cuppa tea

"When does the bickering about who does what end? It's sooooo boring!" I think it ends when it starts to get boring... My husband and I have stopped bickering now, as since having the child no.2 we both seem to be working flat out and neither of us get any real leisure time. It's kind of evened it up! I do sometimes class his going to work as leisure time, as he gets a lunch hour, but I then get a grip and bite my tongue!

Oh another thing is that you can make a referral to a speech therapist yourself. (again via website) It may be worth doing this now just in case, as after we had seen the drop-in therapist and she referred my son it took over 6 months to get an appointment.

I found the S&L therapist via the southwark website. They did have a drop in schedule, but the link doesn't seem to be working. I went to the 4th floor in Peckham library. They are there every week I think. You can probably contact the library and find out. http://www.southwarkpct.nhs.uk/our_services/children_and_families/child_development/speech_and_language_therapy Sounds as though your daughter has had big things happen in her little life lately and it could be as simple as that. I certainly thought my son had so much to say and couldn't get it all out quick enough. Interestingly the therapist said that can be typical of children who have perfectionist traits...which does seem to fit his personality, even though I've never put pressure on him like that. Having a new baby is really stressful. I found myself rushing all over the place. i didn't realise that I was rushing him, rushing my communication with him. It's easily done. And nice to notice and slow down a bit.

My son developed quite a severe stutter at same age. I think it was partially developmental and partially having a new sibling to cope with and all of those issue. i would go to a drop in Speech and Language therapist. They give you really good advice on what to do with stuttering. Off the top of my head (and there is probably more) she told me things like: don't correct them, don't tell them to slow down, don't say take a breath, DO give lots of eye contact, wait for them to finish what they are saying, don't put pressure on them to say certain words ie,'please', 'thank you', 'sorry' etc. Don't imitate the stutter (hard to believe adults do this when they hear children stumble over their words, but they do without thinking). I had mentioned it to the nursery he was at and they said "yes we usually tell them to slow down and take a breath"..typical! So it may be worth checking a nursery's policy if your daughter goes to one. We basically carried on as normal and tried not to show any worry in our faces, so he would think that nothing was wrong...which it wasn't really. Despite all this he still picked up on it and went through a phase of covering his mouth and getting embarrassed about the words not coming out. Suddenly we noticed that he wasn't stuttering anymore and it disappeared as quickly as it came on. Edited to say that another thing we did was to slow the pace of life right down. Not so much rushing to get places and to get everyone out of the house. I think we also tried to speak clearly ourselves...can't remember if this was suggested to us or not though.

And your pelvic floors are shot to bits! Four!!! It blows my mind!

Ah wishing it away. I've been doing that for 4 years and now my eldest is about to start school I realise it is just going TOO FAST!

We've recently moved and my 4 year old is also due to start school in September. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be, though he has found it hard adjusting to not having so many of his friends close by. We read a few books about moving home. 'Mouse moves house' was one I think. We also involved him in as many of the choices as possible. Before he saw the new house my husband went ahead by a day or so and sorted out his room and unpacked all his things, so his room was ready to go and all his familiar toys/books already out by the time he got to the house. He helped with the unpacking of the rest of our things and playing with cardboard boxes, which he enjoyed. We are about to move again into a house we have bought and are thinking of totally letting him decide on how he does his bedroom, colours, etc, as I feel this will help him settle and give him a feeling of control over it all. Also I would try to be really understanding. We are still settling in 6 months later and I can still see we are all adjusting to it. Keep stress low, and the whole thing very low key and positive, as they really pick up on any negativity. Hope this helps.

Saffron - I don't want to argue the science! It was from the experience of our family. My MIL ended up in hospital. How the drugs actually did that specifically I don't know. Though if 'inhibit the stomach's acid production' is the safe way that doesn't sound too helpful in itself! Teething may not be a continuous process, but a great deal of baby issue get attributed to teething pain, especially sleepless nights. I include myself in doing this. My little one wakes up at least 3 times each night. I have no idea why. Could be teething, I wouldn't necessarily know.

