LeonWatson

You must mean this fella... We see him/her in our office all the time. Apparently we did a splash on her - front page I should clarify... - a few years ago when Ian, I think he calls himself, lost a load of cash. He'd spent all the money he got for a house he'd sold after getting squatters' rights and then "invested" it in a autobiography, which bombed. I think that was the story anyway. Great picture eh? Look closely...

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Firstly, BUMP THIS THREAD. And secondly, another team my lot played last year are looking for other teams to play of round about the same standard and us - i.e. crap. How's about it? If someone wants to e-mail [email protected] from the Battersea Badgers he'll sort it out.

Ok, shall we pencil in May 18 for the game on Wandsworth Common? And we'll have to come up with a date for the other game but there's no rush. I'll talk to my people and you talk to your people... Now let the banter and bravado begin!

P.S. Very pretty girls are welcome too Piers.

Ok, The King's Road Cricket and Social Club council of elders has met (online). We have decided to suggest you play us in a match at our place - Wandsworth Common - on May 18. The pitch there is better than at Belair and it has a nice pub nearby. We've already got it booked (we just booked a few dates a couple of weeks ago) but if you don't want to play then we can find other opposition and play on another date - we have June 15, July 5 and 26 booked as well. Then we could play you at Belair at some point in the summer in a return match, which you'll get booked. The only proviso is that you do your best to get 11 on the pitch. Neither team can guarantee getting 11 - I'm sure we'll find it difficult - but it's a bit rubbish if both teams turn up with seven or eight. So we want you to be confident you'll get a team, even if you don't manage it on the day (if you see what I mean). Also, if you were looking for other teams to play at a similar level we played a team last year called the Battersea Badgers who I'm sure would be up for playing you and there are others we can put you in contact with. So how's about it? Do we have a fixture?

Alright people, it's Leon from the SLP. Remember we played you guys last year? Well this year we'd like to play you again, if you're up for it. I think we all had a good time and maybe this year we could include more drinking on the pitch and pub time in the event. Our team has started having net sessions and we'd like to invite you along if you fancy some knocky-knocky. It sounds serious but it's not, I promise. We play on Sundays outdoors from about 11.30am at the nets on Clapham Common, near Clapham South Tube Station, and from next Thursday at the Latchmere Leisure Centre in Battersea at 9.30pm. That's a bit late and I know both venues are out of your manor but we found last year the time worked well because most people aren't up to much else then. Also, we're trying to be really organised this year and get stuff sorted early. We've booked some pitches on Wandsworth Common for matches - at great expense - so we could have an "away" match for you as well as a Belair Park game. But there's no doubt we'll be short of players so if any of you lot want to play in any of our other games you're more than welcome. The first match we're playing is on April 26. As I said, it all sounds serious but I promise it's not - we've got a very wide range of abilities, i.e. many of us are crap, but we're all united by a mutual love of cricket. And smack.

Don't worry, Tom will be back for next year's charity challenge cricket match playing for the SLP. Glad to see we amuse from time to time - the SLP always has had a slightly macabre take on things, and we get away with far more dark humour than you'll find in other local papers.

You should be reading your local paper every week boys...

Hey Piers stop trying to big yourself up - we only had nine too! Thanks for the match Forumites it was a good 'un and we all enjoyed it a lot. The pitch was a bit dodge - there was some seriously unpredictable bounce - but I'm relieved we were fairly evenly matched in terms of abilty. Also, if any of you want to play you can moonlight for our team because we're desperate for new players. And yes, it was a bit close at the end and we were beginning to worry. If you'd've had 11 you probably would have won.

Sounds like we do have 11 after all - we've rustled up a couple West Indian guys to fill out our team. One's called Viv and the other's called Curtly, I think, or Courtney.

Also, We've got a new ball we could use - it's only a cheap one though. And as far as the format, we were thinking a 40-over match. Our batsmen will retire on 50 - in the unlikely event any of us get there - but it is up to you whether you want to do that. We find it means everyone gets a bat. The limit on bowlers could be 8 overs? The weather forecast isn't good but I'm sure it'll be ok and we'll manage to play.

You lot have rightly guessed we're also struggling - surprise, surprise. We've got nine but are trying to rustle up a couple more. As I was reading this though I realised we're playing on a small pitch so it might be better if bother teams were short anyway - so don't worry too much.

Good news Forumites. Try and fit in a net or two and we'll see you on the day. We've got some boundary markers so hopefully we'll be able to extend the pitch a bit.

Dunno really, there are other pitches we've played on but I'm not very up on the booking side of things. However, if all else fails there is a - totally rubbish - "all-weather" pitch on Tooting Bec Common which we could have for free, because no-one plays there (for reasons already stated). I wouldn't advise it though because it can be terrifyingly fast even with pretty slow bowlers like myself. Besides, this should be a Dulwich thing. Be warned, regarding the Belair pitch one of them is well small - great when one is batting, not so great when bowling. Think it is a "youff" ground. The other one we played on last month and it was alright, bit rubbish bounce but not too bad. I bought some boundary markers the other day too that might help if we get lumped with the rubbish one. ?3.66 from newitts.com by the way, they've got loads of cheap cricket stuff there. Thirty squid is alright and we'll organise lunch and drinks together as well to make a day of it before the main event - the pub.

How did the nets go EDF people?

Sounds good guys. Hope we'll be able to get 11 as well. Any news on the venue? We want to know it is definitely going ahead so we can let people know. Obviously we'll chip in our fair share for any costs.

See they're all ducking out now - running scared. Any more excuses?

Bring it on! We reckon you forum people are all talk (boom boom). If you want any more games we've got contact with a few other local start-up teams. Maybe next year we can set up a league.

So any news on a venue? We're keen to dish out a thrashing.

Yeah we thought using crossed guns instead of swords was very South London. Get some net sessions in first though. The chief reporter here is also setting up another equally rubbish team called the Trinity Crack Squirrels who could give you game at some point, but we'll let you know about that later.

Hi Dulwichheads, I'm Leon Watson, the crime reporter at the SLP - not the guy you've been talking to but another one. Glad to hear you want to give us a game. Just so you don't feel too intimidated... we're a team of cricket fans who love the game but don't want to take it too seriously. Some of us are good, some of us are not so good but at the end of the day we don't really care as long as everyone has a laugh. If you come along we'll give you a good game and hopefully we'll be able to make it an annual fixture. Have a look at our - out of date of late - website www.krcsc.co.uk to get an idea of who you're up against. Let the battle commence! P.S. Buy the SLP.