reren

I got a taxi home today - feeling knackered and pregnant and had the most horrible taxi driver. He was ridiculously cheery in a pair of very short shorts that a man his age - with his body - shouldn't have attempted - but it would never have occurred to me to critique them. He, however, was not so circumspect. He cheerily told me as I settled into the back of the cab - he loved picking up waddling women...I smiled politely not quite sure what to say as he then went on to tell me I was huge - was i having twins? was i planning to stop working soon? could i really be due in october because i was so enormous, etc etc. It was all a bit weird because I actually only have quite a small bump - as I'm only 22 weeks - and i'm certainly not yet waddling! I've only just really started showing - though I was wearing a rather pregnancy looking top. I was surprised by this unexpected attack - but initially unphased by it - thinking 'I really don't have much of a bump - what is he on about?' I pretended to be absorbed in my phone and basically ignored him for the rest of the journey - and when we arrived at Lordship Lane and he started to make disparaging remarks about Lordship Lane I decided he was just weird and trying to pick a fight. In the end i asked him to drop me off much earlier than I needed and walked the rest of the way home. You'll not be surprised that he didn't get a tip - but now I'm kicking myself for not telling him where to get off. I've never had an experience like it with a taxi driver - usually they are really lovely. I'm really annoyed with myself that I didn't tell him he was being rude and to shut up. And of course its made me feel really rubbish- are people really thinking - my god she's ginormous - while I happily wandering around thinking i've got a little bit of a bump? Not wearing that top again, that's for sure! what an arse

I got a taxi home today - feeling knackered and pregnant and had the most horrible taxi driver. He was ridiculously cheery in a pair of very short shorts that a man his age - with his body - shouldn't have attempted - but it would never have occurred to me to critique them. He, however, was not so circumspect. He cheerily told me as I settled into the back of the cab - he loved picking up waddling women...I smiled politely not quite sure what to say as he then went on to tell me I was huge - was i having twins? was i planning to stop working soon? could i really be due in october because i was so enormous, etc etc. It was all a bit weird because I actually only have quite a small bump - as I'm only 22 weeks - and i'm certainly not yet waddling! I've only just really started showing - though I was wearing a rather pregnancy looking top. I was surprised by this unexpected attack - but initially unphased by it - thinking 'I really don't have much of a bump - what is he on about?' I pretended to be absorbed in my phone and basically ignored him for the rest of the journey - and when we arrived at Lordship Lane and he started to make disparaging remarks about Lordship Lane I decided he was just weird and trying to pick a fight. In the end i asked him to drop me off much earlier than I needed and walked the rest of the way home. You'll not be surprised that he didn't get a tip - but now I'm kicking myself for not telling him where to get off. I've never had an experience like it with a taxi driver - usually find they're incredibly sweet. I'm really annoyed with myself that I didn't tell him he was being rude and to shut up. And of course its made me feel really rubbish- are people really thinking - my god she's ginormous - while I happily wandering around thinking i've got a little bit of a bump? Not wearing that top again, that's for sure! what an arse

Oh thank you! I was about to begin trying to rifle through months worth of bills and paperwork that i dump in a drawer and never look at ! you've saved hours of my life!

ooh - thank goodness i'm not alone on this one - i can't bear oliver james! His columns enrage me every week and like redjam i can't seem to stop reading them! He repeats the same thing over and over and is completely unconstructive! the guardian and observer give him way too much airtime. He's always going on about how women shouldn't choose to go back to work if they aren't happy with the idea of working - when surely the vast majority aren't in a position to choose - its a necessity... arrgghh - completely agree with everyone on this one!

Does anyone know what you need to bring with you for a 20 week scan at kings? I've got my midwife notes and notes from my 12 week scan - but I can't seem to find an appointment letter? Will i definitely have been sent one - and will they turn me away if i don't have it? eek - any knowledge gratefully received!

