The Nappy Lady

OK, now some of this may cause controversy, but in recent weeks I have heard about stuff that some first time parents are doing, that I think is not necessary, and to be honest is just making work and worry for themselves. Partly this is based on my experience as a 2nd time around Mum, you can't wrap a baby in cotton wool so much when you have an older child hugging/sneezing/trying to feed the baby etc. but I do think some advice that some new parents is being given is just leading to too much worrying. So in my opinion (but not to say you can't do it this way if you want to) :), You don't need to wash your baby's clothes separately to your own clothes, do them all together if it makes up a full load. You don't need a separate chopping board / knife etc for chopping your baby's food up when you start weaning. You don't need to dry all the baby's washed up bowls etc. with separate pieces of kitchen roll, though of course if using a tea towel I would recommend you try to change it daily, or use a fresh one for all the baby's stuff maybe (most of my stuff ends up air drying to be honest, or drying in the dishwasher). You don't need to wash baby's clothes in non bio powder: Biological powders contain enzymes. I'm going to go right to basics so please don't think I'm being patronising, you might know what I'm on about but you might not. Enzymes are special proteins which speed up reactions, especially in digestion for breaking down large insoluble food molecules into small soluble ones. So they use enzymes in washing powders to break down food based stains. Some people say that these may irritate babies' skin but research has shown that biological powders don't cause allergies/aggravations of the skin (I had a link to an article about it, when research came out, but it no longer works, will try to find one that does). In fact, non-biological detergents may contain more chemicals, bleach etc to compensate for NOT having enzymes. They actually don't have non-bio in any other countries in Europe as far as I know, and no higher incidence of eczema/skin sensitivity in children. So, better to use small amounts (about half the recommended dose) of the detergent that best suits you. The research came out when my eldest was just crawling, and generally getting filthy, so I switched to bio at that point (I had childhood eczema and am quite sensitive), and we've all been fine, been using ever since, even with new baby, but generally only wash with about a tablespoon of detergent. Of course, if non bio suits you carry on, but don't feel you HAVE to use it, it's just marketing, marketing, marketing...... Molly

If you have a lump in one specific part of the breast that doesn't seem to be shifting, try lying baby on the bed and position yourself over them so their chin is pointing towards the lump - whichever way their chin points is where the milk is drawn from most efficiently, so sometimes just positioning yourself in this way can make all the difference - it feels a bit strange, but it is worth it if it takes away the lumpy, tender, sore spot! ...and remember it all gets easier with every day that passes! Molly

I'm with you Belle, especially 2nd time around I've really enjoyed being at home with baby and found her day time sleeps SO much better if she was in her cot. For the first month or two I just loved being at home with her, snuggled in, feeding and enjoying being a Mum, and really had little desire to go out and about. Once the need to get out kicked in I have tried hard to plan morning or afternoon activities that work around nap times (though not always as I believe in some flexibility, Gina Ford is NOT my guru!). Once your baby gets to around 4 or 5 months I think they nearly all play you up a lot more if you try to stay home with them - bored with toys and surroundings, where as if you get out and about they seem to be completely different. My little one was really aggy this afternoon, then my friend turned up with her 10 month old and the pair of them had a lovely time crawling around chasing each other and having 'babble' conversations. Amazing what the presence of another baby can do. Molly

Yes Moos, that's a good point. Also, you've reminded me - when they are crying for a feed, don't be afraid to take the time to ensure you have all you need within reach, whether it be water, cake (v. important!) oh sorry I mean a healthy snack ;-), the TV Remote, a book, the phone etc....oh and plenty of cushions, then sit yourself down and let them latch on. Nothing worse in the early days than being stuck in a chair, with the thing you want just out of arms reach and no one to help you! Molly

