Scruffy Mummy

Your child is a toddler. Focus on enjoying her, encourge her to explore the world, facilitate her develop her self-confidence and let her wild & lovely toddler curiousity develop in leaps and bounds. Her abilities and passions will help you determine where you want her to go to secondary school. And will help her be a child any school will want to have.

Just wanted to weigh in on the issue of plastic vs cloth bags vs paper bags issue - there has been some talk recently about this - particularly due to the environmental impact on making cloth bags vs reusing platic ones. Here is a link to an article: http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/green-living/plastic-fantastic-carrier-bags-not-ecovillains-after-all-2220129.html But as the article points out: 'All bags have an impact. The best solution would be to use a cotton bag several hundred times, probably using it constantly for years. If you are not going to do that, a plastic bag ? re-used as a bin liner ? is the next best option, better than paper. Avoid accepting a plastic bag unless you need one, though.'

Quite right sb - why on earth would anyone expect their parents to cough up for school fees? In my books, parents have financial obligations to support their kids through university. Then, they've done their bit! You've raised someone to adulthood - congradulations! Now they are responsible for their lives! If they want to enjoy their retirement fair enough! I'm happy my mom has just enough to keep her living comfortably in her 80's. If I ever feel I would have to send my kid to private school (a big if) myself and my partner would sort out the finance ourselves.

I think the answer is to start saying no. You're not happy and you are the only person who can change that. And when I say you, I mean all of us not just you personally! If you're not happy, decide where your boundaries are and start to draw them. Will you get flack from his family? Yes but as you are already getting flack who cares? What is more important? Keeping up social norms that make you miserable or living your life happily? You don't have to never see them again but cut down visits by 50% - your partner can visit more on his own if he wants. None of us has to be a martyr - even thougEh the world may expect it of us!! Personally, I've never dragged my partner to family reunion events and visa versa. It might lead to raised eyebrows but again, who cares? Life is too short. Book yourself into a nice spa break and let your hubby take the kids to see their grandparents.

Love Jo Brand - what a cool, funny woman!

This link to the DKH staff list shows 1 full time music teacher and another music teacher who is there 1.5 days a week. In terms of art, it looks like there is a class teacher who is a classroom teacher teaching a year one class and she is also the subject leader for art. There might also be an artist-in-residence who comes in so it's best to check directly with the school about this. http://www.dkh.org.uk/staff People who know the school better will be able to comment more I think. Goose Green school has a 4 day a week music teacher (althought the staffing chart on the website shows him at 3 days a week at the beginning of last term his hours were increased from 3 days to 4 days). They also get in sessional music teachers to give individual tuition. There is a full-time art and design/technology teacher (i.e. she doesn't teach a regular class but there full time to teach art & design technology and all the students have art and design/technology classes every week) She is a trained artist having done a four year art degree (Maidstone and Vienna) and she also used to be a classroom primary teacher See the Goose Green staffing chart - http://www.goosegreenprimaryschool.org/whoswho.asp

I looked at the school to as we were in the area - although it wasn't our closest and we didn't choose it in the end, I was very impressed with the school. It got a great Ofsted report and many positve things going for it. My impression is that in the last couple years more middle class parents who live nearby have choosen to stay at the school as they have been pleased with the Head and the positve changes. I think in the past many parents of high-achieving children will have simply left the school - now it seems they are re-assured by the leadership and teaching and are staying. It is great that the school has improved so much. Children who don't achieve Level 4 by the end of primary are going to enter secondary school at a severe dis-advantage - they are likely to be put in lower sets and will start secondary school struggling to keep up. The tests are measuring levels of reading, numeracy and writing - foundation subjects for any further study or career. For a school whose intake isn't primarily middle class, where there is a higher level of children on free school meals, and from disadvantaged backgrounds to be achieving these results are inspiring!