My cousin runs the English Language magazine in barcelona - Barcelona Metropolitan - I think its a good source of info about flats etc. and has a website http://www.barcelona-metropolitan.com/ which might be worth checking out. Sitges is great - highly recommend - and as others have said its an easy commute to barcelona. Though barcelona itself is such a fantastic city - you should consider living centrally so you can get as much out of your time there as possible. I reckon Sitges is probably a good option if you have children and amazing to be able to wander down the beach every evening - but I think it is quite expensive for housing compaired to lots of parts of Barcelona. Anyway - check out the Metropolitan - hopefully will be useful for you!

Ah - you've touched on a favourite topic for those of us who live in East Dulwich! It is a great place to live - but I also wanted to put a vote in for Peckham Rye. We ended up in East Dulwich largely because we liked the house we saw there best - but I always slightly wish we'd gone for Peckham Rye. East Dulwich is lovely and Lordship Lane has everything you need - including some useful shops as well as pretty cafes/delis - nice combination of chi-chi and proper high street - but, in my opinion, Peckham Rye is a bit cooler / alternative in feel. If you're used to a more urban area - might be a nice mix for you of the liveliness of an urban area with some pretty quiet streets - also more ethnically mixed than East Dulwich it seems to me. There are some great local restaurants and bars/pubs tucked away in Peckham Rye. If you're looking for leafy green streets / more surburban feel then East Dulwich is more for you. Depending on whether you need to go into Victoria or London Bridge and exactly where you live in East Dulwich - its worth noting that Peckham Rye & Denmark Hill will connect into the East London Line in 2012. Going to effectively mean you've got a tube-like service and should also have an impact on making the area even more desireable to live in/ better investment (though its already quite expensive so who knows what that means in terms of house prices longterm?) If you do end up in East dulwich - i'd suggest trying to be somewhere on an easy bus route into Peckham Rye so that you'll have easy access to the east london line in future. You might also check out Honor Oak - already on the East London extension...and some nice shops/ restaurants as well.

Am wondering if anyone has any thoughts/ advice about the best cot to buy? We're still a long way off the birth of our first so there's no rush - but starting to think about trying to budget for some of the big items like cots and prams... I'm thinking I'll use Moses basket at the very early stages - but wondering if its worth investing in an expensive cot that grows with the baby - in the long run is this a good investment? I like the look of the oval one that Stokke does - but it is pricey and I wondered if anyone has experience with that and whether its a pain to get sheets that fit and that kind of thing? If it really works until the child is 3-4 then might be worth the money? Or should we go for a cheap and cheerful from Ikea that'll work just as well? I assume they are all health and safety tested pretty rigorously and so you don't need to worry about one being safer than another?

That would be great - my only worry is that my dad is a bit alergic to cats! But do let me know what your plans are as they come together...

I'm wondering if anyone has ever rented out their house/flat for a week over the xmas holidays? I was thinking maybe someone might go away every xmas and fancy hiring it out for a week or so? We wouldn't be able to afford a huge amount - but i thought perhaps someone might quite like the idea of making a small amount of cash and the security of having 2 very well behaved 60year olds in their house. Or - if that's not an option - can anyone recommend a decent hotel nearby - has anyone used the boutique hotel in camberwell (the one above the tapas place)? or know of a holiday rental flat in the area? any ideas gratefully received - we'll have a 2 month old and my brother, wife and toddler staying with us - I think also accommodating my dad (lovely but not the most helpful!) might drive us insane! would be great to find somewhere for them to stay that wouldn't be too pricey

OOh - yes - that's weird - i was thinking of posting to see if anyone had used the Stokke - saw one for the first time this weekend and think they look interesting (though husband thinks they look 'weird' so I'm not sure if i'd win that battle even if we did decide to fork out that kind of cash!)

OK - I'm months away from needing a pram - but I'm bored and daydreaming about babies - so going to throw another pram question into the mix... I hope i'm not exactly replicating other posts - i did a search and couldn't find anything that quite answered my question? If you had it to do again - what would you buy as your main pram? I'm slightly horrified at the cost of things like the bugaboo - but if I've understood the advert correctly it looks like it gives you the option of using it as a carry cot for a very new baby to sleep in - which I guess would mean you'd save money on that (I'm thinking I'd like to have the baby sleep in a cot next to my bed for the first couple of months)? It also seems to suggest that it is very flexible - allowing you to use it for a very new baby and a child up to about 3? it also seems to get good reviews in terms of ease of movement and ability to easily get on and off buses? I assume that money on a good pram is money well spent - but do you think its worth spending as much as a bugaboo costs - or are there cheaper alternatives that give you all the same (or more) options and flexibility. I've got a few months to save up for a bugaboo if it really is worth the money! From other posts it seems quite a lot of people aren't happy with their pram-choice and end up ditching one pram in favour of another - ideally want to avoid buying more than one (though perhaps that's unrealistic from other posts it seems lots of people have a couple?)

