Dudley

As well as being horrible for children and parents trying to entertain them, it has caused many an argument in this house over our lack of tumble drier. 2 adults, 2 children (newish born) no tumble drier, very wet weather. I just refuse to do bedding etc. And I DON'T CARE!!

I am also interested in finding a natural family planning consultant. There is also another book: ttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive/dp/0091887585/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340824999&sr=8-1 I know 2 people (in Ireland) who do it. I have not looked into it thoroughly enough for myself to be confident using it but I can offer the following. Taking your temperature every morning is the basis it. There is a tiny increase just before you ovulate. You have to have been asleep I think something like 4 hours beforehand which if you have children is difficult. There is then a period (if you will) of time when it is likely you could get pregnant. During this time you can abstain (usually for religious reasons) or use condoms etc. This can be a good method but you have to be absolutely dedicated to the fine details involved. Some would say this is an advantage; you really know your body once you get the hang of it. Please let me know if you find someone.

Hi, I am not an expert on sleep but I just want to offer some reassurance that not all babies sleep through the night. I have a 2.5 year old and she still wakes up frequently. I do think breastfeeding means they are less likely to sleep through. I say this as very pro-breastfeeding. I feed my daughter until she was 2, and really although she started off in her own bed from about 8 months, she co-slept from about 10pm onwards. I certainly don't want to encourage you not to breastfeed on demand (as this is what I did) but I think if you do then I think it is easier just to co-sleep. Why are you not co-sleeping? Getting up and out of bed to breastfeed is a bit of nightmare IMO. As I said you could start him off in his own bed and then bring him in later. At least that way when you want to night wean him you only have to consider how to stop him coming in as opposed to starting him off on a bed time routine. I know some people find it difficult to co-sleep, (perhaps he is too big now, or your partner wanted the move?) It is a very individual decision. Anyway, this may not have been that helpful, but I just wanted to say that alot of babies don't sleep through, in particular if you are breastfeeding on demand. If you want to continue I do think it is easier just to co-sleep. Breastfeeding is great, but it is demanding, especially past 6 months. They know what they want now and can be demanding!! Who wants to be on their own in a cold cot when they can be beside mummy, snuggling and snacking at the all-night-coffee shop. I know where I would want to be!! As I said, I think it is worth it but do bear this is mind. Good luck!

I have contact James Barber about the disgraceful condition of Landcroft Road which seems overrun with dog excrement. This is particularly the case between Heber Road and Crystal Palace Road. The bin at the end of the road has also not been emptied since Sunday. I have posted it here as I feel it is especially dangerous to children. It must be infuriating to the residents of Landcroft Road. Please join me in advocating for cleaner streets. Email your local Counsellor.

Yes , I would attend. Currently cannot attend the Friday one.

I agree with Sillywoman. This must be made up. It is a not very thinly veiled attack on working parents, and working mothers in particular (and I am a SAHM). "So we have been unavailable for long periods of time when our children needed us. Instead, they?ve been brought up by a succession of kind but professional childcare experts ? nannies and au pairs ? who are hardly a substitute for a loving mother and father." Seriously this is laughable.

Surely parents who have or will have children going through EYFS should have their views heard, if not at this meeting then at another. I have taken part in the on-line consultation which I must say is extremely 'loaded' towards EYFS and the proposed changes. This no doubt helps with headline making in the future. So, is there a meeting where parents who have young children now can attend and express their views?

We are looking forward to welcoming trick 'n treaters on Monday.

D

.

Hi, I have a 22 month daughter who I also think is a little slow talking. I was quite worried a few months ago especially as she is a girl and they are supposed to develop language faster than boys. However I have not pushed for a SALT help yet as I have been following the threads and am happy that: 1) she understands everything we say to extent that we have to spell things if we do not want her to understand eg. I will go to the park later to husband..park has to be spelt as D will get her coat and head for the door on hearing the word park. 2) She has started to say some words steadily over the last few weeks (increasing steadily everyday). But in terms of tips: everything that has been said above is true (and helpful to me so thank you!). But also..children find is difficult to filter out background noise so if you are really trying to label things and use words etc, turn off the TV and radio. They may not distract you but they could hinder your child from hearing words correctly. This can be hard (esp in the morning where I miss my radio) but I notice I have am really concentrating on anything D is saying and if she does say something new I can repeat it and reaffirm it for her. Previously I was missing new words she was saying and part of the process is praising them when they do say a new word (even if not perfect) and repeating the 'correct' usually full version for them. SO what would you like on your toast? 'Ja' Yes JAM... Hope this helps

