newcomer

Also I guess you may want to consider: - the length of the journey - the ability to walk at least of the route with friends - the season and weather. I'd be more concerned about letting a child (or anyone, for that matter!) walk alone if it is dark and dreary (e.g., 5pm in February) or very rainy or icy. - whether or not they usually listen to iPod, etc. while walking (ability to hear traffic coming; 'target' for thieves?) - are they a 'daydreamer' and/or very trusting child (I know I was at that age!) or a more canny, streetwise one? - are they going through a stressful time at school when they may be more distracted than usual? - are they walking along a relatively populated well-lit road or cutting through a deserted park? etc etc.

Hang a wet teatowel in an open window. As it dries, it acts as a very cheap air conditioner!

It could well be something like a virus. EVERY time my son had a jab, he would get a cold or bug shortly thereafter. IMHO, I think their little immune systems become very 'busy' processing the vaccination and therefore they are more prone to picking up bugs. He may even have picked up something in the doctor surgery! If so, it may help to give him some infant Minadex or similar (i.e., something with a little Vit A and C in it) and/or Sambucol to give his system a boost; as well as plenty of liquids and rest. I give my son highly diluted Ribena at times like this. I know it's got sugar in it (which is, in theory, not great for an upset stomach) but at least he's drinking something and sometimes I find the sugar perks him up just enough to eat a little something for lunch or dinner. He also sees it as a 'treat' so it helps to cheer him up a bit. However, if I were you, I'd definitely go to see the doctor if he's no better by tomorrow just to set your mind to rest, as I don't remember vomiting, etc. being usual side effects of the MMR?

What do you do for your children's parties? Amongst Baby Newcomer's friends, the round of competitive "Two Year Old" birthday parties has started already. The parties are even MORE elaborate than last year and I'm beginning to feel the pressure to follow suit. So far, all the parties we've attended have involved paid entertainment (adventure zone; face painters etc) and/or catered food and professionally decorated cakes. I HAD planned to have a simple 'at home' party, maybe with some musical games and pass the parcel, but otherwise I was just going to let the kids play and eat cake while the mums drink tea. But this now seems a bit, well, lame compared to everyone else's parties... So I'm looking for guidance - how do I do an impressive, fun, RELAXED party that (a) won't break the bank, and (b) won't take 3 months to organise!

Presume you'll have to take anti malarials? If so, check with your doctor whether you're ok to breastfeed while taking them. I recall having to continue taking them for several weeks after I returned from Africa so your 'one week' away from breast-feeding might realistically be more like a month. Also, you may need vaccines etc before you go (depending what ones you already have had), which you'll need to check with your doc as well re the b/feeding.

I heard that to stop the porridge oats going all over the place you're meant to put the oats in an old sock first, tie it securely, then hold the sock under the hot tap as you fill the bath. Haven't tried it though. I remember my mum tied mittens to my hands so that I couldn't scratch. Not sure how successful it was.

If you can't borrow them, you can hire them instead: http://www.babycomes2.co.uk/carseats.html

To answer your original questions: Question 1: am I being grumpy thinking this is a bit much? Answer 1: Yes, a bit grumpy (but, hey, that's what the EDF is for! To let out all these little grievances ;-)). It's only 55 quid per family. For a ruby anniversary present, I'd say that's on the low side. Question 2: Are presents expected? I thought our presence at the lunch was what was expected. Answer 2: Presents are absolutely expected. The attendance at the lunch is obligatory too of course. It would be very rude if you didn't go, plus you'd be missing out on what sounds like a lovely family celebration. Question 3: if buying presents is the norm, is specifying what you want a bit on the cheeky side? Answer 3: Hmm, I see what you mean, but it's not usually cheeky when it's close family. My family often gives 'hints', but I guess we're big on presents and celebrations so it's viewed as being considerate as you're saving the present-buyer time and effort in trying to figure out what to buy. (By the way, I loved your photo album present idea- that is very thoughtful and I'm sure they'd appreciate it if you went ahead anyway and made it as an extra surprise to supplement the War Horse tickets?) I reckon that if you go with a happy heart, then you'll probably have a truly great time and, even if you don't, it's worth it for your daughter to bond with her grandparents: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/grandparents.html I hope you and your family (husband, daughter, in-laws) ALL have a wonderful day.

