charlottep

Really helpful responses, thank you. I shall look forward to dressing him entirely myself this morning. Judging by these responses it sounds highly unlikely that he is the only child in his class who can't put his shoes on.

we have tried reward (stickers and M&Ms which have worked with potty training), nonchalance and time out. Nothing has had much success and he protests right from the off, saying he can't do it and refusing to even try. The only thing that works is if i devote a good hour to it, gently coaxing and encouraging. Unfortunately i don't often have that amount of time spare so he ends up getting mixed messages as i often resort to dressing him entirely myself. Thanks for the responses so far though, they have been useful and maybe his nursery are raising my expectations unnecessarily. I think I will cut him and me some slack.

My son is 2 yrs and 8 months and although he is physically capable of undressing and dressing himself (obviously with a bit of prompting and assistance, i.e. making sure the clothes are laid out in a helpful way, etc) he generally refuses to do so, pretty much every single morning. This morning he took over an hour just to take his PJs and slippers off and most mornings normally degenerate into conflict of some sort. His nursery have told me that he's the only child in his class who can't (i think won't) put his own shoes on and they say we need to teach him to be a little more independent. Their advice, I feel, is constructive not patronising, but part of me wonders whether we're expecting too much of him. When did your children start to take more responsibility for dressing and undressing?

When abroad i always use Evian for my babies bottles as it's a low sodium water. In Portugal, where my family is from, they prefer using bottled water over cooled boiled water.

Of course you can't be 100 per cent sure, there's very little certainty overall when it comes to raising a child IME. You need to trust to your instinct and be guided by your baby, that's why i think a test run is a good idea, for both of you. My mum never left me alone for a night until I was five and she had to go into hospital. By that age I was deeply distressed by her absence and had an absolutely miserable time until she returned home. I wish that she had given me a little more independence from earlier on as I felt a general lack of confidence during my childhood, particularly when she wasn't with me. But maybe that was just me. My kids on the other hand have spent the odd night away from us (with grandparents or their aunt) since about 6 months and from what we can see, it seems to have no impact on them whatsoever (they haven't been tearful, have eaten well and slept well and have been given lots of love while we were absent) and now my eldest often begs for a sleep over at my mum's house.

i thought it was i joke too (i wrote the marcus post)?! Dickensman you're obviously getting a bit carried away with the whole oliver twist thing. i'm talking about a couple of dishes and his toys at the end of the day. i'm hardly lording it up on the sofa while he runs around buffing the house.

whoops, just posted that not realising that hubby was logged in. in trouble now!

oh

ooh brilliant, i couldn't watch this properly first time around as i was about to have number 2 and it was giving me the fear and playing havoc with my emotions.

i had the ankle thing too, really badly after the birth of my first. i think that's to do with the relaxin hormone rather than breastfeeding though: "the role of relaxin is to relax the ligaments of the pelvis and allow separation of the joint surfaces. This provides more space within the pelvis to accommodate the growing baby and prepare for labor. The fetus grows from the size of an orange to the size of a watermelon by the end of the third trimester. Without this flexibility in the body the fetus would have nowhere to grow. Unfortunately, relaxin is not confined to the growing pelvic area; it can affect fibrous tissue anywhere in the body such as the hips, knees, elbows, ankles and spine." Read more at Suite101: Back Pain During Pregnancy: How Relaxin Hormone Effects the Body http://www.suite101.com/content/back-pain-during-pregnancy-a213628#ixzz179bo4247

i agree, i wouldn't call it natural parenting either. i don't think it needs to be labelled anything really, i still think that it's current label is unhelpful and confusing. i think you can over-think these things a little too much - which goes back to someone saying that lots of parents don't even know that they are following an AP approach. Surely, they have simply chosen not to label it.

Sorry, ladies, absolutely not meaning to make judgement. Reren, no strong feeling on my part, i'm just genuinely confused by the term and am seeking to understand it better. I would have thought that "attachment parenting" is just "loving" parenting focused on bringing up a well-rounded, secure and contented child, especially if it is flexible in style or approach. And if it is flexible in style or approach, why is it at the opposite end of the routine spectrum, i.e. couldn't you do all those things that mark "attachment parenting" within a routine?

Yes, I'm with Helena on this. That makes perfect common sense to me

Not a particularly helpful nomenclature as it seems to imply that if you don't exclusively breastfeed or co-sleep, or if you follow a routine, you and your baby are less likely to form an attachment. Although I'm sure that's not the intention.