A quick reply. 1)I fully accepted I am extremely lucky to have a cleaner. This is in my original post. 2) When I was talking about cleaning to the neglect of children, I meant babies under 1. I seemed to spend most of my time breast feeding mine under the age of 1 (and I am still doing that - how did that happen?). Can't clean and breast feed! 3) Of course I intend my child (hopefully children) to pull their weight around their house but 6 month old babies can't do this. I am really looking forward to putting little daughter to work: making my tea, rubbing my feet and baking me cakes (this is a joke-ish). Seriously though she is already helping me empty the dishwasher although I have to catch the plates pretty quickly before they hit the floor! She also like to hand me pegs when I put the washing out. Trust me, I do my far bit of cleaning.

I have also found this thread very interesting. I do not think SAHMs are a dying breed but of course with financial pressures they are harder to come by. I am lucky enough to be a SAHM to my 20 month daughter but I have to say it is only the last 3 months that I have really come to love it. I think as children grow older, and you really see how they change and it becomes very rewarding. I was also fortunate to have loved my old job (as a barrister) and I always intended to return but I have accepted now that it is not possible until at least school starts. Once I made the decision to stay at home I was much happier. The indecision and attempting to look for childcare was crippling me. However I do work one day a week during the academic year at the university and my husband takes our daughter. As this is limited just to 6 months a year, and one day a week if people ask if I work I usually reply no. But statistically I would not count as a full time SAHM (certainly not in the last census because of when it was carried out) but I do certainly consider myself one. So do not trust the statistics. Oh, and the day I work I definitely consider a holiday! Here are my random observations on being SAHM 1) There are more of us than the statistics claim esp outside London; 2) If you are a SAHM do not apologise for it! 3) A lot of women who do work do so part-time; 4) For those women who do work full time they need (our) support as it cannot be easy; 5) SAHMs are very different to our Moms of yesteryear. Most our Moms will not have been lucky enough to have had careers before having children, or maybe have gone to University. Most of the SAHMs (in London anyway) will have had very rich experiences before getting married and having children; 6) Becoming a SAHM must be a voluntary decision; 7) Being a SAHM is not the same as being a house slave. This is very important. Personally I do the meals, keep the house relatively clean (ok and I do the laundry) but I do not do major cleans. Back in the 50?s women were abused by being made to stay at home and do everything in the house as well look after the children. In fact they were often expected to clean the house to the neglect of looking after the children (left at the back of the garden to cry while Mom got on with her chores). Do not let this happen. When both partners worked the housework was probably even - keep to this. I am lucky in that I have a cleaner who comes to my house to do the major job once very 2 weeks. I told my husband he could do this or he could do it, or it could stay dirty. And do not iron any shirts. Seriously working husbands are not expected to hover their officers and clean the windows. Likewise SAHM job is to look after the child. That is not the same as mopping the floors! Looking after your own child really is the most important job one can do. Think of the amount of money the state spends on education and how it is a key issue in every election. Well, parents are the primary educators. School comes in at a poor second. Why is that any education that occurs at home is not valued but once it enters the public sphere it is the most important thing in the world? You only have once chance to see you children grow up and shape them. Time to yourself. You must make it. I took up the flute (one lesson every 2 weeks) as something new and challenging. This is a bit of an indulgence but if I did not do it I would have no time to myself. And it is something to talk about to others (other than about your darling child). There are always things you can do now- write a blog, or just hand over the monitor and go to the cinema on your own. It must be done. SAHM ? enjoy and good luck.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Business/Ryanair-Says-It-Has-Toughened-Up-Safety-Rules-After-A-Child-Fell-From-Steps-While-Boarding-A-Plane/Article/201008215681940?f=rss http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-10941826 I hope the above links work, but essentially be very careful with the stairs up to the plane with Ryanair. I used to fly with them alot, but stopped after my daughter was born. I now fly Aerlingus back to Dublin. Granted they are more expensive but it is worth it if you are flying with young children. As you have bought your tickets already this is probably not that helpful, but I would invest in priority boarding (with the 30 other people who also get 'priority') if you have children. From memory Ryanair stopped giving priority boarding to children as of right. My advice is don't let the staff or other customers rush you. This can be hard as everyone is pretty anxious to get the nightmare experience over with, and with the loud speakers telling you to 'take your seats as quickly as possible.' But they will have to wait! Don't bring much hand luggage, or stuff from duty free as you will need both hands free to stop your child running here, there and everywhere. I could go on, but I won't. Enjoy your well-earned holiday (if that is what it is!)