Just to play devil's advocate a bit...(and I apologize in advance if this is out of line or uncalled for) Although it's never right for another mum to shout at your child, I'm trying to see the situation from the viewpoint of the other mums in the class. If your daughter's behavior (albeit normal childlike enthusiasm) is disturbing the class then it's not really fair on the other children. You say that you've paid for a term, but so have the other families. If your daughter needs extra help with the class, perhaps the teacher would allow you to accompany her as an exception? It would probably benefit both your daughter and the other girls? Anyhow, I'm sure you've already considered all this but just wanted to provide a different viewpoint before you return to the class with guns blazing. I'm guessing the mother who shouted at your child probably just made a mistake out of frustration at a perceived 'threat' to hee daughter's enjoyment of the class.

5 months is a really nice time to fly- your baby will probably sleep through a lot of it, and it'll be quite relaxing (well, compared to travelling with a toddler anyhow). For various reasons, I've now done more than my fair share of long-haul flights with my son on my own, and it's never as bad as I expect. Having said that, I do try to be as prepared as possible. My tips would be: 1) Bring more formula powder than you think you need (in case of spills; delays; etc). I usually bring twice as much. 2) The pouches of made-up formula are good but I'd also bring some powder as a back-up in case security make you open everything. For the powder, you could measure out the scoops into a clean bottle in advance, pop some cling film over the bottle-mouth (so that the powder can neither spill nor travel up into the teat), then screw on the teat and lid in their normal position. It's easier than faffing around trying to count scoops in dim lighting. 3) Make up the bottle yourself in the galley. An another poster mentioned, the stewards sometimes overheat the bottle and it's a painfully long wait until the milk cools down enough for your baby to drink. 4) Even if you never normally give any painkillers to your baby, please bring some Calpol or similar with you in case the change in pressure hurts your baby's ears or, God forbid, the baby develops a fever mid-flight. The sachets are handy, and I usually bring a few plastic (disposable) spoons with me too so I can simply chuck them if/when they get covered in sticky Calpol! 5) Wrap EVERYTHING in separate ziploc bags. Enjoy the trip! Ps, if you use Hipp Organic milk, bring LOADS with you. I couldn't find it anywhere in NZ the first time I went and my son refused every other brand I tried! Don't know about Oz though - maybe it's easier to find there.

This conversation does make me smile, as I HATE cheese (not sure if I have any actual intolerance, I just hate the stuff) so I am SO PLEASED when people ask "is there anything you don't eat?" so I can confess and therefore don't have to sit in front of a beautiful-looking lasagne, trying to work out how much I can hide underneath the salad or secretly pass to my husband without anyone seeing... Re thank-you cards, etc. my rule of thumb is: 1) I send a card when (a) the invitation was sent on paper (i.e, a formal invite to a 40th birthday, etc.); (b) when it's a black-tie or formal dress event; © when I know the person sends thank-you cards to other people (and hence it is important to them); and/or (d) when the host made a particularly special effort in accommodating me (e.g., gave me a lift home, made a non-cheese lasagne, etc.). In these situations I might also send flowers or some sort of thank-you gift too. 2) Otherwise I'll send an email, Facebook message, or text, according to how 'formal' I think the event was. However, I admit, I do think it's strange to 'expect' thank-yous, of any description. RE your situation, littleEDfamily, it sounds like you handled things perfectly. The parent should def should just have sat the child on their lap, but never mind - it's best not to mention these things.

This conversation does make me smile, as I HATE cheese (not sure if I have any actual intolerance, I just hate the stuff) so I am SO PLEASED when people ask "is there anything you don't eat?" so I can confess and therefore don't have to sit in front of a beautiful-looking lasagne, trying to work out how much I can hide underneath the salad or secretly pass to my husband without anyone seeing... Re thank-you cards, etc. my rule of thumb is: 1) I send a card when (a) the invitation was sent on paper (i.e, a formal invite to a 40th birthday, etc.); (b) when it's a black-tie or formal dress event; © when I know the person sends thank-you cards to other people (and hence it is important to them); and/or (d) when the host made a particularly special effort in accommodating me (e.g., gave me a lift home, made a non-cheese lasagne, etc.). In these situations I might also send flowers or some sort of thank-you gift too. 2) Otherwise I'll send an email, Facebook message, or text, according to how 'formal' I think the event was. However, I admit, I do think it's strange to 'expect' thank-yous, of any description. RE your situation, littleEDfamily, it sounds like you handled things perfectly. The parent should def should just have sat the child on their lap, but never mind - it's best not to mention these things.

