SE22mum

I would recommend BUDS pre-school from age 2, and I don't think they have a waiting list. mornings only.

Having walked around at all times of the day for work, personally I don't find the high street and main streets feel particularly unsafe. In fact, although it does have high crime statistics, I don't find it has an aggressive vibe at all. For me its downside would be more that it does feel depressed, but as I said before my line of work tends to take me to places where depressed people are....

Thank you for all your wise words....especially that if it doesn't work out then nothing has to be forever! i think the main thing for me is making sure i am in a good mood when i step through the door. will have to plan something on way home to be able to wind down, so that i can deal with the assault on my attentions when i get in. my youngest has a habit of kicking off when i turn up, even though she is apparently a little angel for everyone else (sigh)... am trying to think of things that will allow me to wind down apart from wine.... but i know the one thing guaranteed to annoy my other half is when i arrive in a bad mood!

i have to go to Penge a lot for work, and must admit i find it a bit depressing as it is run-down - but that is probably also because i have to go to drug and alcohol abuse centres.... however, it does have great transport, you are close to Crystal Palace, still close to ED etc...and there are a lot of arty types around as it is cheap. probably not unlike ED about 20 years ago.... it comes down to if you need things to be nice, or if you can appreciate the energy of somewhere a bit more gritty...

well, I'm lucky in that my husband does all the cleaning and also the school drop-offs and pick-ups. In exchange, I do the early morning rising and the bulk of the cooking, which I enjoy. I am looking forward to having more quality time at the weekend, rather than having to work, and also time with my husband in the evening, rather than having to work. but, still, it leaves only a few precious hours in the evening from when I get home to when my children go to bed....my main worry is about having to be really up and cheerful for these hours even when knackered....

I'm soon going to be returning to full time 9-5 after being self-employed for a long time....and I'm just wondering if there are any suggestions from those who have done this on how to manage the transition for the whole of the family? My husband is self-employed so outside school hours he can be with the kids...but I am still worried about how they are going to take it! Particularly my youngest girl, aged 4, who is currently going through a difficult "angry stage". I know I have made the right decision as economic worries were tearing us apart....but I am still very nervous! Are there any tips on how to make evenings calm and "special time", rather than "fighting for mum's attention" time...

Was this written into the original agreement? I have no idea if it is normal practice, but a few calls around to party wall surveyors could shed some light. I suppose it depends a bit on how much they are asking for, and if they take off the period of time already used etc. I would get some legal advice though. In my experience party walls can cause a good deal of mistrust between neighbours.....

on another practical note, I found it really useful to have the day divided quite clearly into playtime and chores-time, i.e. wash up straight after every meal, tidy up before bed, put washing on and then hang out in the morning....it might sound silly but I didn't get this at first and so it all kind of merged into one long day where they are trying to get your attention and you never can give it completely. whereas if these just become things that are always done each day, they get used to it. if he wants to help, let him even if it takes longer. or give him a task to do - like taking away the breakables and letting him wash-up. another thing is to try and do all your chore stuff in the morning before an early lunch, and then have an afternoon outing...as sometimes they can concentrate easier on something alone in the morning. could you find some activities for kids and parents together during the day? i think that was the main challenge for me as most of the kids activities were for much younger children...but then i found out about things like forest schools, the natural parents activities, and even beavers etc - where you can volunteer/lend a hand and your child will be near you but hopefully running around with other boys! or if none of this works, at least have fun days going out as much as you can and then set a time in the evening when you switch off, even if it means turning on the TV a bit earlier than you would like. as other posters have said, all too soon they go to school and then you never see them.....so be easy on yourself and do some fun things whilst you can.

what sad news. this sadly happened to a good friend of my partner's, and to one of my sister's friends. everyone deals differently with grief. i think the only thing you can do is just be there for her and realise it can take a long time. it might be a long while before she can talk about it, or she might want to talk all the time about it. my partner rang and texted lots. i think there is something about not shying away from someone else's pain, not trying to make things alright before they are, just listening.

has he got any friends he can play with during the day? i find this a great help. you have my sympathy....but i have to say i think this just goes on! my nearly 8 year old boy has an insatiable appetite for entertainment it seems... saturday mornings he wakes up at 6:30 and asks "what are we doing today?"

some young children are more interested in death than others. for some a simple explanation along the lines of not being here anymore, we remember the person with love etc is fine and answers their curiosity. my littlest has been fine with that. but my eldest really wanted to ask questions and find out more. in that case, i think you need to let them do it as otherwise you are labelling death a topic no one talks about. yes, they might get upset and they might worry about dying (I think a lot of adults do as well), but better to let them talk. we did go down the heaven road but still had over 6 months of questions on how you die, souls (do lettuce have souls? was my favourite), what happens to the body etc. i think if you can talk about death in a calm way then they can feel reassured. if you try to always change the subject they get the message that it is a horrible thing and not to be discussed.

