newcomer

You've probably had your c section by now but in case there are others who are going through the same thing I wanted to give my thoughts. I too planned a home birth but ended up having a c section. - operation itself really not bad at all- you don't feel a thing - DO NOT RUSH after the op. They tell u to take it easy for a reason - I had no probs bonding with baby. In fact, I was taken aback by how strongly I felt - if u plan to breastfeed, use the time in hospital to get lots of help from the midwives - careful when you first stand up. You might feel woozy and sometimes the lochia is heavy - every mother takes time to recover from birth. A c-section at least is something that strangers (partic. men) 'respect' as being a major operation, so tell everyone you meet in the first 6 weeks that you've had a section and you might be surprised how helpful some people are with, eg, helping you lift car seat into taxis, etc - c-sections often are gentle on babies, as opposed to forceps/ventouse so that's somethng to feel postive about! Less risk of misshapen head, etc. And usually much less risky than breach delivery Hope it went ok...

Thank you nymom and Pickle.

I'll be moving overseas when Baby Newcomer is about 8/9 weeks old, and will be going to quite a different time zone. Has anyone moved zones with a baby and, if so, do you have any advice re how to ease the transition for the baby? The only things I had been thinking was to get baby outside during the day when I get there to help his natural body clock, and to keep nighttime quiet and dark, but other than that is it just a case of playing it by ear? At the same time, we'll need to move Baby Newcomer from a Moses basket in our room to a cot in his own room (albeit right next to our room) as our bedroom will be small and there will simply be no room for a basket/cot. Any advice for that transition as well? Did your babies complain about the move to a larger sleeping area? He seems very young to be in a big cot but I guess we don't have much choice and I figure that plenty of babies are in cots right from the first night, so hopefully it won't be too distressing for him after a few unsettled nights? All advice gratefully received!

Thank you! I am smitten but exhausted - so a typical new mum I guess!

I am so glad I found this post - 3 week old DS wants to feed ALL the time during the day. Not sure it's a growth spurt as it's been like this for a week, plus he seems to manage to go for 2.5 hours during the night without feeding. Nice to know it's normal (although exhausting ...)

Oh I should add that the baby was big as well - 9.5 lbs- so this probably also played a part.

In case anyone else reading this is pregnant and had a similar concern, I ended up putting on over 3.5 stone and, 3 weeks post-partum, have lost 2.5 stone already despite the fact that I'm eating more than ever as am breastfeeding. So I think my body just needed that extra weight? Anyhow, hope this gives someone some comfort.

Thanks everyone - I have now got over my guilt re potentially disturbing the other biz class passengers, and will take up the business class flights if they are offered to me!

A few more questions! It seems as though my husband's work might either pay for or subsidize the cost of the flight, and may even pay for a business class flight for me. Would it be worth taking them up on this offer or would the wrath of the other business class passengers mean I'd have a miserable trip? If business class would be worth it, then (a) does anyone know which out of BA, Virgin and Cathay Pacific might be the best for a baby; and (b) do all of them provide bassinets in business class? I've had a look at all 3 websites but am hoping for some personal experience/advice.

I agree with Sanne Panne re olive oil as a good, cheap solution. I also use Bio Oil for my bump, but it's a bit expensive to use as an all-over moisturiser! I found that putting a capful or two of olive oil in the bath works well.

Hi pilsbury. First of all, many congratulations! And welcome to the crazy world of pregnancy. The first thing to remember is that your body is now no longer your own - so don't be surprised at all the weird and unsettling things that start to happen to it over the next 7 months or so. I've recently attended a NCT course but don't work for them or have any involvement with NCT, so hopefully I can give you an unbiased view of my experiences, though of course everyone's experiences will be different. Re whether or not NCT is 'worth it', I think it really depends on whether or not this is your first child (I'm assuming that it is?), whether or not you want to meet other local parents, and how much you know already about raising a new-born. Personally, I'd recommend the course to any first time parent (especially those who don't already have a lot of experience with babies or pregnancy) as I've found the content extremely useful and reassuring. Even though I have read a zillion pregnancy books, I still learnt a lot of things from the course. From a pyschological point of view, I think attending the course also helped me to make the transition from scared girl-who-happens-to-be-preggers-but-hasn't-a-clue-what-she's-doing to a more prepared 'mum-to-be'. I'm not saying that this wouldn't have happened anyway over the course of my pregnancy - but my personal experience is that the course helped me to achieve this to happen in a very natural and calming way. And it has been great to be able to talk over my (often irrational) fears and questions in a supportive atmosphere. The social benefit is, to my mind, an 'extra' bonns, but I'd still recommend the course even if you don't care about that aspect. If this social aspect side is appealing to you, then I'd recommend that you phone the NCT and try to get a course that's closer to you than London Bridge - perhaps you could at least get yourself on a waiting list for East Dulwich classes? Finally, before attending the course I had initially wondered if we would have a 'hard sell' for breastfeeding and/or 'natural' childbirth, but I didn't find that to be the case at all - in fact, I felt that we were given a very balanced view. Again, I imagine this largely depends on the quality of the teacher you get. Ultimately though, people have been having kids since the dawn of time without attending NCT classes, so if you don't make the classes then don't worry about it. If you're interested, I think there are also one-day classes at Kings you could attend instead. All the very, very best with the pregnancy and I hope the morning sickness gremlins leave you alone!

