ClaireinSE22

littleEDfamily - IF I HAD A HUNDRED LIFETIMES AND I WAS A CHRONIC INSOMNIAC I WOULD NOT READ IT....I tried Affluenza and couldn't get beyond chapter 2.....I was interested - am interested in considering how socio-economic factors may effect mental health/well being BUT pap is the word - trashy, predictable and superficial character sketches paired with bogus, unreferenced and frankly unrelated statistics plus concept largely ripped off Status Anxiety (Alan de Botton). Gather latest offering is rip off of someone else's work too? Meanwhile spare a thought for the James' clan; Ollie is constantly spilling his guts about his Mummy and Daddy. What a way to turn a dime. What miffs me most is he does therapy such a disservice. On the one hand his opportunistic skid-mark laundering plays into the hands of the stiff upper lip 'therapy is stuff and nonsense I was beaten soundly and it didn't do me any harm' brigade and then the slippery fish ups and scrawls something for the Daily Mail entitled something like 'The NHS wastes ?600 million on therapy' or something like that. Which was actually about CBT (liked by NHS managers coz its quick and cheap) when you read it properly but gave the Daily Fascist Housewife a peach of a headline. He has been variously styled Eminent, Popular, Controversial. I prefer verbs like Self-aggrandising, Reductive, Chris Moyles-ish. Parenting I as experience it is not a choice....we all have to be the parents we were always going to be. Yes, we try to be more like this and try to do more of that but there isn't time to weigh every word/act. Daily we do the best we can and even if we could pull of some super-human, insect eating feat of 'being a loving, positive at all times when dealing with our children' act it would be utterly wasted as kids have great bullshit detectors, not having learnt to ignore their intuition yet. Love bombing? Sounds like Davina McCall on Ecstasy. Think I'd rather be brought up by Tilda Swinton on her period. Think this book could lead to 1000s of infants begging to be sent to boarding school. So, not content with cashing in on his own neuroses, Mr I Can Heal the World in 10 Easy Steps now wants to get a few more terms' fees out of ours. Its been said before but Mums are such soft targets - we might deal out the guilt but by golly we know how to suck it up too. I'm not having a rant because I'm secretly guilty about going back to work; I'm openly guilty about going back to work. So don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there isn't a book to be written/many books to be written on this subject. My knee-jerk, over the top and only very slightly informed assessment of this book that I'm not going to read, is based on my complete scepticism of its author.

Sounds very reasonable to me gwod. I've really taken against our previously much loved cat since I pupped. Just look at it think and "germs on four legs". Also have nightmares about her settling down for the night on the baby's face - Poor Jenny. Salia, if you are neurotic then you're not on your own!

Fair enough Molly. I wouldn't claim to have tried all options in the cloth nappy line....I bearly managed to fit in toilet breaks for myself, in those first few crazy months. littleEDfamily - thanks a million for your glorious post - I will file it carefully away in memory under the 'there's always someone worse of than yourself' tab.

Cheers, Molly. Believe me you wouldn't be laughing if she was your Mum! (Joking, she's ace). 'Cause in the olden days John Lewis had a policy of no advertising and they also used to have a fantastic haberdashery department - I guess you have to move with the times. It's still a good place to pop in if you need the loo in the West End.

Re; your original question katgod - I tried a couple of different cloth nappies and all the disposables mentioned above (except Sainsburys as it goes) and NOTHING stopped it getting out onto his pristine sleep suits at the exploding poo stage. Several times a day. Sorry, it's not much use to you but at least you can congratulate yourself on having produced such a prodigy.

Darn it! Hate to be manipulated by dastardly advertising types but gotta hand it to 'em - it's beautifully done and they clearly know their target market coz I was welling up by the time we got to the birthday cake. Mind you, tears come to my eyes every time the stars turn into blossom on I.T.N.G. Definately gravidity related in my case - pre-baby I sat dry eyed through Schindler's List, It's a Wonderful Life, Dumbo - you name it. Thank god it wasn't an ad. for Tesco - how bad would we feel then? Oh - I think it wears off tho. Polled my own mum about this ad. and she replied "yes I've seen it, makes me puke". That's lovely, grandma.

