I went to a private school but we have decided that our sons will go to state schools. I'm sure things are different now, and mine was a language based one also, but I feel I would have been better off in a state school for my needs. We've opted to put some money aside each month for the kids instead, and they do plenty of activities outside of school as it is now (football, swimming, martial arts and drama). Whilst I suspect this is different for the private secondaries locally, my school had kids from all over London so most of your friends lived on the other side of town. I want my kids to have a good based of local friends which we have for primary and has been great, so I want that for secondary if we can. For us Kingsdale looked excellent and will be 1 or 2 on our list, but we have not seen it in the flesh yet which might make a difference as everyone says it's huge. If I was you, I would forget private vs state, work out what sort of school would suit your kids and then see what there is in both sectors, draw up your shortlist and see what is left. The Headteachers wold appear to make a massive difference so worth listening to them and their ethos. Good luck!