Drawstring nightgowns for newborns - especially whilst still doing nappy changes in the night - saves all the hassle of poppers, just release the bow, pull nightgown up, change them and then pull back down again. Wish I had known about them first time around. Baby C was an October baby so I always had socks on her to keep her toes warm inside the gown, they worked really well (got mine off Ebay quite cheaply, but I believe John Lewis sell them if you'd prefer new). Babygrows - with Fuscia - use for at least the first 3 or 4 months, MUCH more practical than outfits in the early days, and more comfortable for baby I'm sure. Breastfeeding necklaces for scratchy, hair pulling babies - again wish I'd known about them first time around, they really help to keep babies attention where it should be when feeding. Cuddledry towels for bath time - saves trying to hold a towel under your chin whilst getting baby out of bath and onto your shoulder....they are FAB! Baby sleeping bags. Oh and when they are older, if they start to 'escape' from them, but them on back to front, so they can't undo the zip! Co-sleeping - OK, not for everyone, but saved my life this time around when I needed to be functional in the day for my 5 year old and didn't have time to sleep except at night, can't believe I used to get up and down and actually go to a different room to feed DD no.1, how did I have the energy? Socks - Baby Gap were the only ones I found that stay on, but only the traditional ones with the long rib to you fold down twice, some of their recent designs not so good. Those little leather baby shoes do keep socks on though if all else fails (also great once they are in bouncy chairs or baby walkers etc. as with socks you see how dirty they are e.g. how dirty your floors are! With the leather shoes you don't (less guilt)!! Molly

Yes, I have realised I can't do the first Wednesday of the school holidays (29th), or at least will be doing a nappy demo from 12.30 for a couple of hours, so could come either side of that I guess. Ivydale breaks up on Wednesday 22nd July, I'm wondering how people are fixed for Friday 24th July? Friday's are good for me in general. Molly

I'm in - have a very nearly 5 year old and a just 8 month old. Will be away for much of August, but would be keen to join you for the start and end of the summer holidays.....and Wednesay's are good for me too generally. Meeting in Peckham Rye Park would be a great starting point, and I imagine other stuff will quickly branch off on various days. Has anyone done the Robot Zoo at the Horniman by the way, and if so, what did you think of it? Molly

Thanks Puffin, glad you found the post useful. When I went to the private clinic one of the options they discussed was this relatively new blood screening they do, where you and your partner's bloods have to be sent to the USA. I can't remember all the theory, but it is based roughly on a theory that over time your body is building up resistance to the pregnancies, due to incompatibility issues with your partner, so you will miscarry earlier and earlier with each pregnancy. If they then believe they find something you have to take meds to help get and remain pregnant. I think the tests alone were about ?2,000, then the meds on top....it gets scary. I found it odd that they offered this to us given that my miscarriages did not get earlier and earlier, they were 6, then 8 then 12 weeks, so really didn't see how the theory related to my circumstances. It wasn't an option for us anyway as we just didn't feel we could afford it, but what scares me is that it is so easy to get sucked into huge expense because of the faintest glimmer of hope, even when some of the medical theory is unproven. They also insisted my hubby did another sperm test, even though he'd already had one done on the NHS less than 3 months before. That cost another ?100 or so I think, and was frustrating given there were no issues. I guess they have to run their own checks, but you do feel a bit as if they cash in where they can. It was of course easier for us to think through than some because we already had our daughter, and we were always very aware that we didn't want our time with her to be overshadowed by us being totally obsessed with the need to have another baby. I didn't want her to look back and wonder why Mummy and Daddy were always unhappy / stressed etc. and so when things were bad it was a massive help having her there to lift me back up and to give me a reason to carry on. I am very, very aware, and thankful of how lucky I was to already have her on so many levels, and my heart really does go out to anyone who is childless and going through recurrent miscarriage. At least if your private health plan will cover the cost of you seeing a private clinic you could do that and discuss what tests they offer and what the costs would be. It can't hurt to be as informed as possible, and I think sometimes just feeling like you are 'doing something' helps. Molly

You are welcome Smiler, I totally understand the need to try again, and as long as YOU feel emotionally and physically able to do so then don't let anyone dissuade you. But only you and your partner can (or should) make that decision. After the ectopic I took 6 months 'off' got a personal trainer, got really fit and had a fantastic holiday, and after that felt much more ready to 'try' again, and I think it is worth noting that in the end it was after a 'natural' break of 12 months that my body finally allowed another successful pregnancy. I think the ups and downs of pregnancy, then loss take a huge toll, so do take some time out if you need to. Try to believe that it will happen when the time is right. I absolutely support your decision to have the tests done, because sooner or later some of us must fall into the 20% or so who are diagnosed, and can be easily treated in order to be able to have a successful pregnancy. Take them up on any tests they can offer, no matter how small the changes of a good result. The books I have, if you (or Puffin) wants to check them out to see if you want them are; Motherhood after Miscarriage by Dr. Kathleen Diamond A Silent Sorrow (Pregnancy Loss: Guidance and Support for you and your family) by Ingrid Kohn and Perry-Lynn Moffitt Sorry for the typos in my messages earlier, I wanted to reply quickly, but should really have waited until I had more time and less distractions later in the day. Good luck, I hope things work out for you in the end. Molly