We've had something from the LibDems practically every day for the last fortnight. Yesterday they rang (I told the nice young lady that I really didn't want to be called at home) and abit later someone came to the house and THEN at 12:45 this morning ANOTHER leaflet - which is technically canvassing on the day of an election - very naughty. Today they came to the door again - even tho. we handed their 'I've been out and voted' leaflet to the guy at the polling station. Far too much. Annoying actually.

Giving up trying to get pregnant is a good one

Hi Salia, I've always spent quite a lot of time at home with mine (who is 6 months) - just because going out always seems such an effort plus he complains/whines after about 10mins of just sitting on my lap while I chat. I think 'playing' is actually hard work, and it does need the grown up to put some thought into it and I've learnt alot from other mums - will sort out a post box for tommorrow! Anyway, I have found that I've got better at it with practice and now I really enjoy play time with my son (well, the first 20 minutes anyway). Some of things we get up to include; Playing with Mummy's many coloured scarfs...(but anything fabric would do)...mine likes to have the scarfs made to 'dance' in front him and swept over his toes/tummy/face. Plus, 'peek-a-boo' style game. Touch, walk (held under arms)and bounce on different surfaces (he's really into surfaces) - bathroom floor, fleecy rug, cardboard, plastic bags, grass outside Bumbo train - push him along tiled kitchen floor and go into the 'station' - i.e. under the table Give horse rides on knee at different speeds to different tunes Go around the house looking in cupboards and showing him himself and mummy in the mirror. Lying him on his back and balancing things (toys, empty plastic bottles, anything fairly light) on his tummy Lying next to him and copying the noises he makes or doing 'ahhhh', 'ooooooo', or 'p p p p p' Dancing around to any music with him Some of his soft toys have specific songs and dance moves they perform for him Playing 'tents' or 'caves' under the duvet. I ramble on about bears stealing our picnic or whatever - clearly he has no idea what I'm talking about but seems entertained by it We also play shops - where he stands behind a counter (the sofa arm) and his soft toys come and ask him if he has any carrots etc. Sometimes they get into fights with one another over the last pint of milk...again...he has no idea what I'm talking about.... He has a couple of plastic bottles with buttons in that he likes to push across the floor He's often up for looking through a picture book and has been for at least a couple of months now He has 'tummy' time about three times a day I add different toys and bits of ribbon, ear-rings, strips of wrapping baby to his mobile He always spends some time 'nappy free' on his changing mat and I enjoy making him squeal by blowing raspberries on him and pretending to eat his feet I've pinned up some pictures by his door bouncer (which are really straight forward - just black polka dots/ bright shapes) and he likes to spend some time looking at them in between spurts of bouncing We do watch some TV - we both love In the Night Garden - but I don't feel remotely guilty about it because we do it together with him on my lap and me babbling away 'here comes Iggle-Piggle' etc

Hi Kate, I had low PAPP A and low Hcg....was offered CV sampling at 20 weeks, declined due to previous miscarriages but did get extra scans and was v. anxious for whole 9 months. Didn't have any problems in pregnancy, BP bit high during labour and for a week after but baby is 6 months+ now and absolutely gorgeous. The consultant Ob. at Kings told me sometimes these low hormone readings mean nothing at all. Hope everything works out for you. Claire x

Hi Nikki, I was in the Italian, Si Mangia, on Forest Hill Rd (next to ED's small Co-op)on Friday evening and although we were sans bebe ourselves, there were lots of kids and a stack of high chairs available....I don't know if it would pass muster as special enough with some folks, but we are never disappointed (husband recommends Scallops in Sambucca). Claire

That's interesting Helena, I found the book by accident really - I didn't know what sort of critical response it received but it's not surprising in some ways....I think very few new mommies feel that they can be up front about the really tough stuff and who can blame us as you run the of risk being completely misunderstood - for example, when I complained to my mother that I felt like I was 'on a treadmill' she said "Well, I did warn you" as though I would have carried on taking the pill if only I had realised that having a baby might just result in some doing some extra washing and even perhaps knocking the pub on the head. I suppose R.C. doesn't spend much time on 'the positives' but I think that is well covered by almost everything else I ever read, watched, heard about babies! R.C. is a v. small voice in the wilderness. Thanks for recommendation Crystal - will follow up! Need to keep grey matter vaguely ticking over.... CitizenEd, maybe it is a hard message....but seems incredible to me that anyone could imagine that something so completely live changing for both parents could possibly be without any problems....and we haven't even started on mum and dads' relationship!

