How many children would you have...

[toast]

Watching sound of music, would go for 7 but need house keeper, governess, big house and lots of curtains!

[gnulover]

It's so funny how you start out without children thinking a certain number is perfect. Mine was 4 - OH an only child and sounded quite lonely. I'm one of two and we don't get on. 3 always thought one would be left out so 4 seemed to be the best number all round. 2 children later and I can't think of anything worse than having another baby. 1 was a doddle in hindsight! Two exhausting. And then No 1 got diagnosed with autism which is a whole other challenge in itself so feels like we have 4 children sometimes. Also don't like the idea of being outnumbered as parents. Hard enough keeping them out of the middle of the road or heading for that really fast roundabout/swing at the playground!!

[sillywoman]

17 ::o

23 ::o

But who did the parenting? Surely two people couldn't possibly parent that many children effectively by themselves? Surely a load of the burden would fall onto the older kids? I really wouldn't want to do that to my kids. Also how do you remember all their names ( I have trouble with 4!) and make them feel like they're special individuals who are precious & important to you? Gosh so many, many issues without even touching on the health issues for the Mum. Oooohh no,no,no - definitely not for me -money or no money. Brrrrrrr.

[Sanne Panne]

Baby 1 - massive shock to me and Mr Panne. Just like Keef said, Mr Panne wasn't so sure if he liked the whole thing (of course he loved/loves our daughter but he hated "it" (the new life, the new focus, all the adjustments) for a good while - things are LOADS better now that baby Panne is a toddler. Since it was so tough at first, since we have now adjusted to life without free time and since we roughly know what to expect from the next one I think the transition to baby 2 will be easier, not because life will be easier but because we're much more prepared.

That said, 2 will be enough! I'm not a huge fan of the newborn stage (:-$) but have loved everything from age 8 months upward, so far it's only been getting better (she's 20 months old now). I want to give her a sibling and have the joy of having two children and think I can handle another year of sleep deprivation but all the space and money in the world won't convince me that 3 (or 4 or more) would be better than 2 - at least not for us.

[helena handbasket]

sillywoman Wrote:

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> 17 ::o

> 23 ::o

>

> But who did the parenting? Surely two people

> couldn't possibly parent that many children

> effectively by themselves? Surely a load of the

> burden would fall onto the older kids? I really

> wouldn't want to do that to my kids. Also how do

> you remember all their names ( I have trouble with

> 4!) and make them feel like they're special

> individuals who are precious & important to you?

> Gosh so many, many issues without even touching on

> the health issues for the Mum. Oooohh no,no,no -

> definitely not for me -money or no money.

> Brrrrrrr.

Oh I agree, but I think that parenting 23 kids on a farm in the Canadian prairies post depression might have been a slightly different game. Very harsh living, farm families were huge because they needed lots of help on the farm, and realistically some of the kids wouldn't survive....... although all but one of theirs made it to adulthood. These are really tough, sturdy people, if you saw how my friend was built you would get a sense of the sturdy genes involved.

Yes the children did raise each other, but it seems normal to them. They are a really tight (and now huge!) family, it's really something to see actually. And my friend is very unique and a lovely person and seems willing and able to take on anything so I think there is something to be said for growing up with all of those "friends" in your house.

Can't imagine how her poor old mother was practically pregnant for 21 years straight! Not for me, that's for sure!

[snowboarder]

Was thinking about this thread on an endless car journey today (trying to drown out screaming baby) - and I was wondering how many of us who previously commented have now had our subsequent babies....

I have now had baby 2...and I think I said 2 would be it...but as he turns 6m this week I can't help feeling sad he might be my last baby! This is complete madness as he is well and truly following in his brother's footsteps and killing me with lack of sleep...and neither birth was great..but..well...

Anyone else? Any updates?

[Ruth_Baldock]

On our second. Husband wants the third within 18mo. I want a pair of bricks to chuck at his bits. Homemade vasectomy!

[Pickle]

I'm surprised I never commented on this. I'm 100% sure I would have said I have two and I'm done... funny how things change!

[chantelle]

funny thread revival. i see i said two seemed ideal but that i was very happy with one. Well I'm now 5 months pregnant and already thinking one really is the dream! I would have been perfectly happy with that but hubby was keen for a second and my fertility that was so uncooperative in my mid-30s somehow went into overdrive. Now I am past 40 and not relishing another career break and spending my 50s raising teenagers! I'm going on birth control after this - just in case!

(it's a blessing though, of course. :)-D )

[Belle]

We've always said 2 (which went down to 1 in first year of my son's life ;-)

Now 35 weeks pregnant with number 2. In the earlier part of the pregnancy I did have a brief flirtation with 'oh is this really the last time we do this - maybe 3 etc' - though I was still v much aware of practical implications e.g. finances, impact on my career (didn't go back to work after first child - if continued like this, even including some freelance, wd be a v long career break - plus might want to retrain etc). However the last month or so of this pregnancy have been such hard work, not for any serious reason, just the mundane logisitics of juggling late pregnancy with a very active and highly strung 2 yr old, that I really cannot imagine ever doing it again. I didn't mind pregnancy first time round, despite getting quite ill right at the end. This time it's completely uncomplicated from a medical perspective but am hating it!

[The Nappy Lady]

I'm still at 2 & now getting my life back to the extent that I definitely have no plans for more. Quite a few friends seem to have gone for an unexpected 3rd baby recently but I'm assured it isn't catching.

Someone I know has 7 and is currently pregnant with twins! Can you imagine. She writes a blog and has just released a book on larger families if anyone is interested (it covers all the obvious questions, plus how they budget, homeschool etc etc);

www.largerfamilylife.com

The blog is always a good read, even as a Mum of two I really enjoy it.

