littleEDfamily

I just love it when I hear about other mums occasionally getting hammered. A night out and a good chin wag with mates is sooo good for the soul. Some funny ladies on here.

MichelleT - alas no, no dummy. This is where I have been derailed somewhat. My first only had hers at sleeptime and it worked like a charm. Little one spits it out in disgust. I am thinking of binning all dummies in the house as I keep finding the 3 year old sneaking off with them for a quiet suck! The advice about not worrying about lack of routine is very kind, but deep down I know its time to buckle down and sort something out for her - it breaks my heart (ok, and drives me insane) to hear her wail with tiredness because she hasn't had sleep when she needs it. It's just finding the energy to really commit to change, isn't it!? Had another thought about why she hasn't taken to her cot - she's in our room still and given we have only recently moved in, there is NOTHING for her to look at, unlike her sister's room which has lots of lovely things to see and be distracted by. I do think, as MichelleT suggests, I need to make the cot area more attractive place - good excuse to get a cool new mobile!! zv2010 - sounds like we have very similar babies, and am very cheered by your experience. thanks for the wise words.

I can relate to everything everyone has said already, but the biggest jolt to self esteem for me was realising I wasn't a perfect mother or likely to become one. There is so much 'grey' in parenting - how do you ever know you're doing the right thing, what sort of impact it's going to have on your child etc etc, that I permanently feel anxious. The world was so much more black and white pre-kids and I think that weird feeling of having lost control is a real self-esteem killer.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask why the teachers chose to deliver a book that way - even if the reason is just for variety. My aunt is a preschool teacher and they regularly use audio CDs so that children can use their imagination to visualise what the story is trying to get across (rather than looking at picture), and I quite like the idea of that, but a CD just replacing the teacher's voice I do think is odd. With Montessori especially, everything is done for a reason, so I would genuinely be interested in what they had to say. I wasn't suggesting that everything has to be done for a 'learning outcome', but rather suggesting a way the OP might like to pose the question to the teacher.

I'd be peeved. I can't see there is any educational foundation for doing it that way. Perhaps you could pose the question to the teacher as to whether there is a particular learning outcome to be derived from that approach as opposed to the conventional one? Be interesting to hear what they say.... At my daughter's nursery they have Peppa Pig on to keep the kids still during pick up and that annoys me.....

These sorts of places are my idea of hell on earth. I can't bear the noise and every time I have been, there has been an abnormally badly behaved child that winds me right up - soft play seems to bring out the worst in even nice children. But, the OPs experience I think is unusual - I think young children do silly things without thinking, but for a child to tell an adult stranger that she deliberately wants to hurt their baby is pretty disturbing. Where was the parent/ carer while this was going on?

I vote Bugaboo Cameleon for EVERYTHING other than getting it in the car or up flights of stairs. If you have a walking about lifestyle and can just wheel it into you flat or house, there is no smoother buggy, no buggy better to load up with tons of stuff, easily adapts to add carseat (perfect for that 3-5 month age when they are too old to lie down and not quite holding themselves up properly). It lies flat for the early months and you can still shove a 4 year old into it if you try hard (and they are really tired). Also, importantly, resale value is good. Not only that but it you can spin it round tight corners in shops with one hand (with considerable style if that's your thing), and the wheel base is long enough so that you can get on and off trains on your own (shorter wheelbases get stuck in'the gap') If you go in the car a lot, my vote is a second hand McLaren for easy up, easy down. A dog to push compared to the Bugaboo though.

Thanks ladies....I like the advice about the getting them to sleep via any means at the right times, and then converting that to cot sleeping later (at least that's how I interpreted it), although I wonder if that may be my way of woosing out. Have tried the sshhiing and patting with better than average results today (as well as what the baby whisperer calls the Pick up Put Down thing) - can you believe I forgot about doing something cave dwelling women probably did! I was just putting her in her cot and running away - what an amateur!

Just to add my two bob worth and say you ladies are amazing having endured what you have. The one thing no one told me about breastfeeding was that in the days straight after the birth you might get some quite powerful contractions (like labour!) when feeding. Apparently it gets worse with each baby as the uterus has to work harder to shrink back down. Although I am one of the fortunate ones with regards to b'feeding, I wasn't prepared for this and was really disappointed by how little I enjoyed it initially because of this. (but in grand scheme of things, this sounds minor!)

My tolerance was very very low for the first 2 months PP, but I am happy (and slightly ashamed) to report that as much as half a bottle (rare, though) produces only a very mild and fleeting morning hangover. If having wine, I have it immediately after baby goes to bed, and then sober up before (my) bedtime....Or - I have a pint while feeding her (if out for lunch on weekend) - I read alcohol in milk is at its max about 1.5 hours after drinking it, so I figure if she feeds quickly I may just be ok. I do get some disgusted stares from pub goers, though.... I just have the one!! ladywotlunches - I definitely think you should enjoy one when you fancy it and not keep a week long tally. Having said that, I'm going to try and restrict alcohol to the weekend in future though... it's just become too much of a crutch in the evenings....slippery slope and all that....

Oh if only we could walk to school - we live in the country now (still using forum as parenting life-line, yes!), so no option but to drive - no pavements around here even for short walks. I totally agree that a walk in the fresh air does wonders for all (we were living in ED with first one, and walked for miles daily!) I've just made an attempt at sshing her back to sleep when she awoke from her initial stint of evening sleeping - wanting to culr up in our bed and have boob on tap as per usual. Total failure, cried hysterically and thrashed like a wild beast until we gave up (about an hour worth of torture). She is now happy as pie on daddy's lap while we watch Desperate Housewives and grinning at us like a cheshire cat and making happy gurgling sounds. WTF??? I do have a slight feeling she may be getting ready for solids - she's a big bubba and seems to be eying up my food with great interest (is that a sign?) Might this routine thing become easier after solids?

