Scruffy Mummy

I'm American and have been following this thread with much amusement. I moved to Canada when I was 10 and so, am very used to being on the receiving end of criticism for the place of my birth!! I was brought up a Quaker and was always fairly critical of US policy - in Central America and in lots of places. Most of my American friends are pretty critical of governement and policy decisions. I have to say I don't think it's racism really - I don't mind people criticising the governement, policy decision or being critical of ignorant behaviour when they see it. I just feel uncomfortable about me, my campaigning friends and family being lumped under one big banner! What always amuses me though is how British people - who have a vast history of oppressing others and of being known for having flocks of irritating insular tourists (i.e. packing baked beans, stag do's in historic Prague, annoying the Weslsh etc. etc) go OTT about individual Americans without applying the same self-critical ness. An example is how I was once very piously lectured in the late 80's by a young British lefty about the short-comings of Americans - which I took with good grace as I do know that Americans like any once else can have faults and our support of a governement which was often an occuping force. I did then point out that as an Englishman he too was guilty of supporting an occupying power to which he looked blank. 'Northern Ireland?' He still looked blank. 'You know, why do you think the IRA is conducting a bombing campaign on the mainland?' 'Oh, but that's different - they are just terrorists.' Hmmmmm.....

I was in Wales with an English friend (I'm American and Canadian (long story)) staying in cottage. We went into the village shop and she proceeded to say at the top of her (very) English voice how much better the shops in London were, how provinical it was, etc. etc. I cringed inside as all the Welsh people stared at us! So the Welsh burn down their holiday homes?? Or the Irish and Scots dislike the English? Gee, I wonder why! :)

I have to say that always found the staff there really nice - one of the staff often brought in her own toddler on a Saturday and she would play away happily which I thought was nice in a children's shop. I just think that most of us would rather buy a t-shirt for a fiver that's all - occasionally I bought something in the sale as a gift for a new baby.

There is no mystery about it - they didn't have enough customers and it wasn't financially viable. There are only so many people willing to pay ?30 for a t-shirt for a 6 month old who will grow out of it in 2 months.

Yeah, typical of the Lib Dems - it's not flash, not glam - cut it.

It decided to take holiday and is now a raisin in the sun.

Fans of Curb Your Enthusaiam will know what I mean. For newbies, a Larry David situation can best be described as an awkward social situation where you are in the right but unfortunately no one else can see it! My most recent Larry situation was today getting the bus home. I was sitting on the inside window seat next to a woman with several shopping bags. It was coming up to my stop and so, I started to gather my bags and myself. I was giving all the signals that I would be alighting at the next stop - adhering to the unwritten bus code that she, as the outside seat occupant should start to go through the motions of gathering herself so as to re-assure me that she would indeed move. She didn't so I said 'sorry, excuse me'. Nothing. So as the bus stopped, I stood up and again murmured sorry. She then tutted, sighed and stood up staying pointedly 'EXCUSE ME'. So I go past her and say, I DID say sorry!!' As I walked down the road, I did a whole Larry monologue that I wish I had said pointing out about the unwritten rule of bus etiquette and how I had held up my end of the deal!!

Typical behaviour for Southwark Council - focus on a few 'flashy' libraries/one-stop shops like the new Surrey Quays centre and I guess now East Dulwich and then close lots of smaller, less flashy but well used and valuable resources like the smaller libraries in 'The Blue' and the children's museums. Totally outrageous.

Personally, if this is a geniune, then I think there are far, far, far better places to share your story - why not try a group for survivors of abuse? Honestly, I don't think publicly posting something on this forum that is very personal and fragile is a good idea. Plus, I hate to tell you this but there are some very sick people out there who read and use abuse stories as pornography. And doing a search, they can easily come across the forum as it really shows up well in the search engines. And I have to say I'm slightly suspcious that while you might be geninune, you might also be someone who writes this stuff for kicks. Nothing surprises me where the internet is concerned. Sorry if you are geninue but it's what I thought as soon as you posted.

hmmm....and some people think you are crazy when you opt for a home birth. At least you know the dirt in your home is your dirt and you can eat what you want, when you want it!

Well, I was talking to an outreach worker who has used some of these dolls in London schools and he said the jury was still out on their effectivenss or not. We had some of them around the office and they are very lifelike and cute (when not screaming). He felt that the problem is when they aren't screaming they are very cute and the girls like cuddling them so he thought it might actually have the opposite effect!