Apenn -so interesting that you say that about america - I am half american and grew up in the states where my (english) mum still lives. Think this is part of the problem - she had me and my brother here in the UK because at the time trusted the NHS over american doctors - but has now (after lots of brilliant American medical care due to very good health insurance) gone over to the other side :)) I'm thinking of making her watch the Ricki lake film which I haven't seen but is apparently very critical of the american system of highly medicalised births!

thanks to everyone for your messages - and there are some really useful tips here! think i may just forward all your posts to my mum!! I love the idea of tea and toast in bed afterwards - but I'm also determined not to get too hung up about any particular type of birth. I've seen a number of friends really distressed that their births didn't go as planned - so as much as possible, i'm trying to hope for the best but be prepared for the whole experience to be full of surprises! Anyway - I really appreciate your thoughts and advise - i am loving this site - such a lovely supportive place to ask about things! We only moved to east dulwich a year ago and i'm feeling so pleased to have got pregnant here! Think pregnancy is making me gushy - going to shut up now. but thanks all

I wonder if any of you have advice (and forgive me if this has been discussed before - I couldn't find anything when I searched)? We're still at a very early stage - not yet had the 12 week scan - but if all goes well I am very keen on a home birth (for a first pregnancy) and have signed up with Brierley thanks to the advice of lots of helpful people on this site. I met my midwife recently and really liked her - so am generally feeling really good about it. The only problem is i'm getting quite a lot of negative reaction from the few people we've told - most importantly my mum! She has made it clear that she really is not keen. She knows someone who had a bad experience - but this wasn't even in the UK and certainly not with Brierley. Its so difficult because I'm very close to my mum and generally she's a very uninterfering person and I very much respect her views! I'm just wondering if anyone has experience of this and anything you did to try & educate your family or friends about home births? Seems to me that once you start looking into it a lot of your assumptions are overturned and it doesn't seem nearly so scary? But I think its sometimes easier to make the decision than watch someone you love make a decision about something you think could be dangerous.

Very interesting! I always quite liked that french idea that you just keep drinking and smoking in pregnancy - until I got pregnant...now i'm so terrified that something could be wrong with my baby even though i'm not doing anything wrong - I can't imagine puffing away happily! I do think there's probably some truth to what she says - some of my friends have been properly annoying with their earthmother antics - but, the thing that always surprises me about that generation of feminists is that they don't seem to have bothered to notice that (thanks to their efforts) men of our generation have changed fundamentally. My husband would love to be a stay-at-home dad (probably because we haven't had any children yet and he doesn't know how hard it is) - he does the vast majority of house work now and gets really annoyed at how effectively my dad manages to swerve all domestic duties when we visit my parents. Obviously they aren't all different - but so many men today have a completely different attitude to domestic life than men in their 60s/70s - and that completely changes our choices and options... Plus - although I love having a good job and independence am SOOOO looking forward to having a maternity leave. No matter how great your career might be - any job can be tedious and the idea of having 6 months off to do something completely different fills me with joy! I plan to be a working mum - but if i had the choice I'd love to spend a few years working part-time or even not working - not just for the child, but for me. Our generation is going to be working til we're 95 probably - would be great to have a few years doing something different!

have a look at http://4talent.channel4.com/- its Channel 4's site where you can apply for work experience and other opportunities