If you look at the context surrounding the trend it very much makes sense. I believe the new head has been in place just about three or four years (people who know the school better can correct me)- he has made radical changes from what I know. However, KS2 results reflect the acheivement of the year 6 cohort. Any changes made to teaching, assessment and culture in any school will have less effect on the year 6 pupils who have (unforuntately) had most of their education in the previous culture. Therefore results from the year 6 students in the first year of a new leadership will not be likely to reflect this new culture/new changes. As children move up through the school however, the culminative effect of the changes will be become evident as the children are receiving a better education from an earlier age and therefore, will achieve at a higher level in year 6. Those year 6 students at Bellenden who are achieving well now no doubt benefited from having a better culture from learning several years ago when the new head brought in the changes. This also happened at Peckham Park Primary which had very low results several years ago and is now one of the highest performing schools in Southwark - a result of a radical new management. Often, current year 6 KS2 results actually reflect what was going on in the school several years previously. So it's important to look at trends within the whole context.

Yes, all these stats need to be read in context of a whole range of factors. One interesting place to look is the year-on-year comparsions for each school on the more detailed report about each school. This can show if a school is improving year on year - therby pointing to there having been positive improvements to teaching/standards in the school and that hopefully should continue. But again, you need to look at the school and speak to the head to see if this is true - stats alone don't prove this, they just provide an indicator.

DG - I do feel your pain but don't worry, as newmother points out reader of this forum can indeed draw their own conclusions about newmothers opinion based on both her tone/attitude plus our own knoweldge and experience. As an American, I'm very much aware the culture of C-sections is much more prevelant than in the UK. So one would expect the infant mortality rate to be lower in the US than in the Uk. Yet, no. According recent stats comparing infant mortality rates in different countries we can see how the infant mortality rates compare: 6.3 per 1000 live births in the US compared to 4.85 per 1000 live births in the UK (Figures are from the 2011 revision of the United Nations World Population Prospects report, by five years averages) Personally, I've known people who have given birth from one HUGE extreme to the other. A woman know from California who is now in her 60's gave birth to her daughter in a cabin, in a remote bit of wilderness with no midwife, doctor - just her husband because she was so sucpcious of the medical profession. (it was a easy birth and her daughter is a wonderful 40 year old with a couple of children herself) On the other extreme, I've met women like newmother who've had the full, medicalised c-section on demand. (for the record, I think if you had a tramatic previous birth experience, a phobia/serious anxiety of giving birth, or a medical reason OF COURSE you should be able to have a c-section, it's a no-brainer) Most of us do not give birth on either extreme - some of us have heartbreaking and dreadful experiences (as people on this forum can attest too) - both at home AND in hopsital. We all have to look at the risks of the choices we make in how we give birth. People who look down their nose at other people - whether they be uber home birthers OR proponents of c-sections as the best birthing experience for everyone - are just feeding into this compeitive, b***s*** culture. One thing I think we are all agreed on - post-natal care NEEDS TO BE IMPROVED DRAMATICALLY!

Back to this point around cost. I'm always hearing about the lack of bed spaces in hospitals and the cost of bed spaces, bed blockers, etc. etc. So surely, if a woman has her baby at home, the cost of having two midwife's there is offset by the fact she isn't using up a bedspace (i.e. staying overnight and all the attendent costs of having a patient in hospital) in hospital? I know many people have had really horrible experiences of giving birth (both in hospital and at home) My experience was that I did have a home birth, there were no complications, 6 hours in labour, two midwives. While I was pregnant, I did look into 'home from home' type environments - there is a private, midwife led place in Streatham which appealed but I didn't have the income to afford it.

If the Forum is concerned about potential lawsuits, it may be wise to put a disclaimer on the site that any opinions are those of individuals posting here and people seeking medical advice should always consult with your doctor. I think it would be a shame not to give opinions or advice however here. When I had baby scruffy, he had jaundice. I had to go to the clinic at King's and each week, I saw a different doctor at the clinic. One week, a junior doctor sought the advice of a senior colleague. This doctor then said that in order to diagnose whether baby scruffy was suffering from breastfeeding jaundice (harmless) was for me to stop breastfeeding him for 3 whole days! As baby scruf was only a few weeks old and my first baby, I was very upset as I a)was worried about giving him a bottle for that time and him then refusing the breast after the 3 days were up and b)how I was going to deal with all the backlog of milk in my breasts? This consultant was adamant that this was what I had to do and I was feeling very down but myself and my partner said 'Well, if this is what I have to do, so be it' I woke up in the middle of the night totally anxious about it - I went to the net, I surfed and found discussion groups of other mums. I found out that this was out-of-date, poor advice I had been given. I went back to King's the next day, spoke to another doctor who was frankly shocked at this advice! She apologised for this doctor, saying he had been trained in Australia where things were different, apparently!!! MY point is that if I hadn't gone to the net for a second opinion, I would have suffered needlessly.

