bee74

Hello I am feeling a bit under the weather and would like a proper deep tissue massage. I am a therapist myself so reluctant to try anyone who is not recommended as I have been disappointed many times with people who are not very experienced or just not very good, sadly. My usual therapist is away hence I am looking... I would like someone who has proper training and experience and leaves me feeling like they have really got deep into the aches and pains of the muscles... Thank you

unfortunately that is exactly my toddler's nap time these days. We might still try to get there later, 4.30ish... maybe some of you will still be hanging around. X

hi mackerelfish my boy is the same: also very loving and caring - giving lots of kisses and hugs to everyone and showing concern and offering toys, caresses, etc if he sees another child crying. the irony! as you say. i think that like we do, they experience a range of emotions - from anger/aggression to love/care but they just haven't learnt the social rules of how to direct anger towards a non-aggresive behaviour with others.. i think consistency is key. but also not showing any aggression while you discipline but being gentle and graceful. i say this, but rarely manage myself! thank you

wow. Thank you everyone for the very much appreciated suggestions. We have tried most of them - distraction, singing songs, cutting the change shorts, options, ... all work but at times. At others there is nothing to do. So he gets frustrated, i get angry and it's mayhem. Plus, he has upped the game by starting to hit other children more frequently and forcefully and I don't know how to deal with that either. I continue to re-iterate that children are not for hitting, that he won't have any friends, that toys are for sharing. I take him away from the situation, talk to him firmly but calmly in another room, at times leave him there to 'think about his actions'... But it just goes on. And soon enough, no one will want to play with him or come over for tea! I'll feel like a leper. Oh dear. How long does this hitting phase last? Thank you again.

Hello there I have been having some difficulties with my 26 month old. He is normally delightful, fun and a joy to be with, but at times, he can be a horror. This normally happens when 1. we need to get dressed/undressed and 2. when he has to do something he doesn't want to do or when he has to leave a place or activity he is enjoying. This causes terrible scenes: NO NO NO, screaming, kicking, the lot (you know). This is how I approach it normally. I warn him of what is going to happen (we are leaving in 5 minutes) and then gently remind him. When he starts his tantrums, I first explain why we need to do what we are doing (because it's time to go home and eat). Then I empathise (I know you would really like to stay longer/ you are having a good time/ it must be really frustrating...) I sometime remove either myself or him from the situation. If we have time, I might sit with him while he tantrums. But when all this fails... I am afraid to say I lose it that I sometimes just force him into his clothes or drag him away. I get very frustrated and angry and then it feels horrible for both of us. I feel guilty and like a horrid mother. And he is very upset and confused. I hate this pattern we've got into and it's not what I want for him or me. I also feel my final reaction undermines my authority and his respect of me and teaches him that eventually his needs are not met and the strongest wins. Does anyone have any tips on how to approach tantrums so that we don't end up like we are both losing the battle? Thank you.

we would be very interested. it's a great idea. there is never too much green/organic stuff for kids to do. thanks

in particular, I'd like to know if it's on this Saturday... Thank you

I would love to join too. So I'll keep checking and happy to help. Thank you

Hello there could you recommend any for an active boy? Thank you

My two year old son has only just had his full leg cast removed last Friday (after a helter skelter accident) and today we spent another two hours at King's A&E waiting to stitch his chin which had split open and was bleeding profusely after a fall... I feel terrible, guilty and like a bad mother... Please tell me that I am not the only one whose child is constantly having accidents?

Someone recommended this to me, but from the vidoes and images it looks like yet another playgroup with addedd music and lots of plastic... am I wrong?

I am just curious to know if the 'common knowledge' that breastfeeding reduces fertility is actually a fact. I see a lot of evidence to show that it is almost impossible to get pregnant if you are fully breastfeeding a child until 6 months, but nothing conclusive about breastfeeding a toddler (up till 3) especially if you already have periods and have had for a while. Thank you

Hi everyone my little boy and I have just got back from Kenya where we had an amazing time. The work at the orphanage where I taught yoga to the children was a mix experience with a lot of challenge, frustration, heart break but also fun and reward. The first orphanage was run by a very corrupt man who kep the kids living in squallid conditions and wearing rags to lure tourists in with generous donations which he then pocketed himself. I delved into the matter and helped as much as I could, but it made me very angry. Corruption is very endemic. The second was the Hilton in comparison, with caring and enthusiasti staff and a lovely building with gardens and a playground. In both places the kids were delighted to have a white person care and work with them and they adored my son (long, blond curly hair) whom they treated as a superstar. All in all I realised though that these children were lucky compared to the ones outside the orphanage. At least they had a roof over their head, something to eat every day, clothes and schooling. Sadly, the reality is that some children don't have all that so I made the decision to give the stuff you kindly gave me to families I met along the way during my journey who I felt needed it the most. For example, there was a small group of women who were kept as slaves by their husbands and were working in open mines breaking coral rocks and grinding them with hand tools. All the little money made went to theri husbands. They slept under an open tarpulin and had nothing. Their children played along side covered in dust. It was a sorry site which I walked past every day on my way to the orphanage. I gave them a lot of the stuff you gave me as well as lots and lots of food. No money of course, as that would go the husbands. I considered my decisions carefully so I hope you will be pleased with the people I chose to donate your stuff, even if it was originally meant for the orphanage. THANK YOU AGAIN.

