The Nappy Lady

I think there are several factors to it Kate - size of baby's head, speed of birth, build of mother. I'm sure it must help to some degree, but as you say others factors, including luck must also come into it. Molly

I've always thought living in the gardens would be the dream location, it's a shame to hear from a schools point of view it's a difficult place to be. I hope your friends get sorted sillywoman. Molly

Ah, sorry....thanks minder...

Hiya, OK, so children can go to half day (morning or afternoon) nursery from the age of 3 (ish - depends a bit on birth date and availability as to when they start). They go into reception at 4 years old (staggered start either September or January, again depending on DOB), and then into Year 1 by the age of 5. Until they are 5 school is not a legal requirement, after that it is, and you are only allowed the standard 10 days maximum per annum off for stuff like holidays. I think all the above is correct, but I am only going by my own experience with my 5 year old who will go from reception to Year 1 in September. To get a nursery place you complete a form with the school - places are allocated by DOB, and also I understand an even mix of boys and girls - so my daughter actually got to start earlier than intended because a place came up and she was the next girl in the queue so to speak. For a school place you have to fill in a Southwark Application form, either by post or on line, and then a couple of months later you find out whether you've been given a place. You can appeal etc. if you don't, but there is no guarantee you'll get a place in a particular school. The bad news is there has been massive upset in ED recently because quite a lot of people didn't get ANY of the four schools that they put down as choices on the application forms for their child. In some cases people lived very close to their 1st choice school, but places are allocated first to special needs, adopted, then siblings, plus if a church school some church places (I think, again I have forgotten the exact criteria but it is along these lines, others will confirm I am sure), and this year in particular there were very few places left once those priority places had been given. I know some ED parents on Crystal Palace Road have been given places at Bessemer Road which is over behind Sainsbury's, and others have been given places at a school over near New Cross I believe. Basically, it seems there are simply more children in East Dulwich than there are school places. I don't know whether this year was particularly bad for some reason, my gut instinct tells me this is going to be an ongoing problem, but I only know what I've read on the forum....and am just thankful I've got one in a school I am happy with, and consequently her sibling should be able to follow her there in 3 years (not being smug, just explaining why I'm not more clued up)...but of course the nightmare will all start again in a few years with secondary school, which really does worry me. Anyway, I'm afraid that unless you buy a house pretty much on the same road as the school you want to send your child to you really can't guarantee you are going to get a place. I do feel for you all over there as it is a horrible situation to be in. The good news though is that if MiniKatsu is only 6 months old then there is plenty of time for things to change. When we moved to Nunhead 12 years ago everyone here was desperate to get their children into Goodrich, some managed it, and Ivydale really wasn't a very popular school at all. Since then it has changed completely, and for many (including us) it was 1st choice...and now I do the school run every day I'd say never underestimate the value of having your school 5 or 10 minutes walk away. I really don't know how parents who have to do the school run by car cope, though I know some just don't have a choice. Some of the schools which ED parents are now being given places at are, like Ivydale going to become 'turnaround' schools so I am sure by the time your little one is ready to start there will be choices. I know those who have seen Bessemer Road have come away feeling much more positive about it than they expected to be. Hope this helps....don't despair... Molly

....and perineal massage for the same reason. I think most midwives give info on it these days in the last weeks of pregnancy, but if not ask, I'm sure it makes a difference when the time comes....

Maybe check out Purepotions www.purepotions.co.uk lovely stuff, very natural and I know a few people who swear it cured their eczema...worth trying.

Hi Kate, I went through the same thing...now C is nearly 9 months and mobile she is starting to sleep later again - it is generally back to 7 or 7.30pm....I'm starting to think I may even have to set an alarm again as we've nearly been late for school twice now due to her sleeping so late! So, don't loose hope, I think once they get mobile it really helps as they tire themselves out more. I always aim for a 7pm bedtime, but it usually ends up about 7.30pm. Molly

When I was pregnant I nearly always got offered a seat, if needed on the train, though usually there were seats available anyway. I think what helped is that I tended to travel on the same train every day, often with friends, and so other regular passengers would hear us talking and therefore knew I was pregnant, even in the fairly early days before it showed much (the benefits of living where you get scheduled overland trains rather than tubes eh!). I think it is really hard for people to know whether to offer you a seat or not unless you are clearly pregnant, and of course it is the early days when you're not really showing when you need the seat the most (typical). I don't think you should every be afraid to ask for a seat if you need it. A simple "sorry to bother you all, but I'm pregnant and really could do with a seat on this train" would usually bring a good result, if only because you've shamed people into taking notice. I have also been offered a seat when travelling with one or both children, which I think is really kind of people, and also nearly always given help with my buggy getting on and off, up steps etc. I reckon there's more good than bad people out there. I reckon it's often other parents that jump to help first though of course! Molly