Jeez, it sounds like you do 10x more than most women already... I bought a Wii 2 years ago, used it about twice, then it sat gathering dust until I donated it to my ex-PA as a 'thank you'. In my case, it was an expensive mistake. You sound like you have a lot more dedication than I do, but could you borrow one for a month or two to see if you like it first?

Hi Emza78. Just to let you know that i also AGONISED over this decision as my son has had some bad reactions to his DtaP jabs. Since I 'almost died' (this is according to my mum, who has a tendency to dramatise... but in this case I think she's being truthful) from measles when I was 7, I know first-hand how beneficial it is to have a vaccination available. But I was worried about the potential side effects from having 3 live vaccines at the same time. So I spoke to every doctor I knew and: - delayed the MMR slightly to 15 months, when it was a period of better weather and a decent period of time had lapsed since my son's previous jabs; - held off on giving him any other live vaccines (e.g., chicken pox vaccine) within 3 months of the jab; - gave him a spoonful of Minadex (Vits A and C) every day for a week before and a week after the jab; and - took his temperature and assessed his 'wellness' before he got the jab. I doubt these steps would make much, if any, difference to the risks involved, but at least they helped me to feel that I was doing SOMETHING to help. To set your mind at rest, my son had NO discernible side effects in the following weeks. The only thing I noticed was that, in my own strictly non-professional opinion, I think his immune system was a bit 'knocked' after the jab as he seemed to be more prone to catching colds, viruses etc. for the next few months. I'm not sure why this would be - perhaps his system was busy developing antibodies to the various MMR components, and didn't have spare reserves to fight colds? Or maybe I just became slightly paranoid and over-observant! Or sheer coincidence. Who knows. Anyhow, I wish you very well with your decision- I really do empathise!

You could also cook a bit extra for dinner and then have it for lunch the next day too (properly reheated of course)? Less work for you ... Oh, and it's quite handy to get your little one used to eating pouches occasionally - it comes in useful for long trips, flights, long waits in the doctor surgery, etc. when fresh-cooked food just isn't possible.

Is your nipple 'blanching' at all? Aa I had something called Reynauld's syndrome (sp?) when I was breastfeeding. Agony. Got treated for thrush twice before I spoke to a lactation consultant and realised that it wasn't thrush. http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/nipple-blanching.html

In the past I've always had 'good' teeth and, in fact, I only had one filling (when my braces were taken off as a teenager). However, it seems as though my teeth are falling apart since I had Baby Newcomer 18 months ago! I've now had two more fillings and two 'fissions' (or something like that - not quite a filling but a pre-cursor to a filling). Is this linked to pregnancy/childbirth or is it simply a by-product for having less time to spend on my morning/evening routines; or maybe just because I've not been to the dentist as regularly?

Thanks everyone - it's great to hear the pros and cons of different age gaps.

I know that it's impossible to plan these things but, if you could, what age gap do you think would be the best between two children? Ive been having this discussion with some of my friends and some seem to recommend having another ASAP before you get too used to sleeping through the night etc; others advise waiting til the elder is at school or kindergarten at least.

Ha. Just had this problem. Little Newcomer had a virus yesterday, so high fever and some vomiting. Discussed with the doctor, who immediately prescribed large doses of paracetamol suppositories and gravol without any discussion of when they should be used. When questioned, he admitted that it's best only to give paracetamol when fever gets very high (over 101) and he advised that I definitely should give it if Little Newcomer's fever goes above 104, due to increased risk of febrile convulsions and other complications that go with super high temperatures. For slight fevers, he admitted that it's actually preferable to let the body's immune system to do its job, and not to medicate, as the fever will help to kill the infection and so the child will recover more quickly. I asked also about the gravol (anti-sickness medication) and again he said that, despite prescribing it to us, it's best to avoid it unless the child is getting very distressed or dehydrated by the vomiting. I have been following this advice and have given paracetamol when the temperature started to soar to 103/104 but not when temperature is only 99 or so. I haven't given any Gravol. Little Newcomer seems to have gone from really ill to almost totally recovered within a day, so maybe there's something to this "minimal medication" malarky? However, note that I only got this extra information on usage because I queried it. No wonder drugs are over-used, if doctors prescribe first and explain later. My personal belief is that paracetomol is a life-saver in many situations, as high fevers can cause a lot of damage to a small child. However, over-use when it's not really needed means that the child's immune system doesn't get the chance to kick in and so, like any other medicine, it should be used with caution.