I only have one and I am torn between stopping or having another one. On a practical level I am more inclined towards one. I think one is best because now that is almost two i have more independence and i can start looking ahead to things I want to do for me, one is manageable, one is cheaper - I love to travel (I am writing this from Kenya)and the cost of travelling with two after two would be astronomical. However, being an only child, I would love my son to have another experience and have a sibling he is going to have a bond with for the rest of his life. So on the emotional level, I am more inclined towards two: I think wouldn't it be nice to be pregnant again, to have a tiny one in my arms and also I would love for my son to have a companion, an accomplice and maybe, who knows, two would entertain each other and give me less work (selfish!). Please tell me about your experiences of what number of children yoou think is best and why. Thank you

The Gambia. Kenya.

Thank you all for the advice. Curmudgeon, that is actually really interesting and yes, I do tend to judge by my standards, which is bad as I tend to eat far too much! Alie knows me which is why she is mentioning breastfeeding. I should have actually said: my boy is 22 months and he still feeds at least four times a day - when he wakes up, before his nap at 1 (which is almost straight after lunch), after his nap (a couple of hours later) and before bedtime. He eats a lot of fruit (although there isn't much variety here and he is getting a bit bored of bananas) and he is also drinking lots of milk and water whilst here. SO from what you are all saying it doesn't seem to be a problem, I m just making it a problem. He won't starve and he is getting plenty. I just wanted to set up some good habits so I think that I will try an earlier dinner time when back in the UK, because here we only get home at 6 from the orphange. And I will try to offer food, not make a fuss and take it away calmly if not eaten within ten minutes or so. M doesn't really sit down for very long streches of time... And I will offer yoghurt and banana ad hoc, depending on the feel of the situation or maybe all the time, I will have to consider that one... THANK YOU again.

It seems that problems never go away even when away. We are in Kenya doing some work at an orphanage but I m still struggling with the dinner tantrums we had at home. Lunch is kind of ok, mostly because we eat together and have pasta, I think. But dinner is normally not a plesant experience for all involved. At home we can normally get away with it if we have fish fingers or soya steaks, but here neither is available so we are left with eggs (we don't eat meat) and I can't give him an egg a day! Sometimes he loves lentil soup with cocunut and sometimes he refuses it. And when he refuses food things just go from bad to worse: I keep offering, getting frustrated, he keeps refusing, getting frustrated. Then there might be a tantrum, crying, etc. I often relent and offer yoghurt and/or a banana. This feels wrong because I imagine he will learn that if he sticks it out long enough, he will get his nana and yogu. But in the last couple of days, I've thought actually he should start learning that if he doesn't eat what's on offer that's it. I seem to waste so much food and in a place like this it feels even more wrong than in Camberwell. But that also feels cruel... I don't know what to do anymore. At times, he also demands to have some entertainment at the table like a book or at worst a video... please don't cringe! I think maybe 6.30 is too late. Maybe he is too tired. Maybe he is not hungry if he had a good lunch. But maybe he is just being fussy and surely i should help him to appreciate a variety of foods and sets some boundaries? What shall I do?

Moos thank you. You are right, the rule has to be simple. But how do you convey? Do you tell him gently? Tell him off? Remove him from the scene? I used to be very gentle and give explanations, but now I m worried it's not working, yet I don't like shouting or doing the naughty step...

My son is 21 months and he enjoys throwing things. It bothered me only to a certain extent until this week end when one day he threw a car to a friend's daughter's eye and she cried for 20 minutes. The eye was red and looked sore but there was no damage and she was mostly scared. Then the next day he threw a wooden brick at me and actually cut me underneath the eye so that i bled a bit and thank god i didn't need stiches. Now I find myself shouting NO NO THROWING when before I've been quite calm and willing to explain and show consequences etc. But I m really concerned he will seriously hurt someone. So my problem is: how do I get him to understand that throwing is not acceptable especially aimed at people but also how can he understand that some throwing is good (ball) or not so dangerous (food off a table) but some throwing is really bad (a wooden brick to someone's eye)?! Please help. Thank you

all clear now...

didn't realise it's in the morning, we have swim classes. maybe next week if you meet in the afternoon. thanks you

thanks linzkg where are you meeting this friday then? Thank you

Hi there can you give me details of a meeting... for some reason i can only see the last few posts... Thank you

I would prefer a wooden one, but open to suggestions... Thank you.

Tuesday 10th August?! I wonder if you mean today Tuesday 14th September otherwise I am very confused....