Before the advent of mobile phones, I was at a pay phone making a phone call. In my usual scruffy, messy way I had to take several items out of my bag before I could find my change purse and I put them on top of the pay phone. I then went on my merry way home! Later on, I couldn't find my wallet which had credit cards and a host of other items of ID which would have been annoying to replace. I was totally stressed out and cancelled the cards. However, later that afternoon I got a call from Southwark Library. A man had found my wallet and looked through it. Found the library card and called Southwark Libraries who then called me! I then went back up to North London where I collected the wallet. I was very thankful! I should have bought chocolates but I offered him a fiver and unfortunately, I think I might have insulted him by offering money. But I was very grateful he took the trouble!

Hi Ameliesmum Don't let it get to you - over time, you can see that particular posters take particular tones of voice. Some people always take a self-righteous, high&mightly, put-down tone. Take it with a pinch of salt and to be honest, when someone winds me up, I take comfort in knowing that those people are actually hiding alot of insecurity - why else would they take pleasure in sarky, unpleasant posts? I agree that probably the best strategy is to both hand something to the police and then post on the forum. Then you will have handed it in to the authorities and also did your best to publise it. And it's very true - sometimes I think that everyone in ED reads this forum! It's great that you actually took an interest - instead of ignoring the bag or simply chucking it away.

Clarrisa and the sponge cake business - I'm curious now! But no, I'm actually referring to the discussion that happens on page 5 of this thread between Damain and other posters about his business and whether it's relevant to this particular discussion or not.

Ahh.. well I am home alone now, having relieved the babysitter from her duties after my wild and crazy Monday night out sipping my two glasses of rose (my partner is working tonight). However, I don't have a car and can't drive anyway so hopefully that 2nd glass of wine won't make me incapable of dialing for an ambulance should I need to. (BTW - isn't the advice to always wait for the ambulance in case of an emergency and not attempt to drive to the hospital yourself with a seriously ill child or other person for that matter anyway?) Anyway, I just read a fantastic article on the Motherlode blog of the New York Times - it was all about babies on airplanes and there were lots of moans and discussions about the issues The best response was from the person who said she was on a plane with her baby next to a business man - she felt anxious when the baby started to cry and he smiled at her and said. 'I don't mind babies. They are babies. What I can't stand are adults who act like babies.' YEAH!

Oh this thread is just too funny - I just had to resurrect scruffy mummy to join in! I've been giggling for ages. Then again, I have just gotton back from a night out with the PTA mums at the pub - that last glass of wine could be partially responsible. One piece of advice Damian - if you want to have a moan or rant or debate do not use a user name which can be traced back to your business identity. Keep your rant/moan identity separate from your business/work identity!

Well said Mark. I've been following this thread and haven't responded as yet as I've made a resolution not to get too involved in debates on the forum as I had in the past!! But you have made such a sensible post. Yes, it is true that most child abuse happens within the home and that 'Daily Mail' type coverage of 'stranger danger' get's everyone paranoid and focussed away from where actual abuse happens. But actually covererty filming children isn't right - and in addition to the reasons you said about the dangers of this is that sometimes this can lead to the person getting obsessed with a particular child or children that they have filmed of photographed. It's rare - and it's likely this guy is just a boarderline case as you said. But it is worthwhile contacting the Safer Neighbourhood Team or Police - it's best they deal with it and they will know if he has form, they can question him, etc. No one on this forum is suggesting assaulting this guy - simply that this behaviour shouldn't just be ignored.

nowhere else but on the East Dulwich Forum....

