bon3yard

Nice one. Is there any movement re the ability to turn left at red lights? Heard it touted a while back but its all gone quiet recently.

> > THE TIMES - - Letter of the Year: > > > > A SENIOR MOMENT - (I PRAY TO GOD THAT I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS......) > > > > An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. > > > > The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The > > > > Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely. > > > > Dear Sir, > > > > I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. > > > > I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account ?30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. > > > > My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. > > > > I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. > > > > From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. > > > > Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. > > > > Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her > > financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. > > > > In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. > > > > As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. > > > > Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: > > > > 1-- To make an appointment to see me. > > > > 2-- To query a missing payment. > > > > 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. > > > > 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. > > > > 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. > > > > 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. > > > > 7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my > > computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a > > later date to the Authorized Contact.) > > > > 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8 > > > > 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be > > put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. > > While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music > > will play for the duration of the call. > > > > Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. > > > > May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year. > > > > Your Humble Client A letter from a disgruntled nonagarian to her cold unfeeling Bank. Top marks! > > > > > > *************************** > > > > Addendum from The Editor: > > > > > > IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a > > > > lady who is 98 years old; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!! > >

I feel the same way about Elms, hes been doing the same show every day for what seems like an eternity now. I always notice that theres never any crossover banter between The Candyman and Uncle Nostalgia during their shows. Old emnity anyone?

Adam & Joe obviously saw the writing on the wall. Ah well, it was good while it lasted.

Its just been confirmed, 6 to close down along with The Asian Network. No mention of BBC Alba closing down though...

I was under the impression they were coming back?

Shame they cant cull BBC3 instead.

Blimey they were quick. Impressive.

Amen to that Giggirl. Peckhams just far enough away to make it a chore whereas ED was perfect for my morning swims.

I've been crying tears of blood trying to get further than Vanilla Dome 3 on Super Mario World on the Snes recently. Anyone remember when you only had a finite number of chances to conquer a level(s)? I cant believe how difficult this bloody game is(was). Arrggghh.

Heh, Yeah the real tragedy is that he didnt make a play for McClarens missus a few years back. Missed opportunity.

I'm always up for a jaunt. Let me know when you get something sorted.

Heh, or Ken Dodd.

I thought things were going a little too swimmingly...how very Spurs.

*Farts into his Earl Grey*

I'm with you Jah, Reading missed 2 gilt edged chances in the first half hour and when the Scousers scored I turned off assuming it was curtains for the Championship outfit. I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that quite a few of those postponed games last weekend were due more to expediency than genuine safety fears. That said I'd warrant Harry was equally as amicable and that in all likelihood there was a tacit agreement between both parties.

Phwoaar, thats got my dander up.

daizie Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I think its still up .. see if you can find me .. > the first person gets a **** Flan?

I know you know Sean. I just find the Liberal baiting a bit tired & obvious.

He goes through a few different sidekicks if I remember, though God forbid any of them get are compared to Jar-Jar Binks.

Then yes, guilty by association.

Depends how much actual reading you got done.

Because if you read the Grauniad your a namby-pamby, yoghurt weaving liberal...at least I think thats what quids is alluding to.

Funneh.

Thats the spirit!