HonaloochieB

uncleglen Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Grand Theft Auto? and someone was stabbed and had > their copy stolen soon after purchase And he was unable to give a description of his assailants because of course he hadn't yet seen GTA V, but his "Shit just got real, FOR REAL"!! statement was most helpful to the investigating officers.

I'm heterosexual, at least in intent, but that does make me consider doing that excited waggling elbows in the air move and screaming "OMG! BUFF IN THE USA OR WHAT"? Worryingly so.

Sue Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HonaloochieB Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Knock Knock Knockity Tap Tap! > > > > xxxxxxx > > Ever thought of writing a kid's book? > > :)) There's a thought Sue, how about a series of 'Charlie Chugger' books about a plucky good-hearted charity collector. He (or she I'm not married to a gender right now) could be seen constantly battling to extract donations from reluctant householders in the SE22 postal district. Four to nine year olds would be held spellbound (in a down to earth fashion, so no controversy about magick from any special interest groups) as Charlie ignores spurious postits and junk mail entreaties and goes ahead and daringly KNOCKS ANYWAY. Controversially I'm considering dual illustrators, Posy Simmonds for Charlie and Martin Honeysett for the grosteques who beset him/her at every turn. As the series goes on and Charlie becomes embittered I reckon I'll approach Lee Child for a Chugger/Reacher team up - Lordship Lane is ripe for a roof top gun battle I reckon. I'll get to work on it tomorrow. Edit to add the 'D' to Posy's name, don't want to screw up a potential working relationship at this stage of the game.

Knock Knock Knockity Tap Tap! Door is opened a few inches. A pouting, slit-eyed fizog presents itself in the crack. HO (Home Owner, though individuals will know best and I am not here to judge anyone's profession or lifestyle) - "Whaa"? Fleeced Up Chugger Kid (No acronym necessary) - "Good evening!!! How ARE you!? Have you a minute"? HO - "Uhh"? Fleeced Up Chugger Kid (Still no acronym, why would there be?) - "Just a minute, that's all"!!! HO - "Kids, bed..." Fleeced Up Chugger Kid (I don't know why there's all this talk of acronyms, honestly!!) - "Ah, but will you be able to look your children in their innocent sleeping eyes while the world roils and tumbles about their slumbering ears while the hands of evil wield the bellows that waft the fumes of corruption from the fire of oppression into their blameless nostrils, when just a small donation every month would render you guilt-free and the world a better pla..." HO - "HEEEEERE BANK CARD. PIN ON POSTIT ON BACK. kids...bed..." Fleeced Up Chugger Kid (You're just being ****ing juvenile about this whole acronym thing now) - "Well that's all very well but unless you're prepared to covenant your donation..." HO - FAINTS

A Wetherspoon, which as we all know has a policy that the Gents' are as far away and as deep down as possible from the bar area. This one could set the record for furthest and deepest. On that basis I'd name it The Status Quo and hope it remains as that and never changes. I'd also have a doohickey linked up to a gizmo that played the chorus of 'Down Down' every time a chap went down the stairs to 'pay a visit'. At weekends as the punters returned from their ablutions there'd be a basic recording of a mariachi band intoning 'Urine The Army Now'. Quite how the jovial Mexicans will be able to present/emphasise the piss-based play on words and indeed if it's even worth bothering with is something I'll muse upon for about the same amount of time I'd listen to a Muse record. If it goes ahead I'll talk it over with Tim out of Wetherspoon, like as not over Beer 'n' Burger deal. My treat.

Salsaboy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Too much beer HonaB? Is there such a quantity?

Sue Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > Maybe I could > fashion some tiny concertinas out of matchsticks > :) A Tina Turner Concert? Out of matchsticks? That'll be a Reeves & Mortimer promotion, surely?