I don't think it's ridiculous at all to be wary of giving painkillers to a baby. My MIL was prescribed ibuprofen by a doctor as a 'safe' form of pain relief. It didn't turn out to be that safe after she was admitted to hospital. I wasn't talking about dramatic side effects for a baby, but if over prolonged use they can burn a hole in an adults stomach it makes wonder what digestive upset it would cause to a baby over a shorter length of time. I doubt they test these drugs on actual babies, so the side effects may not be very well documented. Personally I if my baby had a worrying high temperature and it was more important to get that down, then I would give it. Teething is more tricky as it can go for 2 years or more on and off and I wouldn't want to keep giving stronger drugs. Teething powder is homeopathic, so I don't think there is an active ingredient. Chamomile is supposed to have calming and sleep inducing effects. I can never decide whether it works or not, but then I can never decide what is teething or not! I've heard good things about amber necklaces for teething, but they can only be worn in the day. I think you can put them round their ankle at night though.

Yes my mother in law had this too, after taking anti-inflammatories for a prolonged period for arthritic pain. I think she was taking them before breakfast on an empty stomach. She was 50 at the time, so not elderly. It was awful! I've avoided taking them myself since. I don't think I would give it to the kids.

Mess IS creativity! They are one and the same ;)

"however, I find myself so irritable when she demands breast too often and would not let go in the middle of the night, I want to snatch my nipple out of her mouth with rage!!! does this sound crazy!!!?? so I am thinking for my own sanity, it's best to combine and stop completely when we are both ready...hopefully I am not just being a terrible mum" No you are not crazy and this does not make you a terrible mum!! I have felt plenty of rage at my baby in the middle of the night. I am sure it is very common! I'm learning to go with the flow more and fight less...if that makes sense. Fuschia - That's really interesting. I've never heard of it until now. If I am feeling upset I will almost always cry when the baby latches on. Rush of emotion - strange.

2loulou - As a disclaimer I have no opinion either way as to whether you continue to breastfeed or not, but just going back to your original post your baby may be demanding feeds non-stop to increase your milk supply. I found both mine did this, especially during a growth spurt. They would feed like every ten minutes, sometimes more, especially at night. I would then find the next day I seemed to have more milk and they would be more satisfied. As long as your baby is not losing weight or dehydrated then she should be getting enough. From what I can make out the frequency of feeds and emptying the breasts is what increases your supply. Also found Fenugreek tea works...or eating a curry with it in! Resting (i know I know!) and drinking enough water also help.

I would be wary of giving anti-inflammatory drugs for teething pain too because of the possible stomach side effects. Especially as small babies are probably not taking much food first to line their stomachs. And teething pain can go on for a while, so may be worth finding an alternative you don't have to limit. I can understand the need for sleep! Not getting much here either....

That reminds me of an anecdote (untrue I expect and better written that this!) I read recently of a 6 year old boy who had never spoken a word to anyone. One evening his family were all sat round the dinner table and he suddenly said "this soup is cold". Amazed his mother said "but you can speak! why have you never said anything?". He replied "well until now the soup has always been warm".

There are drop-ins at with a speech and language therapist at Peckham Library..Friday mornings I think. The woman I saw was really good and gave me lots of tips. She referred my son, (who had developed a stutter at 3), to Sunshine House, but it took about 6 months to get an appointment, (Ages if you are worried!), by which time the stutter had resolved itself. I would imagine that your son is absolutely fine and is just taking his time. If he's anything like my son he is waiting until he gets words perfect before he starts to speak and will suddenly come out with lots of new words at once. I'm not expert, but personally I would try to keep a benign, but understanding, attitude when he gets frustrated..as if he picks up your worry he may think there is a problem, hence creating a problem. From our experience frustration is always there before a new development stage. I did find it very hard to keep a attentive, calm expression when my son stuttered, but it did help it to pass.

Yes, lovely post Molly. It's also interesting how scientific language and research can change our behaviour.

"Anyway, I guess I have been very lucky - I have exposed my boobs to all of Nunhead, East D and Peckham on buses, trains, restaurants and pretty much everywhere else in between and never had any looks (that I was aware of) and certainly no words. Personally I would not consider narrowminded people tutting at the sight of a boob as 'bashing'." It's interesting this. Breastfeeding bashing. I fed my first child until he was 2.5...and I can tell you opinion pretty quickly turns around as to how long you should breastfeed for! The insults are much more forthcoming - you suddenly go from a positive angel and feeding your baby milk from the gods to a downright pervert!

