new mother

LBO, because a 5% to 16% increase is quite a bit? all just for a bit of extra admin. And I imagine it makes it more fun to vary the routine of the week a bit. In general, though, the pathetically servile attitude that people have towards their nannies astonishes me. Most people act like they are grateful to have their nanny, which is quite ridiculous when you consider these girls have few qualifications in many cases and have an extremely good package that they could never achieve in eg a nursery or in the sort of alternative job that they had as an option. Parents, rebel! Treat good nannies well and with respect, as you would any good employee, but not as part of the family. Get decent service from all staff, just as you give your employer and for god's sake, have some backbone and self-respect...

Chantelle, unbelievable. Did you agree at the start that she could have 20 pounds regardless of what she spent? If not, she is a straightforward thief and technically if the other family doesn't know, you are an accomplice. Technically as it would never come to court, of course. For me trust is paramount and if you can't trust them with money, what next? Your purse? Clothes? Jewellery? I am afraid it does happen.

From friends' experiences, this is a bit too much. Does she also expect lunch and coffees out to be paid for, classes that she takes the children to to be paid for etc? It all adds up and when they start expecting their entire day's expenses to be covered, I start to think they are taking the mickey. (My particular bugbear is classes when you are already paying THEM to entertain the children!)

Poor little one. Assume you have tried painkillers, teething powder etc even though there is no sign of teeth bothering him?

References from a family they've been with for a longish time, mininum a few years, with children of an age that they can speak. Plus, make sure they can speak good English - in the unlikely case case of disaster, they need to be able to communicate with emerg services.

Sorry to hear all this. It sounds very stressful. I'm afraid that I would complain as I have the opposite problem - disinterest in our children. I find it very hurtful. My parents in law were dragged to visit our first baby and me in hospital and my mother in law refused to bring me presents from people who had entrusted her with them on the grounds "it was such a nuisance". Nuisance in a door to door taxi??? For some reason that one stuck. ANyway, I understand what you are experiencing, albeit from the other end of the spectrum. I think my starting point would be establising where my husband stood on it and trying to avoid specific typical triggers, which could be too frequent calls or whatever. I think you will get some good ideas from the forum and at least, perhaps, take a bit of comfort from the fact that you are clearly not alone!

Yip, we've all had it. Colds most of Dec then flu Christmas week. Exhausted, too weak to turn over in bed sort of level. then the day of depression and, when sleeping, very black nightmares about the children. I hope they didn't get that bit as well but who knows. Better now! - weirdly, the GP diagnosed flu but gave us antibiotics (!) Get well everyone reading this - do drink lots of water and keep warm to help your body fight it.

Glad you have decided this and that you are happy with it, more to the point. I have no issues whatsoever with the supposed emotional damage. I don't believe an occasional absence could cause that although I suppose no-one knows conclusively. However, my issue would have been one of safety. No-one loves your baby as much as you or your husband (and some grandparents) do. "If a disaster happens in the house, who goes back in and saves my baby?" would have been my (utterly paranoid) thought. I couldn't have left either of my ch, unless with a blood relative. There is a huge difference I have found. Any remote cousin I am happier with as a babysitter than a qualified non relative. Ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous but my gut instinct. Also, once you dump the bfeeding - which I chose not to do at all - you've be much freer to get out and about and have some lovely joint time, as well.

SB, If you think this for a minute, go to the dr and get antibiotics, notwithstanding pgcy. I know a girl who had two children and was expecting another. She died of pneumonia as a result of refusing meds. and refusing to believe her diagnosis was accurate ie it was a lot worse than a cold. Please do this ditto anyone else reading this who has a recurring/ongoing problem. edited a styping too fast

PrD, Mmmm, good point. I wldn't say "come along children", no, I agree with you on that. However, I refer to my ch as "children" and it wouldn't occur to me to use the word "kid". Some of my friends address their nanny as, well, "nanny" which even I consider old fashioned but, yes, I do have traditional ideas on the whole.

Espelli, thanks. these various tables and results are bandied about and it is difficult to know (a) whether they mean anything "real" and (b) how easy it is to "fix" the results. Finally, a plea - they are children not baby goats. ;-)

STB, is your husband Jean Paul Sartre? ;-) One point that might be worth making. I know a couple where the woman agonised for years, literally, about whether to and then when to have a second child. She would often ask friends who had got married early on "what is the best gap in your view?". It's a cautionary tale as, when she finally decided the time was right in view of careeer level, age and maturity of other child, house bought etc, for some reason, they couldn't have another and remain deeply disappointed by that to this day. I think this is a point for us all nowadays....fertility declines constantly and more from the age of 35, so, while we all know someone or someone's friend who has had 4 children in her 40s, we should not assume blithely that we can too.

If you decide to mvoe the lo around, there are sleeping bags you could get that would enable you to transfer her straight from the car/pram to the cot. (ie they are designed for such a move) You prob knew this but inc ase not....

To any teachers reading this thread, What does this particular stage actually test? What does success in it mean? Many thanks

In extremis, you could maybe try the Inland Revenue who have actualy been v helpful to me recently on various queries....

I don't want to comment on the numbers or the days or anyone else's experience save to let you know that, FOR ME, my ferociously protective attitude mellowed from 6 months to a year. I have no idea whether it does for everyone but good luck with whatever you decide. xx

"It is not the only child who yells to be heard in a group of kids, or who reaches for the first slice of pizza in the box at a sleepover, the poor thing thinks it will just have to patiently wait its turn and the pizza will come. This is a problem." Jesskat, this is quite fascinating and probably the most interesting post, of many(!), I have ever read on this forum.

Try baby sensory classes? www.babysensory.co.uk

"my friend had her 2nd recently & basically did a 'care plan' for her 18 month old, with 3 weeks mapped out & different people volunteered for slots according to availability. Everyone on the plan had a copy so we knew who we would handover to if need be & also landline & mobile numbers. " Excellent idea. CONGRATS!

Normal to pay becuase you are choosing to take that time. She is available to work and cannot find another job on an ad hoc absis. I do the same with my cleaner (ditto stooopid things like not leaving keys etc)

SW, not at all what I was saying. My point is: have as many or as few children as is right for you and your husband. However, if people have many children, then they shouldn't complain about what they can afford per child. It's just a choice they've made and one that many others would also make. I knew a girl who was one of 13 though.....

NJC, In a competitive market, obviously it would eat into their profits. It is perfectly reasonable to expect the service one pays for. Parents don't have any influence over the choice of staff and might be minded to choose ones who could arrive if they could choose. Where parents have signed the contract, the only issue here is whether that term would be struck out by a judge. Not that anyone wants to take it that far, as nurseries know.

SW, Errr not quite following your post. It's perfectly reasonable to point out to parents who complain that they cannot afford certain items - eg school fees - for large families that in the c21 Western world one choses how many children to have. In Belle's example of the woman with one child, the comments she was getting were not linked in any way to complaints she had made about her one child situation.

"I know someone who gets quite a lot of hassle and criticism for 'only' have one and I always feel very annoyed on her behalf about that." Belle, what an utter cheek! How dare people criticise that situation? "we almost certainly won't be able to have another, so I am embracing the bright side of one child (he is now 2.5). Long haul holidays are affordable and relatively pain free, private schooling is within reach if need be, and we can comfortably live in a 3-bed house with regular visitors without an eventual squeeze. " Schol fees are the killer. We can do two but not three and that upsets me. I must say it irritates me to hear parents of eg 4 or 5 children saying that they can't afford school fees. Well....in the modern world, why did you have so many children???

"If there is nothing in the terms you signed up to covering this type of thing, I would suggest you would have good case for not paying." Correct