busymum

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the advice. I'm going to ask for 1 day a week initially but I'm not holding out much hope. I'm going to use the reason that i just want to spend more time with my children in the first instance and then use other arguements if necessary. Even if I manage to get some unpaid leave, the problem will then be childcare, still paying for nursery, nanny, childminder etc. Would have to re-negotiate contracts with nanny or find something else, our nursery won't negotiate. No wonder no one ever uses their unpaid parental leave! They don't exactly make it easy for parents to spend more time with their children when they're young do they!

My advice for what it's worth, you should agree the terms of the contract before she starts in an e-mail or letter, don't pay sick this can really add up (or limit the days) but do offer paid holiday, 4 weeks pro-rata if fair but you could go for less, you chose half they chose the other half, you could insist that 1 week is at xmas. you also need to decide if you're paying her if you take extra holiday, we often take extra days and feel it's only fair to pay but it can add up so maybe you could agree half days wages if those situations arise. feel free to PM if you want any more advice cheers

you may aswell, be aware some nurseries charge you to go on their waiting list. My 2 go to Dulwich nursery, they don't charge and have a baby room. It's the one in sains car park, handy for train station and shopping after work, we leave our car there. ps recent ofsted report was OUTSTANDING. long waiting list so probably best to go for a visit and pop name down early.

shame my day off work is Monday, always looking for places to feed the kids so that I don't have too! very lazy! the new cafe opp PR common in old Electricity showroom is good value, they do half price for kids, sandwiches quiches etc ?2! lots of salad - bit wasted on mine have to say

Our terrace sounds a bit different from others, as they already have 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. They are 2 stories at the front and 3 at the back but only have 45ft garden (proportionately quite small) I'm not sure there is any point in doing a loft conversion? I think it could make our house too top heavy? a side return would be much more useful but reading this post sound like a lot of stress and disruption ontop of the staggering cost. However much we love our house we sort of messed up when we bought it (before kids) by prioritizing 4 bedrooms over a big garden, we wouldn't be able to build out by much. Also whereas most terrace houses have side returns leading onto their neighbours side return our side return backs onto our neighbours actual house, their side wall (their house is the odd one out, I'm not explaining myself very well - I can only hope that someone understands what I mean). So their extractor fan and various other kitchen fume things would have to be moved if we wanted to build against their house. I guess we would have to pay for all that? probably not much in the grand scheme of things. Actually however expensive it would be to move I think that might be the way forward for us small garden people. If we sell our house for lots of money (hopefully) and buy a 3 bedroom wreck with massive garden for 150k less, if that's possible! we could use the money to do a loft conversion and side return and everything else before we move in, that should work? No extra mortgage. Sorry to change direction of the thread slightly but does anyone know of any streets in ED that have massive garden's but 3 bed houses? Will probably have a nervous breakdown in the process but it's got to be worth it for a side return !! Ha ha Or could just try being grateful I have a house, put up and shut up and keep the money in the bank!

ps they will be breaking the law if they do not agree

yes you are correct. I started that thread. they only have to pay it for you whilst you're on SML and pay , if you are receiving any other pay they will deduct it in the usual way. it works out to be extra ?2k hurray!

Hi everyone and thanks for all your advice, and sorry if I got anyone's hopes up that it was 13 weeks per year! There is a lot going on at my work at the moment and I'm just trying to get a plan A,B and C worked out in my head. Njc97 your employer sounds great, my (new) boss made it perfectly clear when I was trying to negotiate part-time hours towards the end of maternity leave that it was a full -time position (despite the fact that I previously did exactly the same role as a job-share after my 1st child. I had a different boss - long story) Anyway I managed to beat my new boss down a bit, 4.5 days. I guess there is nothing stopping me asking for a different job, one I can do part-time, but I recon they will try and pay me less. I just didn't have the energy for all these negotiations whilst on maternity leave plus I work in the public sector and I was already aware that there were strong possibilities of redundancies, so I took a calculated risk and went back to my old job. As it turns out there are not likely to be redundancies now until next year, probably not before April, which is why I would have liked 2 days a week parental leave in Jan/Feb/March, whilst securing my job and contractual hours and redundancy pay, if it comes to that. New Mother thanks for your advice, you're right there is nothing wrong with letting my employer know that I just want to spend more time with my children although I'm paranoid they might use it against me somehow. In reality they should be trying to make the cost savings aswell. TP do you think just wanting to spend more time with my kids whilst they are so young is a good enough reason for PL, or do I need to come with a more 'solid reason'? I might make one up! Another option might be to ask for a sabbatical or career break in order to spend more time with the kids whilst they are both so young. Has anyone done that? Would I be putting myself at any risk, I have a vague recollection that's staff are not entitled to any redundancy pay if they are on sabbatical!!? Hope I just imagined this. Although parental leave sounds like the best option all round as you earn the same pension contributions, annual leave entitlement and other staff benefits I think? What to do about voluntary redundancy is my next quandary, probably save that questions for another post. I'm not sure I'd even get it if I applied but I am desperate to hear positive stories from mums finding great part time positions after redundancy or using the money to start their own businesses. Or am I completely mad volunteering to be made redundant from a very well respected, reasonably family friendly organization, in the current economic climate? Sorry totally going off on a tangent with this Ps do you get 13 weeks (over 6 yrs) per child?