Heidi, I do understand your frustration, but I think it is better they are ultra cautious than blase. If there is any cause for concern, better they keep a closer eye on things. I think it is probably the communication/explanations that are at fault here rather than the scanning, if that makes sense. I reckon once you are a parent you are programmed to worry (to a lesser or greater extent) much of the time anyway - are they eating enough, drinking enough, sleeping enough, then later it is where are they going, who are they hanging out with etc. etc. etc. Not sure it ever stops as my 80 year old Mum still worries about me and I am 40 now (am I sleeping enough, resting enough etc. etc. LOL...sounds familar eh?). Not long to go now, hang in there, it will all be worth it once you've got your little boy to cuddle. Molly

Kate, Don't worry, I went back full time when O was about 9 months and she was with a childminder from 8am to almost 6pm five days per week. I hated it, but she LOVED it, the whole range of toys, being with other children etc. If it is only for a year I think you'll find it will fly by. I have to say, even though I wasn't happy to be back full time, some of that was simply that I wasn't doing a job I enjoyed back then, and the prospect of returning to work was much worse than the reality. Yes, I sat outside the childminders in my car and sobbed the first day I left her, but within a week it was the norm, and I could see how happy she was with it all - so much so that at the age of 5 she now begs me to take her there for visits and complains that I now pick her up from school rather than her childminder doing it (and there I was thinking she'd be so happy to have Mummy every day from 3.30pm - ha!). As you say it is too good an opportunity to miss, and in the long term it sounds like it is going to work out brilliantly for you and your family. Good luck with it, and enjoy the rest of your maternity leave. Molly x

Cool, sorry didn't realise you were yet to set a venue, will 'watch this space'. M

Hi Belle, Well, I am very lucky because I have a fab childminder, who I think of a bit as a 3rd granny for my girls. As my oldest is 5 I have been using her for a long time - over 4 years and I guess because of that she is very generous in her flexible approach. I currently use her for a guaranteed 2 days per week for my little one, but she is flexible about which 2 days as she has space - they are only allowed to take 3 under 5 in total, so if she took on more little ones on the days I'm not using her this may not be an option, but at the moment it is (and I am likely to need her 3 days per week when little one is a bit older. I suspect you'd find it hard to find a childminder who would be flexible about how many days per week you use them because they are likely to need a guaranteed income from their work. It may be worth looking around though. Another option may be to see if anyone is using an Au Pair or Nanny who may be flexible about taking your little one too on an ad hoc basis, being paid per day? One of my school Mum friends is sharing another Mum's Au Pair on this kind of basis and it seems to work well (she is an actress so her work is very varied week by week). Hope this helps a bit... Molly

Fuscia, where is the 14th July meet? I'd love to tag along if that's OK, though I may be working that day, not sure yet. Molly

Citizen ED and Pickle, I completely identify with both of your posts. Pickle, I think if you ever want it you'd get plenty of work locally helping those of us who are self employed with our accounts and tex returns - I have yet another deadline looming that I am prone to ignore rather like the ironing! Citizen ED, my hubby and I have found the shift from 1 to 2 children much more challenging in many ways than the shift from 0 to 1. Whilst confident about 'how' we parent, and managing a baby, it is the relentlessness of it. Like you I often feel like I am doing 100 things badly rather than 10 things brilliantly, and sort of 'hanging on by my fingertips' is often how I describe it. But I think it is good to remember that this is the nature of parenthood, and that we ARE surviving it and actually doing OK. Working from home and fitting it in around the children sounds like Utopia, but it is so hard sometimes. With the stage the baby is at it is very hard to do much whilst she is awake, so I tend to fit my 'work' in at nap times, or more often I start work after getting them to bed and cooking the dinner, at around 9pm and work until midnight...tough when I am then up in the night still, or starting my day at 6pm. Work always takes priority so housework gets ignored too often, but I do a bit when I can, and I figure standards can slip for a while. I am determined to 'hang in there' and keep doing it all though because it will get easier as the little one gets older, and in any case we can't quite survive on just my hubby's income, so I need to bring in something, and it is either do this, or go out and get a 'real' job (I do have a part time local job which allows me to put the baby with a childminder for a few hours once or twice a week, and in many ways it feels like a holiday when I go and do that!). I do envy people who work in the teaching industry from the point of view of the holidays fitting in with childcare so well. Hindsight is a wonderful thing eh, I think my life would be very different if I'd known 20 years ago what I know now! Molly

The long gestation period is a complete pain isn't it. Hopefully he has sneezed all over her and shared the germs nicely, def. better if they both get it and then it is over and done with. I'm still feeding baby C a lot so fingers crossed she has some immunity, and if she does get it, it will be a mild dose. Hope you don't go too stir crazy entertaining them until they get the all clear. Molly

