but I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that's it's all an act specially put on for mummy. He's always been having a great time when I pick him up. I reckon they pick up on your distress, and in the case of my one, he rather likes the dramatic attention.

[EmilyE]

My daughter cried virtually every morning at school for the first term (and as a result, so did I...), but was clearly happy when I'd gone. When she went through a phase like that at nursery, I went in with her for a while - not easy if you've got to get to work, but often it was only a few minutes before she was happy for me to go.

Now incidentally, 2nd term of school and she runs in very happily.

[standswithfist]

My daughter started 3 weeks ago at Asquiths Peckham nursery. Previous to that she was with a childminders. She is 16 months old and is settling in ok but does cry when daddy drops her off. I think I was more upset hearing she was crying but the team there are great. I have been phoning constantly to check she is ok, constantly apologising for calling but they were understanding and would take the phone to whoever was with her or had been with her. She ofcourse stopped crying as soon as he left. She is interacting with the other children and has taken a shine to them and to her main carer. The whole staff have made me feel welcome and not at all as if i'm bothering them which in turn has settled me more. I am trying to cut back on calling in, but i just worry about things like who will give her a cuddle if she gets upset etc. But so far so good. Its my first child and i am probably just like any new mum.

[civilservant]

This post is probably not going to make me very popular on this forum, but it does seem that the older your child is, the harder it is for him or her to settle into nursery. I once discussed this with my daughter's nursery manager - a woman with 20 years' experience - who confirmed that in her experience babies found it a lot less traumatic to start nursery at 6 months old than at 12 months or older. And the more regular the routine, the easier it is for them to understand - so paradoxically, nursery every day is probably better than split days, or odd days, or any irregular arrangement.

[The Nappy Lady]

Hmmm, but personally I think nurserys are better for toddlers than babies. One of the nursery nurses at my daughters school used to work in nurseries and said she moved to school because she couldn't bear the rules re not picking up and cuddling the babies.

Each to their own but for little ones I truly believe the 'home from home' Childminder environment is kinder/more gentle for them and most will then adapt to nursery well later as they are already used to being left and have developed into confident little people.

BUT all this with the caveat that each child/family & work circumstances are different and of course we are all making the best choices we can.

Molly

[busymum]

it took my (very confident outgoing) daughter of nearly 2 years a good 4/5 month to properly settle into nursery, we had lots of tears in the morning but only when we dropped her off, and then she settled. She was going 2 days a week. But she totally loves it now, a nursery day has become a treat day to play with all her friends. Her anxiety during her settling in 5 months! was no doubt hounded by the fact that I was heavily pregnant and then we had a baby - jelously thing. Child no. 2 now attends the same nursery and loved it from day 1 (she was 11 months)! so there is some truth in babies settling easier than toddlers but I agree that home environment is so important for babies. We chose 2 days nanny and 2 days nursery, but it is such a personal decision, this works for us and work commitments. I think it must help if big sister or brother are at the same nursery.

Good luck with whatever you decide