Hi there, thanks for that. I think my employer would also be fine with that but I would quite like to take the whole lot, I'd also quite like to take it 2 days a week rather than 13 weeks all in one go? I'm not sure this is allowed? (although I'll do 13 weeks all in 1 go if necessary) plus I'd really like to take parental leave next year and the year after ...... Although I perhaps won't tell my employer that straight away! Has anyone got experience of spreading out the days in this way? I've no idea what my rights are? The Government suggest it is a parents entitlement but i'm not so sure ???

yes we are interested in doing this aswell, same situation. it is likely to be about 60k (this factors in cost of fancy new kitchen, snazzy glass windows leading on to garden etc) but still shockingly expensive for not that much extra space! loft conversion would be better option 35/45k max? but what we really crave (I expect u r the same) is more downstairs space. We did explore cellar conversion but our cellar is completely filled in, I expect total excavation would be hugely expensive and migth not work? pls let us know if you come up with any other ideas?

yes there does seem to be alot of this going on! one of the reasons being part time workers are much cheaper to get rid of than full time employees as your redundancy pay is based on your current contractual hours. So if you are entitled to 2 weeks full pay for every year of employment as redundancy compensation, it is obviously a lot less that a full time employee, there is no pro-rata backdated calculation, at least not where i work. It is outrageous and discriminates against women in particular as often it is us who want/need to reduce hours after having children, but many of us will have worked several yrs for the company full time before having children. One of the main reasons I went back to work almost full time following baby no. 2 was to protect my redundancy pay as my employer is public sector and we're being cut. They have cut the legal aid budget aswell haven't they?! so no chance of taking employers to court.

I also run home from work, only twice a week, actually only half way - from Tottenham Court Rd via covent garden, waterloo bridge and along the south bank to London Bridge. It is a lovely 20 min run and such a great stress buster. I am always a bit cross if I have to exercise at weekends and that is my time with the family. It keeps the weight down, I'm far from slim any more - hey ho and on we go x

Hi, I would like to hear from anybody who has had experience of using the unpaid parental leave entitlement, I believe parents are allowed to take up to 13 weeks per year off work up to their child's 6th birthday (unpaid)? I would like to use some of this leave but am worried that my employer might not like it. I'm really interested to hear from other Mums/Dads, and if they experiences any problems with their employers. Any advice at all really? Many thanks

I am exploring the possibility of taking some unpaid parental leave, ideally I would like 1 day off work p.w for 3 or so months. I have a sneaking feeling this might not be that straight forward. I have been looking at the directgov web-site and read that you're supposed to take parental leave in blocks of 1 week (I think parents are entitled to 13 weeks unpaid per year?) but that employers might let you spread it out, does anyone have experience of agreeing this? I am really only interested in doing it this way. I currently work 4.5 days per week, my boss was not willing to let me work less, various business arguments for my job being a full time position, can they use these same business arguments and refuse parental leave? As it happens my almost full-time status since maternity leave has probably worked in my favour as I work for a public sector organisation and we are heading for cuts. I have been with same organisation for many years so if I had reduced my hours when I came back after maternity leave my redundancy package will be significantly less, there is no back-dated pro-rate redundancy calculation. However the threat of redundancy rules out my putting in another request to reduce my days as any reduction in my hours would make me a whole lot cheaper to get rid of. If they refused my request for parental leave I could consider asking for a sabbatical, maybe another job, less days, but then they might insist I take a pay cut, can they do that? And if I were made redundant whilst on a sabbatical would my redundancy benefits be effected? Does anyone know if you can carry over parental leave. I have not taken any to date but my eldest is already 3 yrs. Have I banked 13 weeks x 3 years? I'm guessing not. I could ask my H.R Department and HofD all these questions but It would be good to get some advice from others who may have used this leave in order to spend more time with their children. I would love to be at home with my kids a bit more, they are still very young. Please let me know if you've been in a similar situation or know anything?

