Rhinestone Cowboy

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around . A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?' The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?' She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.... Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer. 'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says. The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500.00 membership fee.' 'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.' The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day

Arsenal 1 West Brom 0 Aston Villa 0 Stoke 0 Southampton 3 Reading 3 Sunderland 1 Chelsea 1 Swansea 2 Norwich 0 Wigan 0 QPR 0 Man City 1 Man Utd 0 Everton 2 Tottenham 0 West Ham 1 Liverpool 1 Fulham 2 Newcastle 2

West Ham 1 Chelsea 1 Arsenal 1 Swansea 0 Fulham 1 Tottenham 1 Liverpool 2 Southampton 0 Man City 2 Everton 0 QPR 0 Aston Villa 0 West Brom 1 Stoke 0 Reading 0 Man Utd 2 Norwich 1 Sunderland 0 Newcastle 1 Wigan 0

Sunderland 1 V QPR 0 Aston Villa 0 V Reading 0 Chelsea 1 Fulham 0 Everton 1 Arsenal 1 Southampton 1 Norwich 0 Stoke 1 Newcastle 0 Swansea 0 West Brom 0 Tottenham 1 Liverpool 0 Man Utd 2 West Ham 0 Wigan 0 Man City 1 Away spuds away man utd home chelsea home liverpool roll on 16th Dec when we might draw with West Brom irons

4 guys have been going on the same golf trip for many years. This year, Ralph's wife puts her foot down & tells him he isn't going. He calls his buddies & tells them the bad news. Two days later, the other guys arrive at the resort to begin their yearly golf getaway. To their surprise, they find Ralph sitting there with his clubs already set up on his cart. "Dang Ralphie, how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" they all ask. "Well, yesterday evening, after my wife finished reading "Fifty Shades Of Grey," she pulled me into our bedroom. On the bed she had handcuffs & ropes! She told me to tie & cuff her to the bed, & I did." Then she said, "Do whatever you want." "So, here I am!"

MARK HUGHES has been sacked as manager of QPR. R's owner Tony Fernandes dropped the axe ahead of Sparky's return to Manchester United tomorrow. Harry Redknapp is the hot favourite to replace the Welshman at Loftus Road

Sunderland 1 v West Brom 0 Everton 1 v Norwich 0 Man Utd 4 v QPR 0 Stoke 0 v Fulham 0 Wigan 0 v Reading 0 Aston Villa 1 v Arsenal 1 Swansea 1 v Liverpool 1 Southampton 0 v Newcastle 1 Chelsea 1 v Man City 0 Tottenham 2 v West Ham 0 irons

thanks for doing this RD

Sorry missed last week was in Barbados which was nice Arsenal 3 Tottenham 0 Liverpool 3 Wigan 0 Man City 3 Aston Villa 0 Newcastle 1 Swansea 1 QPR 0 Southampton 0 Reading 1 Everton 2 West Brom 1 Chelsea 2 Norwich 0 Man Utd 3 Fulham 1 Sunderland 1 West Ham 1 Stoke 0 be lucky stay lucky

agreed on that

Man Utd 1 - 0 Arsenal Fulham 1 - 1 Everton Norwich 0 - 0 Stoke Sunderland 2 - 0 Aston Villa Swansea 1 - 3 Chelsea Tottenham 3 - 0 Wigan West Ham 0 - 1 Man City QPR 0 - 0 Reading Liverpool 1 - 0 Newcastle West Brom 2 - 1 Southampton

yup Hoof it up to the big lad with te pony tail

Big Sam has a plan

Being an Iron , I like the first table not often we can be top..

I see Jimmy Savile's family have removed his gravestone along with all the flowers growing around it as a sign of respect to his victims. So it just leaves a small hole with no bush around it???I think he would have liked that.

Fully understandable as well quids Lots if draws I see this w/e Time to check the ladbrokes account.

dragged kicking n screaming from Bow Road by a good lady...

Aston Villa 0 Norwich 0 Arsenal 4 QPR 0 Reading 0 Fulham 0 Stoke 1 Sunderland 1 Wigan 1 West Ham 2 Man City 4 Swansea 0 Everton 1 Liverpool 0 Newcastle 2 West Brom 1 Southampton 2 Tottenham 0 Chelsea 1 Man Utd 0 Irons.

Just seen this been a while so thought I would get back in the game Tottenham 1 Chelsea 0 Fulham 2 Aston Villa 0 Liverpool 3 Reading 0 Man Utd 1 Stoke 0 Swansea 1 Wigan 1 West Brom 1 Man City 2 West Ham 3 Southampton 0 Norwich 0 Arsenal 4 Sunderland 1 Newcastle 1 QPR 0 Everton 1

Alan Pardew has advised his players not to worry about the furore surrounding the Wonga shirt sponsorship deal. He told them to continue as normal and go out there and give it 4251%

west wing

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night... "Did you smell that food?" she asked... "Incredible!" Being the 'Kind Hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!"... ..... So they walked past it again...

Somalia have been kicked out of the Olympics, they did not realise that sailing and shooting were two seperate events.

Made me smile

Admit it. The cookie dough is usually better than the actual cookies