The Eye

Anyway, where were we... That's right. Asking which of the younger Eye's has brushed their teeth? I never used to ask that of the youngest of Eye's when I first started nicking my parents booze.

All "I" can differentiate is that, of the pack, parents are the easiest of game.

Reading bedtime stories to younger Eye's. With the odd, well...you know...'addition'. Who said Willy Wonker hadn't done time eh?

Concuring with the above.

Not soppy, touching.

Watched it yesterday but soon lost interest. This isn't because of the programme itself, but because everytime I've visited my brother we've ended up watching a zombie film which predictably includes a survival/end of humanity angle which I'm now sick of.

Producing driving license and insurance details for the Police during a roadside check.

So I take it they're 13/14 years old?

Nope. Get yourself down the Osteopath pronto!! I had a pinched nerve years ago and wanted to chop my arm off. Your doctors a fool.

Don't worry Philip, leather trousers never suited anyone or age.

What Keef wanted to say.

whoops.

"Hearing Kasabian, or am I confusing aging with disgust?" No. You're confusing Kasabian with age.

Getting to misuse fireworks again, get in!

The majority of my Christmas presents being either drank or worn. Not played with.

A bit eager.

Did you now.

Apart from shelling out over ?70 at Space N.K apothecary, I shunted off a chunky old Juicer that could stare down R2D2 for kitchen territory to mum. As well as a pack of 'bespoke' coffee filters. Showaddywaddy C.D to my uncle 2 years ago. Prescription for Murder - The true story of Harold Shipman. Gifted to my brother last year for a laugh, he saw the funny side. Out of the Shadows - Fred West's daughter tells her harrowing story of survival. Offered to my other brother for the same reason as above. Unread.

"Not knowing where to look when my 19 year old son brings home a scantily clad young lad and introduces me to her!! HELP!!" And I thought I'd opened all my presents. Tell me Atila, when you say scantily clad young lad, do you mean scantily in the sense that he'd forgot his games kit?

"He has a powerful weapon.....he picks on you if you like it or not.....a joker, second to none.....the max with the golden pun" "Lurking in some Peckham door-way.....or crouched over a laptop somewhere.....in the next post, a brisk one-on-one.....the max with the golden pun" "Humours required whenever he's inspired, comes just before the thrill, no poster can match him, no mod can dispatch him because of his undeniable skill" "One cutting jibe means another poor victim has come to an unflattering end, for a laugh he'll dig anyone...the max with the golden pun" "His eye may be on he or she...who will he slam...weee-shaaall-seeee" "Humours required, wheneevverr he's inspired, comes just before the thrill, no poster can match him, no mod can trace him due to his demanding skill" "One damaging slur means another poor victim has come to a comedic dead end, if you want to slag of someone, summon the services of the max with the golden puunnnn" "He'll sliigghhhttt anyone......he'll mocckkkk anyone......with his golden pun"

Ding, ding, ding - dum, dum, dum - ding, ding, ding - dum, dum, dum - ding, ding, ding..... "Auuu-pairs are foreveerrr, they're all I need to serve me" "They can't intimidate and leave me, they wont leave in the night, I've no fear that they might, upset meee" da, da - da, da "Au-pairs are forever.....look one up and down and then address it.....undress it, brand it and possess it" "I can't see every part, but something yearns in her heart, to be just like me" da, da - da, da "I don't need herrrr, but to return home she needs me, au-pairs never rule me, for when she's gonnne, another shall coooommmee allllooooooonnnnnngggg" de, de, de - de, de "Au-pairs are foreveerrr, staring desperately from my little finger, unlike servents the au-pairs linger" "But they're mere mortals who're not worth going to your purse foorrr.....I don't need a maid, for what would a maid do for me.....au-pairs never lie to me.....for when she's gone......they better send another oonnneeee" "Au-paiiirrrrs are forever.............au-pairs are foreverrrrr............and everrrrrrrr"

Ner, ner, ner, ner, ner, ner, ner, neeeerrrrr - bum, bum, bum, bum, bum - bum, bum, bum, bum ,bum "Yooouuu only get warned twice, or so it seems.....one warning for yourself, and one for the team" "Yooouuu drift through the threads, and the rules seem tame.....till one warning appears, and 'careful' is its name" "And the forum's a stranger, who may cheer you on.....but think of the danger.....or the foruummm iisss gonnne" "Thiiss thread isss foorr you.....so please be nice.....hope one gag gets through.....you only get warned twice" "And the clique is a stranger.....who'll heckle you on.....but think of the danger.....until the cliiiique is gonnne" "This piece is for you.....but hang the price.....it's all up to you.....because I've already been warned twice" Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na - na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na - dummmmmm..... - Anonymous

"*Bob*finger" ner, ner, neeerrr "He's the man, the man with the snidish touch.....a chided touch" ner, ner, ner, ner, neeerrr "Such-a-scoldfinger" wah, wah, waahh "Beckons you, to enter his wheelie bin.....but don't fall in" na, na, na, na "Molten scorn he will pour in your ear.....but his doubts can't disguise what you cheer...for a sales girl, knows when he's dismissed her, it's the dismiss of death, from Mr Scoldfinger" wah, wah, waahh "Silly girl, beware of his preference of whats's old.....he likes old" ner, ner, ner "Molten scorn he will pour in your ear.....but his doubts can't disguise what you cheer.....for a bolder girl, knows when he's dissed her.....it's the diss of death, from Mr Scoldfinger" wah, wah, waahh "Silly girl, watch out for his taste in old.....he rates old...he loves only old...he wears only old...only old...any old...only old...any old...oooooooooooollllllllllllllddddddddddddddd...you've been told" der, der, dum

You're lucky I've only just finished season 3 Mr Keef. Oh, and Santa Claus doesn't exist seeing as after his initial run he was gored to death by his reindeer after he drunkenly revealed how Rudolph got his red nose.