Sorry, I got distracted half way through, so forgot to say; When I went to the recurrent mc clinic it was run out of the Early Pregnancy Unit, so same place I had been going for the scans previously, and actually the consultant I saw was one of the guys I'd had a scan from previously. I don't know if that is still where it is based though. At the actual recurrent mc clinic the consultant spent some time 'managing expectations' (I think he was glad I already knew low % of those who can be diagnosed), then scanned me for any physical abnormalities, then took bloods to check for stuff like abnormal clotting levels, hormone levels etc. At some point I had to have bloods taken at different points in my cycle to check whether levels were correct at each point, but I can't recall if this was part of the tests they ran at then. My hubby also had to have blood tests to see whether there was any issue regarding compatibility, and also I believe he had to have a sperm test. Regarding going private. It is a tricky one. I'm not sure whether you will get any better / different treatment if you go down that route, but of course you may get seen faster. Private health stuff doesn't come cheap, and a lot of the costs are hidden, as it seems once you go down that route they start suggesting all sorts of extra stuff. What we found hard was that they don't seem to discuss the money, almost as if it isn't an issue for many of their patients, so you sort of go to see them with a figure in mind, which is for the basic treatment, but then they suggest other stuff, and it is only when you go into the office afterwards to see the admin staff that you get to find out how much it is all going to cost (at which point I ended up in tears, felt so embarrassed, but couldn't help myself). So, if you do investigate private stuff try to get them to give you an honest picture of costs first, and what tests they will offer - I appreciate you are only talking about tests rather than fertility help - but also be aware that in actual fact it is very unlikely they will find a reason for the mc's. Personally I felt the medical care I got at Kings through it all was excellent, apart from the night I spent in there after the ectopic (awful, and waited 24 hours to see the surgeon to find out how surgery had gone, what they had done, whether the tube had been taken or not etc.), I had to go in for an ERPC after 1st mc, day surgery and much more efficient and better handled, and the recurrent mc clinic offered all it could I feel, it is simply that in reality, sadly, they are only at the tip of the iceberg regarding treating mc, and are still looking for a lot of answers. You may know all this, but the facts are: 1 in 4 pregnant women will miscarry, but after a single miscarriage you have an 80% chance of your next pregnancy being successful, and even if you have 3 or more miscarriages your chance of having a successful pregnancy is still 6 in 10. This comes from the Miscarraige Association; www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk Helpline 01924 200799. I wonder if it may be worth speaking to them about private testing etc? I have two amazing books about recurrent mc which helped me and I would be happy to pass them on to you if you would like them. I am in ED on Thursday and can pop them through your door if that would help, if you PM me your address. Molly