Thank you for the reply Mr Barber. Good to see numbers of LAC over 2.5 have reduced over the 3 years.

Thank you for this. It is very helpful.

People of the forum... I have a young daughter and have been looking at some primary schools lately - both state and private. She seems pretty bright (but then I would say that) but really I have no idea what she will be good at, or struggle at. At one of the schools, the children were being taught maths. The teaching was very good and most of the children seemed very interested and engaged. However the desks were arranged in groups such that some of the children had their backs to the board. I know this is standard now in most primary schools -state or private. At one point the teacher said to one of the children who was struggling to see what was going on on the board (because they unfortunately had a chair that was positioned with his back to the board) to turn his chair around so he could see. Well, yes indeed. I didn't think to mentioned it after the tour at the time, but really why can't all the desks be arranged so that they all face forward -i.e. the teacher and the board? When is this nonsense about desks being in groups going to stop? What is the philosophy behind "desks in groups"?

Hi DofD, I have a 17 month old daughter and she is a bit like this. She is ok in the mornings but what you said about dinner, in particular, rings true to me. Mine will just cling to me so now I don't even attempt to do anything significant past 4pm. I try to prep dinner during her nap in the mornings-ridiculous making pies at 11am but there you go. Although many might think me 'soft' I still tell her 'no' firmly to bad behaviour such as throwing food on ground etc, but I don't think 'clinging' really falls into this category. I have read, and have been told, that between 14-18 months they do get very cliny and then after that it gets a bit easier. Likewise it takes me about 10 mins to leave the house in the mornings and she sometimes cries if I do have to dash upstairs but by this time I have her in the pram. I then sometimes say out loud to myself; I will not let a 1.5 year old put me under pressure to leave, I will leave in my own good time. However I will say, mine does generally eat well (apart from when she is sick). Stressful mealtimes are the worse, but if you think she is just looking for attention just ignore her. She will not let herself starve. So in summary, there is not much you can do (I think) about clingy, be firm with bad behaviour through the day but yes, 4pm onwards is difficult. It should pass in a few months. I will let you know if it happens for me!!

Sears, Sears, Sears......

Dear Mr Barber, Dear Mr Barber, On a subject of this importance you need to do more than pull a general ?who can adopt criteria? from the Southwark website. For instance: ? Do you know how many children are in care in Southwark, what the average stay for children in care is, and the average age of children in care? ? Do you know how many children are in foster care in Southwark? ? Do you know how many children have been adopted for each of the last 5 years? ? What would also be interesting is what is the family ethnic breakdown of people who adopted children, and their income? Although very difficult to prove (no doubt due to Data protection rules), anecdotal evidence overwhelming indicates that middle class families, and in particular white middle class families are discriminated against and viewed with deep suspicion if they want to adopt. Freeing a child for adoption is one of the most serious decisions a court can make for a child and the process should be rigorous. Indeed there maybe some cases where local councils are too quick and enthusiastic to take children into care and move to a process of freeing for adoption. This has been covered by the Telegraph and supported by my colleagues at the family bar who state that post baby P councils were far too extreme in their decision to take children into care. However once this the rigorous process has been fulfilled and a child is free to be adopted councils should do everything in their power to place that child in a loving adopted home. 70 children adopted is nothing short of a disgrace. The outcomes for children in long term fostering and care are clear; it is disastrous for the child. These are real babies, toddlers and children we are talking about; real lives. I thank God everyday that I did not have a problem starting my own family as although I would favour adopting a child and not consider IVF, I suspect the process would be complete nightmare by virtue of the fact that we are a white middle class family. I myself am adopted and also thank God everyday that the regime that exists today did not exist 30 years ago as instead of having a loving and caring family who adopted me I would have languished in care for years on end. I would be delighted if you could prove me wrong on my suspicions, but I fear that the adopted child ratio to children in care for Southwark council is very low.