Salsaboy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Filled the nut holder up to please both Sue and > the squirrels and when I got home from work the > little bastards had pulled the lid off and eaten > the lot. > > The squirrels, not Sue. > > At least I don't think it was Sue. But of course you don't know, SalsaBoy. And you quite correctly imply that it could well have been Sue responsible for the acts of vandalism and theft that occurred. Oh SalsaBoy, did you not see my wise counsel above? DID YOU NOT? It's plain as the nose on your otherwise handsome face that Sue has been running the 'short game' here. Gull some innocent into giving up kernels, and by the way TELL HIM BOTH WHERE TO PUT THEM, AND WHEN!!! Wait for him to go to work, over the fence she goes, oisy-doisy-doh *Bob*'s yer uncle. Of course it may not have been Sue, she may not have had an accomplice. It of course 'MAY' have been 'SQUIRRELS'. Anything's possible, I suppose...

Sue Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- Mine would be no food, just Stella. A REASSURINGLY EXPENSIVE STAR*TER, SUE Like it or lump it. Perhaps you're right Annette Curtain, I should apply :)) (I'd burn in hell first ...... ) SPOT ON SUE, HAVE A MASSIVE SNIT COS THE OTHER 'GUESTS' (BASTARDS MORE LIKE AS YOU'LL DESCRIBE THEM IN THE BEDROOM INTERVIEW) WON'T GET YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE YOU'LL GO TO OBTAINING THE CRAZY WORLD OF ARTHUR BROWN TO PERFORM THEIR SEMINAL SONG 'FIRE'. I MEAN THE LEAST YOU COULD HAVE EXPECTED WERE A FEW ADMIRING GASPS AT ARTHUR'S FLAMING HELMET LIGHTING UP THE NEIGHBOURING GARDENS. I RECKON THERE'LL BE A LOT OF GAMESMANSHIP GOING ON. MAYBE CONSIDER DAVE SWARBRICK, AIRS AND REELS MIGHT BE BETTER.

giggirl Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hooch - I'm free next Wednesday. Thanx. Px Giggi, thanks for that and I'm a rat for standing you up, but Fat Faced Greg The Delivery Boy off Masterchef got in touch and gave the menu 4.75 YUMMIES. And everyone knows he rarely marks that high. I'm all of a dither. Any how he wants me to come and cook for him and his 'other half', so I will. I just hope I can impress Fat Faced John The Chef as much as FFGTDB. Wish me luck.

If close family members were held to Ramsay at keenly-steeled knife-point and I were forced like rhubarb to grind out some scran, for strangers then it'd be - STARTER Apple, beetroot and mint soup with dry, slightly mocking crispbread. Homemade or Wry Vita? You decide. FISH COURSE Discourse featuring sustainable cod, line caught tuna and rope grown mussels. No fish will be harmed in the creation of this course. MAIN Braised wild faux swan*, scattered potatoes, parsnips buerre bon mots and fourteen peas. *A goose will be mortally injured in the preparation of this course. SWEET Fry's Turkish Delight. Stephen's publicist's next-door neighbour's cousin, Mehmet knocks up a baklava that makes all who consume it weep with pleasure. Dear, dear Stephen.

Huggers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I am now thinking maybe the call was for Thomas > the Apostle school which has a similar number to > mine, (we've been rung before by mistake) and the > 'i think Ive been talking to Huggers and we got > cut off' was her not knowing who she had just been > talking to at the school and so assuming it was > the female name on the answer machine... No, Huggers, I doubt that'd be the case. Remain sceptical just to be on the safe side.

Ooooh and of course I've looked at the above post and can see how much influence the Peroni intake and the viewing of dear Steve Fry (tell me you call him Steve?) has had on me, this evening. I leave you with this, if Alan Davis were to fall on Philippa Forrester, would it make a sound idea for a sitcom? Thank you.

Sue Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Salsaboy Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Just wondering why squirrels are so stupid that > > they sit in the rain looking at the empty nut > > holder. > > xxxxxx > > Salsaboy, please please give the squirrels some > nuts :) Sue, please tell Salsaboy NOT to give any nuts to the squirrels, they are at present undeserving of them, being in my opinion (and I think I speak for the whole of London at least that you'll not find humbler) and need to be taught the value of a nut. Salsaboy is the most sensitive of souls and will like as not start casting almonds, cashews even unto shelled pistachios about the place and will spoil them. And that won't do.