Yes, but you can't use pay as you go on the rail services yet - just buses and the tube. If you have a travelcard on Oyster, you can use it on the train. If you try to use a pay as you go on a train, while you can get on the train easily enough at Peckham, you'll be stopped at the station at the other end as the pay as you go isn't recognised. So it's best not to try it (you could however, take a train to London Bridge, change and go to Waterloo East and get off as they haven't yet installed barriers there or so I've heard!)

King's Fund did some reasearch into effectiveness of big scare tactics campaigns on health i.e. smoking campaigns, AIDS awareness, anti drug and found that these campaigns were limited in their effectiveness. Mainly because often people rationalise that this won't happen to them - look for example at smoking. It should be a perfectly rational decision not to smoke - the long-term impact on your health is clear and is spelt out on every cigarette package. But how many people continue to smoke knowing the risks involved?? We all like to think that it is someone else who will get lung cancer, not us!! Young people in particular have a sense of invulnerablity - and often feel like they won't be the unlucky ones to get AIDS, AIDS is still seen as a disease other people get not me. However, what workers who work directly with teenage boys think is quite effective is to show them medical photos of penises that have been effected by an STI!! This often has the desired effect as the boy goes - yuck, I don't want that to happen to me and my bits!!

May I also suggest to Gerry (and others) that he have a look at some current research and writing around the issue? ie. this book: Allen & S Bourke-Dowling Teenage Mothers: Decisions And Outcomes, Policy Studies Institute, 1998

Go to this link for a straightforward statement based on research, on teenage parents, causes and consquences of teenage pregnancy - from an NGO or non-governmental organisation!! http://www.brook.org.uk/content/M6_4_%20youngparents.asp 'Teenage pregnancy is often a cause and a consequence of social exclusion. The risk of being a young parent is greatest for people growing up in poverty and disadvantage or for those with poor educational achievement. Teenage parents tend to have poor ante-natal health, lower birth weight babies and higher infant mortality rates. Their own health and their children's is worse than average. Teenage mothers' disadvantaged backgrounds contribute to these effects but having a baby makes them worse. Teenage parents are more likely than their peers to be living in poverty and unemployment and have difficulty escaping it because of lack of education, child care and encouragement. 90% of teenage parents receive income support and teenage mothers are more likely than lone mothers generally to rely on benefits alone and to be on benefits for longer spells. However, the picture is not as entirely bleak as the statistics suggest. There are many individual success stories despite the difficulties. For some young women pregnancy and motherhood are positive and welcomed experiences without long term negative outcomes. Motherhood can be a stimulus to sorting out their lives, perhaps by taking education seriously.'

As someone who has worked in the charity sector for many years and is currently doing some work with an organisation that seeks to provide sexual health advice and support to young people under 25 and who has helped a peer mentoring project for teenage parents/parents to be in SE London fundraise to get going I'd just like to point out the following: 1) Home Start is not a government agency - it is a voluntary organisation set up to provide support to vulnerable families who may be in a range of situations. 2) There are a range of projects and organisations who work with teenage parents. One teenage parents group that an organisation I work with runs exists because the teenage parents have said that they want services and activities targetted at them specifically - reasons include that they don't feel comfortable at post-natal groups with older mums and that they feel that mainstream service providers look down on them and don't understand their needs. 3) There has been sustaintinal resesarch that shows that teenage mums are more likely to drop out of education and experience poverty. I really don't have the time at the moment as I'm working on a funding bid for a legal advice project to dig out the research but anyone googling teenage parents and reseach will come up with the info. I have a couple of friends who were teenage parents since I grew up in the county which had the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in all of Canada and as a young person, I did some volunteer work with Planned Parenthood as I was quite interested in the issue. They were great parents and their kids are great!! But, they'll be the first to admit that it wasn't ideal - particularly seeing all their friends head off to university and have amazing social lives. For one friend, having a baby did actually save her life as she had been heading down a road of serious drug taking. While the father of her child is now a junkie living off the streets in a major city, for her having a kid gave her purpose and determination to get her s*** together. She went back to university in her mid 20's and is doing great. But if young people can be encouraged to have safe sex - whcih not only prevents pregnancies but a range of other STI's, it can only be a good thing.