A Life?s Work ? On Becoming a Mother, Rachel Cusk is a series of wonderfully insightful, moving, frequently hilarious and ?oh so true' essays on the first year with a new baby; I want to recommend this book to other mums as I found myself stopping on every page and bugging my husband- ?listen to this, this is just how I feel?.? It?s not self-help or how-to (as if we need to read anymore of that kind of book!), but a psychological and philosophical account of the experience of motherhood. Here?s the author on Insomnia- ?For almost a year of nights I have gone to bed as one would go to bed knowing that the front door was wide open, that there was something on the stove, that the alarm clock was set to go off hourly until dawn??I have gone to bed like other people get up for work, alert, keyed up, and steeled for battle? on ?Baby Literature? ?Spock?s babies are cheerful souls in spite of their temperatures, their constant gastro-enteritis and chronic excrescences of the skin?..In their anomic, tyrannical hearts they like to know who?s boss, for weakness drives them to enslave and dominate, to make fools of their parents.? on Going Out- ?Because I am the baby?s home there is nowhere I can leave her, and soon I begin to look at those who walk around light and free and unencumbered as if they were members of a different species. When occasionally I do go out without her I feel exposed, like something that has lost its shell. The litany of the babies requirements continues regardless of the hour, season or location?she shrieks uncontrollably in quiet places, grows hungry where it is impossible for me to feed her, excretes where it is pristine: it is as if I myself have been returned to some primitive, shameful condition, being sick in expensive shops, crying on buses, while other people remain aloof and unpitying. My daughter emanates unprocessed human need where the world is at its most civilised; and while at first I am on the side of the world, which I have so recently left, and struggle to contain and suppress her, soon, like so many mothers, I come to see something inhuman in civilisation, something vain and deathly? on Growing Up- ?I miss my daughter?s babyhood already. In her growing up I have watched the present become the past?.the storm of emotion, of the new, that accompanied her arrival is over now?.Motherhood sometimes seems to me like a sort of relay race, a journey whose purpose is to pass on the baton of life, all work and heat and hurray one minute and mere panting spectatorship the next?.I see my daughter hurrying away from me, hurtling towards her future, and in that sight I recognise my ending, my frontier, the boundary of my life.?

Can we all agree in advance not to bother to do any cleaning?

Hi Amy, I was looking out for your post after reading the 'Hate to sound like a stalker, but' thread....I've been terrible at getting out and meeting mums so far due to persistent laziness, total exhaustion, frequent panics about sniffles and runny poo etc, inability to string a sentence together AND resultant loss of confidence/identity crisis etc....certainly sounds like being a student again......So if you don't mind hosting a gibbering, smelly lunatic, I've got a little chap who is coming up to 6 months old very soon and we would be absolutely delighted to come over - will PM you my dets.... P.S. Oh yes, mine also gets v. bored when Mummy just wants to chat and his silly Mummy doesn't like to put him out if at all possible

Ellie - you don't say what sort of self-harm you mean...cutting is the most common and sadly there seems to be a culture of cutting amongst some groups of adolescents (some even post self-harm photos online)NONETHELESS it should always be taken seriously as the suicide risk of self-harmers is 50-100 times of the general population. You don't say if your query is on your own behalf or on behalf of someone you care about - either way this isn't the place to get advice - please contact the National Self Harm Network (have website so you can Google) helpline.

We have had some respite from the Rainforest swing from babies R us - is only about 6" off the ground but you can put a blanket on 'em whilst they're in it, innit.

Great link Fuschia - on the 4 month thang, my biscuit has been wanting 2 hourly dunkings since 17 wks and we're now at 21 wks so lovely to read that we'll be doing it all again with bells on probably before this latest spurt is resolved! Nikki73 - you don't need to rinse after using Milton tabs.