Jimmy Jimmy - The Undertones

Do you love cooking and having people over to your house for dinner? NO , I DON'T AND NO I DON'T. MY GAFF'S AT BEST A PIT. We?re looking for anyone over 18 years old, from any walk of life, who feels they have what it takes to throw a great dinner party! I DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES, GREAT DINNER PARTY? I CAN BARELY SORT OUT BREAKFAST. SOUR MILK AND MOTHED-UP MUESLI WAS WHAT I ROSE TO THIS MORNING. IF IT WASN'T FOR THE BLESSED DOUBLE BACON AND EGG McMUFFIN AND TROPICANA THAT THE YOUNG WOMAN (WHOSE WALK OF LIFE I KNOW NOT, BUT WHO BROKE MY FAST AND GOT ME TO A MY PLACE OF WORK, IN A CONDITION WHERE I WAS ALMOST PREPARED TO CARRY OUT SOME) SERVED ME, THEN I'D PROBABLY BE JUST BLETHERING HORSE HOCKEY ABOUT INCONSUQUENTIALITIES. . If you are passionate about cooking... DOESN'T EACH PROGRAM REQUIRE AT LEAST ONE WHO ISN'T? NOT VOLUTEERING AT ALL, JUST MAKING SURE THAT THE LAMB HAS ENOUGH TO WORK WITH. MAIN INGREDIENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Blue For You - Paul Haig

emc Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I wonder if dulwichdogman is the same bloke, who, > after staring at me most of the night, handed me > his business card (dog trainer, walker or > something)and winked as he left, along with his > dog. I didn't call him. Pity his poor wife and > kids. EMC, I reckon you might have encountered a stray character from the extras of the Fast Show box set. Does the card have 'Aaaaaooooo will I get to know you better?" scribbled on the back? All considered, I'd give it a shot.

Saffron Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Decimal in the wrong place? Should be ?2.60. No that's not right, even shifting the decimal along to ?26.00 just isn't fair, not for the effort put in. What might be a FAIR price for something as knocked-up and impractical as this? I'm feeling ?58.00 with the vendor throwing in a bacon ? egg McMuffin and a neck massage. Seems fair.

I'd have a beer if I was you Steve, mind how you go with the ring-pull, though. I've just added a T and & C about my service where any supplicants whose applications involve 'brain scorch', short kimonos and aren't Gina McKee, Stephen Hawking and others yet to be identified will require the two to one service. Gamble still applies.

Oh Bondage Up Yours! - X-Ray Spex

Just to let everyone know, if you do have bother with faulty soft drink/beer can ring pulls that come away in your hand with no satisfactory hydration. Your worries are over. I have a dual opener, old school. The back of it being a standard crown cap buster, the front the V shaped can penetrator, where you pierce either side of the can in order to ensure air supply and steady flow. Not always the most hygienic method of opening lots of cans at one time, but good enough for the likes of us, I'm sure all will agree. But the great thing is the shaft of the instrument is threaded with poker dice, which can be detached from the handle and gambling can ensue. It's exactly what James Coburn would have had in his cocktail bar, both as himself and when he was acting as Derek Flint. SO the deal is, can goes wrong, contact me below, we let the die or dice decide whether I get my fee. [email protected]

DulwichFox Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Ring Pull cans had to be re-designed because the > Tab could be separated from the Ring... > .. and then the ring inserted into the end of > 'springy' tab, pulled back and released .. > ..The Ring was then projected at great speed that > could injure or even Blind someone. > > Foxy I don't think it ever injured or Blinded, leastways not at my hands, it was just something to impress younger family members and to bounce off the heart part of the Sacred Heart picture in Irish Catholic homes when the more responsible adults were down the pub. And the women and children had dragged themselves to church. Then along came PONG and we knocked it on the head.

Word Up - Cameo

???? Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ..and on a very similar vibe > > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7S5GmBM6_g This one's bazzin' and no mistake.