I have a suggestion - find out the sex but don't tell anyone that you know. Then: A) even so often, drop either 'she' or 'he' into the conversation when you're talking about baby (make sure you alternate between the two but use the 'wrong' pronoun more than the 'right' one) and B) subtley encourage your friends and family to start a bet re the sex of your baby. But (and here's the really sneaky bit) secretly let one of your friends know what sex the baby is, on the condition that they agree to split the winnings with you! :-) I reckon this would also work if you're having a planned C-section. Don't let anyone know that you already know the 'delivery date' and then encourage them to bet on the baby's birthday. Again, share the secret with a friend and split the winnings! Of course, this is a little more complicated as you're going to have to continue pretending to everyone that it was an emergency c-section, but it may be worth it if the bets are high enough... By the way, I've tried neither of these options, so I'll leave it to your discretion whether or not this is a good idea!

Dear fruitcake, whichever option you choose, then it might be a good idea to try to introduce activities that help your child to mingle with the 'other half' of society. For instance, if you send them to private school, maybe they could also attend a community youth club in your local area. Or, if they attend your local state school, then maybe they could go to privately-run junior rugby/horseriding/drama lessons. This will help them to develop the social skills they'll need as they grow up - whatever path they eventually choose in life.

Re the last bit of your question - it's not too early to be considering this. In fact, nurseries, NCT and midwives all need to be considered very early on indeed as they all get booked up very fast. I know that it feels very strange to be arranging such things when you've perhaps not even told your own family yet, but in your own interests it makes sense.

Top Tips for Scans: 1) I agree with Sanne Panne, edanna and prdarling - bring a book or two, something to eat & drink, change for the coffee machine, etc. For my 23-week scan at KCH I had to wait almost 4 hours so I was very bored indeed by the end. 2) If your doctor doesn't volunteer inforamtion, feel free to ask questions during the scan. 3) I have always found the doctors to be nice, although one or two of the reception staff have come across as rather harsh at times (though I think they were probably just busy). 4) If anyone says anything you don't understand, ask them to explain it again until it makes sense - there's a lot of new terminology when you're pregnant and sometimes doctors forget that not all of it is 'general knowlege' to the average first-time mother. 5) I didn't buy enough coupon thingies, but the person carrying out my scan was v kind and gave me some 'extra' photos anyway. They aren't meant to though... 6) If you do have an internal scan, try not to tense up (I know, I know, easier said than done!) as the more relaxed you are, the less uncomfortable it will be. It's not meant to hurt though, so if it does hurt, tell them. 7) Bring your maternity notes, even if they are only a page or two, and your appointment letter. I forgot both on my first scan, and was almost turned away. Finally, enjoy it! I hope everything goes really, really well for you.

My first scan with Kings was at 13 weeks and 3 days. Kings seem to do them slightly later than other hospitals (where I think the average scan is at 12 weeks). I think this is because you can see more on a 13-week scan, but I'm not sure.

You've probably already planned this all by now (as I see that this post is quite old) but, in case your husband isn't able to accompany you and you have to travel alone, perhaps you could ask him to bring the bulk of the luggage with him later so that you can travel as 'light' as possible? Also, perhaps your cousin/family in Holland could get you the name and contact details of a doctor or midwife in Holland, just in the unlikely case that you need one while you're at the wedding. Finally, don't forget your maternity notes (or at least a photocopy of them). Again, just in case... Hope you have a great time.

Thanks everyone! V reassuring.. Guess I will just ban mirrors and pre-pregnancy clothes for a while...

I'm 8 months and have also had itching, but one thing I noticed was that my itching was worse the day after I go swimming. I'm not sure if it's the chlorine or the fact that I used the gym's shower gel instead of my usual unperfumed brand, but it seems that my skin is more sensitive than usual. I've therefore started bringing my own shower gel to the pool, and showering both in the pool changing rooms and again when I get home, and that has really helped. So, in case you get your tests done but still can't find a cause for the itching, please bear in mind that your skin might simply be more sensitive than usual and you could perhaps consider changing the shower gel/washing powder/body lotion you are using.

