Captain Scarlet

Im single.......B)

Steves birthday party steves wife took him to the strip club as a suprise they got to the door and the bouncer said ...hi ya steve,nice to c ya his wife said ...how the fuck does he know you steve said ....he is my friend from ages ago so they went in....they got to the bar...and the barmaid said....hi steve.. pint of carlsberg ? ..his wife said...you bastard...steve quickly replied ...she is my best mates sister, she knows what i drink his wife felt guilty, so she asked the best looking stripper to come over and treat steve she said ...hi steve, do you want the usual? i might not have enough time to give you a blowie steves wife smacked him round the head and demanded to go home, not believing any of his protests at innocence...steve explained she was just being jealous they got in a cab and the taxi driver said hi ya Steve...usual hotel mate??... *ucking hell, you pulled a right minger tonite mate

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman sitting in the bar, the Eng said,,I have a good one ! My wife floated 2 feet above me when she had an orgasm, great! I'll drink to that they said. 5 mins later Jock says, My wife floated 4 feet abv me after an orgasm, WoW! I'll drink to that they said. 5 mins later Paddy pipes up and said, I got a wee cracker, me missus hit di fikin roof after I whipe me dick on the curtain.

Two hydrogen atoms step out of a pub. One pats its pockets and says "I think I left an electron on the bar", "Are you sure?", "Yes, I'm positive!"

What do you call an ape in a minefield? A baBOOM.

Medical Fact: if a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day,it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she will probably suck it as well

Go back to work you lazy sods

I grew up in a deprived area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then place a cherry on top of my head... ...yes life was tough in the gateau!

A friend of mine told me he was off out today to have sex with an American billionaires wife. I have just seen him and asked how he he got on and he said he came up Trumps.

Thought It was Slug walk!............think of all the slme on the roads

Whats the differance between bin laden and a boxer???... A boxer can still get up after 12 rounds.....

Dee Woffaz Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hmmm, ive always fancied a bouncy castle and > couple of gallons of baby oil, naked obviously. > ;-) I am sure I can blow a bouncy castle up for you if you supply the baby oil!

Poor Peter Beardsley is the latest (ex-)player to be linked with a "super-injunction". Apparently the lass he shagged 15 years ago doesn't want to be named!

how do you know a blonds been using the computer...? tippex on the screen

whats the difference between an essex girl and a walrus? one is hairy and smells of fish, the other is an equatic mammal..

Anyone fancy a go at Mud wrestling? I have always wanted to give this a go.. Any female east duwich peeps fancy a tussle? Scarlet:))

The world of entertainment was saddened to read of the death of Larry Larue, inventor of the 'Hokey Cokey' and the unusual circumstances surrounding his burial. While the undertakers were putting his body in the coffin, they got his left leg in, his right leg in... and that was when the trouble really started...

Just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman. He was wearing a cat flap.

on top of saint pauls with my Sniper rifle

thank you for the links.....yep sundenly i have a craving for good ol pie n mash with lots of liquer...yummy

Any one know of any decent Pie n mash shops around? Manzies In Depford is still going I heard but any others around?

After both suffering depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought F*ck it, I'll soldier on. good one I like that one!

Anyone know why its called "dogging"?.

Kinky!

yes thats the one I meant...its a poplur meeting place for South London dogging http://youtu.be/XEct-1eIfdQadult