i didn't do baby led weaning with my 1st baby, although the weaning started well by 9-10 months meal times were like a battle ground, throwing plates across the kitchen etc. i didn't exactly do baby led weaning with my 2nd but she was self feeding with hands much earlier and finger foods by 6-7 months, she has a much better relationship with food than 1st baby for many reasons I'm sure, but possibly as a result of this more relaxed approach to feeding.

hi goosemum, i didn't realise GG nursery would be full time from 4 yrs? is this from their 4th birthday? We were offered a half day slot recently but i had to turn it down because I work 4 days and because we have a younger child who is very settled in childcare, it would have been a lot of unpheaval. If they went full time do you know what the hours would be? would they go to breakfast club and after school club. I need 8-6. I really liked the nursery actually. I realise GG is special measures but I was very impressed when I visited it on the open day last year.

Hi, there have been a lot of changes in staff at dulwich nursery recently, but I'm sure it will settle down once they've appointed a new Manager. my youngest settled in very well in the babyroom, due in part to the fact that she had been collecting my eldest child with me twice a week since she was a newborn. She knew all the staff and it must have felt very familiar to her when I went back to work. However, the last 3/4 weeks she has cried on a few occassions when we have dropped them off. I'm sure this is all down to the staff changes. I feel confident things will settle down though. I just wanted to add that I totally under estimated the amount of stress my eldest child was going through when I was heavily pregnant and in those 1st few months with a new baby in the family (she was 22 weeks when new baby arrived). I had just started her at dulwich nursery when I was 37 weeks pregnant, like you had just started maternity leave, thinking she would settle in really easily, she was always very confident and outgoing. But she hated it, cried when we left her etc too much change I guess. Although the staff assured us she was happy most of the time once we'd gone. It took 3/4 months before she really started wanting to go, but now she has made friends and nursery days are a treat day. I hope it works out for your little one in the babyroom. I really do like Dulwich nursery and would recommend it. they do take the babies into the main room and garden alot, there is lots of singing and dancing and story telling. The activities are right for the age of the toddlers on that particular day (on our days most seems to be about 16/17 months) and you get a full report at the end of the day. My little one has learned so much in 5 months. I like to fact that the babyroom is small with limited capacity, it is homely. I hope I have put your mind at rest and you keep him at nursery, it will be such hard work looking after a new born and toddler 7 days a week, I really relied on my 2 nursery days to have a rest and spend some 121 time with the baby. I hope he will be OK soon all the best

Good luck and take lots of comfort from the fact that you are with the brierely, they got me the best labour suite in kings, with views! they are just brilliant and will do everythign they can to make it a good birth experience. I am so looking forward to hearing the news!!!

hi our childbirth experiences sound very similar. i had the whole induction thing with 1st baby at kings at 42 wks, our experience sounds exactly the same, it took 5 days, gave birth to a very healthy baby girl 18 days overdue. Managed to get the brierley for baby no. 2, all geared up for home birth, hypnobirthing etc, but 40 weeks then 41 weeks came and went..... I did not want to be induced at kings again! the brierley were very supportive, we discussed everything and agreed a plan, at 42 weeks they would come and give me sweeps every other day at home and on the other days I had to go to Kings maternal assessment unit for monitoring and scans (baby number 2 was so snug, sucking her thumb, she was in no rush to come out). I was in labour on and off (mostly at night) during this sweep induction process. At 42 + 6 my waters burst(or rather a slightly heavy handed kings midwife burst them for me, not my idea) but anyway that got labour moving even faster. During the following night we spotted signs of maconium in the waters and at that point brierley took me to kings where I was put on the drip and gave birth 6 hours later to another very healthy baby girl. so no home birth for me, but a much better birth experience. I just think some of us are meant to hatch our babies for longer? You are in such good hands with the Brierley Did you try accupuncture?