The Albany Midwife Team based in Peckham is one of the most commended in the country and are always being held up as flagship examples of excellent midwife care. They have a very high percentage rate of home births and bascially say that women can opt for a home or hospital birth right up to when they go into labour - they are prepared for either option. They will assign you a team of midwife's and one of them is assured to be with you at the birth - it is excellent continuity of care. I myself went for a homebirth - I didn't have the albany midwife team but had the community midwifes who were excellent. I had absoluetly no problems and the birth was relatively quick - 6 hours of labour. In my baby group there was a women who had a home-birth who had problems and there was one who had hosptial births and had problems. It didn't appear that there was a significant differiential between both in how fast they were rushed into emergency care - in fact, because the home birth couple had the same midwife's with them the whole time, they actually picked up there was a problem quicker than the one's in hospital, who were victims of the rushed, busy staff scenairo! I did alot of research and was pretty confident that I made the right choice for me. If you opt for a hospital birth, remember that there are always lots of medical students keen to see a birth - lots of people are abit unwilling to have them involved but a medical student can stay with you throughout labour and at least provide some continuity of care and/or support if things are abit hectic. My partners son is a med student at King's - he and his girlfriend (another med student!) witnessed the birth of my son (his brother) at home and it was a great experience for them!

Train direct to Stretham from ED or can make an easy change at Tulse Hill - 20 min max.

Well, I grew up in rural Nova Scotia near the ocean and you couldn't pay me to return to live there frankly! Yes, it's cleaner and there is less violent crime - but young people were pretty disaffected, bullying was rife in the local school, it had the highest incidence of teenage pregnancy, and the so called friendly and close knit communities was actually riven with petty disputes. Gossps ruled the roost, everyone knew your business and racist/sexist/homophobia was rife. Give me dirty ole London anyday thank you very much! Bullying and intimatidation of teenagers by there peers is everywhere - it's horrible but I don't think that if you move somewhere else, you'll escape it.

Akse's was mentioned in the Guardian today on a piece about over-subscribed schools and the head reckoned he would need 3,000 extra places to meet local demand - so don't get your hopes up about Askes! I've heard Bacon's College in Rotherhithe is good and it did well in the league tables. Charter has good things said about it and Kingsdale seems like it's made big improvements.

At the end of the day, don't all the schools face the same budgetary restrictions or cuts?? So if there is a budget problem facing one school, surely other schools in the area are? Another thought - the salary of one TA is probably the same as the yearly tuition at a private school. Think what would happen if all the people who paid to send their kid to a private school put their money into the local schools instead.

There was an interesting article in today's Guardian Society - about the problems faced by those renting in private, new build developments where most of the population are transient and where there are lots of problems - i.e. rowdy students which seems to contradict the idea that buying in a private development means you negate these problems. At least alot of people living as council tenants are there on a permanent basis and that you can identify who their landlord is if there is problems! Here is a link to the article - http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/dec/19/housing.communities

I agree - I did say this in the written consultation but the anti-fence folk won. I think they've won now anyway - I can't see the council removing the fence, then having a 6 month trial and then really putting up another fence. Seriously doubt that is going to happen.

Or make a sign on an A4 piece of cardboard. Use thick marker pen and write 'Lone Dog Walker in need of coffee/tea/love& understanding'. Stand outside one of the very big windows and I'm sure it will catch a server's eye. It sounds like there is a market for an animal friendly cafe in the area - 'Doggie Delights Cafe and Grill - Coffee for you and an T-bone for your four legged friend'

Just a quick note about fears of living on council estates - I lived on an estate for 4 years in North Peckham - an area of considerable deprivation and it was fine. Neighbours were ok - a mix of older people and young families. In fact, my flatmate is still a council tenant in the same flat 8 years on and is raising her little girl there quite happily. The estate very similiar to the Dog Kennel Hill Estate - those flats are fairly well built, not bad soundproofing and fairly decent sized rooms. Where I live now the maisonnettes are 50 - 50 council tenants and owner occupied with the Council being the freeholder for the majority of the maisonnettes/flats including mine. The service charges/ground rent isn't too bad but then again, as live in a house with just two flats, the repair bills aren't as high as they could be if I lived in a large block. What you also need to remember is that local authorities have greater powers now adays to deal with difficult tenants. Where I live now, there was a family (council tenants) who was causing a lot of grief and they were evicted by the council.