I feel quite strongly about having a parent facing pram at least for the first 6 months. When I had mine I was living in a 1 bed flat for the first 6 months and had a spiral stairs outside as well as an internal staircase but we still got a parent facing pushchair. Use a baby carrier/sling for the first 6 months and your life will be easier. I know it is not ideal but I kept my pram in my car and went down the stairs and then put her in that. Ok it is hassle but you get used to it. Think if you were a tiny baby and had just known lovely warmness for 9 months and now you are outside in the cold and rain. At the very least you want to see your Mum!!

That is a disgrace. You expect that type of nonsense in Private schools but not state. What a huge amount of presure to put parents under. And in this economic climate. That money should go on your eldest University education. I am 30 and I can tell you I went to a very damp adventure park for my school tour and that was it. And finally do not do anything to encourage a career in the arts as that pay is optional!

Hi, We are hoping to find and au pair to look after our 15 month old daugther, but I was wondering what the going rate was for an au pair in East Dulwich (after bed and board of course!). Any indication would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Reren, I have a 13 month old and am still breastfeeding her after exclusively feeding her for the first 6 months. My advice is that breastfeeding is very, very demanding on Mum especially in the beginning but it is worth it. Mine feed for what felt like all evening. I remember just lying on the coach and with her beside me and her feeding on and off while watching TV. They will cluster feed at this time. From what I have read this is because your milk is lower in the evening but remember the more you feed the more milk should be produced. You probably do feel like a dairy cow but remember your little one is only 3 weeks old and he will not only want to feed but also wants to be as close as possible to his favourite person in the whole world - his Mum. And what better way than feeding. I don't know if you are co-sleeping but (and I know there are different views on this) my advice is that if you are breast feeding one of the benefits is that you don't have to get out of your bed at night to feed. So try to co-sleep or have him very close to you. Other things I can think of is, although I never gave formula or even expressed (there are no bottles in the house), if you are finding it really hard I don't think there is any problem in giving some milk you have expressed in the morning to baby in the evening. (or formula - 1 bottle a day I am sure won't make a difference) I know people who have done this and it might give you a little break. Also during the day I can't tell from your post if he is a 'crying when he is put down baby'- so then you feed him. If he is doing this (mine did in the early days) my advice is to get a sling/baby carrier. He probably just wants to be close to you. If you carry him around in your sling you should notice he cries and wants to be feed a little less during the day. It might also allow you to do a few things around the house or go for a light walk or just sit down for a well earned cup of tea. If you can I do recommend reading a Sears baby book esp as you are breastfeeding. They can be helpful. Finally as I said - it is worth it but it is hard. This phase will pass very quickly and try not to put yourself under too much pressure. I always think there is so much pressure on new Mums these days. This is time for you and your baby to connect and feel secure. That does not mean sacrificing your own well being. But just take it easy at home and let friends and family do things for you and not the other way around. Good luck!

I, for one, am absolutely disgusted that child benefit is being cut. First, it punishes single mothers and those who have a stay at home parent. It is an outrage that a single mother who works (and has to pay huge child care fees) who earns over ?44,000 loses her child benefit, as does a family where one parent works and earns over ?44,000 but has another parent who stays at home. Meanwhile a family where both parents work and earn just under ?44,000 each taking home ?88,000 keeps the child benefit. This is unacceptable. The standard argument is - we should not give child benefit to millionaires. But why is the govt cutting it off at ?44,000- this is a long way from the millionaire line. And as everyone who lives in London knows, even if you do earn over ?44,000 that does not mean you have bundles of cash hiding under the floorboards. It is very expensive to raise even a small family in London. I consider myself middle class and I do not apologise for it. I am sick to death of middle class families being criticised as 'pushy' for simply wanting to send their child to a school where they don't get stabbed. This is another attack on middle class families and remember we are the ones who fund the welfare state. The very wealthy can afford to avoid any serious tax liabilities, and it is right that those on very low incomes should not pay tax. But that leaves the middle class to try and keep the ship afloat. Anyway this is the latest in a long line of attacks on the middles class. But leaving this aside, what all families should remember (single parent, stay at home Mom, or both working) is that child benefit is more than just hard cash. It is a message from the state to families that says; we value you; we value the job your are doing; and we recognise that you are producing the future tax payers, pension contributers of the future. Here is a little something to help you out. This should apply to all families; lower income, middle income and all these so-called millionaires. I did not object to child trust funds being abolished- they were new and not very sensible. But child benefit has been around since the 40's. Not even Thatcher dared touch it. I am conservative by nature but I am very glad I did not vote for them. Nor will I be doing so in the future.