According to the books, the recommended weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 lbs. I'm 32 weeks and have already gained around 30 lbs (depending on what I use as my 'starting weight') so by the time the baby is born, I'll have probably gained around 40 lbs in total. I think I eat reasonably heathily (balanced meals, but with the odd bowl of ice-cream or choc bar) and am doing gentle exercise (plenty of walking, occasionally swimming, occasionally preg yoga), so I don't feel that I've been stuffing my face or throwing all abandon to the wind. However, I've obviously gained an 'above average' amount and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience and, if so, how much longer did it take you to lose the weight once the baby was born? I know that I shouldn't diet while pregnant or while breastfeeding, so I may be 'stuck' with some excess weight gain for a while, and I've accepted that.

I agree that I'm probably being unrealistic in a modern-day London society. But the original post did ask for views, and my own view (and personal experience) is that although it can be horribly difficult to look after elderly relatives it is my "responsibility" as a relative to do so. When she was alive, my greataunt's dementia meant that it was often extremely difficult to feel any great affection for her (for example, she wrongly accused everyone of 'stealing' from her, trying to poison her, etc and was verbally and physically abusive to both her family and daycare staff). But since she didn't have any children of her own, it was up to my mother and I (her niece and greatniece) to take turns to visit on a daily basis, clean bedpans, negotiate with irrate daycare staff who were (understandably) fed up with the treatment she gave them, etc. We received no money from her when she died- in fact, my mother funded her care for the last year or so - and we expected none. I had barely known her in her 'pre-dementia' days and so I was not caring for her to return any sort of favour. Don't get me wrong- I'm not asking for some sort of medal or pat on the head - I'm just saying that elder-care can sometimes be the 'right' thing to do even when there is no chance of any 'return' to the carer (such as free childcare, inheritance, or even gratitude). If she wasn't family, we would never have done it. But, since she was family, I simply don't see how we could have done anything else. Of course, it is naturally more difficult if the relative doesn't live in the same town - or even the same country - and I do realise that some of my more sweeping comments in my original post (like 'however well or badly you think they've treated you') are controversial private views and are probably not shared by everyone. It's for this reason that I would disagree with any sort of legal obligation or other centrally-imposed compulsion to look after one's relatives. Steveo, I'm not trying to preach, and I do empathise with anyone caring for a relative with mental issues like dementia, but your post did (probably unintentionally) sound a bit flippant/mercenary when you talked about 'Bye bye inheritence' and Indignitas. I was simply reacting to that, and I didn't mean to cause any offence. I don't pretend that someone taking on a care-burden like you have done with your mother is always going to feel particularly cheerful about it so I shouldn't have picked out your name specifically.

There shouldn't be a legal obligation to look after grandparents, but there is a moral obligation. In my view, the moral obligation still exists even when it doesn't seem 'fair'. In other words, it applies even if the grandparents fail to provide any babysitting whatsoever, where the burden unfairly falls on the women rather than the men, where the relatives are parents-in-law rather than being blood-related and/or when your siblings aren't pulling their weight in sharing the responsibility. It also applies when the grandparents suffer from dementia or similar problems and are horrible to you (although I completely appreciate how difficult this can be and how unrewarding it may seem at the time). And it even applies when the cost of their care is 'using up' your inheritence (Steveo..). In other words, I believe that looking after one's parents is simply the right and proper thing to do, however well or badly you think they've treated you. This is of course a general principle and it would be understandable if Shannon Matthews didn't feel like caring for Karen Matthews. But this is an exception rather than the rule. In this country, we seem to have forgotten family responsibility and respect for our elders. It makes me angry and sad when I hear of old people who are lonely and struggling, despite having sons and daughters.

Ah, I feel better getting all that off my chest. As you can probably tell, I hate the concept of private schooling but neither am I convinced that I would like to have to send my children to the local comprehensives when the time came. Oh, and to respond to some earlier criticisms of grammar schools - yes, grammar schools do discriminate but there will always be discrimination in any education system and surely it is better to discriminate on a child's intelligence and academic ability rather than their parents' income. Also, in my view, comprehensive schools tend to only suit the 'sloggers' and - without the innate streaming that grammar schools provide to the education system - intelligent pupils can become stifled (and, particularly with bright but bored teenage boys, disruptive) and less-academic pupils can become lost as they are so much further behind everyone else that it becomes almost impossible to catch up. By the way, I don't see the concept of grammar schools as only applying to right-of-centre political parties such as the Conservatives. In fact, as I see it, many of the benefits of grammar schools would actually fit nicely into the political viewpoints and aspirations of more socialist-leaning parties such as Labour and the Lib Dems. Right, it's definitely the end of my rant now. Sorry it was so long.

