Roll Deep

Likes a good 'sesh' does he, legal.

A wise decision, Karter. They may mistake such a chunky contraption for the missing 'Black Box' flight recorder from Korean Airlines flight 007 that was shot down in 1983 by Soviet MiG's.

Take it on the Antiques Roadshow.

Do you write for the Daily Mail, Ian?

I can just picture the barricade of tinned food and toilet paper blocking your parents access to your bedroom, *Bob*.

Glad to see everyone's being thoroughly British about this touchy subject. Keep those upper lips rigid everyone.

Since the population of east dulwich is largely a bunch of pompous and effete wet lettuce liberals who donate to Amnesty for the bumper sticker, a resulting show down following any provocative or threatening - or most likely, patronising - private messages that have caused a bit of an uproar lately, will undoubtably follow as thus..... "Darling, whats the matter?" "I'll tell you whats the matter! I'm trying to have a polite and constructive discussion with a fellow user called Mockney about the ascent of Charles Martel in the Merovingian dynasty of the Frankish kings.....and some unmentionable keeps calling me a poofter!" "Ahhh Mockney...everyones friend. Anyway, don't rise to their bait my dear. They probably lack any credible higher education." "Lack any credible higher education? That's not what the estate agent said." "I can't remember. His tie distracted me from any important questions I had. Apart from that, your incessant typing is keeping Annunzia up and it's way past her bedtime." "I don't care! I'm not going to be pushed around like this." "Remember what happened on househusband.com?" "That was different. This is my manor, so to speak. I can't loose face, especially not in front of Mockney." "What are you going to do?" "Fight fire with fire." "Oh darling, I love it when you talk like that. I makes me damp." "I'm going to send a disagreeable yet ambiguous message letting him know what I think of him" "Now all we have to do is wait." "Ooooo darling, this is so exciting!" "They've replied. U fink yor so cleva wiv all yor tork ov kings and horses and stuff. If u keep torkin like a poof I'm gonna cum round and let yor tyres down!" "Well, if you do that I'm going to come round and daub 'Open University Scum' all over your property!" "U aint got the bollox mate!" "Where do you live?" "You first!" "Fine!!!" 10 minutes later..... "He's at the door darling!!" "Go and hide upstairs, I'll deal with him. So, you finally made it eh? I bet you feel really tough now eh?" "Is that a Warhammer t-shirt you're wearing, from the 1997 showdown in Birmingham's N.E.C?" "Yes. Is that a Hornby members ring on your finger?" "Yeah. Pint?" "Glass of red?"

I'm afraid not, Brum. A jumped up Guardian reader started beating their chest in protest last night after recieving a terse private instruction, and proceeded to write the content of the note on the blackboard, with a few porkies added to the slanderous mix. I was merely a bystander in the whole torrid affair. Bottom line. If you recieve a private message calling you outside or any other nastiness, simply take a picture of your arsehole or a big dump you're proud of and send it to the offending belligerent. Honestly, it's all a big fuss over nothing. Most people on here don't know what the other looks like so there's not much chance of having your nose bloodied over piffling comments made online whilst you're out 'n' about in the real world.

It's just a shame there's no 'frowning faces' that would curb any churlish discourse.

"If its the latter, by who???" By me.

"Really? How quickly will the police be able to pick up on this over posting on the forum?" Not as quickly as you, by the looks of it.

It was the smiley faces that did it. Don't take it personally.

"I'm afraid i have to disagree with you. An example being: If some young lady were to be getting inappropriate PM's from someone, should the forum members be not be made aware?? or should she keep this to herself?? or wait till admin pics up on it??" She should contact the Police. And not distract from the OP's point.

I know that.

Groomed? lectured by an appropriate adult, more like.

Expulsion in the morning.

Bedtime, sniffy.

For the uninitiated on this forum - one I've only just discovered - could you please oblige the etiquette of not posting pms (sorry, pm's) between each other on a widely read message board. It's just not British. Thanks.

Popcorn anyone?

Quite. Don't tell tales sniffy, especially one's that are made up.

"You need to lighten up my friend." Or 'light up', surely?

Sniffy. What an appropriate username for such a suggestive thread.

I don't buy it either sniffy. You can just picture those fingers wrapping a two skin with practiced ease. The rascal!!

"My brother smokes his straight in a pipe cos he doesn't want the tobacco!"

A likely story, Brum.