Yak - that is very funny :) It's all a bit messed up really isn't it?! We get critised whatever we do as mothers. I just wish there was more help surrounding breastfeeding as I am sure more mum's want to do it, but don't through many, many difficulties. Probably a good deal of problems are preventable given the right help either before the baby is born and the days immediately afterwards. I know alot of women who have had a professional/'well-meaning' relative make a comment along the lines of "ah just put him/her on a bottle" at the first hurdle. THis is not helpful even from the point of the comment making the new mum feel a failure. Support and advice are 2 very different things.

The problem I have with 'facts' is that we will never really know how true they really are. Often they are used as a manipulation tool. Back to the original post though...how on earth do you have a discussion about breastfeeding without 'which is best' becoming an issue?! It is all so connected is it not?

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Thats not true ... There is evidence linking > reduced incidence of adult obesity, heart disease > and diabetes to longer exclusive bf > > So very relevant to us here in the uk Yes it is true. If you take it to extremes and say a mother breastfeeds her baby for 6 months and then smacks and berates him all through his toddler/childhood years I am pretty sure this would cancel out any positive effects of breastfeeding. The psychological and physical damage from negligent parenting would certainly affect his health.

"there is so much more that determines the current and future health of your child than breastfeeding. In the 'western world' where many (not all) are so fortunate to have a reasonable standard of living, other factors such as, passive smoking, the food you go on to feed your child, they way your raise them, the opportunities your provide them, education etc etc will also play their part." This is so true. It's such a long game this parenting thing. Why is it so complicated? I would say that ignoring most 'scientific research' is the best thing mothers could do, whether it is about breastfeeding, formula or anything else. It all has an agenda.

I am not sure 'formula bashing' is the way to go either to be honest. Saying it is the same as breast milk also doesn't help things. I certainly felt I could have done with more support for breastfeeding...and I did get loads of help compared to most. I had the naive assumption that it was a totally natural process and there would be no reason I wouldn't be doing it. How wrong I was!! Now looking back I think what I personally needed was to see women breastfeeding real life babies, not pretend to do it with some doll after sitting (8 months pregnant) in a breastfeeding workshop for 4 hours! I really don't know what the answer is. Polly D - I think it's all a balancing act. A bottle of formula to relieve an exhausted mum is not going to have any detrimental impact. If you are about to chuck your baby out the window through lack of sleep then it has got to be better to have some SMA! (Though I did find that sleeping with my babies solved my sleep deprivation problems. I am amazed that women can get out of bed, make up a bottle of formula, sit in a chair, feed the baby and then get it back to sleep in a cot....that is ALOT of work!) I get concerned about 'dissing' breast feeding too I suppose, as a way to alleviate guilt from those who could't/didn't. It has to be perceived to be important so that support for it also is important. Guilt seems to be an inevitable part of mothering unfortunately, but we just have to all deal with things that we have not been able to achieve. Noone can make you feel guilty...you do that to yourself! And this is me who wasn't going to get into a debate about breastfeeding, HA! And also I am totally neglecting the kids by spending too much time on the internet, which is probably also FAR worse than feeding them formula!! I may have breastfed, but I am making plenty of guilt enducing mess ups now they are bigger!

jollybaby Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Maybe I am after the impossible - finding a way of > promoting breast feeding without making those who > formula feed feel like a substandard mother . This > is just a very emotive subject for me - having > suffered PND and switched from breast to formula > to breast to formula and then back to breast > again. Yes the guilt is my problem - I very > rarely bottle fed in public as I didn't want > people to see me doing it - but it certainly > didn't help. > > Motherhood is fun hey . . . The going back to work > guilt/stress is the next hurdle. So what made you keep going back to breast feeding? Guilt? And are you happy you stuck with breastfeeding?

Polly D Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > cuppa tea Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > "It is sad when women, probably through lack of > support, don't continue." > > Why is it sad? Please don't assume that not > breastfeeding is through a lack of support. Well I think it is sad if a women can't continue to breastfeed. It's my personal opinion. I have, in the end, really enjoyed breast feeding. There are so many benefits other than just nutritional. If it's not lack of support, (domestic and professional) why else would you not try in the first place, or not continue?