Hi both, First of all I want to say how sorry I am for the heartache I know you have been through up to this point. I am going to reply on the forum rather than via PM as I suspect there may be others out there also going through this stuff, and if I can help in any way by sharing my experiences I am glad to do so. Between my first daughter, who I had very easily in 2004 (text book) and my 2nd daughter, who arrived in October last year my husband and I had 3 very hard years, when I suffered 3 miscarriages (around 6 weeks, 8 weeks and 12 weeks), and an ectopic pregnancy resulting in the lost of a fallopian tube between the 2nd and 3rd mc, so all in all it was a really horrible time, and quite honestly our lives felt like they were in limbo during that time. After the first mc I always went to the Early Pregnancy Unit at Kings for scans from about 5 weeks pregnant, and then every 2 weeks or so to put my mind at rest and see how things were going, for this reason the ectopic was thank goodness caught in good time, which potentially saved my life. Anyway, after the 2nd mc I was told that if I had a 3rd one I would be referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic for further investigations. Frustratingly the ectopic didn't count, but eventually after the 3rd mc I was referred and after what I think was about 9 weeks got seen (Jan 07 I think it was). It was tough waiting for that appointment, and I have to admit I pinned a lot of hopes on it, even though I knew that statistically only a very, very small percentage of early miscarriages can be medically accounted for (I think from memory about 20%). Anyway, when it came to it the clinic consisted of 1 appointment, when they took bloods and things and then I got results in the post a few weeks later. They didn't find any reason for my mc's and I found it incredibly upsetting because I really wanted there to be a reason, so we could say "that's the problem, and this is how to fix it"....... I thought that from the clinic there would then be more stuff on offer, group meetings, support groups maybe, or quite simply more stuff they could do, but that was it, nothing else, unless if I'd had another mc they would have then looked at the actual baby I lost to see if they could so any obvious problems. In December 2007 (after a year of not even getting pregnant - I think my body basically went on strike) we went to Harley Street to see a private clinic to discuss IUI, we didn't want to go down the IVF route as there is such a high risk of mc with it, there seemed little point, but we know others who have had IUI sucessfully, and thought maybe it would be the 'magic fix' and is at least closer to being 'natural conception, and also a lot cheaper than IVF. Anyway, it was a horrible day, sitting in the waiting room you could almost cut the atmosphere with a knife, so many obviously unhappy people, and also when it came down to it we realised it was going to cost such a lot of money, and be such an emotional roller coaster, we honestly didn't know if we wanted to go down that route. Just the half hour talk with the Doctor cost us about ?300 (?50 just to register before we even got an appointment). I guess I was naive about the cost of private medicine. We decided to think about it over Christmas, and to be honest during that time I decided to stop trying and be thankful for the daughter we had. And of course, like so many others the minute we stopped trying I fell pregnant...with a positive test in mid to late January, and finally it all went fine and my baby arrived in October - I had 2 weekly scans but we didn't really stop holding our breath until the 12 week scan, when the senior consultant told us it really was all fine...and even then it was another few weeks before I really believed I was going to have another baby. Of course there is nothing more annoying that to be told to just trying and you can't just switch off, you can only get there in your own time, but I do believe that stress (even when you think you're not) contributes a huge amount to all of this. I really think that I had come to terms with being a Mum of 1 (and I know how blessed I was to be that), but it was only when DD2 arrived that I truly felt complete, and I can't explain how or why that is, it's just how it was. I hope this is of some help, if you want to PM me ever, about any of this stuff, or to ask more personal questions please do. Of course it doesn't always work out for everyone, but I know a surprising amount of women who have gone through a very similar experience to me, and one friend who has 7 children, and has also had 7 miscarriages, so don't lose hope. Best wishes. Molly

Hi Smiler.....have much experience....will post later when not 1 handed with baby. Molly

We had a street party several years ago, it was great. We worked out the costs and leafleted the entire street. Those who wanted to take part returned a slip and contributed a small amount, can't remember but it was ?10 or ?20 per household. They then got a badge with house number on, which also on the day let us know they had paid up so they were able to help themselves to the food we had laid on etc. Sounds complicated I know, but what I am trying to say is that with each household making a small donation we were able to lay on a great event. It is amazing how many people are able to offer stuff for free. In the end we had a band and square dancing, the fire brigade turned up with a fire engine for the children, the local PC (beat officer) turned up and joined in, and also a childrens clown / entertainer who was a friend came and laid on a show for the children. We also had a children's fancy dress competition, face painting, and enough BBQ's donated that we were able to cook food for everyone. As I recall we laid on various salads etc. and people brought their own meat for the BBQ. It all started at lunchtime and the last of us stopped drinking and went inside at about 1am! The biggest hassle was getting all the cars moved off the street, 99% of people were fine, but 1 or 2 really didn't want to and felt it was all an inconvenience. Also jumping through the various health and safety loops set by the council was a pain. It was a wonderful day and well worth the effort. We keep talking about doing another one, but so far I think we are all ducking because of the amount of time and effort it takes for the main organiser. Molly

In certain circles it has been "Nappy Valley" for a long time...although the term originally regerred to Clapham it has slowly spread ino ED. South East London has the highest density of children per head of population across Europe apparently...hence my bizarre profession/job title.

Have used it for years, though less regularly these days. Never had any problems. The only negative thing about it is that the trains are half hourly, so if you miss one (particulary when coming home) then you face a bit of a wait. For this reason we quite often go down to Queens Road Peckham and catch trains into London Bridge which are a lot more regular, but it also depends on where your ultimate destination is. When I worked at Blackfriars I caught the 8.13am train in and the 5.13pm home every day for years and it was fine 99.9% of the time, other than the odd cancelled train etc. Molly