new mother

Mark, I think you and your friends should lobby local councillors, your MP, Micahel Gove (education sec as you will be aware), the people at ARK (Busson's outfit) etc. I think you, additionally, should take legal advice about your human right to religious - or non-religious - freedom. It is completely unreasonable to expect a non Catholic child to go to a Catholic school. (It is NOT the same as expecting a Catholic child to go to a non denominational school if there are no places at the local RC school.) It really is time that mc people who are being very punished for tax etc and suffering cuts at the same time set out their expectations. A decent education system and a decent functioning NHS are the least of it.

"But if you are the parent of a naturally aggressive child, it's not always as easy to correct their behaviour as simply saying 'No' and taking him/her off the playground." Saffron, I think you've hit the nail on the head. The parents should be doing this - and used to - but aren't. Query why not? Tiredness, lack of patience, lack of other things to do, more and more nannies without a long term interest in the child's rearing perhaps? Fewer relatives around to take off some of the weight of rearing children. I don't know and these are just some ideas but I agree with those who have said that behaviour is worsening.

(sends us into the naughty corner if we contravene them - little Madam)! Hilarious! Worth getting on video if you can.. re consultation, I will be very interested to hear what people say. My own upbringing and my automatic inclination is for zero consultation - What Mummy says goes, end of story. However, I wonder if nowadays that does dampen them down. Certainly when I started working life, I was very aware of the hierarchy of the firm and keen to respect it when my contemporaries, with much worse degrees than I had, had more confidence eg to speak as an equal to senior people etc. What do others think?

"You've had a horrid experience. We've never experienced it in the playground but have in nursery. One 3.5 girl (who isn't there any more) picked up our 1 year old and threw her to the floor. I'm afraid I did shout at her but also told the teachers that I'd shouted at her and to watch out for repeat behaviour. " Ryedalema, You are a more tolerant person than I. I read this with incredulity. YOU apologise for shouting at the damn brat. She should NEVER have had the chacne to go near your lo. This is the sort of organsiation that gets nurseries closed down.

You are her mummy and want to protect her. For me, there is absolutely no way you should just accept it. Kimmy said this and I totally agree. ???? - errr...so we have to watch our children being attacked by little thugs? No thanks. Documneted instances were explained clearly by the OP. She isn't exaggerating or being "overly protective" if such a concept exists. Ryedalema - you I think mentioned a one year old being hit at nursery by a 3.5 year old. Why ON EARTH are they mixed in the same group? There is a VAST difference in strength between even a one year old who can and cannot walk! (Obviosuly very sorry to hear of the event and becomign angry on your behalf!) Ruth, I don't know what to say. Seb sounds lovely and I can't bear to hear of the sweet little ones being done down by the thugs. It makes me SICK.

Good question. There's a lot of wasted stuff. Wasted: Bouncer thing that attaches from the frame of the door.. Rocker swing thing, quite big, that sends them to sleep. (but maybe useful if the baby is not a good sleeper) I would recommend: Babygrows and not bother about washing. you can get very cheap ones in JS etc. Muslins Books like "the first year" or was it "six months"? Anyway it was useful! good monitor for peace of mind camera batteries - take many photos early on - first bath, first walk, first smiles, we wer tried so we didn't and regret it! organise list of people to tell immediately and then email the next day, in advance later on - gloves with a string through them, separate gloves are a waste of time. sunglasses that have elastic round them to stay on.... forget the baby float thing for pools as it keeps the baby so high up he/she gets cold out of the water. not petit bateau - nothing wa sthe right size or proportions but this is all so subjective. someone else will says that swings and petit bateau were fabulous. take an overview perhaps? good luck. I;m excited for you. :-))

Not sure if this is the right place or not but... Can anyone recommend a site where I can get borders for a nursery and wallpaper for a three year old? I am not looking for quality, rather cheap but pretty. Thanks

Because parents are raising people, and those people will be the hub of humanity when we're all dead. I swear like a sailor and it is completely reflective of a shitty childhood and a bad mindset. These are obviously things that no one would want for their child. Language is the only real clear indicator for what is going on in a person's mind and if a mind is continually stooping for the lowest, nastiest words it can find instead of reaching for polite and positive language then that is a sorry place for a child to be. I don't think children should be demonized for swearing, just re educated (conditioned!). I am learning not to swear and I'd be happy if my child learns better than me in oh so many in ways. Dully, what an incredible post. I take my hat off to you. Not regarding swearing but Im also learning not to do things, albeit at adult age. Maybe we all are, in our differnet ways?!

Do you walk a lot and/or still bend over a pram?

Z, by "uncles", I meant that the mother has lots of temporary partners and the child has no stable male role model. (I didn't mean the mother had lots of brothers!) Yes, I totally agree. THere are plenty of ch from well off bakcgrounds who are appallingly behaved and either totally spoilt or ignorsd. Here in ED, sadly we are not talking about very rich people! We are talking about the problems the local schools apparently have with the combination of well behaved children plus very badly behaved ch and whether Gove' s disciploine ideas are benefiical or not for improving the behaviour of the latter group and therefore the overall group....