[bluesuperted]

I love the idea of four (currently have one). But practicalities may mean we stop at 3 or even 2. I also love the idea of a house filled with littlies, then teens, then hilarious/witty grown-ups and their respective broods! I'm one of two and adore my sister - but our parents divorced (fairly amicably) when we were 11 and 8 and I wonder if there is a deeprooted longing for a big, happy family living in one place because of that.

Anyway, really interesting thread :)

[mrs f]

i always said two, mr f wants 3 (but would be happy with 4 even!) we have just had no 1.... & there will be more (biology permitting) but how many is tbc i guess.....

I come from a big family,mr f comes from a tiny family, and I think he longs for a big family because he hasn't had one growing up.

[buggie]

I've always been sold on having 2 as has hubbie, although he thinks he'll need to bribe me with a dog to stop me wanting a 3rd! Problem I might have is difference in opinion as to the age gap - I'd like (in a perfect pencil the date in your dairy kind of world of conception) to have 2.5/3yrs between them, but he'd be happy with 2yrs... just means a few months of me taking a bucket of cold water to bed!!

[Sanne Panne]

Pickle!!! Congratulations :)

If space and money were no issue we'd still stick to 2. But if I had unlimited time (age-wise) I might go for another one in, say, 10 years time. But I'm already on the old side so I'm definitely not going to do that.

So two it is :)

[Otta]

We've just had number 2. Mrs Otta may suggest a 3rd at some point, at which time, I plan to kill myself.

Love my girls, but still don't get why people rave about being parents to be honest.

[new mother]

Otta, I think most of us would agree with you! It is just semantics. I love my ch to the ends of the earth and make endless sacrifices for them. Do I enjoy all that?? No! I hate it. I want all my money for myself and none for toys, school fees, children's clothes etc. I want my time for myself and the theatre, ballet and reading. I want total flexibility about leaving th house for the newspaper without a child care plan in place.

Would any of us swap for a second? Never!

[zeban]

New Mother, I don't think 'most would agree with that.' Some would but not most. I'm not saying people love the sacrifices all day every day but some people don't hate it. For some people, parenting gives their lives meaning beyond just themselves. It's not really just a tick box or a right of passage- it's more than that.

In terms of sacrificing money, I think sometimes those that don't have much to begin with, and probably never really will are so used to making fairly big sacrifices anyway and so don't resent it so much because spoiling themselves with their money has never really been an option anyway. Just a thought. I'm not saying it's a wealthy/poor thing.

[Otta]

For the record, I don't hate being a parent. I just don't get people who love it all. I genuinely envy those people.

[pripolla]

Agree with Otta. Love my daughter, don't hate being a parent, but don't like it that much either.

[srisky]

Interesting thread!

I do love being a parent but it's only been 7 months, it definitely hasn't all been easy and I haven't tried combining it with work (dreading it to be honest).

If money/time was no question then I'd love to have 3 or 4 children - my husband would like a 5-a-side footie team ;-). However, ask me again once I have a second child (fingers crossed), as my answer may be very different!

Wrt sacrifices, I'm not sure whether it's a cultural thing or more the way our parents were with us but I can genuinely say that we have not for one moment thought that we were sacrificing anything by having a child.

I completely understand that life is definitely more complicated - simple things like putting petrol has to be vaguely planned in advance so someone can stay with the baby; a supermarket trip, visiting friends are planned around naps etc. But it's best not to think twice about how life used to be, because it's even better now.

It never occured to me to think of the money spent on toys, clothes etc would mean less money on me. My daughter is part of me so when I spend money on her it feels no different to spending on me or my husband. There has just been an automatic adjustment in our expenditure - far far far fewer meals out, no holiday this year etc. Financially poorer, sleep deprived, hair hasn't been cut for months and my knees hurt but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Edit to say: this is not meant in judgement of those who say they don't necessarily enjoy all aspects of parenting, it is exhausting. I'm just suggesting a different way of looking at things. I may well change my mind once I'm back at work and have to keep reminding myself why I love it so much!

[Yak]

We only have the one so far, but that took years and years to get there. So already I feel like we are very blessed. Mr Yak is an only child (his brother died aged 6 wks old) and his parents have separated with have no other family to look after them. I can see how hard it is for him to be the sole and only next of kin to ageing parents, both of whom have particularly demanding needs. So he'd ideally like more, as would I.

Having said how hard we found it concieve, there was a time earlier on this year when I thought I was going to have to start a thread titled "how to cope with two under one....."!

[sillywoman]

srisky Wrote:

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>

>

> I can genuinely say that we have not

> for one moment thought that we were sacrificing

> anything by having a child.

YOu will srisky, you will . . .

[Ruth_Baldock]

Otta, my thoughts exactly. I feel the same about pregnancy. Beautiful and magical my arse- literally!!!!

Mr B wants four. Four babies. That's another two pregnancies and two c/s. Twice more I'd have to go through the newborn phase schtick. Err...

I think I could possibly go for a 3rd in 5+ years when Lex and Seb are in school and I don't have to worry about two sets of baby equipment, double pram etc. Maybe even 10 years. If we waited 10 years, Baby The Third would be born when I was 35/36. That's allright, I reckon.

[srisky]

sillywoman Wrote:

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> srisky Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> >

> >

> > I can genuinely say that we have not

> > for one moment thought that we were sacrificing

> > anything by having a child.

>

>

> YOu will srisky, you will . . .

Nice.

I'm not for one moment saying life is going to be a breeze and we can carry on exactly the way were before she was born. It's already changed immensley. I guess it depends on what things are considered to be sacrifices and what things you accept will naturally fall by the wayside.