Eugh Pickle, you're the 2nd post on here tonight with the dreaded pox...there's a lot of it about. Lots of CBeebies I think, mixed in with some cake making, model making etc. Also, my eldest has had it, so I was always OK for a playdate anyway when friends little ones came down with it. However, DD2 has not yet had it, I'm praying she doesn't do what DD1 did, which was catch it 5 days before we were due to fly with her for the first time....we go away in early August...eek, may go into isolation between now and then! It was such a total pain. If over 12 months old you can give them liquid Piriton, it helps a lot with the itching...I know I keep posting about it, but it really saved our life when O had it. Molly

Hi Belle, It is so hard isn't it. After DD1 I went back to work full time, in my old job as a secretary in the City, she was 9 months old and I worked 5 days per week 9am to 5pm and HATED it so much. Luckily she was with a lovely childminder, and in all honesty I don't feel it did her any harm at all, in fact it was lovely when she eventually started nursery and then school that I didn't have to go through quite so much upset with her clinging on, begging me not to leave etc. as she was so used to the concept of Mummy leaving her during the day (though we do have our moments, even now on the odd 'wobbly' day). Overall she is a confident, happy child and very outgoing. Anyway, the plan was that I'd go back full time but get pregnant again ASAP, be off on full maternity pay (whoo hoo), have 2nd baby and then go part time....best laid plans and all that...as some on here know from previous posts having a 2nd baby actually was a lot harder, and took a lot longer than planned, and each time I lost a baby I also lost my 'escape route' from the job I no longer wanted to be doing, which really didn't help and added to the pressure. So, during all this I was also doing my Nappy Lady stuff, fitting it into evenings and weekends, and when DD1 was about 2 years old hubby and I sat down and talked and agreed it was time to change things (I was worried that years were passing by, DD1 was growing up, and still I was working 5 days etc). The Nappy Lady had a vacancy for someone to do some part time homebased admin for them, and I cobbled that together with some other local ad hoc admin work, went self employed and managed to earn enough to manage whilst being out of the daily nightmare commute and under a lot less pressure. Now DD2, who, like a little miracle finally came along is 8 months old so I too am facing the return to work very soon and it is really tricky to make it worth while. But again it is a juggling act. I'm returning to the local part time admin work, but will now be working around school hours to cut childcare costs, so only paying for the little one to be looked after, and only from about 9.30 'til 3, which feels a lot better. With that and my Nappy Lady stuff (which I do more for love than money!) I can just about contribute something to our income, though after tax and childcare it is hardly worth it....but long term of course when both are at school it will pick up again. I LOVE being able to do the school run, and knowing that I'll be able to stay for assemblies etc. - that flexibility is worth so much and I think it is really important for the children, so will do pretty much whatever it takes to work around that if I possibly can. From that point of view I love being self employed. Doing tax returns was scary, but actually not that hard provided you keep records and don't have too complicated a business. Not getting sick pay and holiday pay isn't great, but overall I love working for myself and being my own boss, I find it much more rewarding. Working part time - HA. Don't be fooled, everyone I know who is a Part-Time working Mum is simply cramming a normal amount of work into less time. It is hard, and stressfull and I think unless you do a job like, say stacking shelves in Tesco's that is pretty much the way it works. Hence I am often on line at midnight, or 5am, you just fit the work in around the children and at times that can be relentless. In many ways going into the City 5 days a week was easier, and it paid a hell of a lot more, but I was not fulfilled at all, and I hated, hated, hated being away from my daughter from 8am until 5.30pm five days per week. If I had to go back to that I think it would break my heart. I always thought I wanted to be a full time Mum, but actually for me the ideal is probably a 60:40 mix. I want to be the 'main carer' for sure, but a bit of time away, to be reminded of what I can achieve without small people in tow is actually good for the soul I think. I also believe it is good for the children, though I still have to keep telling myself that when I think of leaving the little one. The other thing is I LOVE working locally and feel much more like part of the community. It is amazing how many life changes can be brought on by having a baby, I never thought I'd be doing what I'm doing now, and sometimes I look back and wonder quite how it all evolved this way. I hope you find what 'feels right' for you when the time comes. Good luck, Molly

Those storage bottles look the same as the ones you get from the milk bank if you are a milk donor Fuschia, they are great. How can I not laugh at the hands free expressing bra, that is very practical but further underlines just how unglamorous motherhood really is. Seriously. OK, on the birth front, try to stay mentally positive about it, and not too fixated on how it is going to be - difficult if you are a control freak like me! Stay active during labour if you can, but basically follow your instincts, all women labour differently, only you will know what is right for you, and only when you are actually in labour. Regarding bleeding after the birth, you can get disposable pants, handy for the first day or two if you are in hospital, but I preferred to buy cheap (Matalan) cotton pants and Mothercare do san. pads which are impregnanted with Aloe Vera and very gentle/help with healing. I remember wondering how many to buy and asking a friend first time around, it can vary a lot, but you will probably need enough for about 2 weeks, though get a mix, thicker ones for the first few days. Your whole body can really ache in the days after giving birth so take it easy. Only do as much as you feel up to, give your body time to heal. You don't need to stay in bed for 2 weeks (whatever your Mum/MIL may tell you!), but equally it is important not to overdo it. If you can get a back massage at some point in the first month or two it can really help - I find I end up really tense across my back what with labour, then all the feeding, and picking baby up etc. A good massage will make a huge difference. Molly