I have found the following on the web: Once the egg (or ovum) has been released, it moves along the Fallopian tube towards your womb. The egg can live for up to 24 hours. Sperm survival is more variable, but typically 3-5 days, so the days leading up to ovulation and the day of ovulation itself are your most fertile ? when you are most likely to get pregnant. i used the clear blue ovulation predictor kits both times with great success. I was convinced i was ovulating on day 14, but the tests actually showed that i ovulate on day 19.

"Make you feel my love" always makes my hair stand on end, i'm sure it was written for me and my baby girl, especially: When the evening shadows and the stars appear, And there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, But I would never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met, No doubt in my mind where you belong. I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the avenue. No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do To make you feel my love. I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the Earth for you, To make you feel my love

The mother and baby / toddler group behind St Thomas More church is really nice too. Friendly crowd and a good sense of community. It takes place every Monday from 10 - 11:30.

Good luck Moos!

my family is Portuguese too and my parents are extremely hands-on with our kids, my mother has regularly got up at night to settle them, changes nappies, cooks, feeds, etc, and often encourages us to leave the children with her so that we can 'invest in our marriage' as she puts it! They would be offended if they weren't allowed this level of involvement (obviously, the don't get much resistance from us either) Culturally, this is generally the norm in Portugal and i see what littleEDfamily is saying re cultural factors probably influencing how grandparents see their roles. Although, having said that, i'm not sure that in Portugal this will survive our generation as they become grandparents, simply because they are more independent from the 'family' than past generations IMO. My mother-in-law on the other hand will tell me a nappy needs changing, or that one of the children must be hungry / tired, etc, but is a general bystander to the less glam tasks. She tells me that she's done her time and has no interest in repeating the experience! Don't blame her really, despite my Portuguese heritage, i imagine i'll be more like her.

i use milton - a chemical but not too harsh

I was with Melbourne grove and similarly underwhelmed in first pregnancy. Second pregnancy was still with MG but self referred to brierley midwives who were absolutely amazing. They're not linked to surgery but if your with MG you'll be in there catchment.

Goodness Saffron, that is really enlightening - i had very white nipples and unbearable nipple pain in the cold with my second child - i put it down to thrush and couldn't work out why the treatment wasn't working. That explains a lot! I was also ridiculously intolerant to cold during that pregnancy and my fingers were often white. It's quite frustrating that these things aren't more consistently picked up. Fortunately i still managed to breastfeed number 2 successfully although not outside so much because of the draft!

IME it has been somewhere between 8-12 weeks when the hourly feeding has levelled out to feeding more efficiently and less frequently - about every 3-4 hours. It makes such a huge difference once this happens and then the whole thing becomes so much enjoyable and you can really understand why it's so much easier than messing around with bottles. One thing i wld say about cluster feedings in the evening. Again IME i'm sure my two were doing this more for comfort and because they were tired and as soon as i introduced a 7pm bedtime (with a mini routine) the evening cluster feeds stopped. I did this as early as 3 weeks with my youngest and although i felt a little nervous about leaving her in the bedroom on her own, she did stop cluster feeding and started to sleep well all evening. i wld normally feed her again at my bedtime.

Congratulations Moos! one thing i'd add is that when my first was diagnosed with tongue tie it didn't initially impact too much on his latch and feeding, and i was given the option to opt out of having it snipped, which i did. As he started demanding more milk and his sucking reflex grew stronger, feeding became a total nightmare and i gave up altogether at around three months - i felt very guilty about it, but i was completely miserable and he was constantly unsettled after feeding. At the time i didn't put this down to the tongue tie. When i had my daughter, who isn't tongue tied, i was literally amazed at how easy breastfeeding was. I'm now 100% convinced it was the tongue tie that ruined the experience with my son and i'm not sure that anyone should be told that the procedure isn't necessary, as sometimes the problems don't materialise immediately. i regret not having his tongue tie fixed, it could have been a very different experience if i had. it also impacts on his speech, i'm pretty sure. We'll probably end up getting it sorted at some point, but as he is totally doctor-phobic i'm not sure when that will happen. Both my sister's kids were tongue-tied too, both were undiagnosed, and she gave up breastfeeding both very early on too.

thanks edanna and prdarling. quite obviously my expectations are too high and it's good to know that this is normal. i shall pace myself and go slowly. it's a relief to know that we're not failing and that he's actually doing very well. C