Yes, yes sillywoman. When my bundle was that age I would rescue him from his basket at every snuffle and it took me quite a long time to twig that he could whine, whimper and even cry quite loudly without actually waking up - is it possible that you are causing some of the wakings by reacting too quickly? Having said that, I agree with other posters that 2 hourly waking is UBER NORMAL and I believe I read somewhere on the internet (how do you like that for a well evidenced assertion?)that spurts can last for a week. You certainly won't get much change out of your HV if you go to them at this age.......I think mine just said that I was lucky that my baby didn't need feeding half-hourly.

Bumpy, have you considered the sling route? Yes, they are still on your lap but at least your arms are free for holding the remote control, bowl of pasta, G&T etc......

SF, I was attempting a little irony at your expense which is unforgiveable and evidently a waste of time. Serve me right for being smart-bottomed - from now on I'll be very clear. No, she isn't a victim and neither is the guy in the MIND shop - unless one happens to be in the throes of a major psychotic episode or under the influence of mind altering drugs, we are all responsible for our actions. When we deny someone their agency we diminish their human dignity. Cool Bananas, I doubt very much that the lady in question was paid - it's hardly Max Clifford material. Furthermore, breastfeeding is actually far more prevalent amongst African and Asian populations - and I say, let those who are actually members of the 'other religons' you coyly refer to speak for themselves. My ex-husband is Muslim (Kurdish) and he was breastfed until he was 6 yrs old. I assume then that you are busy writing letters to WH Smiths etc etc who subject us all to a grisly celebrity flesh fest on a daily basis? Kalamity Kel - I've always been a fatty, I hated undressing at the gym, I've never worn a bikini and I HATE shopping for clothes. The experience of becoming a mother, of growing and nurturing a wonderful new life has healed my relationship with my body. Why should I care that I can't wear skinny jeans when I can feed my son with liquid gold? You are wrong - I am proud to be a woman and I respect myself more now than at any time in my life.

Signora Focaccia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I see the Daily Mail has got hold of this > 'outrage' and we now all have a picture of the > goody and the baddy. (No prizes for guessing which > class the respective protagonists represent) > > This out-of-proportion campaign has played right > into the hands of the right-wing press and now > even more people can look down their noses at the > poor bloke running the Mind shop. > > Perhaps an organisation that campaigns on behalf > of people who have experienced mental distress > might like to get involved to support him as this, > I believe is what many people working and > volunteering in Mind shops have experienced. Or > maybe he will now need a union rep. > > Hope you are all pleased with yourselves. BINGO! Reductio ad Hitlerumn (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law). By blaming the breastfeeding mother for the inevitable tabloid treatment of her story, you have played right into the hands of the male dominated media that perpetuates our patriarchal society (no prizes for guessing what gender the respective protagonists represent). Perhaps a radical feminist organisation would like to support her etc etc. Speaking as a socialist, a psychiatric nurse in training and the daughter of a window cleaner (think I've covered myself now) I find it totally tedious when a perfectly valid discussion thread is littered with pointless, right-on posturing from contributors who have no real interest in the topic. Breastfeeding has enormous health benefits for mother and child and yet the vast majority of women choose to give up after the first few weeks; the reasons cited may include imminent return to work, lack of support from partner/family but largely boil down to the same thing - our culture is not breastfeeding friendly. Whilst BF remains somewhat taboo, it is inevitable that the sight of a breastfeeding mother may make us uncomfortable....hopefully as the public health message starts to get through we will all be more used to seeing it happen all around us in shops, restaurants and buses. Lactivists have an important role in transforming attitudes - we are in the vanguard! But don't worry Daizie, I won't chase you down the street flashing my 'large exposed nipples' - the cold wind makes 'em shrink a bit!

I found this website v. useful on expressing, storing etc etc; http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/pumping_decrease.html Good luck!

Dear Mellors, Devoted wife that I am, I soak my husbands best white shirts (he does lots of formal dinners) in Vanish OxyWhite - clearly not v. environmentally friendly but maybe worth a try.....have found it effective on old red wine stains, filthy collars etc (don't think he ever washes his neck). Will investigate fleece liners....

Hi Molly, I use the cloth wipes with warm water and baby oil. My other query with cloth nappies (bulky bum aside), is whether there is a system which draws poo/wee away from babies skin? Disposables seem to absorb liquid into the centre whereas the terries and Bambino Mio nappies got wet all over so I felt I had to give my lad a wash from the waist down every time I changed him. Any thoughts? Claire