I gather Belle, that the reason for the high number of twins in London in general is two fold; 1) Because of career women leaving it later to try for a family - at which point your body often starts 'churning' out more than 1 egg during each cycle in a last ditch attempt to get you pregnant! 2) Because of career women leaving it later to try for a family and then not being able to get pregnant naturally, so going for IVF, at which point of course twins can often occur. Of course there are lots of natural twins around too, and as I have said before 'we' (Wandsworth, Clapham and extending over this way) have the highest density of children per head of population in Europe, so I guess it is therefore the case that there are more twins around too. BUT I have to say, in the past 12 months I've become aware of seeing a lot more twins around and about. Strange. Fuschia, can we have a brief description of you, and the buggy you drive so we can identify you (ooh, it's like Most Wanted!). Snigger. Molly Edited for some dodgy spelling. Now, must go and clear up the kitchen post dinner chaos, and put washing on...sigh.....

Fuschia, I hope we will meet over the summer hols, but always up for a cuppa when I can fit it in (life seems very hectic, especially now I am starting to think about going back to my 'other' non-nappy lady work, so the diary does get hectic). Every time I see anyone out with twins now I have to restrain myself from going up to them and asking them if they are 'Fuschia'! Molly

Sorry guys, I obviously gave rubbish instructions initially!

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The Nappy Lady Wrote: > ------------------------> No, sit on floor on your > bottom with legs out in > > front of you, spread to create a V. > > Ooh, I tried this just now and it worked, though > it didn't stop baby no 2 taking the opportunity to > try to crawl off carrying the pooey nappy and > rapdily pull all of the wipes out of the wipes > pack... usual day around here then!! Ha - ah yes, with two babies it isn't quite so easy - maybe pin the 2nd one under the other leg (ha, making me laugh just imagining the scene)!!!!

Moos Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Molly, I think I'm probably being a bit dim, but > I'm not sure I get this. Are you kneeling on the > floor in a sort of hurdling position? No, sit on floor on your bottom with legs out in front of you, spread to create a V. Put baby on floor between your legs, at right angles to you, then lift one leg and put over baby's chest, so your thigh is holding them down ......or as I did this morning, baby on bed with her feet to the edge of the bed, then I sat on edge of bed, with one leg going down onto floor, other leg across her chest.....hmmm not sure that will make sense unless you try it...but it does work. Basically, just pin 'em down! Molly

If you don't want to queue at William Rose, or go down to Rye Lane, then try the small butchers in Nunhead, a couple of doors along from Sopers Fishmongers, next to the pedestrian crossing. It is run by 'Naz' a young Sicilian guy who is really friendly and helpful. Some of the stuff he stocks comes from personal contacts in Sicily - the Olives, sundried tomatoes and some of the hams I think, though of course this does vary according to supply. Meatwise he will always get stuff in for you if you ask, and is always willing to listen to suggestions about what he should be offering. He has in the past made up wheat free sausages for me, and always minces beef up in front of me so I can see exactly what I am getting. He is a really lovely guy, and the quality of meat (and service) is very good. I have to say I don't like the other butchers in Nunhead (the one on the corner) at all, but that is mostly about the attitude of the butcher, I once went in to complain about a chicken I had bought and he was so off hand, despite me being a regular customer, so I decided I would take my business elsewhere in future! His loss. Oh, if you do go to Naz for meat it is cash or cheque only as he doesn't have a switch machine. Molly

I've just remembered another one, that's has been handed down through 'generations' of Nappy Ladies! When you get to the 9 months (ish) nightmare nappy changes where all your baby wants to do is roll over, crawl off etc. it can be a real nightmare, especially if trying to deal with a dirty nappy. Try putting baby on the floor, at right angles to you, and put your leg across their chest, so your thigh is holding them down gently. You can then change them easily and without a struggle and it is all over in moments. I was reminded of this earlier when I had to resort to it with my little one, and where she was being really stroppy about letting me change her, the minute I did the 'leg trick' as I call it she submitted happily and lay there gurgling. Usually after you've done it a couple of times they get much more compliant about nappy changes, and you don't have the power struggle any more....and the good news is that they do get through this phase and become helpful about changes again eventually. In the meantime I know many a Mum who has been saved from red faced, stressful, sweaty nappy changes thanks to this trick! Molly