How old is your younger child? I know many girls with feet problems, curiously not from carrying the weight while expecting the baby but afterwards when the foot seems to relax and then it seems to suffer from lots of walkign, prams etc.

Well very good academic results obviously. My preference would be a mxied school eg Alleyns but, of course their results are not as good. I have tried to get them to split them out to show whether their GIRLS do just as well as JAGS but they seem strangely unable to do so. This leads me to think (a) they don't want to so maybe the results are consistently not great or (b) their business development people are lazy, which smacks of lack of ambition for the school. Either turns me off and propels me back to JAGS. I'd be interested to hear from anyone - do please pm if preferred - whose daughter got in but chose not to take up the place and why. I am probably less interested in hearing the views of anyone whose child failed to get in as parental bias is inevitable.

"The fact there are so many disruptive children in the education system needs some reflection on the system as an institution itself and not just locating the problem with parenting. In the many schools I have visited I see children already turned off from learning from aged 5 becuase of their early experiences of education." BB - we disagree completely I can see. THese children aged 5 are turned off education because it is the first example of consistent discipline (aka "parenting")they have faced. Allowing bad behaviour in schools exacerbates the issues these children have. THey have enough to deal with surely from their backgrounds of split families, poor housing, with "uncles" galore, never meeting anyone who has a job or pays their way in life, alcolholism in the home, drug use, appalling diets and zero supervision or encouragement to do well and better their lot. Give them a chance - ensure attentive classes where children like these can be set a good example and "good" pupils who want to get on can learn in peace, for goodness sake. THis is the only way any of these children are ever going to break the cycle and lead the meaningful lives that their parents didn't.

It was the posts in which little kids were telling people to f**k off or calling people g*ts, that worried me. That can only be because they regularly hear adults or other children speak to each other like that and that seems quite nasty. Trinity's post (above) Completely agree. Hearing that sort of langauage from children says a great deal, none of it complimentary...

Thrilled to learn of Harris strictness and of standards being maintained in a school. Many of these boys, and inner city boys in general, lack proper male role models and an element of discipline will go SOME way to providing that. I also hope that proper grammar, parsing and use of language are being taught. I am constantly surprised to encounter young professionals who have very poor grammar and no idea when to take a new sentence or use appropriate punctuation. I am totally behind Gove on introducing military style discipline in schools, if it is needed. I am sick of hearing of enthusiastic and able children being held back by semi-feral spoilt brats from all sections of society who have been brought up by either doting or absent parents - weirdly, it seems to come to the same thing - to think that the world revolves around them. The same type of teenager whinges that he/she cannot get a job after doing irrelevant A levels or spending three years doing something of no good to man nor beast at university. Go Harris!

Texas, Fantastic! thanks

Problem is that you need names.... to start off with though we didn't have them , obviosuly, and we had to search the parish records and maps to find the then name for our street and the owner. Now, we search under his name so it is very easy to build up quite a picture of his life...

Just wondering if anyone has looked this up and if there are any interesting stories regarding your house? We discovered from 1901 that our house was lived in by a widower, his parents in law, his children and his servants. By 1911, unfortunately the parents in law had died, but one of his daughters has had a little boy. We feel like we know them and also slightly protective of them and their memory. We so want them to have happy events on the official records....

thanks Kemurf

Saila, hilarious..... Fuschia, Did you ever SEE this spotless house or was it just referred to in conversation? (!)

Charlotte, do you mean a real wetsuit? or one of those sun protection suits? If the former, it must be freezing still...thanks for clarifying as my little one will not deal well with a very cold pool and I want her to have good experiences of water etc...

P and J, I completely agree. I am not paying them anything till the building exists. It is the most ridiculous idea ever. We went to have a look the other day and I willl be very surprised if it is completed by march. Ratty, no, P and J has got it quite right - they want a fee before the nursery is open or indeed, exists.

We were given chloramphenical (sp?) by dr no 1, anda then fusidic acid by dr no 2 who expressed shock at the first script on the grounds it is not licensed for under 2s.

Exactly Keef! Saila, yes good point. :-) I supppose what I meant but didn't articulate properly was that the baby years are unique whereas as adults, hopefulyl we all have a good 60 of those to enjoy. THe rarity of the early developmental years makes them extremely valuable? or maybe aagin it's a programming thing and jsut my instinct to be with these children, like a mother hen. Does anyone think there are degrees of maternal instinct or it is a binary thing you just have or don't have?

AS above, search for someone with their own school age children who needs to take the schoo hols off. Offer a small bonus to be paid in eg Sept of each year to ensure she does come back to you. Do not pay her her salary or part of it while she is not working for you, why on earth would you? BUt demonstrate commitment via the bonus idea, which is what most women with school age children will appreciate. They aren't flighty or silly and want commitment back. Fair enough.