Saffron, I see your point but I guess my belief is that what other parents let their kids do is none of my business, so on balance I think it would be worse to make a big deal out of it by refusing to give some 5-year-old sweets if they happen to stop by. I don't plan to leave out a pumpkin or decorations so I'm not exactly inviting the trick or treaters to come and call. Of course, I also admit that part of the reason is self-preservation - I really don't fancy having my windows pelted with eggs or other nasty tricks being played on me! Gwod, yeah, I figure I might have to reluctantly relent if 'all his friends are doing it' and I'm the only stick-in-the-mud parent muttering on about 'institutionalised extortion' but I'm going to try to stand firm as long as I can! At the moment, my (probably naive) plan is to explain my views to my son if he asks, but give him some sweets and chocolate on All Saints Day instead (i.e., the next day) so he doesn't feel too hard done by. My dad did a similar thing when I was growing up. He hated the idea of lying to me about anything, so instead of saying the tooth fairy would give me money for a tooth, he simply gave me the money upfront and explained that I probably shouldn't 'spoil it' for the other kids by telling them that the tooth fairy didn't exist. I never felt it was unfair - I was just happy to get the money!

PS re Saffron's comment re adding water/heatwaves etc - I breastfed exclusively and moved from the UK to the severe heat of a Hong Kong summer when my baby was 8 weeks old so I guess I'm an example of a mother 'acclimatised to a cool climate'. In my experience, I did not need to supplement with water. I just needed to breastfeed a bit more often, and also to make sure that I drank plenty of water myself. It seemed that my body (and baby) adjusted almost immediately. If anecdotal evidence helps, many of my friends here are expats who also breastfed exclusively when their babies were little and I don't know of any that gave their babies water until they started weaning. (Bottle-fed babies here do, however, need extra water when the weather gets hot).

Were they being serious?!? You are absolutely right - breastmilk alone is all you need until you start to introduce solid food. Do NOT give your baby that other stuff... But don't just take it from me - ask your GP/health visitor for their opinion and, if you haven't already done so, get some books from the library on breastfeeding and weaning (the Gina Ford weaning book is really good, even if you don't agree with her philosophy on anything else!) and then next time anyone gives you such ill-advised recommendations, you'll be able to politely explain to them why they are dangerously incorrect. By the way, if the advice comes from someone of an older generation, be tactful when you tell them they are wrong- the advice in this area has changed dramatically in the last generation or two.

Baby Newcomer is too young for trick-or-treating but, I've got to admit, I've always disliked the concept of it. Perhaps this is because I didn't trick-or-treat as a child (it wasn't common where I lived but I doubt my parents would've let me anyway) or perhaps it's because I can't help but think of it as a form of begging! What do other parents do? Do you all let your kids trick or treat? Am I a killjoy if I don't go along with it? PS I'm not a total spoilsport and I have bought sweets and chocolate to give out in case any kids come round!

We did it! We moved out to HK last summer with my husband's job and I totally love it! As candj says, the lifestyle is great. In my opinion, ClaireinSE22 hit the nail on the head when she said it comes down to 'filthy lucre' - you really do have to consider whether the position would include a substantial housing allowance. Unfortunately this is actually pretty key to how much you'll enjoy living here as the cost of renting housing is unbelievably expensive. If you have a good allowance, then you'll probably love Hong Kong as the financial advantage you get here of having such a low tax rate would allow you to lead an enviable expat lifestyle with your kids (playdates on the beach, country club or wakeboarding at the weekend, Thailand for Christmas, live-in domestic help, etc etc). If you don't get any housing allowance with your husband's job, then you need to do your sums carefully as HK is an expensive place to live and you pay more than the UK for the sort of 'luxuries' that a lot of ED parents take for granted (eg, organic food, organised activities for the kids, etc). Here are the other pros and cons. PROS Fantastic expat lifestyle. Great weather most of the year, except summer when it's very hot and humid. Very good healthcare system. Excellent schools, albeit very hard to get into and very expensive. Relatively inexpensive domestic help, which allows you more time with both your kids and with your husband. Very safe city (I feel much safer here than I did in London) Feeling of prosperity and hopefulness re the economy. All that extra sunlight makes it easier to stick to an exercise routine! (well, at least it did in my case...) CONS Expensive housing. Pollution, especially if you live in Central/Mid-levels etc. Far from the UK. 12-13 hour flight. Hot and humid in summer months. Insects. (This isn't a major con, it's just something I noticed when I first got here!). I'm also happy to be PM-ed if you'd like any extra info. Good luck with your decision.