Mine love chicken drum sticks. buy them already cooked if you can't be bothered.

and gorgeous wallpaper (I walk past it often on my way home from work) what time does it close? how much is the wallpaper? I'd like to do a feature wall in 1 of my childs bedrooms so i don't think I'd need lots, 1 roll maybe. R

It doesn't sound as though the school nursery place is going to work for us so hopefully it will benefit someone else, it is in SE22 (not Goodridge though) Seems many schools are quite inflexible about sharing (a bit like my employer, and my kids!) it would have been nice to use it and to get my eldest used to a school environment even if they didn't end up at that school (and save some money) but it would mean that our eldest child would need to go to a childminder in order to be dropped off and picked up from nursery, remain with that childminder all afternoon without younger sibbling, whilst my youngest went to a privately run nursery on her own. We would not want our youngest child to miss out on her nursery experience as they love it and is thriving there, now that she's used to socialising in a nursery i woulodn't want her with childminder or nanny the who time, part of the week would be perfect. It would also be quite a challenge dropping 2 children off in different locations before 8am, i'm sure lots of parents do do it? but I think we would struggle and I'm not sure I can see any point separating sibblings whilst they are still so young. It is a shame there is not more flexibility in the system whereby you could share a school place. The privately run nursery I'm referring to currently charges me ?383 pm for 2 days per week (this is there over 3's rate, more for under 3's) I was told that it goes down by c. ?120 pm in September, the term after 3rd birthday. That's still ?263 for 20 hours at nursery each week. If I'm supposed to be getting 15 of those hours for free then I am paying over ?60 pw for 5 hours nursery pw. They do get meals, maybe that's why. Whilst I've been mulling this one over I remembered there is 1 school nursery that has full day facilities. Rye Oak has a children's centre and is run like a normal day nursery 8-6pm I believe. Does anyone have kids at Rye Oak? How would that work with the over 3's places? would we be able to use our free hours towards 2 full days or are these free hours only for half day sessions? Perhaps there are other school nurseries in SE22 or SE15 that have full day nurseries attached to the school? Bessemer Grange? It is all very complicated

We were recently offered a nursery place at a local state school for our 3 year old. Could anyone tell me if children have to go 5 days a week or could I ask for just 2 sessions (6 hours) ? Also does anyone know if you have to use your free 15 hours at a school nursery place or could I choose to split it between a school nursery (6 hours) and put the rest towards a day at a full time nursery maybe? I realise that at most privately run nurseries the 15 free hours free isn't actually free at all, just a slight reduction in fees each month and only during term time. Does anyone know why? High hourly rate maybe? cheers

there is a lovely new shop near east dulwich station, I'm sure they'd have eco organic paints. can't remember what it's called, opp blackbird bakery/cafe

just whizzing through these posts. I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a nightmare, it's so stressful to deal with work issues whilst on maternity leave, especially looking after 2 kids at the same time. I don't know about everyone else but I find it incredibly difficult having conversations with friends to ask their advice without constant interruptions from the children. This forum is such a life line, especially with all the posts from the H.R mums who can help the rest of us understand the whole H.R thing. i had few issues with my employer before I went back to work, perhaps not as bad as your situation, but it was stressful at the time. But one thing i would say is that it's so much easier to deal with all this stuff once you're back at your desk. Those keeping in touch days are such a con! they didn't work for me. I spent ages organising childcare and on the actual days it was information overload! I then spent several days and nights afterwards worrying about all the stuff that was said, and little or no time to follow up on anything because you're back on duty again as fulltime mum. all that for a few quid. If I were you I'd postpone dealing with all your grievances until you're officially back on the payroll. I did, it was much easier. also my own H.R department are not to be trusted, we have a union though. My advice would be to proceed with caution, the advice you get from this forum is likely to be more helpful, especially the advice from the mums who work in H.R. And on appraisals, I'm sure appraisal procedures vary from place to place but when I went back following maternity leave I wasn't given one retrospectively (how could they, I wasn't there) instead my boss gave me a 'mini-appraisal' (her words) set my objectives going forward and I was automatically awarded an incremental rise on my salary because I couldn't be judged on the previous years performance. I really hope you can put this out of your mind until you go back and enjoy the rest of your maternity leave and the lovely sunny weather. I dreaded returning to work, I think lots of us do, but it's fine once your back. I really hope you will find some enjoyment going back. think positive, maybe your boss will get the sack! No .... think positive, you can wear high heals and read a book on the train and earn money! good luck etc etc