Thanks Buggie - I had a Baby Whisperer book with first and liked her a lot. Thinking I was an expert, however I gave it away, and can't remember lots....may get another one.... What is really irritating is that she falls asleep in the car while I am taking big girl to school, and then wakes up as soon as we get home (whole trip is 25 min), so just when I would like to put her down for a proper sleep, the nap in car has taken the edge off.

Apparently 'La Leche' (sp?) recommends as much as you would drink if driving... which is disappointing as I can't drive even on half a pint. But I think it's the most sensible, easy-to-apply advice I have heard. Didn't stop me drinking half a bottle last night....

So I have been winging it for the first 4.5 months of my second baby's life - just going with the flow and revelling in her gorgeousness. The result of this approach is a baby that only will really sleep in the day if in the car, or attached to boob (sort of dozing off - waking up whenever I try to move). She will go to bed at 7pm (only after a couple of hours of hysteria due to total exhauston from lack of sleep during day - unless of course we've spent lots of time in the car), but tends to wake up at some point in the night and is promptly lifted into our bed where she helps herself to milk whenever she fancies it until about 7:30am. So I know I have totally mucked it all up, but am now ready to sort it out, for her sake and mine. Oh and hubby's and Daughter 1, with whom I get hardly any time as baby so tired and needy when awake. The lack of daytime sleeping is bothering me more than the night time issues. How do I force her to sleep in her cot during the day for a decent amount of time (gots nuts the minute I try to put her down)? Have tried letting her cry it out, but am afraid that she'll get bad associations with her cot. She won't take a dummy, which was my saviour with daughter No 1 - not sure if she just prefers her 'human dummy' (more proof of me mucking it all up) or that some babies just don't do dummies. Aaaaaarrgghhhhhhhh! Help!

Tibby, it made me so sad to read your post. I hope you and your girls feel better soon. What a disgusting piece of work that turned your life upside down.

oh malleymoo, the leg one has got be the worst! You can handle them making you look like an idiot, but it's when they make personal comments about other people, I just want to melt away...

Oh I am embarrassed by my 3 year old on an almost daily basis - "why has that lady got such an enormous bottom" (within earshot of this poor soul in an ED cafe), to the courier man at our front door: "Hello you weird man", in front of woman pushing a buggy "Mummy, that woman is smoking AND she has a baby with her", (LOUDLY in the general direction of a hapless stranger) "Why does that lady look like a man", about any child eating sweets "that child is eating sweets - that's not healthy. why does their mummy let them have lollipops"... oh I could go on.... I think it's a case of the apple not falling far from the tree... my nickname used to be 'Clanger'. PS Buggie, I had an almost identical incident about 3 years ago I have probably documented somewhere on this forum! Was it at DMC?

We've just moved for more space and infuriatingly, our daughter refuses to go in the garden (unless there are other kids to lure her out there - she doesn't seem to quite understand the concept) and is afraid of going upstairs alone... who would have thought.... We do like where we now live (outside of London, yes I am a saddo who still partakes of the EDforum), but I def wouldn't recommend moving for space alone. I think a family of four can squeeze into a 3 bedder with good storage, so unless you love an alternative location, I would stay in the bosom of ED.

Pregnancy definitely makes you irritable. If my husband came anywhere near me in bed (not even in 'that' way), I would scream 'ENCROACHING!!!!'..... Sadly for everyone, I'm not sure the arrival of the baby will put an end to the 'crazies', I'm still in full-blown crazy-land (but happy at the same time.... not sure the same for hubby!)

Sanne Panne - it's like I could have written your post myself. My soon to be 12 week old is exactly the same, and a few of my friends who are on their seconds report the same.Bizarre. So different from first. craigy - thanks I am going to seek that book out!

I love these crazy Giant Lego storage boxes, not cheap though... http://www.aplaceforeverything.co.uk/shop/index.php For affordable storage options, try http://www.vertbaudet.co.uk/baby-bedroom-storage.htm

Great thread. Sometimes, in the evenings, I want to go and wake my 3 year old up, tell her how much I love her and apologise for losing my rag. Luckily, both of us are fiery types who spark up easily, but get over things quickly and at least once day apologise to each other for having a tantrum (in her case) and screeching like a banshee (in my case). I never thought I would be a perfect mother, but I never realised I would be this prone to hysteria!!! It must be the exhaustion....

We have no idea about the circumstances of the smoker BUT, there is a possibility that she may have been the Jeremy-Kyle-show- type who believes that 'if you have something to say, say it to my face!', and who knows, maybe she respected the OP for having the guts to say something rather than do what most others do, which is tut judgmentally behind her back, and patronisingly hypothesise about the circumstances which would compel someone to smoke while pregnant. We are all judgmental - some people just choose to pass judgment on others in private or on internet forums.

I find it a bit odd that many of you who are arguing from a 'live and let live' point of view can be so venomous in your response to the OP. You might not agree with what she did, but surely being outright spiteful and flinging labels like 'psychopath' around is hardly the way to promote tolerance.

I agree that an all out rant at a pregnant woman smoking is probably inappropriate, but interested in whether others think it's ever appropriate to step in where you feel a child is being mistreated, which I guess was the OP's motivation for getting stuck in? The strangers, who stepped recently in Brighton where there was a young baby getting sunburned were hailed as heros. Now, I am not saying smoking one or two ciggies while pregnant is the same as letting your baby get 3rd degree burns (although heavy smoking during pregnancy is almost certainly going to compromise your baby's health), but I wonder where those of you who have argued vehemently that people should mind their own business would draw the line. Does it need to be a baby/ child and not a foetus, and does the child need to be in immediate danger of death?