localmama

I told myself I would stop coming to this forum but want to say a couple things before I do: 1- In case this isn't really clear, I support the work Mind does and I've never asked for Steve to loose his job. 2- I did not contact the Daily Mail & had no intention of doing so. In fact, that's part of why I stopped posting here.. the reporter said he figured out my name, what I look like and the street my house is on because of postings in this forum, a photo sharing site I haven't used in 2 years & another forum that requires paid membership for the vast majority of its content. He used forum posts to write the story, there was no interview and there was no payment. The only information I gave them directly was that people within Mind had apologised. 3- I could have stopped them (at 8am on a Monday after rushing to get us all out of the house towards work & when I was taken totally by surprise) and I didn't. I regret that. I'm also not clear that it would have stopped the story. I did email Mind the same day to let them know it was coming. 4- People on the internet (including this forum) have been making really nasty comments about my body, my relationship, my parenting skills, my respect for other people... and frankly that hurts.

The email is a good start, with a clear apology. I will be interested in the results of their investigation and how they follow up with their employees to make sure customers are not harassed or stopped from feeding their babies.

I also had two men chase me down the street on my way to the train saying they were from the Daily Mail.. it took me by surprise and they took some photos so I think this may well be in the news tomorrow! I am a little nervous about which angle they will take and I'm more than a little shaken up that they could figure out which street I live on, but done is done. It seemed like the reporters were clear that people high in the company had the right policies, they just haven't been communicated or taken up by the people I dealt with. Hopefully that comes across in the article. I also want to say that I think Mind does some very good work and that I do not want publicity to take away from this. I would like to focus on how to make sure women are not harassed or stopped from feeding their babies, no matter where they are.

To follow up, I received the following email from the managing director of the charity shops The Mind Shop - East Dulwich Mon, 1 March, 2010 16:58:10 From: "[email protected]" Your email of complaint regarding the breast- feeding incident in the East Dulwich Mind shop has been passed on to me as Managing Director of the Mind Shops from Paul Farmer (CEO). I am extremely concerned by your experience within the shop and I would like to offer my sincere apologies for any offence given. An investigation of the whole incident is being undertaken by Mrs Anne Gowland this week. She may contact you directly. However if there is anything you wish to add to the e-mail you have already sent to Paul Farmer please send it on to me. Mind shops are non-discriminatory and we do try to accommodate the needs of customers in every way we can, and while we have no specific policy on breast feeding, we will look into developing separate guidance for all of our shops so incidents of this nature do not happen again. I assure you this matter is my first priority at this time and I hope we can come to a speedy and satisfactory resolution. Regards Bob Monteath Managing Director

About the possibility of the man having mental health issues.. even if this is the case, I still don't feel it's an excuse for the harassment I received. Good on Mind for supporting people to gain work experience, confidence, break isolation etc. At the same time, if their volunteers or employees are dealing with the public (many of whom have mental health issues of their own! government stats say 1 in 4 women is treated for depression..), they should be properly trained and supported so they don't insult their customers. I don't think that's an unreasonable request, especially at the management level!

People might also want to support this bill (From the NCT campaigning website: http://www.nct.org.uk/active/network/nationalcampaigning/babyf ) Equality Bill Background The government has proposed a guarantee for all women across the UK of an explicit right to breastfeed in public places for the very first time in the Equality Bill which is currently going through Parliament. This will bring the rest of the UK in line with Scotland. What we are doing We are continuing to lobby MPs of all parties to support the Equality Bill. Take Action: takes 5 minutes Write to your MP and ask them to show their support for an Equality Bill which meets the needs of pregnant women and new parents.

I also wanted to add that this is the first negative response I have ever received for breastfeeding in public (as in out of the house, since I was behind a curtain!) in the UK for either of my daughters. I've had a couple of people tell me I was doing a good thing and many think my baby is sleeping. What would I like? A public apology. A clear policy allowing women to breastfeed in the change rooms. A clear policy about privacy behind curtains (if they don't have one already!!!) Training & monitoring for these policies. Follow up with the manager so he never again 1-looks behind a closed curtain 2-makes women feel uncomfortable for feeding their babies 3-harasses and insults his customers (it seems there are a few people on the board that feel he has done this to them..) Follow up with the area manager so he listens to the complaint being made and does not condone looking behind curtains.

Here is the reply I received Sat just before 10pm (so cudos for working late!): Thank you for your email. I am extremely concerned by your experiences in the East Dulwich shop and would like to offer my apologies for any offence you have been caused. The Managing Director of our shops network is managed by Bob Monteath, and I have asked him to investigate your experience as soon as possible, and copied him into this email. He will be in touch in due course. Best wishes Paul Farmer Chief Executive, Mind Sent from my BlackBerry? wireless device

This is the email I was sent Sat evening at 10pm: Thank you for your email. I am extremely concerned by your experiences in the East Dulwich shop and would like to offer my apologies for any offence you have been caused. The Managing Director of our shops network is managed by Bob Monteath, and I have asked him to investigate your experience as soon as possible, and copied him into this email. He will be in touch in due course. Best wishes Paul Farmer Chief Executive, Mind Sent from my BlackBerry? wireless device

Hi! I've not really been part of this forum but apparently I'm now famous. Thank you for publicizing it FatherJack, I really appreciate the support. To clarify a couple comments, my baby has just turned 10 months and started grizzling while I was looking through clothes so I thought I would take advantage of my time in the change room trying on sweaters to feed her. This took a maximum of 2-3 minutes, as she's very quick. I had intended to buy 2 of the sweaters.. but not after the treatment I received! There was only one other customer in the shop at the time & there are two change rooms available. The manager peeked in the side of the curtain (possibly knocked by my 3 year old in the change room with me, although as closed as I could make it) and started complaining to other people about me breastfeeding in there. I thought he was being ignorant and had no idea he was the manager at the time so decided to ignore him and continue shopping until the exchange FatherJack wrote about. Ironically, I'm a helper for the Breastfeeding Network so I posted about this to their listserve as well. Someone shared the fact that in the 90s several major retailers wrote breastfeeding policies where they stated they would happily provide a changing room for a mother who preferred to breastfeed in private, including the Burton Group: Top Shop, Dorothy Perkins, TopMan, Wallis, etc etc. I wonder if Mind has something similar? Anyway, I've emailed Mind head office yesterday & have just sent a message to my MP. I tried to speak to the area manager Lindsay at the time, but he only told me that the changing rooms are not for breastfeeding & that managers have the right to look in them. He has promised to follow up through email on Monday. Any other ideas? The topper? Someone took advantage of my distraction to unzip my bag & steal my mobile phone. Grrr... terrible day.

Wow! That's amazing! Thank you so much!

I had a nasty experience at the local Mind charity shop yesterday afternoon and I would like to take it further. The manager (with many facial piercings, he didn't give his name) peeked where the curtain didn't quite close despite my best efforts, noticed I was feeding my baby for 2-3 minutes before trying on some clothes, complained about it loudly in the shop & then sprayed air freshener telling everyone that my breastmilk stinks (!!!). The area manager Lindsay happened to be in the back, but when I tried to complain to him he also told me I was not allowed to breastfeed in the changing room and that it was appropriate for managers to look in the changing rooms even though they were closed. He did take my email address to follow up on Monday, but frankly I was shocked and insulted and am not willing to wait that long. Any ideas where else I should follow this up? I already emailed their head office yesterday afternoon with no reply.