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How do you save 0.01p?

And LadyNorwood, thanks so much for sharing. It's really helpful in not feeling quite so alone in this!

God, that's really helpful sjsl - sums up my feelings, makes me feel like I'm not going mad. Pugwash, the palliative care team have commented on the fact that we're not there, but he's told them that that's what she would have wanted. My sister hasn't wanted to rock the boat, because she (and we all) want mum to get her planned funeral. Unfortunately, they'd only recently moved to the area when mum was diagnosed, so I'm not able to involve her church, as she didn't have one in her new place. I also don't want to make it harder for my sister, because although it's heartbreaking being forced to stay away, I know it's even harder for her being there. We thought Friday or Saturday would be mum's last day, but the nurses have said it could even be 2-3 more days. He's vile to my sister, and if she says anything, he's even worse - and audibly in front of my mum. Although she's not conscious, my sister's scared that somehow mum will hear / know, and so she's begged us not to do anything to make matters worse. I'm not 100% clear on the legalities - they've made a will, and it's been done with solicitors. In the event of her death, each of us siblings receives a sum of money, then when he dies, the estate is divided between his children and us. As far as I know, that's all that's actually been put in the will, but mum's talked about some bits and bobs she'd like us each to have - nothing that's worth anything, but things with real sentimental value. This is what's upsetting me. I thoroughly expect him to change the will so we don't get anything. But I'd like to have some of her things and her photos, and because they're not in the will, it's not enforceable. So I'm trying to respect his wishes, when all I want is to go up there and strangle him.

Yeah, Otta, grade A c**t. I have fantasies of extreme violence, which I won't go into here so that in the future I don't need to invoke the Basic Instinct alibi. Thanks Saffron, good thinking x

Hoping someone on here might have experienced something similar and have some words of advice. My mum's dying. She's into her final few days (maybe day?) and I can't be with her because her partner will only let my sister, and not me or my brothers into the house. He's decided that it's too stressful for mum to be surrounded by people and has said we can't be there. It's his and mum's house, and he's said we'll be trespassing if we try to go. Mum's actually lost consciousness now, and we've said all our goodbyes, so there's nothing that's unsaid, but it's breaking my heart not to be with her. In a less self-centred vein, it's also placing an incredible amount of pressure on my sister, who doesn't want to leave her alone, but has kids who need her to be at home (she's been there since Friday morning - mum's hanging in longer than we expected). Without us to take turns sitting with mum, she feels she has no option but to stay. My mum's partner says he finds it too hard to sit with mum, so will only relieve my sister for a couple of hours a day. She's terrified she'll fall asleep and mum will die without anyone to hold her hand. Under other circumstances, I'd insist, but my mum's partner is a total arsehole, and has threatened that he won't let mum have the funeral she wants if we don't do as he says. He's the next of kin, so I don't know if we're able to challenge that in any way - mum wrote down what she wanted her funeral to be, but only in her notebook, not in a will, so legally, I don't know if that has any bearing. He's Jewish, she's Christian, has been involved with the church throughout her life and put a lot of thought into her choice of hymns and readings, and he's threatening that he will make her have a Jewish funeral. He has also threatened that if we don't do as he says, that after the funeral, he will simply shut up the house and move to Spain, and not let us have any of mum's things, including photos, and small mementos that she wanted us all to have to remember her by. He's also suggested that he's going to change the will somehow. I don't know if this is possible - mum is leaving us all a small amount of money - and while I don't care about the money, it makes me feel sick to see him gloating about how he's going out of his way to trample on mum's wishes. I feel so torn. I want to support my sister and I want to be there to hold mum's hand, but I want her to have the send off she really wanted and don't want to jeopardise that. He's an emotionally abusive and controlling man. It feels as though now he can no longer behave that way towards mum, he's inflicting it on us while he still has an opportunity. He is genuinely upset, but his meanness and vindictiveness is making an already heartbreaking situation unbearable, so any compassion I felt for him has evaporated, to be replaced by an overwhelming desire to punch his face in. However, I'll save that for after the funeral. (NB, clearly I won't.) I've tried contacting him, but he won't return calls or texts (their house is hundreds of miles away, so going round isn't an option). He will only communicate with us through my sister. Anyone got any suggestions at all?