new mother

Anyone know why second births are so much easier than first? HAs the body sort of "learned"? I know a lot of women who had a bad time then a very easy labour second time round, which is great.

Totally agree v personal decision and not for anyone to judge. BUT.the problem then becomes ...once people subsidise others, they DO feel they have a right to judge. To take an extreme example, it does rile me to think I am paying for massive families to lvie in massive houses in central London that I personally cannot afford to live in on my post mega tax, minimal income!

SW, We have two children as we cannot give eg 3 children the sort of life I'd want to be able to. You chose to have 4 children. That was your choice (assuming you don't have quads! ;-)). Should the taxpayer subsidise that choice? THat is the principle behind the cut.

Snowboarder, Can totally udnerstand you are excited and apprehensive and I am so sorry that what should be a fun, warm and wonderful time also brings back worrying memories. What was the problem with the planned section? Could you try to work out calmly now, with the benefit of hindsight, what exactly caused the trauma and explain that to Mr Marsh. (eg the pain was not manged properly/the ward was not clean/you cldn't sleep etc)... I know people with emerg sections often remember it for ages and kick themselves that they went through alot of pain to end up with a section anyway - which doesn't seem fair - but planned sections should be much more organised and cotnrolled, surely? (I have had two and was off painkillers and home in 48 hours, moving around and carrying things more or less as usual within 3 days so I'd thoroughly recommend it. Maybe this is unusual?)

by the way to be fair, if I cancel the cleaner, I still pay her. My reasoning is that she is available for work and I have that "slot" of her time.

question - I asssume everyone puts poos down the loo and then bins the reminaing nappy? I "loo'ed" it as a matter of course as I think binning it completely insanitrary and 19th century but discovered to my shock that my sister in law bins the whole thing. What do others do?

I'm astonished that no one has mentioned the biggest middle class expense - children's school fees, paid out of post tax income. If you have two children and earn an ok as opposed to stratospheric salary, school fees leave very very little after other necessities come off. (and yes I consider an education a necessity and not something we can chose whether to provide for our children.) The extra 80 per ch per month, after tax, was really handy.

Babies must be totally differnet shapes as we used Pampers both times, with an emergency purchase of Sainsburys once. That was a total disaster and they leaked eveyrwhere so.... never again.

if she is bringing a friend without asking, fire her. Otherwise talk to her about doing more and make it clear you are shocked to discover these lost hours. Ask why she didn't do more eg ironing pile if she had done everything she was supposed to. Make it clear that is the new rule and if she doesn't like it, next! As a matter of interest, how much do people pay per hour? I pay 8.50 of whch I think 6.50 goes to the cleaner.

if you are on holiday, be sure a neighbour is moving your various bins back on to the property from the pavement..

http://www.rosemeadprepschool.org.uk/prospectus/year6results.php just for fairness....

http://www.oakfield.dulwich.sch.uk/achievements/leaverdestinations.aspx Lots of places basically!

Sorry, no, I meant which schools do most of the ch progress to at 11? thanks

Kim, thanks. Where do the children go on to, in the main?

Gambado in Beckenham? (not sparkling clean but the children will be utterly thrilled by it.)

Is there anything to lose? (save the nuisance value I know) Also, nb, this test does throw up a lot of false negatives... ie it is designed so that a lot of babies "fail", and theya r ethen followed up...

Redjam, interesting point and calmly put when you had clearly been confronted by a 180 opposed viewpoint from me! I used to think that "there 's more to lfie" etc. as your your post. However, I now see that, to have choices in life, one needs good results. The child can then choose to be an artist let's say and never use his/her multitude of A levels but at least the apretns' actions resuling in him/her being given the option. You may say - but what if the child ends up doing a job that's overly academic and one that he/she isn't really cut out for. In my experience and obseravtion, few jobs are actually taxing academically. People skills matter much more once the child hits the office environment, as a lawyer, let's say. BUt he/she will neve get there nowadays without the results.

Steve, Interesting and balanced post, thanks. I think it's true for the majority of ch, you will get your "educational investment" returned to you. Some will go off the rails, unfortunately, especially in london and it is a mega parent duty these days to try to guard against that happening. Vis a vis property, look at it like this. If you child becomes eg a lawyer in a top city firm as a result of your "investment", he/she will recover much more in one year financially than the cost the education involved or the average property would generate. And that's only looking at it coldly, in terms of money. There are many other benefits too, especially for the child to whose parents it's a stretch. Arguably, the very rich ones don't get nearly as much out of it as the ones who make big sacrifices to go. Actually, on that it never ceases to amaze and irritate me how people say sanctimoniously "I've got eg 5 children and I cannnot afford private education" - well, yes, but nowadays people choose to have children. We aren't Victorians with a baby every year. I would have loved 4 children but we could never have afforded the 150,000 school fees for each of them so..hello... we don't have 4 children. Sillywoman, Interesting thanks. Their parents certainly did the right thing for them, then. Well done parents.

RA, very interesting post and, yes, it's an interesting subject so let's discuss it here... I'd agree with everything you said and add to it, more information and fewer social barriers so that people know that with the right education, they can become respect people - lawyers, drs, dare I say bankers, etc. - when those professions were barred, effectively, by old boys' clubs in the past. Of course the British curse is for those succcessful people to be dogged by insecurity and to desire fiercely the recognition of those they have supplanted. They don't realise that their upwards achievement dwarfs the complacent staying put of those they have replaced and to whom they owe no deference. For so long as they can play it, those replaced will and do by clinging on to certain customs and modes of behaviour that exclude those not in the know. Gosh: it's fascinating animal behaviour really. I could go on for hours. Ann, thanks for your post too. Yes, I think you're right - JAGS is not for the faint-hearted but there is often great emphasis placed on the pressure generated by schools like this to obtain these results without focussing on: 1. it's reasonably easy to manipulate your results to ensure you come high (which might explain why they don't seem to be submitting them). 2. their girls are cleverer than the average bear. They aren't just hard working donkeys. They are girls who would excel where-ever they went to school. They are actually bright and anyone who tries to explain it all away by saying they just work hard is detracting unfairly from their innate ability.

btw, Pebbles, the Times list is for top 600 at GCSE hence my focus on thta...

Yes, and it would make sense as their "competition", as it were, the likes of Putney High etc., is getting in the 90s. Life is so much more more pressurised nowadays than it was for me, admittedly a million years ago. A child, whether clever or not, is under so much pressure to achieve in some respect. I remember laughing at stories of Americans working backwards from university to work out which nursery their ch should attend but the same approach is now here.

Does anyone know why they claim to have 94% A and A* passes (which would make them third out of the top 600 schools in the UK, per The Times) but don't actually appear on the list? (as far as I can see anyway and certainly not in that "94% slot") Is it something simple like they refuse to submit their results to The Times or something? Given the import that people place on these wretched tables each year, I'm intrigued!

am I the only one or does something not ring true about these messages...???

Would you think laterally and consider approaching a private school for a scholarship?

Very pleased to see someone being honest and trying to trace the poor old owner. well done Dan. As a matter of fact, my cards were occasionally sucked back in before Abbey Nat changed its system to make you take the card before the cash, IYSWIM. I once got zero out, but got a receipt for my non withdrawal of 50 quid. It was a sunday so I was a bit worried but I contacted the bank on the Monday and they were able to give it straight to me, preusmably having been ?50 over when reconciling the machine.