I haven't had an au pair - but I was an au pair (in italy when I was 18) and had an amazing experience. Perhaps I can give you a sense from the other perspective? I think one of the trickiest things is maintaining a professional(ish) relationship when you are living in such close quarters and with someone who is taking care of your child. My 'mum' was brilliant at this - which allowed her to be strict with me when needed - and I always knew where I was. I think the other thing is having a very clear set of expectations and sticking to them. For example, a lot of my au pair friends at the time got really fed up with parents deciding at the drop of a hat to go out for the evening and this meant they had to cancel their plans (evenings off as an au pair are like gold dust). Now I'm potentially on the other side - I can see this is one of the benefits of having an au pair and can understand it better - but it does lead to bad feeling and in some cases made my friends leave families. I think its also important (if they're living with you) to respect their space and make it as comfortable as possible. My family bought me a TV for my room so that I didn't have to be in the living room disturbing them (it was a very small flat). But the most important thing that I got out of it was that I adored my baby, I learned Italian (they were incredibly patient in helping me learn the language) and they took seriously the traditional interpretation of au pairing which includes exposing the au pair to aspects of your country & culture - so that its actually a cultural exchange rather than just live-in babysitting! We had lovely weekends together where they took me to see interesting things and I really enjoyed being with them (most of the time). I'm still friends with them and the baby I took care of is now 18 and danced with me at my wedding a couple of years ago. Au pairing was an amazing experience and opportunity to be taken care of within a family when you're just on the verge of independence. I think (in most cases) if you put in some time and effort to give the au pair a good experience - you will form a really strong relationship and most importantly your child will have a relationship that might last for life. Sorry - I've rambled on a lot! could go on and on - so will shut up now!!

oops - just posted a message accidentally in the main section of the forum rather than here - basically I was asking if anyone knew if there were any nct classes in east dulwich - i've seen there are some in herne hill but previous posts have suggested that the teacher might be a bit evangelical about natural birth...not sure i want anyone too lecture-y!

Thank you for these last post - nylonmeals, do you think I should change from The Gardens even if I get a place with Brierley? Do you have much to do with the GP when you're pregnant - or is it really the midwife that counts? Would you recommend Forest Hill/oakwood over Brierley - or are they all equally good? And NCT - wow, do i need to book that now - how to i do that - assume just get in touch with the nct?

thank you thank you thank you - so helpful to have this advice - couldn't think of anything to ask the GP when I was there and of course had loads of questions afterwards! Its so weird at this stage when you don't know if its all going to be Ok and it doesn't seem real - really wonderful to have this advice.

thank you so much - this is incredibly helpful! so much appreciated

thanks so much for responding so quickly! If you opt for a home birth with Brierly Midwives - can you just ring up and book a place before you've been to Kings for any midwife appointments. I love the idea of a home birth - though I worry a bit about the poor neighbours and I'm nervous about it being my first time and getting too attached to the idea and then for whatever reason having to go into hospital. Do the Brierly midwives go with you into hospital if you have to go to hospital in the end? is it possible to keep both options open - or do you have to choose now? sorry to bombard you! feels like there's so much to learn

Does anyone know at what stage you should have the nucal (sp?) scan? I was told about it by my GP but i said I thought I didn't want to have it (as I think I would have the baby whatever the outcome), but having spoken to my husband, he agrees we'd go ahead, but thinks we should have the scan so that at least we know...I'm wondering how I organise to have it - if i've missed the opportunity ... i'm only in very early stages of pregnancy (5 weeks)

I'm in the very early stages of my first pregnancy - so hadn't really thought i needed to do much in terms of midwives etc. (knowing 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage etc.) and just registered at The Gardens because I didn't have a GP in the area having moved quite recently. But have just gone onto the forum to find lots of discussion about Forest Hill GP and the Oakwood Midwife service - Forest Hill is much closer to me than the Gardens - I'd only registered there because that's where my husband registered. I'm wondering if I registered at the wrong place - especially as i didn't like the GP i met very much. (She was very patronising - I have a medical condition which could affect my pregnancy and she knew less than I did about it, but treated me very dismissively.) Should I change / can I change if I've only just registered? If you're at the Gardens - does that mean you don't have access to the same level of midwife care? Any advice would be very gratefully received! i had no idea that there were all these waiting lists and things that you're supposed to get on - everyone on this site seems so much more clued up than me!