I've written on this issue several times before and - the whole thing was initiated by a vocal, anti fence lobby who responded in force to the consultation. I responded to the consultation as well but not enough of the people who were happy with the split between the space now did so the council went with the most vocal voices. I even spoke to the counsellors about it when they came round to do their door to door thing and they said there is nothing they can do as the consultation found in favour of removing the fence. Typical. As I've said and others have said - now people who don't feel comfortable with dogs can enjoy the space in the (relatively) dog free area. When the fence comes down, the whole place will be one big dog run and we won't see people pinicking and relaxing in the area. Just people exercising dogs.

WHOA! Anna J - I wasn't intended at having a pop at you - I was responding to the post from Bellenden Belle really and her question in my second posting after her post. Orginally, I didn't really go through your post with a fine tooth comb and missed your many insightful and intellegent points that you made. You sound like a really loving and thoughtful person who cares very much about the world and your impact in it - I'm sure you have touched the lives of many who you've come into contact with - regardless of their sexuality.

Sorry - I was really just being a wind up merchant. Really, all baby groups can get desparately boring - despite the sexuality of the parents involved - it's just the circularity of the discussions - sleeping/gina ford/weaning/tiredness can get a bit much.

Ok, so I haven't gone to bed yet and couldn't resist one last look at this thread! Part of the problem is that asking questions via the forum or email means that it is very open to misunderstanding. I really could see how CazzR got offended - to me I read it as hostile questioning - although I can also see that it wasn't meant that way. If I was having a dialogue with someone face-to-face, and I could see the person - who might have said it with an inquiring, open, smiling (but maybe naive) face, I would have just thought - oh love, here I'll let you in on the reasons why this is important. And it would have been a geniue dialogue. I also think sometimes people really underestimate the feeling of having to ALWAYS defend your personal choices - if you are lesbian and gay - you're always on the defensive. So what would seem like innocent questioning - then appears like another attack like 'What do you need for anyway?? Explain yourself!!' Which is how it was read. Personally, I love the internet but I don't think it's really is a place where different groups understand each other - mainly where different groups just become more entrenched. In the US, many (though not the majority) of High Schools have what are called 'Gay-Straight Alliances'. And that's where gay and straight staff and students come together to work on issues around homophobia and bridging the gap in knowledge between different people of different sexualities. That's the way forward guys!! East Dulwich Gay-Straight Alliance!

Yes, ok I was feeling like being a stirer - (as many of us tend to do in the longue) at times in my previous post! Apologies to all I offended in the heat of the moment!! But my main point was the the accusations in this thread seemed to question what I think is a legitimate need for lesbian and gay parents to have a group in which they can meet and discuss issues that they share that parents who aren't lesbian and gay don't understand. Also a place where they can just 'let their hair down' and not have to always be the one to educate heterosexuals. My point Anna J was that I have seen alot of threads saying 'but how will I (a presumably straight person) learn about the issues facing lesbians and gay men if they never come to our groups'. My response to this is that I think it's abit much for people in the majority group to always expect people in the minority groups to have to come to them to educate them. Feminist and black American theorist Bell Hooks makes much the same point in talking about how white people often expect to be educated by black people - instead of white people making an effort to educate themselves! And that has always been my main issue with this thread - people say they want to find out more but don't seem to want to do the work themselves to find out the issues involved. If you make an effort to understand the issues and culture and discrimination involved, then I believe that your practice or group or whatever you do will be more open to people from diverse cultures/backgrounds/groups. With that, my lovelies, I am off to bed!

Baby groups dominated by straight mothers can verge on the desparately boring, let's face it!! Seriously folks - let's all take a chill pill! I totally get what the orginal poster was saying. Straight people like to think they are every soooooo open-minded but I've been in baby groups with mainly straight parents and have heard a fair amount of heterosexist rubbish - like 'I feel so sorry for gay people, if my son was gay I would feel like he would have such a miserable life' and yes, I've taken on the role of the educator for straight folk. But why should lesbians and gay men always have to do this? Maybe being in a group for lesbian parents means they don't always have to play that role. I'd like to see some of the posters here make an effort to get out of their heterosexual ghetto and go and hang out in a gay bar, go to Gay Pride, chill at the lesbian and gay film festival. Make an effort to educate yourselves for a change - push yourselves. Anyway, you might find you quite like it!! >:D<