wow, it does sound amazing! a beach school!!! I suppose it partly depends on how happy your son is at his new school now? If he loves it, then it could be hard to detach him from it. But if he is ambivalent then might get excited by a cool new school on the beach. don't underestimate the value of being near to a school though. before I moved to ED we were a 15 min drive away and it really eats into your day! tho I suppose you are driving anyway.

if you mean that she is really good at nursery, then it could be that she is letting off steam when she is at home - as is pretty normal. both of mine are v v v good at school/nursery but very different at home. from my experience, i would resist doing too many rewards for too many daily tasks as it can all get a bit complicated. i would also not try and tackle everything at once but focus on one priority. say, really get into the teeth bruising habit, then move on to something else. i would suggest choosing your battles wisely, and see if you can hand over any responsibility to her. does it really matter if she takes ages to put her clothes on as long as she gets to nursery on time? maybe she takes ages because she knows there is ages? there was a stage when my little one would insist on only putting on her clothes once we were outside the front door! also with the food issue, why not set her up a little buffet and let her pick and eat as she chooses over the evening. maybe she is wanting to assert some independence? i wouldn't worry too much at this stage about setting into good behaviour patterns, i.e. eating all your tea nicely etc because these will come. personally i think it is far more important to establish family dynamics and not getting too stressed about toddler behaviour if you also have a small baby to deal with!!! rather than stressing about everything and making wild threats you don't follow through and then getting angry with yourself, i would try and cultivate patience (not easy!) and pick one or two really non-negotiables to tackle. in our house the first was doing teeth properly, wearing enough warm clothes to go outside, and a weekly hair wash. for these, threats were carried through to the bitter end...and once they became a habit we could move on to something else. this is just one approach though. you have to choose something that suits your personality as a mother. good luck!

I think if not full time should be ok and when your child is older could be a bonus as there is a ready made playmate. Tho some friends of mine did it for a couple of years and both found it exhausting. I think one because her daughter felt that she always had to share her mum with someone else, and that made her feel guilty. but on part time basis should be better.

no, it's definately not toilet as she has a bladder of steel. might be thirst though, altho she does drink milk before sleeping. I will try a bottle of water by her bed.

try and plan it around nap time, if they have them, as they will hopefully fall asleep. otherwise, find some music to put on or a story tape. also, if they have toy computers they can be fun. make it seem exciting to them, let them pack a bag etc.

she's usually asleep by 7:30! I find everyone is ravenous after school/nursery and even if we have a snack they don't stop asking for food until they have a proper tea. but very happy with these suggestions. will try them out! then all I will need to do is find a way to stop 7 year old coming into my bed EVERY night and sleep may be coming my way....

thank you! great suggestions. seems so simple when you see it written down - can't believe I hadn't thought of these really. got fixated with fishfingers for some reason?!

Yes definitely! love kirtan!

My 4 year old wakes a lot during the night or early morning (today it was 5!) and I think it is because she is hungry as she starts asking for breakfast. She's not very into milk but I really want to give her a good snack to help keep her full and asleep. We have tea quite early at 5 as everyone is hungry and if I leave it any later there are arguments. The best time she sleeps is if she has had some meat or fish - but short of giving her fish fingers in bed every night I'm looking for some ideas of high protein snacks that she could have just before going to bed. The other suggestion I've had is to leave a biscuit and drink beside her bed for when she wakes up at night... Might sound like a silly dilemma, but I would really like to get some more sleep! Over the Christmas holidays we ate a lot later in the evening and she slept every morning until at least 6. It was a dream and I want it to happen again!!!

why not get a book about a subject that she is really interested in? my eldest started reading for pleasure only on spiderman and dinosaurs. I don't think all kids are into reading for pleasure by Year 3 - and some people never are. Or Harry Potter - for us it was the turning point!

katgod you only know the half of it!!! He hides my clothes if he doesn't like them! Tho it doesn't work as I know where all the hiding places are (not v difficult). I say that surely it can't really matter to him what I wear to work as he won't see me?!? Indeed, some of my clothes have been known to make their own way to the second hand shop....

sounds like it's the way to go then. i can only shop near where i work so it's limited to the usual big shops. shall spend a few hours looking at some new clothes from the comfort of my sofa i think! and personally i think there is nothing wrong with a mum coat! i LOVE mine! It's been my best friend all winter. yes, i got teased when i bought it...but it keeps me warm and i don't give a monkeys.

everyone seems to be buying their clothes online which i've never done. do you all just know what fits and what suits you - or can you really send it back and get your money back? seems like it is the way forward for busy mums...

my friend asked me to be on stand-by for this very same reason and I was very happy to be asked. I wasn't needed in the end but I was prepared just in case. I would ask one or two people if you could have them on stand-by for this reason. i had a second home birth with first child around which was fine. not sure how i would feel about taking child to hospital though.