We should bring grammar schools back. I went to a grammar school in Northern Ireland and, were it not for the fantastic schooling I received, I would never have gone to university (most of my non-grammar-school friends quit school at 16). However, in my view there are also three fantastic benefits of grammar schools that have not yet been mentioned above. 1. SOCIAL COHESION Grammar schools allow 'rich' and 'poor' kids to mix and interact in a way than simply doesn't exist in England at the moment. However, to get the maximum impact from this benefit from this I would go even further than simply introducing a few new grammars - I would also introduce measures to discourage private schools. In Northern Ireland, there are few private schools. The effect of this is that the grammar schools provide an amazing environment in which poor and rich kids mix, get on, and compete on an equal basis. At school, my friends included everyone from the richest/'poshest' in society to sons and daughters of terrorists. This meant that I learnt to accept people at face value and judge on merit rather than parents' income. In contrast, when I then went onto an English university, I was amazed at the level of snobbery and reverse snobbery on both sides. My 'public/private' uni friends had never mixed with anyone who wasn't comparatively rich and, as a result, tended to look down their noses at comprehensive kids (despite the fact that many of the comp kids who made it to uni were actually smarter than the privately schooled ones). On the other hand, many of my 'comprehensive' friends seemed to have a chip on their shoulders about anyone with a posh accent - and (incorrectly) assumed that they were all nasty and shallow. These attitudes persist into later life as well. Some of the people I have worked with have never mixed with anyone who wasn't exactly like them - they went straight from nanny -> public school -> Oxbridge -> the City - and consequently have incredibly illinformed ideas about how the other half lives. I'm sure that some of our nation's top politicians would be a great deal more useful if they had attended a grammar school and actually learned about 'real life' from real people, instead of just quoting unworkable social policies. 2. NON-ACADEMIC SKILLS We learn a lot of non-academic skills at school. The greatest barrier to social mobility is often not just a lack of academic achievement but a lack of the soft skills and 'presentational' aspects that employers look for in a prospective employee. In other words, it is important to learn soft skills such as debating, negotiation, public speaking, interview skills, leadership ability and teamwork, as well as more intangible skills like: an 'educated' speaking voice (I don't mean lack of accent; I mean correct use of grammar and avoidance of slang/swearing), a poised and self-confident manner, and an ability to interact socially with everyone from the secretary to the CEO, etc. My view is that the acquisition of these softer skills is included in a public/private school education and also in a grammar school education, but is not as common in comprehensive schools. There's no point having brilliantly intelligent pupils gaining straight As in GCSE and A-level in comprehensives, only for them to fail to reach their potential because they've never been taught interview skills or how best to act in a formal social environment. On a related note, my observation is that you tend to have a wider choice of sports in a grammar school than a comprehensive - and more importance is attributed to them. This helps children to become more active and they have more chance of finding an activity that they can continue to enjoy throughout their lives (which can only help with the UK's ever-increasing obsesity problems). 3. EFFECT ON MIDDLE-CLASS PARENTS. For now, let's ignore truly 'rich' families who send their children to private schools and focus instead on the many 'ordinary' middle-class parents who want to give their children a good education, who believe that a private school education is better than their local comprehensive, and who therefore scrimp, save and make lifechoices that enable them to be able to afford a private school education for their children. If they instead were able to send their children to a grammar school instead, we may well find that their lifechoices were ones that benefitted society rather than just being money-raising. For example, in my mind: (i) it would give many middle-class families the choice that one or both parents would work part-time instead of full-time leaving them with more time to be able to supervise their children and help them to become grounded and emotionally stable individuals (as well as more time to persue creative interests, take care of eldery relatives, etc etc), (ii) some parents may choose their careers based more on job satisfaction and less on monetary gain (eg, moving to less-well-paid but extremely valuable careers such as teaching, nursing, or charity work instead of burning themselves out in banking, corporate law, etc.), (iii) parents may be able to afford - both financially and timewise - to bring their children on more holidays and cultural activities. My hope would be that, with grammar schools, one of the indirect consequences could be that the general emphasis in society might moves more towards one where people are able to be happy and have a good quality of living with a relatively low salary, rather than having the constant striving to earn more. Again, take Northern Ireland as an example - the average salary is only a fraction of the salary in London but generally most people are able to enjoy a much higher standard of living than people in London. I know that this is caused by many, many factors (including population size, among others), but I'd like to think that one factor is the relative lack of privately funded education.

Hi Molly, many thanks for your reply - I completely understood your original post and where you were coming from, but I felt I should comment in case anyone had misconstrued it/read it too quickly. And I thought the same thing as you when I saw the girl lying on her back - I couldn't work out why no-one seemed to even suggest getting off the bed. She was already in great pain, so there would be little to lose from trying a different position, and it might have helped. But perhaps she had already tried it, and that part simply wasn't included in the documentary.